Dating in the Dojo

[KenpoGirl]

You're such a good coach.........but I'm too shy to ask him!

Tend to be my problem, to chicken to make the first move. BUT I also realize I ain't gonna get anywhere if I don't.

As Dr. Phil says ......

"If you don't put yourself out there, you're not going to find someone. Unless you expect him to jump on the hood of your car one day, you gotta take the chance" Not an exact quote, but you get the idea.

There's a pool hall here in town, they have started what's called the "Dating Pool". It's speed dating with pool tables. Each single girl gets a pool table the single guys rotate from table to table introducing themselves, they only stay for 8 minutes. This is something I'm seriously thinking of trying, but I want another single female friend to go with me. So I have to convince her.

I'll let you know what happens.

Dot

 

[arnisador]

Dating pool sounds like a great idea!

As to asking the guy, you don't need to go that far if you don't want to--it's enough to say "Anyone want to stop for a drink/ice cream/a movie/etc. now that class is over?" If several people come, use the time to hang out near him. Make up an excuse to ask for a ride home/to a friend's that lives near him/etc.!

Is he good at anything other than martial arts? Ask for advice on carpentry/winemaking/air conditioner repair/whatever he knows!

You can attack directly or indirectly, but ATTACK!

 

[edhead2000]

You can attack directly or indirectly, but ATTACK!

That might get me hurt! Going around randomly attacking guys.....hehe.

 

[jeffbeish]

Well, I dated one of my students and ended up marrying her! That was 39 years ago

 

[KenpoTess]

*note* To Whom it may concern: Don't mess with 'Mine'.....................

 

[Rich Parsons]

*note* To Whom it may concern: Don't mess with 'Mine'.....................

:idunno: How me ? :idunno:

Tess breathed a sigh a relief when I told her I was not there to meet her female students. It is the truth. If we meet and have a friendship for a while then a relationship happens that is different. Just my opinion and style.
:asian:

 

[edhead2000]

*note* To Whom it may concern: Don't mess with 'Mine'.....................

I thought threats weren't tolerated on MT. Or is it ok for the mods to make general threats?

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I thought threats weren't tolerated on MT. Or is it ok for the mods to make general threats?

No, threats aren't. Take the personal issues off-board.
This isn't the place to air dirty laundry.

 

[satans.barber]

No, threats aren't. Take the personal issues off-board.
This isn't the place to air dirty laundry.

I'm sure Tess meant it tounge-in-cheek...!

Ian.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

It might be, but given the response, it was felt there may be something off-board being brought up, and I for one would prefer the ladies to resolve such things quietly, if they do in fact exist.

 

[ParrotheadTPA]

Hello,

I notice there hasn't been a post on this topic in a while, but I wanted to post on this and see what the response is. I am on the other end of the spectrum than alot of the posts. I am a student and am kinda intrested in one of my instructors. The other difference is the instructor is the female in this case. I don't have any clue if she knows I'm interested.

I have been a little afraid to approach the situation because I don't know if it would be considered appropriate or not. And to face facts, I'm a big chicken in the dating world as it is anyway, so I'm just a little afraid of asking her out (even if the instructor-student) thing wasn't present.

I don't see it causing a big problem. I am the only single adult male (actually the only single adult period) in the class. There are a couple of other married guys and quite a few kids. There's another female instructor, that's it. I get the feeling that we could easily agree to keep things on the student-instructor level during class. And I've never had a relationship end so badly that we weren't at least on speaking terms afterwards. If I'm not mistaken our Master Instructor met his wife that way and so did our Grand Master. So I know it can work.


So what do you think? Think I should give it a shot?

 

[kenpo tiger]

Hello,

I notice there hasn't been a post on this topic in a while, but I wanted to post on this and see what the response is. I am on the other end of the spectrum than alot of the posts. I am a student and am kinda intrested in one of my instructors. The other difference is the instructor is the female in this case. I don't have any clue if she knows I'm interested.

I have been a little afraid to approach the situation because I don't know if it would be considered appropriate or not. And to face facts, I'm a big chicken in the dating world as it is anyway, so I'm just a little afraid of asking her out (even if the instructor-student) thing wasn't present.

I don't see it causing a big problem. I am the only single adult male (actually the only single adult period) in the class. There are a couple of other married guys and quite a few kids. There's another female instructor, that's it. I get the feeling that we could easily agree to keep things on the student-instructor level during class. And I've never had a relationship end so badly that we weren't at least on speaking terms afterwards. If I'm not mistaken our Master Instructor met his wife that way and so did our Grand Master. So I know it can work.


So what do you think? Think I should give it a shot?

I think what you need to get from all the posts on here is the one main idea: caution is advised.

Personally, I wouldn't want to jeopardize my training.

All the men I train with are my friends - and we are, for the most part, all happily married. Then again, we're all older (and maybe wiser??!!:idunno: )

 

[shesulsa]

I married my first teacher...then promptly divorced him a few years later. I just knew it would work.

I have to agree with Kenpo Tiger - caution is advised...personally, I no longer make use of latrine facilities where I consume edibles (get it?)

HWARANG!

 

[FUZZYJ692000]

Hello,

I notice there hasn't been a post on this topic in a while, but I wanted to post on this and see what the response is. I am on the other end of the spectrum than alot of the posts. I am a student and am kinda intrested in one of my instructors. The other difference is the instructor is the female in this case. I don't have any clue if she knows I'm interested.

I have been a little afraid to approach the situation because I don't know if it would be considered appropriate or not. And to face facts, I'm a big chicken in the dating world as it is anyway, so I'm just a little afraid of asking her out (even if the instructor-student) thing wasn't present.

I don't see it causing a big problem. I am the only single adult male (actually the only single adult period) in the class. There are a couple of other married guys and quite a few kids. There's another female instructor, that's it. I get the feeling that we could easily agree to keep things on the student-instructor level during class. And I've never had a relationship end so badly that we weren't at least on speaking terms afterwards. If I'm not mistaken our Master Instructor met his wife that way and so did our Grand Master. So I know it can work.


So what do you think? Think I should give it a shot?

Parrothead...i must agree, that there always needs to be caution especially considering that the dojo is a place of not only learning but it is also a business. Even though you may believe that you know a person it doesn't mean that person is who you think they are outside of class. Just remember that if you decide to proceed on trying to start something with this female instructor make sure you take into consideration what will happen if the "relationship" goes sour. When it comes down to it if something goes wrong there is always the possibility that one of you may choose not to train at that particular dojo and that means not only does one of you have to stop attending training but also the school suffers because of it. On the other hand things may work out great and then you wouldn't have to worry about it. Just make sure you weigh out your pros and cons first.

 

[ParrotheadTPA]

Thanks for the replies. I definitely understand the caution thing. So I guess what I'm getting from this is that its one of those wonderful "grey areas" with no right or wrong answer and it would be taking a chance. Possibly one worth taking, possibly not.

Just as an extra bit of info and in response to a previous reply, without going into too many details, I will mention that my particular school is not a business and the instructors are volunteers.

At any rate I will continue to weigh this out very cautiously and maybe ask our Master Instructor about his own experience and see what knowledge I can impart from him.

 

[shesulsa]

Okay - so...what I see happening a lot is that when two students date each other and then split up, one of them usually leaves the class. And when a student dates a teacher, it so very rarely works out that things are left on a student/teacher basis, to me, it truly isn't worth it.

If I sound like I'm trying to discourage you from carrying forward, you'd be right.

 

[dubljay]

I would be very very careful in dating some one from the same dojo as me... Some people I know tried it and it did not work out well at all.

 

[Cryozombie]

Its been so long, I just gotta ask...

"Whats Dating?"

:boing2:

 

[Rich Parsons]

Its been so long, I just gotta ask...

"Whats Dating?"

:boing2:

What is dating?

Dating to most people is putting themselves into another persons control, will they say yes or no? Will they like me for me or for this or that? To many it is scary.

Your person is not defined by the other person and if they do or do not go out with you.



I have said this before, I personally would not date from the same dojo nor at work. It just has too many complications, and more have failed then I know have succeeded. It brings in issues of sexual harassment, and other issues.

Yet, if in the face of caution and total desire, you wish to move forward, not only do I recommend that you go slow and become friends, do it out side of the dojo as well. A group luncheon or movie event, or everyone helping a member move or some such idea. Throw a party for all members, or a cook out, and invite your family and friends and also the members and their families. If you talk and things are good and friendly outside of the dojo, then maybe it is mutual attraction and not a student teacher attraction.


:asian:

 

[arnisador]

Step lightly. Starting out with group events as suggested is something to really consider.

If it there's a break-up, would you feel comfortable staying at the school? Are you willing to risk leaving it?