^^^^ You just don't like unecessarily killing people. Like what's with that?
Heck maybe you can fix that weakness....
Reminds me of something that happened to me back around 1985. I met a guy, an old Vietnam combat vet that owned a house together with a couple of cheap apartments where my girlfriend was staying while in college. Anyway, this guy felt that a lot of the trauma, PTSD, etc. associated with killing could be overcome the same way some therapists treat phobias ...by de-sensitizing the individual through gradually increasing exposure.
He gave the example of growing up on a farm and raising rabbits, lambs, calves, and so forth. When he was little, he said he was really upset when he had to slaughter them. But his dad helped him do it more and more until it became like a game, then finally just another boring chore.
Similarly, he said his first kill or two in 'Nam upset him, but after he killed a whole lot of people, it was not so much of a problem. So he held that if a soldier had an issue with killing, he should work at de-sensitizing himself by ramping up his kills, eventually, killing as many as possible, and it would get really easy, ...like any other chore.
When I expressed doubt, he got really worked up about us softies who were a too young and had missed the war. He said that we didn't know sh!t and whipped out a loaded 45 and pointed at me and my girlfriend to let us know what it felt like to know you can
die in an instant.
Somehow we got him to lower the gun and got the hell out of there. However,
none of this desensitized me. Rather, it reinforced my previous knowledge that I did not like killing people, and that I also didn't like being threatened with immediate death. So I
don't think I would recommend this approach to training mass murderers.
One good thing did come of it however. My girlfriend decided right then and there to move out of this psycho's rental apartment and move in with me. We later married and have been together over 30 years.