Hey, thanks for explaining your position a little bit better. Believe me, I understand a bit of what you might be going through. As you had read, I had been a victim of bad s**t in the name of religion. It does make it really hard to want to even deal with the subject when that is the case. Also, I apoligize if I seemed rude, and I didn't really mean to put you in an uncomfortable position.
In regards to your husband being "saved", I can only imagine the problems that this could cause your marraige. I have never been married, but I have seen situations like that turn for the worst.
I'll relate to you my recent situation; maybe it might help a little. I have been with the same girlfriend for over a year now, and we have plans for marraige. My plans are to propose sometime this year (which is no secret to her; she knows it's comin' so I don't mind saying so online), and we will probably tie the knot 2005 spring.
When we had met, she had never been baptized. In fact, on our second date we had talked a bit about religion. It started when she was relaying to me a story about a Baptist who had been "saved" who she had gone on a date with. They had gone out to play racket ball, and he kept stopping the game to talk to her about religion; how she was all wrong in her beliefs and how she needs to go to his church, and how she hasn't been "saved" yet (cause of course HE could tell somehow who'll go to heaven and who won't) and yada-yada-yada.....he just wouldn't quit. Needless to say, that date ended early.
So we had a good laugh about that. We did talk briefly about our beliefs, and basically she had relayed to me that she believed in God, but she wasn't particularly religious. There was a lot she needed to look into. I had told her in more of a brief manner then I had even on this forum what my beliefs were, and I relayed the message in a non-threatening manner. I was just satisfied knowing that she was open-minded, searching, and open to the idea of "God". That was all I needed. I realized that it is HER journey, not mine, and that ramming my belief system down her throat would not turn her on to my belief system. She knew that I was there and available for questioning. She saw the way I lived and how important God was to me in my life. Other then that, it is really up to her to do her own searching.
Before this Christmass, an entire year after that second date, she had told me that she wanted to become a Catholic. I didn't ask, she told me. Prior to making this decision, she had read the parts of "The Catecism of the Catholic Church." Prior to that she had looked into other ways of thought. She had also talked to her Grandma (of whom she identified with pretty well) about the Church, and had gone to mass with her a few times. She had made an informed decision that was right for HER.
We went to mass this Christmass, and we have been going ever since. She is also in the RCIA program, which is basically the adult education program that prepares people for baptism. We are at a pretty cool church that keeps the tradition, yet at the same time the Priests are pretty open minded and progressive. This Easter, my girlfriend will be baptised, confirmed, and she will recieve holy communion. As somebody who wants to marry this girl, I couldn't be happier.
The important thing about this story is that she made this decision on her own. She did her own research, she did her own searching, and she decided that this was right for her. And by letting her search for her self, I was a possitive influence on her growth. Had I of tried to ram my ideas down her throat, no matter how good my intentions would have been, we wouldn't be together today, and she might not want to be a Catholic today.
Now, Jill, bear with me here.....I'm no Dr. Phil, and I don't know the exact situation between you and your husband, but I would guess by the sound of it that he needs to let you do your own searching. This will be tough for him because many of the people who follow the evengelical idea that they know when a person has been "saved" or not also follow the idea that in marraige 2 people literally become one person, with the husband as the "head." The two beliefs don't have to go hand and hand, but they usually come in the same package. He may in fact be getting this package every Sunday morning at church service. Under this belief system, it becomes inherently difficult to allow the woman in the marrage to have her own identity. Regardless, what he probably needs to realize is that 9 years ago when you two first got married, niether of you upheld the Christian beliefs that he now follows. Whether for the better or not, HE is the one who changed his belief system, NOT YOU. Just because he has changed his values, he can't expect you to run out and do the same just because he wants you to. He needs to allow you to have your own journey, so you can make the decision on your own. From a Christian perspective, he needs to trust in God, and that the Holy Spirit will lead you in the right direction. He also needs to be prepared to accept you if you choose a different path then he. He also needs to understand that the more he pressures you, the more difficult it will be for you to have your own journey.
O.K.....I know that it was unsolicited, but dammit I just spent all that time writting it, so it is to late now, I'm postin' it! Hopefully that was helpful, and hopefully I made sense and didn't sound like a moron.
In all seriousness though, I hope that I helped. I do wish you and your husband the best. I hope that your 9 year marraige lasts many more happy years.
With Humility and Respect,
PAUL
:asian:
Nah, I'm not up on the latest counter and counter-counter arguments. Let me get up to speed, say six months or so? 
