freezing up.

[Flying Crane]

your deffonately right. i know the calmess and control is not an instant fix, and i will need to work on it, and practice it, and want to start a martial art.
and you are also right bout the ego thing. i suppose deep down i do want to take down that group of idiots that think there tough men wi all there mates. but since the last incident a few months ago, i am more determined now to fight back. not for reputation and stuff like that, but it has relay nocked my confidence in myself, and i feel i need to find a way of getting that confidence back before i totaly lose it. do you know what i mean. I WONT BE ABLE TO FIGHT BACK IF I NEED TOO, I WILL FREEZE UP AGAIN. do you know what i mean. i know this sounds all rather silly, but what do you recomend? thanks for your patience

well, you need to recognize that there is a difference between wanting to fight/wanting to take down guys like those punks, vs. wanting to be able to defend yourself IF YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE.

Good martial training can give you the tools to defend yourself. But you should always consider this to be a last option sort of thing. Don't ever be in a hurry to engage in a fight, even if the other guy really "deserves" it or has it coming. That road will eventually lead to your demise, even if you are initially successful with it.

Fighting just is not worth it. Defend yourself if you MUST, escape if you CAN, but don't ever embrace violence.

 

[overunder]

cheers. i appeciate the advice

 

[overunder]

flying crane. i know where your comeing from, i never look for fights. bu trouble does find me, i kow i need to be cleverer about how i move around and stuff like no walking silly places on my own and that. but i need to get passed the mental block of "i cant fight back, because i will freez up again" do you know where im coming from?

 

[Sukerkin]

Most of us who started training in our teens came in with the notion of wanting to learn how to fight, how to kick **** and take names. It's part of the hormone tide that sweeps away our good sense for far too many years .

Once you get settled in to an art and have a couple of years dedicated training, or perhaps even earlier, you will learn a couple of things.

One, it is really easy to do serious harm to someone - scarily so when it's by surprise.

Two, because of One, it is very, very important to try and make sure you don't have to put yourself in the situations that will necessitate your doing so.

This means that you will gain the confidence in your ability to defend yourself should you need to but that very confidence (and the other things we've spoken of) will severely lessen the probability that you will ever have to.

 

[Flying Crane]

flying crane. i know where your comeing from, i never look for fights. bu trouble does find me, i kow i need to be cleverer about how i move around and stuff like no walking silly places on my own and that. but i need to get passed the mental block of "i cant fight back, because i will freez up again" do you know where im coming from?

I certainly do know where you are coming from, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just don't confuse that with the idea that you need to be the one to dispense justice on the local thuggery. That's all I'm getting at, just a word of caution.

 

[Flying Crane]

Most of us who started training in our teens came in with the notion of wanting to learn how to fight, how to kick **** and take names.

ah, well, long ago I lost interest in the names...

 

[Flying Crane]

Once you get settled in to an art and have a couple of years dedicated training, or perhaps even earlier, you will learn a couple of things.

One, it is really easy to do serious harm to someone - scarily so when it's by surprise.

Two, because of One, it is very, very important to try and make sure you don't have to put yourself in the situations that will necessitate your doing so.

This means that you will gain the confidence in your ability to defend yourself should you need to but that very confidence (and the other things we've spoken of) will severely lessen the probability that you will ever have to.

very very well said, complete agreement here.

 

[Flying Crane]

Hey Mark,

I think I just gave you some gold, sir. Am I right?

 

[overunder]

thank you people for all your advice. it is very much appreciated.

 

[Sukerkin]

. I bet OU will wonder the heck we're talking about now, FC .

I'm not sure. I've had a 'gold' pip for a while - has it changed shade {as the actress said to the bishop :lol:}? Your kind words were very well received, as it is they that truly matter :rei:.

 

[Sukerkin]

thank you people for all your advice. it is very much appreciated.

Always glad to help someone who wants to learn.

 

[overunder]

sorry one more question and i will ask no more silly youthfull questions.
did how i react in the situation when i got beat, was i a coward for reacting like that?

 

[Sukerkin]

Not at all.

As we've intimated, we all think you should have run rather than stood once it became clear that he wasn't just going to clout you once or twice and leave it at that. If the circumstances allowed it, the best place to have run would have been back to work where your mates would have been to help you out.

Something to note is that everyone makes bad calls. I certainly have.

When I was even younger than you, I did exactly the same thing. Too proud to run but too overmatched to fight. Luckily, I'm a lot older than you and some things were different back then.

After they'd knocked me down for the third time or so and I kept getting back up, they let me be. I like to think that the murderous look I was giving the lead protagonist had something to do with that but I reckon really I was just no 'fun' :lol:.

True cowardice is doing something morally reprehensible when you have the choice to do otherwise. Running or refusing to fight insurmountable odds for no reason whatsoever is called something else - common sense.

 

[Flying Crane]

. I bet OU will wonder the heck we're talking about now, FC .

I'm not sure. I've had a 'gold' pip for a while - has it changed shade {as the actress said to the bishop :lol:}? Your kind words were very well received, as it is they that truly matter :rei:.

Ah, my mistake then. I sent you some respects, and suddenly I noticed the gold pip and couldn't remember if it was already there.

ah well, it's the thought that counts.

 

[overunder]

thanks alot. you have made me feel alot better, and put my mind at rest. honestly thanks alot.

 

[Flying Crane]

sorry one more question and i will ask no more silly youthfull questions.
did how i react in the situation when i got beat, was i a coward for reacting like that?

nope.

I've been training since 1984. I've never had to truly defend myself yet. And when I find myself in the middle of trouble brewing, I get this cold feeling in my guts and my legs go all gumby, and I start looking for the exit routes. At those times I am thankful that my wife or someone else isn't with me, because then running may not be an option. I've taken shots without giving them back, because I am very very reluctant to engage for the reasons I've listed earlier. Lukily the shots I've taken have not been damaging to me.

It's a matter of seeing the bigger picture: violence isn't worth engaging in if you have any other options. Getting home safe is more important. Sometimes if you take a minor shot you can avoid further escalation or make good your escape if you don't retaliate. Not that you would deliberately let yourself get hit, but sometimes if he manages to hit you and you aren't truly hurt, it's best to let it go.

Survival isn't cowardice. Recognizing how terribly dangerous it can be to engage in a fight is just plain smart. Those guys could have had knives, razors, clubs, and they could have ended your life right there. Or they could have done it with their fists, 5-on-1. You went home safe that night. You weren't a coward, even if your ego got bruised. But that'll heal and you will get over it and be wiser for it.

 

[overunder]

cheers man, realy put my mind at ease.

 

[mook jong man]

Overunder , I think that it may help you to read some books by the British author Geoff Thompson I am a big fan of his . He is reputed to have been in something like 4 hundred fights

In his books he goes into a lot of depth in how to handle the adrenaline dump and things you should be doing in the pre fight stage like controlling the distance between you and your attacker with the use of a non threatening guard called " The Fence ".

Also make sure you join up to a reputable martial art school as soon as you possibly can so you can develop some self defence skills to back up your pre confrontation strategies .

 

[overunder]

thanks mate, will have a look into the geoff thompson man. advice is apreciated

 

[redantstyle]

i've been at ma since i was a tyke. i grew up doing a tremendous amount of sparring, and got in quite a few street altercations as well, mostly in my teen years. nothing too serious...

not quite so active these days, but at one point i was pretty serious about it, and i actually got decent at a few things.

all in all, you will find that violence is not a very valuable skill. it is highly overrated. i can defend myself quite handily, but it is the absolute last option. i would much rather defuse the situation or use teh Run Fu.

martial arts training provides many benefits, the least of which is the ability to injure someone.

regards.