jobo
Grandmaster
Well no you don't otherwise you wouldn't be makingexcuses not to go, , a fire twenty miles away is not a valid excuse, and nether is a couple of glasses of wine the night before,
What do you call it when you can't get yourself to train?
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Disclaimer: I am not a fan of online therapy of any sort, and on a forum post may be one of the worst forums (heh) for that sort of thing. So anything i, or anyone else, says here should be taken with a grain of salt, and the best advice would be to see a therapist.
With that said, ill provide some psychoeducation and tell you my gut feelings.
There are 3 types of 'dual diagnoses' (people with a mental health disorder and substance use disorder) out there...the first is people whom have a mental health issue that they medicate with substance use. Generally, if their mental health issues are taken care of, there substance use issues also disappear. The second is people that have a substance use disorder that creates or exacerbates a mental health issue. With these, once they stop drinking/using, the mental health issue tends to go away as well. The third is when they legitimately have both. This could just be super unlucky, where they got both unrelated to each other, or they started out as the first or second type, and the secondary issue grew to be an issue on its own.
That said, and this is just a gut feeling, based on this one thread it sounds like you fit into that second category...you have an alcohol issue thats causing depression. And, again, from the limited amount youve stated, which is not enough to say more than my gut feeling, you may very well be an alcoholic, even if thats tough to see. If you go to an AA meeting, and talk with people, check out some of there beginner pamphlets, or read the big book, you will hear/read about people with your issue...people who do not drink an insane amount, but any alcohol causes their mood to change. You have pretty direct negative consequences from drinking...you know what those consequences are, and that they're caused by your drinking...you don't see any positive consequences from your drinking (that I can see from your post)...you don't want those consequences, and yet you keep drinking? Why do you continue to drink then?
Beyond that, your statement of martial arts being the only thing that makes you feel alive seems like an issue. I say that not as a therapist, but someone with experience with that statement. When I was going through a pretty heavy depressive episode, I had the same thought. I was maintaining myself through this idea that I can go everyday and feel alive, and have something to look forward to. But then, one day, I was at MA and realized I wasn't enjoying it. Only time that's ever happened, and most likely a result of my own depression. But having that feeling sent me much lower, as I lost my 'safety net'. It's important to find other things that you enjoy, so you're not overly reliant on just one thing, or one part of your day.
There's a ton of other stuff from your one post that I could get into, but that's the job of your therapist, so my final advice will be, like at the beginning, find a therapist and actually go.
hoshin1600
Senior Master
dont fool yourself, the bulk of people dont quit martial arts...they just stop going. and if you ask them they will tell you they will be going back soon. "as soon as xxx is all done, ill be back" but they never do.
the sinister part of drugs and drinking is that "it steals away your dreams". daily life often continues on. it doesnt seem like a big deal, you hardly notice the effects. but no matter how small the dose these things actually re-map the circuitry of the brain. it changes the way your brain functions and it hijacks your decision making. almost like being on automatic pilot. no matter what your intentions you always end back at the same place. and before you know it years have past and your dreams and aspirations are gone.
I agree that I likely fit into the second category. Also, I did say that MA is one of my only passions, but not my only. I'd say it's probably my favorite thing to do though. I did manage to train this morning and I feel better than I have in a while. I've known for a long time that if I don't get physical exercise for a few days, I become pretty depressed. And it's been like a month of not doing any kind of workout, MA related or not. I'm intending to stop drinking again. It just seems like over the last month and a half, with it being summer, friends have been getting together and wanting to drink. I get it, but it really causes me some issues to let myself have even one drink. This is why I say I need to stop altogether. But I agree with everything you've written and it's given me something to think about.
People are actually pretty responsive to going out with them and not drinking. If you tell people youre in recovery, most people are understanding. If you dont think that fits you, or youre uncomfortable telling them that, something that works is saying youre trying to be healthy so youve cut out alcohol. People go on different diets so often, it doesnt even phase most people to hear that. And thats if they even ask, a lot of peopme wont care if they offer you a drink and you say no thanks or you want water, coke, or whatever else.
Thats assuming the goal isnt to get drunk...if thats their goal it makes it more difficult...
Martial D
Senior Master
Id say revisit whatever it was that got you into training in the first place, whether its a montage of JCVD or Bruce Lee movies or a certain event in your life, or whatever it is. Get back to what took you there.
Anarax
Master Black Belt
If it is depression I would suggest consulting a mental health professional.
It sounds you have a lot on your mind with the fire and your family. Missing practice here and there is understandable, but a month might be a pattern. When I would walk out the door half-motivated to go to practice, I never regretted going after class was over. It helped me feel better and got me out of a rut.
I can't personally relate to the drinking, but alcohol has affects everyone differently. Alcohol can relax, anger or trigger depression, it comes down to your brain chemistry and how it reacts to alcohol. You could conduct a little experiment and stop drinking for a week or two and see if you feel better. If you do, then you can conclude the alcohol at the very least played a factor in your mood change.
mrt2
Brown Belt
Yes, I can relate. I think at a certain level, all of us have quit something for whatever reason. If everybody stayed with a program, MA gyms would be top heavy with 5th, 6th, and 7th degree masters. But even the best run school has attrition of maybe 30% to 40% per year, maybe even higher if you count people who show up infrequently (once a week or less). Obviously, you got past that cohort and made it part of your life, but even there, attrition is part of life. I see it at my own school. Even though there are a fair amount of black belts in a given class, the number of 2nd dans is much smaller (maybe less than 10), and the number of 3rd Dans or higher is only 3, and that includes the head instructor, and two assistant instructors. So something is going on. Figure, more than 40% quite before the end of the first year, another 40% by the end of the second, and maybe by the end of 3 years, you have at most 5 to 10% still training.
But why should that be?
A couple of things come to mind from my past experience. Some of these may apply to you, others not so much.
1. Boredom - Even if you get benefit from regular training, at a certain point, improvement is slow and incremental. Perhaps you get the feeling that you just aren't getting what you need anymore from your training, and you get the feeling (perhaps erroneous) that you are wasting your time. During my first time in MA, this feeling kept creeping into my thoughts after I made Cho Dan Bo (black belt candidate). Somehow, I thought after I achieved this rank, something would change. Yet classes continued on and after 6 months of not learning any new techniques, I felt as if my progress had slowed to a crawl. I didn't feel prepared to test for 1st Dan, and my motivation seemed to wane the longer time went on.
2. Burnout - Related to boredom, you might push yourself for a period of time, perhaps to prepare for a major advancement that once achieved, leaves you feeling strangely empty. Not a good feeling. Hopefully, you can have a talk with your instructor about setting new goals once you reach your milestones. Related to my earlier training, I realize I should have approached my old teacher and done this, but he probably should have sought me out as well. I was a high school kid and he was a 6th Dan. It is no small thing to look at the black belts and wonder if you can do it. As I said earlier, the longer time went on, the more scared I was to ask for help..
FWIW, my current school seems to be better about keeping higher belts interested as they have advanced only classes (black and brown belt only) twice a week where I imagine, those training for black belt get instruction on more advanced training so that when the black belt test comes, they are prepared.
3. Lack of time/change of circumstances - Not your excuse, but sometimes life does get in the way. Not that you absolutely cannot spare a couple of hours a week, but that the time you have doesn't correspond to class times. Or maybe you have to move, and there isn't a MA gym teaching the same style.
One of the reasons my previous hiatus became permanent was, I went off to college. On a similar note, about 15 years ago when I started working in a new field, I joined a health club right down the street from my new office, and for a period of about 3 or 4 years, I got into the very good habit of working out at the gym at noon 3 or 4 times a week. When I was laid off from the job and no longer was downtown every afternoon, I got out of the habit, and got out of shape and gained a bunch of weight. 3 years later, I worked myself into the habit of exercising in the evening, but it was never the same as the midday workouts I had previously done.
I would say try to mix it up as far as your practice goes.
skribs
Grandmaster
I had a fellow student who would show up to class maybe 25-35% of the time for a few months, and then be gone for a few months. There was a period of time where he missed about 6 months in a row. Whenever I'd ask him "are you coming back?" his attitude was "what do you mean, I've always been here." After those 6 months he showed up to 1 class, didn't see him again for 6 months. He then went to the wrong class (the beginner class, which he had graduated), so stayed an extra hour for his class, and overdid it. That led to another 6 month haitus, after which he did the same thing (wrong class, doubled up, and overdid it). Never "quit" but never saw him again.
There's a student who quit a long time ago. Her Dad messages me on Facebook every so often to say "hey bro, what time are classes? I want to bring my daughter back." And then they never come in.
There's a reason at my school we test probably 15-20 new yellow belts every 2 months, and 6-10 new black belts every 6 months. People drop out.
D
Deleted member 34973
Guest
Why do you train?
Agree! Find a purpose such as you want to do one thing better than everybody else on this planet.
When you are
- young, you want to develop something.
- old, you want to maintain what you have.
That will be your "purpose".
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hoshin1600
Senior Master
in 35 years i have never seen a student walk in and say "I QUIT".
skribs
Grandmaster
I've seen a few. Usually it's because of money, or because they're moving. We've had multiple ER doctors quit because they don't want to risk injury to their hands.
Xue Sheng
All weight is underside
What do you call it when you can't get yourself to train? Today.
Can't get myself motivated today, was ok this morning but as the day goes on I am just getting more and more tired
I did. Told my previous JKD teacher I quit due to medical reasons, thinning retina. Now I am back at JKD again, at a different place with less striking work, and my knees are not liking me at all....see what happens I guess
Can't get myself motivated today, was ok this morning but as the day goes on I am just getting more and more tired
I did. Told my previous JKD teacher I quit due to medical reasons, thinning retina. Now I am back at JKD again, at a different place with less striking work, and my knees are not liking me at all....see what happens I guess
I did that once. Then i started back up a few months later at a different dojo. Turns out im not that good at the whole "quitting ma" thing
dvcochran
Grandmaster
I hope you answered your own question and just needed to hear it out loud. Did you start training to get away from drinking? Now that there is some added adversary in your life have you chose to go back to a drink (which is easier) rather than going to class? Somewhere in your hectic schedule you had found time for class. Don't let the external things you cannot do anything about get in the way of the success you have achieved in you MA. Keep us in the loop and let us know how you are doing.
I believe what you've said is true. And yes, I got back into MA at the same time I stopped drinking, about a year and a half ago. I did manage to train this morning and although there are 3 bottles of wine in the house (not mine) I stopped myself from having those few glasses at the end of the night. I actually feel great tonight and want to keep it up!
D
Deleted member 39746
Guest
Its called life.
Completely useless advice but thats how i roll.
edit: If you continue to be in a sad streak for a month+ Consult a GP. Dont quote me on the time frame.
Completely useless advice but thats how i roll.
edit: If you continue to be in a sad streak for a month+ Consult a GP. Dont quote me on the time frame.
kravmaga1
Yellow Belt
Training by yourself can be hard sometimes it is always better to go to a professional teacher if you want to learn truly. If you want to learn self-defense or martial arts going to a teacher is the good thing to do because a teacher can teach you and understand you on how to teach you which you can't do it by yourself.
dvcochran
Grandmaster
Outstanding! All will go well.
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