freezing up.

[overunder]

hello. recently ive been in a pretty bad situation. and im not happy with the way i reacted.
ill tell you about what happened, and im just wondering if anyones got any advice,because it would be GREATLY appreciated.
recently, well about a couple of month ago, just after i turned 19, i was walking round the back of work to my car to relax for during my lunch break.
i walk past a group of asian lads about my age, some older. there was 4 - 5 of them, and i looked at one and nodded as if to say hello. ( cause im a nice lad ) well any way i carried on walking, and one of them said to me . "who do you think you are looking at a paki like that?!" i was baffled and turnd round and said "wat are you on about mate?" and then he came up in my face and started givig it the big one. "who do you think you are, talking to a paki like that" and stuff like that, me being me i tried to diffuse the situation, and calm it down and i was asking why he was starting trouble. and hen afte a short while of this, he headbutte me, i was totaly unxpecting this. and i stumbled back, i was sent reeling by this, and then he started laying in to me, i was very angry at this, but i dint hit him back because he had his friends with him, and what its like now days is that his mates would jump in and id have got beaten in to the ground my all of them and seriously injured, or stabbed or something, so i just took the beating, whilst saying get off me man.
i wanted os bad to defend myself but i jsut kind of frozeup, i couldnt hit back. i was scared i admit it. but i aso feel i was quite brave as i didnt run away, but im dissapointed and annoyed i didnt fight back, feel kind of cowardly, even though i know im not, but has anyone got any advice, so next time i can just react and not just try and dodge punches, and then in the end just covering my head to defend it? sorry its so long i just kind of needed to get this offy chest, and ask for some advice,as i REALY dont want to freeze up like that ever again.
i dont do any martil arts, but i play rugby, and i do wieghts, but i ahve no confidence in my abilty to defend my self. thanks alot for taking the time to read this.

 

[Flying Crane]

Trying to diffuse the situation is a good thing. Maybe instead of asking why he is trying to start trouble, which might be sort of twisted into a challenge by him, you might just say something like, "I was just saying hello, didn't mean to trouble anyone." But it sounds to me like he was just looking for any excuse to start trouble and might have done so even if you had walked by and ignored them.

In that kind of situation, when he's got several friends and you know they are likely to surround you and jump in, it's time to run. Don't give them a chance to surround you, don't stay and take the beating. Just run the hell out of there, go towards a busy area where there are other people. File a police report. My nike-jutsu has certainly saved me more times than my fighting skills. When there are several of them, that is a potentially very very dangerous situation. Get the hell out, as quickly as possible. No shame in that at all.

Even if it was just one of them, he still might have a knife or something, and it's not worth sticking around for the fight. Self-defense means you go home safe. Unless he's got you backed into a corner with nowhere to go, just get out fast.

 

[overunder]

thanks, i relay appreciate it

 

[Frostbite]

Well, I'm not going to lie and said you did the right thing here but you could've done worse. Attempting to defend yourself in this situation would've been a bad idea. You were outnumbered 5 to 1. Those are pretty bad odds even for the most skilled fighter. Multiple attackers don't come at you one at a time like they do in the movies. If they have any sense of what they're doing, they'll swarm you and you'll be overwhelmed.

As I see it, you did two things wrong here, both of which are closely related to each other. You should never have let the guy get close enough to you to headbutt you in the first place. Once he started to close the distance, you should've tried to put more distance between you. Once he had you on the ground, you should've made every effort you could to get up and run like hell. There's no shame in running away. I'm sure they'll laugh and start puffing up their chests like they're a bunch of badasses but it's better to let them have their hollow victory than for you to risk getting injured or worse.

 

[Flying Crane]

Just to add: if this guy has engaged you, you may need to respond before you can get away. You may need to block, strike back, push him away, or whatever, to create that opening to run thru. Don't forget that very real possibility. This may provoke his friends, so you gotta be decisive with what you do, and then bolt.

 

[Sukerkin]

Where are you from (roughly), overunder? Are we talking a densely populated urban area with significantly 'mixed' populations or a 'small town'?

I don't know of many places where that sort of violence will erupt, unprovoked, in the middle of the day, even in these tense times (not without 'substances' involved at any rate).

If this happened near your place of work then it'd be a good idea to tell your workmates and your employer. Filing a police report wouldn't go amiss either. Then, if you see these fellows hanging around again, you can let people know without them thinking you're jumping at shadows.

Of course, it being a few months on, it seems to have been an isolated incident but it's worth bearing in mind that how you react after an altercation is as important as before and during.

 

[Flying Crane]

As I see it, you did two things wrong here, both of which are closely related to each other. You should never have let the guy get close enough to you to headbutt you in the first place. Once he started to close the distance, you should've tried to put more distance between you. Once he had you on the ground, you should've made every effort you could to get up and run like hell. There's no shame in running away. I'm sure they'll laugh and start puffing up their chests like they're a bunch of badasses but it's better to let them have their hollow victory than for you to risk getting injured or worse.

good points here. Sometimes someone can close the distance before you realize it, but still a very good point. Keep your awareness level up and don't let someone close the distance.

 

[overunder]

im sorry but i forgot to add, i didnt let him get me to the floor. im a strong lad and i kept my feet, just too stubborn, and stupid to run away, and too frozen up to fight back, grh people who have to have there mates with them to beat someone up make me angry.
thanks alot though, great advice, and made me feel better about it.

 

[overunder]

i come from england.
i live in a fairly large town, quite urban.
its filled with alot of "wannabe" gangsters.
around my age group 16 - 22 ish there is a fair amount of violence. it is quite a violent area, and thees a fair amount of mugins and beatings, recently near my area people have been stabbed and beaten. jsut by random people trying to prove stuff

 

[Flying Crane]

im sorry but i forgot to add, i didnt let him get me to the floor. im a strong lad and i kept my feet, just too stubborn, and stupid to run away, and too frozen up to fight back, grh people who have to have there mates with them to beat someone up make me angry.
thanks alot though, great advice, and made me feel better about it.

I had a sort of similar incident, but with some differences, a few years back.

I was walking down the sidewalk in my neighborhood, going to the video rental store. A scrawny, scabby-faced punk-*** kid started shadowing me, telling me how he and his friends were gonna jump me and pound me. He kept following me down the block, and his friends hung back on the corner. So all this while he just keeps following me, telling me how I'm about to get a pounding. I kept him in sight, because I figured he must have a knife or something, so I kept enough distance that he couldn't reach me without first needing to close the distance. The fact that I probably outweighed him by 30 or more pounds (I'm not a big guy either, I weigh about 160), made me think he MUST have some kind of weapon or something. So I just kept my eye on him and kept on walking, thinking maybe he'll get tired of the game and go away.

Finally he forced the engagement, adopted a sloppy muay thai stance and started throwing ineffectual kicks (he actually landed one across my belly and I barely felt it). My brain was just clicking in to the fact that I was gonna have to do something to end this situation, when I looked up to see 4 or 5 of his friends running down the sidewalk towards us.

Like I said earlier, letting them surround you is a very bad idea, and I could see this coming. So I just bolted, and showed these kids that I could still outrun their sorry butts.

So I ran from this scrawny bastard and his posse, and I went home safe that night.

 

[Sukerkin]

Hi OU; your unfortunate incident sounds like the sort of thing I'd expect around London or Manchester more than Bedfordshire. Just goes to show how the news shapes our perceptions doesn't it?

I've spent quite some time in High Wycombe, which I think is quite nearby your locality and the area just didn't give off that sort of vibe at all (too much 'money' about for headbutts in the street to be tolerated, if you catch my meaning).

Next time I'm down there I'll notch up the alert status a tad, just in case.

 

[overunder]

i dont unbderstand why poeple have to try and pick fights with poele all the time, its silly, ye i wiegh 11 stone, i think thats about 155 lbs im very light, butim stronger than most lads bigger than me. just need to learn to fight, or teach myself that i can smack someone back, and then have it off on my toes/ leg it. instead if freezing up. lol its mad how the brain works sometimes dont you think

 

[Frostbite]

i dont unbderstand why poeple have to try and pick fights with poele all the time

Well, he's probably trying to prove what a badass to his friends. Or he's underendowed. Or both. :ultracool

 

[overunder]

ye, i know wjhat you mean. ye i live near luton. that is a rough place.
well in dunstable its nto too bad,but its alot worse than from when i was alittle boy, used to be quite nice, but lately , with all the chavs, in there litte gangs theyrob people, beat people up, have gang fights.

 

[Sukerkin]

From the weights you note, you're about the same size I was for a good part of my life.

I'd say you'd be well served by having a look into taking a martial art of some sort, it doesn't really matter much what it is.

Why doesn't it matter? Because a large part of the defensive benfit of martial arts training is the sense of calm and confidence it gives you (not to be confused with cockyness). Bullies and even most petty criminals are on the look out for 'prey'. Look and move with the inner sense that you can look after yourself and those predators will look elsewhere.

I moved in some very rough circles in my time and the only occasion (in nearly thirty years) I've ever had to use what I train is the one time when, for no good reason, my decision making went haywire and I ended up cornered in an alley.

All the other times when violence threatened, a calm attitude and a willingness to allow the 'big dog' his moment (without acting too much like a victim and so inviting attack) have allowed me to walk away. I wont say I haven't been a bit shaky on occasion (shotguns up the nose do that to you ) but I still walked away with no harm done to anyone.

 

[overunder]

bloody hell a shotgun up the nose! scary man.
i know this is probably a silly question,
but,
how do you get that sense of confidence and calmness.
the only other time ive been in a pretty dangerous situation is when i was 17. i was finishing my lifeguard training and wlaking home with a fellow lifeguard in training, we were walking round the back of the liesure centre, cause thats where thepool we were training in was at.
we were walking round and a group of lads a couple my age and some abuot 14, 15 , there were probly about 7 of them. walked up behind us. and one of them took a swing fro my "mate" he was totaly oblivious to this and it was lucky i saw or he would have got smashed in the head by the person. i saw it coming and hit the peron arm out of the way. and we caried on walking, and they followed, but instead of punching my "mate" they started punching me, i turned round and said stop it, and i noticed on had a hammer, an the other a big screwdriver. and i thought oh ****. well i turn round and keep walking, they try to trip me i stay up they keep hittng me in the head. ( not wiht the hammer) i was not hitting back cause i had no plan on geting smashed up wiht a hammer or stabbed with a screw driver, i carried on wlaking and they kept hitting me. and my mate ran off ! and left me, eventualy the group left me alone, but i thought i was gonna get stabbed that day

 

[Sukerkin]

The sense of calmness grows over time. It's not an instant fix I'm sorry to say.

A few months in, some people start to think they know how to fight and begin to act like they're the cock-o-the-walk. If they're lucky, they never get 'called' on that out in the real world and get the chance to learn what it is that they didn't know at that time - control of themselves.

That's the key as that is what allows you decide if you need to fight or not and is the thing that allows you to run and not let foolish ego stick your feet to the floor.

However, one of the first things I'd suggest from the sound of your recent past is to start thinking seriously about how you are placing yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Good martial arts training is not just about the physical aspects of self defence but also the mental.

Learning to 'read' a street and choosing to go by another route because you can see the potential trouble ahead on the way you were going will save you from more grief than any 'black belt'.

 

[Flying Crane]

One big thing that has come clear to me in the years that I've been training is how truly horribly one person can damage another. I don't want to get damaged like that, and neither to I want to damage someone else. So I tend to aviod problems and I'm usually able to talk my way out when problems arise. If I can't talk my way out, like I said, I can run. If that's not an option, then I fight, and so far it hasn't really ever reached that point for me yet.

 

[Nolerama]

OU, the advice everyone is giving you is solid. I'd like to mention not "giving" those thugs anything; in this case, your time.

When he made that comment, you should have ignored him and kept on walking. I know it's hard, but your ego could potentially be your worst enemy. Learn to ignore it in adverse situations like that. Having a good sense of your surroundings is very important, as well as maintaining your personal space.

You mentioned that you were scared. Of course you would be, your life was in danger. Fear is a good thing, once you can channel the sense of it and use it to keep your situational awareness sharp. So don't feel bad.

Playing rugby makes you an athlete, so that might have piqued your attackers' interest in you, due to insecurity issues. Athleticism is an integral part to effectively utilize martial skill. Looking into learning to defend yourself better is always an option. At the very least, it'll help you get over your beating.

However, any good instructor will tell you that in your particular situation, you should have known when to fold your cards, and take off running. 5 punks is a cowardly number stacked on one guy, but can certainly destroy one guy if he decides to fight back.

If you decide to down the martial art road, I wish you well on your journey.

 

[overunder]

your deffonately right. i know the calmess and control is not an instant fix, and i will need to work on it, and practice it, and want to start a martial art.
and you are also right bout the ego thing. i suppose deep down i do want to take down that group of idiots that think there tough men wi all there mates. but since the last incident a few months ago, i am more determined now to fight back. not for reputation and stuff like that, but it has relay nocked my confidence in myself, and i feel i need to find a way of getting that confidence back before i totaly lose it. do you know what i mean. I WONT BE ABLE TO FIGHT BACK IF I NEED TOO, I WILL FREEZE UP AGAIN. do you know what i mean. i know this sounds all rather silly, but what do you recomend? thanks for your patience