Sparring Women

[drop bear]

Most likely she'd been able to outclass others in her previous training, and rarely (or never) had to deal with being outclassed. If she was used to it, she wouldn't have been frustrated.

I've run into guys like that, too. More guys than gals, in fact, but that's maybe just due to population distribution in MA.

I sparred on the wee

Sparring is always a bit difficult for me at first because I'm typically friends with everyone in the dojo. I often worry about harming them and go too soft.

Complete strangers however I don't care at all.

Sifu told me to spar as if they are a stranger but that is difficult for me. I am very defensive with friends and family so I am just naturally careful.

In a fight though, he told me to be as the ocean. Not caring what is in my way, just do what you are going to do and that's it. There is a middle ground here that has to be found with everyone and for some it is more difficult.

Iron sharpens iron.

Create a professional mental attitude. Where your input creates the martial artist they will be.

We have some awful drills for our fighters. And we have female fighters. And they can scream and cry during those drills.

That that feels terrible to just keep torturing someone like that.

But it is not about my feelings. The job has to get done.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

I sparred on the wee

I'm not sure I want to know what that means, DB.

 

[Kiron]

Anything else you haven't shared yet that might change responses so far?

I am also curious if since you were obviously superior, did you get her off to the side and offer to show her what she is doing that is so wrong? Even if she was inappropriately angry, if she is anywhere near a good MA, she has to realize that she is either doing something wrong, or you are doing something very good.

And if she is that good an MA, she surely would want to know. How else is she going to have a chance to score on you in the future?

I agree with you!

 

[Anarax]

Anything else you haven't shared yet that might change responses so far?

I am also curious if since you were obviously superior, did you get her off to the side and offer to show her what she is doing that is so wrong? Even if she was inappropriately angry, if she is anywhere near a good MA, she has to realize that she is either doing something wrong, or you are doing something very good.

And if she is that good an MA, she surely would want to know. How else is she going to have a chance to score on you in the future?

Can't tell if you're being condescending or genuine. Regardless, she wanted nothing to do with me afterwards. I approached her after practice and she raised her hands in a defensive position like I wanted to harm her.

 

[drop bear]

Can't tell if you're being condescending or genuine. Regardless, she wanted nothing to do with me afterwards. I approached her after practice and she raised her hands in a defensive position like I wanted to harm her.

Yep been there before as well.

 

[Tez3]

Can't tell if you're being condescending or genuine. Regardless, she wanted nothing to do with me afterwards. I approached her after practice and she raised her hands in a defensive position like I wanted to harm her.

He's being genuine, have you looked at the whole incident from a detached viewpoint as if you were watching someone else? Are there things you could have said or done differently that would have diffused the situation or do you believe you are totally in the right? Bear in mind before you answer that you believe there's a problem with women in martial arts, that there's a problem with the way they are treated and the way they train which is not substantiated by anyone else's experience in martial arts.

 

[oftheherd1]

Can't tell if you're being condescending or genuine. Regardless, she wanted nothing to do with me afterwards. I approached her after practice and she raised her hands in a defensive position like I wanted to harm her.

Sorry if I came across as being genuine in a condescending way . But I really think we can overcome people's lack of MA knowledge by a different approach than "You give 75%, I've got 85% waiting for you."

But it looks like you did and if she reacted that way, let your instructor know (if you haven't already), and have as little to do with her as possible. I mean totally avoid if possible. She sounds like she is having an identity crisis which might cause her to try and beat you in any way she can, fair or not, with help or not.

All that said, it might be helpful in future posts to be sure to let us know all things that might bear on the situation and therefore our response.

 

[Anarax]

He's being genuine, have you looked at the whole incident from a detached viewpoint as if you were watching someone else? Are there things you could have said or done differently that would have diffused the situation or do you believe you are totally in the right? Bear in mind before you answer that you believe there's a problem with women in martial arts, that there's a problem with the way they are treated and the way they train which is not substantiated by anyone else's experience in martial arts.

I have looked at it from another point of view. I'm not ashamed nor regret how I handled the situation. I don't ask my partner to lighten up if they wish to go hard, being pressured is a part of sparring. It's good to learn how to deal with different energies and tempos as well. However; I didn't feel tremendous pride over what occurred, I feel indifferent about the whole experience. In sparring it's great when both people can walk away having learned something. I know I didn't learn anything, but maybe she did.

I shouldn't have said that "most" places take it easy on women. However; I've witnessed this numerous times with multiple students and multiple schools. I can understand if other people haven't witnessed this, and I'm glad not all schools have this problem. It is still a problem that occurs though, and as MAs we should strive to improve it. When I started MA I would hold back on a female students foolishly thinking I was doing them a favor. Who was I really helping though? That doesn't mean that I want to blast women as hard as I can, but treat them as I would a male student of the same rank. It's disrespectful to them and their training to treat them as less. I want to clarify that isn't the women's fault nor should they be blamed. However; it's how the instructors, students and schools don't provide them with the training that they provide the male MAs. I have spoken to other instructors and students about this problem, some have seen the same thing. I am not alone in witnessing this probelm

 

[Anarax]

Sorry if I came across as being genuine in a condescending way . But I really think we can overcome people's lack of MA knowledge by a different approach than "You give 75%, I've got 85% waiting for you."

But it looks like you did and if she reacted that way, let your instructor know (if you haven't already), and have as little to do with her as possible. I mean totally avoid if possible. She sounds like she is having an identity crisis which might cause her to try and beat you in any way she can, fair or not, with help or not.

All that said, it might be helpful in future posts to be sure to let us know all things that might bear on the situation and therefore our response.

Yes, I approached her hoping we as MAs we could help each other learn something new. I'm sure she could have shared something with me that I could improve on as well. Unfortunately, she wasn't having any of it and wanted nothing to do with me. Yes, I should have shared more about the experience and provide details to paint a more complete picture.

 

[drop bear]

He's being genuine, have you looked at the whole incident from a detached viewpoint as if you were watching someone else? Are there things you could have said or done differently that would have diffused the situation or do you believe you are totally in the right? Bear in mind before you answer that you believe there's a problem with women in martial arts, that there's a problem with the way they are treated and the way they train which is not substantiated by anyone else's experience in martial arts.

No. That is my experience as well. Women tend to power up.

 

[Tez3]

I feel indifferent about the whole experience.

Dare I suggest that's not how you feel because you wouldn't haven't posted about it otherwise.

However; I've witnessed this numerous times with multiple students and multiple schools.

Just how many? How many places have you trained at and why so many? Do you travel a lot or do you just move places because you don't like where you are or feel you should just go somewhere else?

 

[drop bear]

But anyway. If you are better than a girl who is throwing bombs then I would suggest trying to avoid their punches and kicks.

As I have said I have girls that try to take my head off. That is why I have footwork. Move and just patter away.

If it is a guy. I kick his leg to death.

 

[Headhunter]

I have looked at it from another point of view. I'm not ashamed nor regret how I handled the situation. I don't ask my partner to lighten up if they wish to go hard, being pressured is a part of sparring. It's good to learn how to deal with different energies and tempos as well. However; I didn't feel tremendous pride over what occurred, I feel indifferent about the whole experience. In sparring it's great when both people can walk away having learned something. I know I didn't learn anything, but maybe she did.

I shouldn't have said that "most" places take it easy on women. However; I've witnessed this numerous times with multiple students and multiple schools. I can understand if other people haven't witnessed this, and I'm glad not all schools have this problem. It is still a problem that occurs though, and as MAs we should strive to improve it. When I started MA I would hold back on a female students foolishly thinking I was doing them a favor. Who was I really helping though? That doesn't mean that I want to blast women as hard as I can, but treat them as I would a male student of the same rank. It's disrespectful to them and their training to treat them as less. I want to clarify that isn't the women's fault nor should they be blamed. However; it's how the instructors, students and schools don't provide them with the training that they provide the male MAs. I have spoken to other instructors and students about this problem, some have seen the same thing. I am not alone in witnessing this probelm

Well you obviously don't feel Indiferent about it do you

 

[Anarax]

Well you obviously don't feel Indiferent about it do you

It's difficult to tell if you're being condescending or genuine. Either way, indifferent as in not proud nor ashamed over what occurred. Emotionally indifferent, hope that clarifies it.

 

[Anarax]

Dare I suggest that's not how you feel because you wouldn't haven't posted about it otherwise.



Just how many? How many places have you trained at and why so many? Do you travel a lot or do you just move places because you don't like where you are or feel you should just go somewhere else?

As I replied to hh, emotionally indifferent about the situation. I didn't feel proud nor ashamed about the experience. I cross trained for a while so I learned multiple systems at once. I was also fortunate enough to be apart of two groups that would travel to other affiliated gyms and roll or spar with their guys. The places that I trained at also had other programs and classes, thus I got to observe other people training as well. I'm speaking from experience about the problems at MA schools.

 

[Tez3]

As I replied to hh, emotionally indifferent about the situation. I didn't feel proud nor ashamed about the experience. I cross trained for a while so I learned multiple systems at once. I was also fortunate enough to be apart of two groups that would travel to other affiliated gyms and roll or spar with their guys. The places that I trained at also had other programs and classes, thus I got to observe other people training as well. I'm speaking from experience about the problems at MA schools.

Your posts belie your 'emotional indifference'. You may have been to a few places within travelling distance of where you are but you are being told by people from a much wider distance as well as in different countries that what you think to be true actually isn't.

I'm not sure why you think people are being condescending to you, is this a common thing with you? perhaps your interaction with the person in your OP may have been caused by your inability to understand where people are coming from.

 

[Anarax]

I have no emotional feelings towards the woman I sparred nor the situation. I have logical conclusions of her and the situation, but no emotional investment. We traveled to many gyms not just a few, and trained with them. There was a network of gyms that were either affiliates or friends with our instructor. We would travel to gyms that were both close and far away. We would usually hold up in a hotel overnight or travel to multiple gyms on one outing.

I'm sure you can understand the complexities of reading a post vs talking to someone. Tone of voice, body language and overall attitude isn't available to read in a post. Thus, when 1) a new user you don't have any previous experience with uses odd wording, 2) when someone you have experience with has been emotional and disrespectful before. It's reasonable to think they are being condescending when posts are written intentionally or unintentionally condescending.

 

[Anarax]

Your posts belie your 'emotional indifference'. You may have been to a few places within travelling distance of where you are but you are being told by people from a much wider distance as well as in different countries that what you think to be true actually isn't.

I'm not sure why you think people are being condescending to you, is this a common thing with you? perhaps your interaction with the person in your OP may have been caused by your inability to understand where people are coming from.

I forgot to reply to your quote, the above reply was meant for you. I thought the last sentence of your first paragraph was a question, I now realized it's a statement. Scientifically it's much more difficult to prove something doesn't exist, yet it's much easier to prove something does exist. A statement like "that never happens" or "that's impossible" is inaccurate. As I've stated before, I've experienced this problem numerous times, thus that makes it a reality. For someone else to say that I'm wrong or what I believe isn't true is stating an absolute. An absolute they couldn't possibly know, given they haven't stepped foot in every MA school. It would be as inaccurate for me to say this problem is everywhere in every MA school.

 

[jobo]

I forgot to reply to your quote, the above reply was meant for you. I thought the last sentence of your first paragraph was a question, I now realized it's a statement. Scientifically it's much more difficult to prove something doesn't exist, yet it's much easier to prove something does exist. A statement like "that never happens" or "that's impossible" is inaccurate. As I've stated before, I've experienced this problem numerous times, thus that makes it a reality. For someone else to say that I'm wrong or what I believe isn't true is stating an absolute. An absolute they couldn't possibly know, given they haven't stepped foot in every MA school. It would be as inaccurate for me to say this problem is everywhere in every MA school.

take no notice they are just picking on the new guy, they do it a lot.
yes i think women are generaly allowed to get away with things that males would be punished for, i get the same thing not just with women but also wimpy blokes who hand it out but get all indignant if its returned.

we have one very strong woman who punches really very hard if you hit back at even half of that, she has an asthma attack and has to sit the rest of the lesson out

 

[Tez3]

take no notice they are just picking on the new guy, they do it a lot.
yes i think women are generaly allowed to get away with things that males would be punished for, i get the same thing not just with women but also wimpy blokes who hand it out but get all indignant if its returned.

we have one very strong woman who punches really very hard if you hit back at even half of that, she has an asthma attack and has to sit the rest of the lesson out

If asking questions is 'picking on someone' then you must have a very hard life. Does someone asking if you want brown or white bread constitute bullying in your eyes then? I assume you'd like us to censor our questions so that we don't upset you anymore.