Whitty One Liners

[Chronuss]

The things I fear may all be imaginary, so what I fear most is my imagination.

 

[hardheadjarhead]

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.



Regards,


Steve

 

[Silat Student]

I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving.


Salad is what food eats.

 

[Chronuss]

The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

 

[Sarah]

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

[Sarah]

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

 

[Chronuss]

Marriage means committment...of course, so does insanity.

 

[KenpoTex]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

 

[Sarah]

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

 

[Chronuss]

Everything is possible, except skiing through revolving doors.

 

[someguy]

Alot of these have been said so forgive me if some one said this already.
Save a tree wipe with an owl.

 

[shesulsa]

What part of the word "gotheheckaway" do you not understand?

 

[Chronuss]

Save a tree wipe with an owl.

Or you can save a tree and eat a beaver.

 

[Adept]

Anything said by Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket.

Damn I love that man. I want my own gunny Hartman doll.

 

[Chronuss]

I love defenseless animals, especially in good gravy.

 

[KenpoTess]

"What are you doing?" a man asked of three laborers beside a building under construction.
The first man replied, "Stone-cuttin."
The second smiled, "Putting in time until a better job comes along."
The third man waited a moment and then said simply, "I m building a cathedral."

 

[Chronuss]

It's a small world...unless you gotta walk home.

 

[Xequat]

Or you can save a tree and eat a beaver.

I like your thinking.

Here's some more:

When leaving:
-Let's make like baby and head out.
-Let's make like a fart and blow this hole.

I married Mrs. Right...I just didn't know her first name was Always. (OK, it's old.)
Hey, you're kinda cute when I'm drunk.
I'm the humblest person ever.
I'm so confused...wait a second, no I'm not.
What Would Jesus Do...........for a Klondike bar?
He gets more *** than a toilet seat.
Opinions are like a-holes...everybody has one and they all stink.
Don't eat yellow snow.
Another Steven Wright one that I like...One time, I got so drunk that the room started to spin. Then it stopped and I flew out the window.
From "Christmas Vacation:" You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerine plant!

Does this train of thought have a caboose?

*Post Edited for Content* ~Tess -MT S. MOD-

 

[Erik]

If you can see it, it can't be that far (to understand the irony, note that this was spoken by my old platoon sergeant).

A ***** state - mental constapation coupled with verbal diarhea.

Don't poop where you eat.

 

[Xequat]

spoken : I have derbal vyslexia.