ya'll have done it now. Here I am in my office on a holiday trying to get work done, and someone had to ask about "God". Now I am going to give my lengthy response, bore everyone, and not get as much done as I expected too today. I'll try to keep this as short and as interesting as I can, but here is my conversion story. and Oh well, here it goes.....
When I was a kid, I had gone through the Catholic sacraments and catechism. I had a horrible time with the religious education program when I was growing up, mostly do to ignorant and intolerant instructors. Most of these were volunteers who had no training in childhood development or teaching, so they were unable to recognize what the ĀtrainedĀ teachers and councilors had recognized in the public schools; that I acted the way I did in religious ed. class because I had serious problems at home. You see, I also came from a ĀbrokenĀ home, and an abusive environment. This turned me completely away from the Catholic Church, and Christianity in general. I couldnĀt see how Christianity could be Āthe answerĀ when people seemed to act outright ĀevilĀ in the name of it. So I decided that Christianity wasnĀt for me.
I had an urgent need to find some sort of answer, however, because I wanted to justify ending my own life. Now I have to put a little disclaimer here: I was only 11 years old when I had reached the suicidal stage, but donĀt let my young age fool you. At the time I was probably on my 10th psychologist (of which only one had diagnosed me as suicidal with homicidal tendancies). Most of these doctors where testing my aptitude, however; apparently I have a talent for conceptual logic and communication. That is not for everyone on this forum to know the details about, because I donĀt think IĀm better then anyone else. Everyone has their talents. I just want to make the point that I had been thinking and reading about subjects that take conceptual logic beyond the scope of the average adult when I was about 7 or 8 years old, so by the time I was 11 I had read through and thought through quite a bit, I would say.
Too much knowledge for a young kid with no moral direction is no good, however, because I had rationalized the insignificance of my own existence. That, coupled with my overall lack of enjoyment of everyday life (getting my @$$ kicked at school by bullies, then at home by my parents wasnĀt helping), I wanted to end my own life. I had decided that before I do so that I had better figure out what life means. So I looked everywhere I could find outside of Christianity for answers. This luckily brought me past my suicidal stage, and I was realizing that there was far too much out there for me to discover, and that killing myself would probably not be such a good idea.
By 8th grade, life was much better. My parents separated, so my abusive father was no longer as much of an influence. I had gotten proficient enough in my TKD to prevent myself from getting bullied, and I had just started Arnis a year before. Although I went through the motions of a Catholic conformation to appease my mother, I had developed more of an eastern thought in terms of religion; with the philosophies of Taoism, Zen Buddhism, Confucism, and Menceism mixed with an anthropomorphic concept of God. I did not identify myself as a Catholic at all.
That summer after my 8th grade year, I went to Canada on vacation with my mom and brothers to a little resort in Red Bay Canada, off the Georgian pinincula. I met this guy up there who was an Evengelical Christian. He was cool, and not ĀpreachyĀ or annoying like many Ābible-beatersĀ I had met. We got into a conversation about religion. We respected each otherĀs views, but I admitted that much of what he said had made sense. I had decided to look back into Christian philosophy, realizing that it did have some value, even though I had not agreed to become Christian. He had sent me a New King James Bible, of which I read the entire thing. I had taken what I liked, and discarded (more or less) what I didnĀt.
My search continued through my graduating high school. I had Christian philosophy mixed in with eastern thought. I had also identified with tribal ĀPaganĀ belief systems, particularly those of a Celtic origin. Then the rational for Christianity, one day out of the blue, hit me harder then it had ever had.
THE RATIONAL:
Take 6 people from various cultural backgrounds, and put them in a room: Lets say one Jew from Israel, one Druid from England, an atheist from America, a Christian from Mexico, a Muslim from Iran, and a Buddhist monk from an isolated area in the himilayan mountains. Then ask them various moral questions, such as ĀIs it O.K. to unjustifiably murder someone?Ā or ĀIs it O.K. to steal?Ā
Assuming that the people who were picked are not ĀpsychopathsĀ or deemed ĀinsaneĀ by the standard of their own culture, these people will have a general agreement on key moral issues. Granted, the rational might vary when asked a detailed question. For instance, the Atheist may believe that it would be O.K. to kill someone if you are defending yourself, but the Buddhist might believe that even in that case, that would be murder. But the answer to the broad question: ĀIs it O.K. to unjustifiably kill someone, the general concensus would be Āno.ĀĀ
Then ask these same people if there are individuals in their culture who have broken these generally accepted Ārules.Ā They will all answer ĀyesĀ of course. Now all of you ask yourself, do you have morals or standards that you are unable to live up to? How about your community, or heritage? DonĀt you see people all around you who make mistakes daily, and donĀt meet their own standards? DonĀt you?
Now, examine the animal kingdom. A little lion is eating a fresh kill, and a bigger lion comes along and is hungry. The bigger lion pushes the little lion aside and takes the food. The little lion doesnĀt exclaim ĀHey, thatĀs my food! ThatĀs stealing! IĀm gonna take you to court!Ā The little lion might not be pleased, but the fact is that the animal kingdom doesnĀt have a method of Ārationalizing moralsĀ the way that we do. Evidance shows that they are working purely out of conditioned response, and instinct. Animals donĀt have ideals that go beyond the scope of their capabilities like humans do.
So what logical explianation is there for all of this? Nature, and the animal kingdom, conforms to a cycle of birth and death. The same is with our humanly bodies, which will eventually become dust again. But, as humans we are constantly trying to take ourselves out of that cycle. This is why we donĀt conform well to nature in itself; our destruction of the earth is an unfortunate extension of our personal conflicts with this cycle. And, we are the only beings on this planet that have a standard that is ĀoutsideĀ of ourselves; and no one knows exactly what that standard is because it wasnĀt created by humans alone. The only logical explaination, when you think about it, is the Judeo-Christian one; that there is a God beyond us, who created us, and who has set the standards. Since we are not perfect, we struggle to conform to these standards that are beyond us. Since we have souls we desire to be in a place outside of the cycle of birth and death. Without something more powerful then us, we wouldnĀt even have the desire to try to conform to standards beyond ourselve. We want to improve ourselves because we want to be like God, and we are made in that image.
The Paradox of Evil was also better solved by Christianity then other religions. How can there be evil if there is a God out there who is ultimately good? God is love, and according to Christian theology, he wants us to love before we can be in heaven. In order for us to love, we have to have the ability to ĀchooseĀ love or not. Otherwise, it would be forced, and it wouldnĀt be love at all. Love is what it is because we have the choice to love or not. It is when humans choose ĀnotĀ to love, or to Āwalk in truth;Ā that is when problems arise. There is no middle ground. Every choice and behavior is made either for God (good) or for the opposite of God (evil). The ĀDevil,Ā according to theology, just happened to be one of GodĀs closest angels who chose the opposite of God. Evil exists in this world from people choosing the opposite of God. This evil is the unfortunate, but neccissary consequence of allowing us humans who are not perfect to have the freedom of choice. Our freedom is our own downfall. That is the paradox.
Then, the final argument for Christianity involves Christ himself. When you read the bible stories, you realize more and more that Christ claimed to be the son of God, basically God walking around in the flesh. The only choices that are available to us, then, is that either 1. Jesus is the son of God, or 2. Jesus was insane, or 3. Jesus is the biggest fraud and lier that this world has ever known. There is no middle ground here. Upon realizing that this ĀJesusĀ person has had such an influence on this world, and that his teachings make sense, and are yet profound still today almost 2000 years later, and all the other proofs that point towards Jesus being a pretty wise, smart, good, and self sacrificing guy, only one conclusion comes to mind. #1 must be correctĀ
Jesus must be who he said he was.
I am now a practicing Catholic. I had realized that the mistakes made towards me when I was younger were human mistakes, and not the fault of the religion, church, or the truth that exists behind the religion. Unfortunatily human mistakes in the name of religion are very grave. They are a result of human ignorance, not the religion itself. I chose Catholicism because even with the rules and standards of the church, I was able to intigrate the truths that I had learned from eastern theology, and Pegan/tribal thought, exept now God is the underlying purpose for these beliefs. Plus, the Catholic Church is the oldest existing Christian church, and its belief system, rituals, etc. are the closest I can get to the actual practices of the apostiles during the time of Christ. Plus, the doctrine just makes plain sense to me.
Well, this is my outlook, and how I came to realize what I know to be true. My beliefs may be correct, or incorrect, but they are probably a little of both to some degree. One thing that is a fact, however, is that not everyone can be right. There is a truth out there, and you are either on your own journey towards it, or you are not. I hope for your sake that you are. Just donĀt be afraid to take the narrow path, to enjoy the scenery, and to ask for directions along the way.
Peace, love, and with respect,
PAUL
:asian:
