Dating in the Dojo

[shesulsa]

Its been so long, I just gotta ask...

"Whats Dating?"

:boing2:

He he he. Well, for me, dating has now become, how fast can we eat and see a short movie before we have to pay the babysitter $100.00???

So, it's more like two pigs at a trough, shovelling it in, each behind his/her respective publications of choice, one pays the check while the other gets the car, the driver drives the check-payer (him, of course ) to the ticket window while she parks, then races in right at the end of the trailers, hold a desperately full bladder through a compromised-upon, very boring and time-wasting flick, race out, empty said bladder, be ready for dancing and drinks only to go pick up the rugrats, cuddle them and tuck them in bed (if I don't fall asleep first!).

So...that's dating in the married (or post-children) world.
artyon:

 

[Rich Parsons]

He he he. Well, for me, dating has now become, how fast can we eat and see a short movie before we have to pay the babysitter $100.00???

So, it's more like two pigs at a trough, shovelling it in, each behind his/her respective publications of choice, one pays the check while the other gets the car, the driver drives the check-payer (him, of course ) to the ticket window while she parks, then races in right at the end of the trailers, hold a desperately full bladder through a compromised-upon, very boring and time-wasting flick, race out, empty said bladder, be ready for dancing and drinks only to go pick up the rugrats, cuddle them and tuck them in bed (if I don't fall asleep first!).

So...that's dating in the married (or post-children) world.
artyon:

SHHHH! Truth like this might end the human race

 

[shesulsa]

SHHHH! Truth like this might end the human race

LOL - I dunno, it didn't stop me from procreating....wait...maybe I shouldn't have said that - lolol

 

[jfarnsworth]

SHHHH! Truth like this might end the human race

Brother Rich, she's tellin' the truth. :asian:

 

[jfarnsworth]

Okay - so...what I see happening a lot is that when two students date each other and then split up, one of them usually leaves the class. And when a student dates a teacher, it so very rarely works out that things are left on a student/teacher basis, to me, it truly isn't worth it.

If I sound like I'm trying to discourage you from carrying forward, you'd be right.

Agreed! When things turn sour then it's bad for everyone. The instructor/school/student's feel the tension. It just really isn't worth it in the end. :asian:

 

[Rich Parsons]

Brother Rich, she's tellin' the truth. :asian:

Good thing I am single and no where near in danger of this happening to me :asian:

 

[Feisty Mouse]

I would be a complete hypocrite if I did not say that it is possible. I think the people involved would do better if neither were "drama queen/king" types. It sounds like others here have posted about romances blossoming quietly, out of the limelight.

And I think that it's inevitable that feelings - reciprocated or not - will spring up in training. People are interested in who they are interested in - it happens, not matter what the situation. Even among different ranks in the military. Hopefully things can develop without too much public involvement or effect on the training situation for others.

 

[Chrono]

You know what? I was just going to ask a girl in class if she was single. There are a couple of people there that are presently going out. I don't see anything wrong with it. I've seen a lot of people, especially at E-Budo, where they've met their wives on the mat.

 

[TigerWoman]

I haven't seen any dating working out but most of the dating was being done by the master instructor in our school. Finally when it reached a 18 yr. old student and it was a matter more of being taken advantage of than love, then it becomes plainly WRONG. A year later, he was in love again... Instructors who are in a position to influence their students as being someone they should respect but cannot question, promote themselves as father figures and use people for their own advantage should not be in martial arts. TW

 

[Feisty Mouse]

I haven't seen any dating working out but most of the dating was being done by the master instructor in our school. Finally when it reached a 18 yr. old student and it was a matter more of being taken advantage of than love, then it becomes plainly WRONG.

Wow. No kidding! One guy I trained with (NOT an instructor at my school) in a class was telling me about how he uses his MA to hit on women - basically impressing girls with his stories about himself, and then offering her free lessons, and while teaching, hitting on her. He looked very pleased with himself, and said, "works every time!"

It's too bad I can't replicate my look of disgust and contempt here. I said, "THAT'S cool!" in a very sarcastic tone, shaking my head, and turned on my heel. I was revolted.

 

[Kevin Walker]

Not a good idea.

 

[Enson]

My wife won't let me date....

mine either! hee hee!
peace

 

[Chrono]

Dating's so hard anyway, or, at least, trying to get a date.

 

[kenpo tiger]

You know what? I was just going to ask a girl in class if she was single. There are a couple of people there that are presently going out. I don't see anything wrong with it. I've seen a lot of people, especially at E-Budo, where they've met their wives on the mat.

Chrono, I hope you re-read the preceding posts in this thread. That being said, if you are single and willing to take the chance that if you do date someone you train with (who is also single) and it doesn't work out either or both of you will be uncomfortable -- then by all means ask her out. I think that's the main point here. If it interferes with your training, do you want to risk it and possibly start over somewhere else? Good luck, whatever you decide. KT

 

[Chrono]

Chrono, I hope you re-read the preceding posts in this thread. That being said, if you are single and willing to take the chance that if you do date someone you train with (who is also single) and it doesn't work out either or both of you will be uncomfortable -- then by all means ask her out. I think that's the main point here. If it interferes with your training, do you want to risk it and possibly start over somewhere else? Good luck, whatever you decide. KT

I should probably read all the posts, as you suggest. I don't see how it would be uncomfortable for me. I mean, if I can continue being friends with a girl who, I guess, stood me up before, then this shouldn't be a problem. Of course, that is still unknown about how she may feel, thought, I think it's the same I'm lead to believe.

 

[Ceicei]

I should probably read all the posts, as you suggest. I don't see how it would be uncomfortable for me. I mean, if I can continue being friends with a girl who, I guess, stood me up before, then this shouldn't be a problem. Of course, that is still unknown about how she may feel, thought, I think it's the same I'm lead to believe.

There is more to dating than just being stood up. What if you did find somebody that you like and who likes you? What if both of you became serious, perhaps even intimate? What if something came up that caused the relationship to go sour? Would it be possible to go back to "only a friends basis" after having become serious with each other?

Many people find that's pretty difficult to do. Some have a hard time putting aside feelings (whether good or bad) that a relationship/past relationship evokes while training in the dojo. This is the reason that makes training difficult to continue for one or both individuals (and for others too, if they sense there is a change in behavior or tension).

- Ceicei

 

[OC Kid]

I know a guy who married someone he met there. I also dated my ex for about 5 years while training in the same dojo. Though she dropped me and married a guy she met in the same dojo..:>) oh well after 5 years of intense therapy Im finally over it..:>)

 

[mj-hi-yah]

I also dated my ex for about 5 years while training in the same dojo. Though she dropped me and married a guy she met in the same dojo..:>) oh well after 5 years of intense therapy Im finally over it..:>)

OC KID you must be kidding...who'd dump a nice guy like you????

I think lightening strikes where it will and sometimes attractions happen the same way. :whip: I don't see how you can control human nature it'd be like trying to tell the clouds not to storm!

 

[Chrono]

Would it be possible to go back to "only a friends basis" after having become serious with each other?

I don't see how hard that can be. If I remember correctly, she and another guy used to date and broke it off. Of course, that was before I started training there.

 

[Ceicei]

I don't see how hard that can be. If I remember correctly, she and another guy used to date and broke it off. Of course, that was before I started training there.

How hard can it be? Ummm, I guess for you to find out how tough a relationship could be, you'll have experience one. You probably will one of these days at some point in your life. There are different levels and degrees of dating and relationships. For this, life is the best teacher and taskmaster.

- Ceicei