Dating in the Dojo

[FUZZYJ692000]

What about if you get your 'other' to start going?
I was going out with my GF 2 years before we started going (i dragged her) and she seams to be injoining it and is getting quite good, but i can understand some tension that accures when one of us must spar or do some close tech. with people of the oppisite but we are both loving it and love each other so party on i think anyways gives us a ecuse to roll around in class

We've had students that have brought their significant others to class and some have even joined. normally they would treat eachother like any other in class. we did have one couple where the girl for some reason when sparring would throw a fit if he actually hit her. this just blew my mind because you're in martial arts and don't want to get hit.... :idunno: i would say though that when we grappled and close techniques they felt more comfortable with their significant other because there was a "trust" there that they hadn't developed with us yet. however, like i've said before we've had couples in the studio that have broken up and a couple of people have left because it ended kind of nastily...but so be it....stuff happens...life goes on

 

[Blooming Lotus]

Good point you make on the trust issue! I've trained on off with my little brother for yrs and yrs ( when we're in the same neighbourhood )and though we have focus on mostly different arts and aspects etc, that's a big part of the reason I like to train with him . In ppl who are sincerely interested in upping their game, particularly for ppl who are shy to get into it with strangers, this can work really well .



Blooming Lotus

 

[TigerWoman]

This thread is about dating in the dojo. TW

 

[chinto01]

I dated a woman at the dojo I was working out at who was my senior. Well when things went south she really turned into a ******** well you fill in the blanks. Therefore I would say never dip your pen into the company ink!!!

 

[songe-d-automne]

I don't really see anything wrong with dating in the dojo with either student/student or instructor/student as long as people keep their personal issues out of the class. I go to class with my soon-to-be-ex husband and although we are not together we just act like we always did before in class. I am sure that nobody there notices anything different.

I have to admit I had one emotional meltdown there though- (this was like 2 days after I left him so it was pretty fresh) it hit me when we were doing Sikaran drill and I said "I am sorry I can't do it" and excused myself and hid in the bathroom until I was over it.

Some people though just have a harder time keeping their emotions out of things and will showboat for attention "He dumped meeeeee, wah" to anyone who will listen and those are the types who should not date in the dojo. Just my lousy 2 cents.

 

[cali_tkdbruin]

I dated a woman at the dojo I was working out at who was my senior. Well when things went south she really turned into a ******** well you fill in the blanks. Therefore I would say never dip your pen into the company ink!!!

Yup, I like that unspoken rule, only I know it as "Don't ever fish off the company pier." When things go bad with your EX, life can become very, very uncomfortable when you have to be in the same space with them. I feel for songe-d-automne after reading her post. This makes me feel certain now that I wouldn't want to go out with someone from my dojang.

And, if I were married to someone I trained with at my dojang and we split up, I'd find somewhere else to train. But, that's easier said than done for some like me. I live in the suburbs of a large city so finding a new place to train is a snap.

 

[Kacey]

And, if I were married to someone I trained with at my dojang and we split up, I'd find somewhere else to train. But, that's easier said than done for some like me. I live in the suburbs of a large city so finding a new place to train is a snap.

It all depends on your situation - when I got divorced (from the man who introduced me to TKD), the members of the class were my primary source of support... of course, my ex was an idiot (along with some other adjectives, all profanity), and I found out long after the divorce that the only reason his attitude and behavior in class hadn't gotten him kicked out was because my instructor didn't want to force me to choose between the class and my husband. No one liked him that much (he was rather self-centered and convinced he was a much better martial artist than he was), and was unaware of people's opinion of him to the extent that the person my ex considered to be his best friend thought of my ex as a distant acquaintance. The timing of the divorce (although not the cause of it) was due, in part, to our instructor telling me to test for 2nd Dan... and not him. Considering that he was a blue belt (4th gup) and I was a white belt when we joined that class, and tested for 1st Dan at the same time, and he placed a great deal of importance on outranking me, that was quite a blow to his ego. As far as I know, he dropped out shortly after joining a class in Vegas (where he moved after the divorce) - that was 1994, and I'm still in TKD, and with the same instructor, although nearly all of the other students who were there then have long since left. It's all in what works for you.

 

[cali_tkdbruin]

It all depends on your situation - when I got divorced...

But the bottom line is that one of the two of you bailed fom training at the same dojang. Not you but him.

Would you still train there if you had to deal with that person on a day to day basis? Why be uncomfortable is all I'm saying. Theoritically, if my ex is staying at our dojang, then I'm out, that all. I wouldn't make her life uncomfortable, and I wouldn't want the same for me.

 

[Slippery_Pete]

I mostly train at a college. Because of this, the atmosphere is a little more relaxed. I met my current boyfriend in taekwondo september of '04 and we started dating in january of '06. I was a little hesitant because we have class together and what if we did break up...would i not want to go to class...or will i have a hard time listening to him when he gives me advice or push-ups. We've only been dating for a couple months now but it has been great...i wouldn't change a thing. He is an assistant instuctor so that is a little weird but he is only 6 months older than me. A LOT of people in our school started dating through class and some are still together today. Also, there have been a lot of happy marriages.

 

[bignick]

I mostly train at a college. Because of this, the atmosphere is a little more relaxed. I met my current boyfriend in taekwondo september of '04 and we started dating in january of '06. I was a little hesitant because we have class together and what if we did break up...would i not want to go to class...or will i have a hard time listening to him when he gives me advice or push-ups. We've only been dating for a couple months now but it has been great...i wouldn't change a thing. He is an assistant instuctor so that is a little weird but he is only 6 months older than me. A LOT of people in our school started dating through class and some are still together today. Also, there have been a lot of happy marriages.

A little early to be talking about marriage, isn't it?

 

[Slippery_Pete]

ha ha...you are not cute...

 

[RheaHS]

Myself and my partner met on the mats, we were paired at a charity throwing marathon.
We keep it quiet, although everyone knows about it, and the only time it is mentioned in classes is when the kids tease us (We help our instructor with their lessons)
Before lessons start we might be a bit more touchy-feely, but that stops. Once the lesson begins, he is my senior and I treat him as such. I have the same respect for him as before we started going out.
It's also fun sparring him, I have the trust there.

 

[chris_มวยไทย]

we dont get anything like that at our dojo , so i dont know what its like to have a couple training at the same dojo , but ive got nothing against it

 

[Drac]

Not a dojo story but relivent:It's what occures if the relationship goes sour that's the problem..Had one of my bouncers start dating a female working in the glass washing room..Everything was fine UNTIL their first fight..The whole club felt the effects..

 

[wee_blondie]

We have a few couples who train together. Its never caused any real problems as they are very good at keeping the lovey-dovey stuff and the tiffs out of the gym. There is one guy that went through a phase of hitting on every girl that walked in the door but he was given some "advice" from the head instructor and he's backed off now.

I don't think it causes a problem as long as people are sensible about it. At the end of the day, the only reason you're in the gym is to train. What happens outside stays outside.

 

[hong kong fooey]

well I have been dating another student in my karate class for about 5 years now so I don't think it's a bad idea but you might want to watch out if things don't work out because things go go bad. thats just my opinion

 

[TheOriginalName]

I'm currently single and would actually prefer to date someone from my dojo (not that it's going to happen).

Between student and student - well it's just the normal dangers of what happens if it goes bad, but it's no different to other joint commitments.

Between student and instructor - i think that the head instrutor should be made aware of the situation and all efforts then made to protect the dojo from potential lawsuits if it were to go bad.

 

[Twin Fist]

well, i dont know if it has been brought up, but martial arts isnt like any other hobby.

It can become a LIFESTYLE.

something that important, your partner needs to either be into, or be very understanding of.

 

[JadeDragon3]

I think that it is ok to date someone who is in your martial art class. I don't see a problem with it. It might actually be a good thing in that you have a workout partner at home. If you are having a problem remembering a form then you can ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to help you out with it. If you have things in common and you hit it off then why not date.

 

[Big Don]

We need a dozen or so ADULT women at my school. We have little girls and teenage girls galore, but, only one woman and she is not in class very often at all, so, no dating there. Some of the teenagers have dated each other, with the expected resulting drama...