Respect

[Kung Fu Wang]

Seems like a lot of people are using respect to mean polite. This coupled with the fact that a lot of folks equate being treated with respect means to be deferred to as an authority or social superior is causing a lot of confusion in this thread.

I'm polite to everyone. I'm cautious as to who I defer to.

Abilities, qualities, and achievements are the key words here.

respect definition - Bing

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re·spect

NOUN

1. a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements:

"the director had a lot of respect for Douglas as an actor"

VERB

1. admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements:
   "she was respected by everyone she worked with"

 

[Hot Lunch]

The default is "don't care".

Which is the definition of contempt. Ouch.

 

[HighKick]

I've heard people say they don't respect another person until they earn that person's respect. I've often felt that's backwards.

I read something today on Facebook and it was both simple and profound to me. I've long felt this way but never heard it expressed so succinctly.

Respect doesn't have to be earned. Respect is the default. Disrespect has to be earned.

In other words, I respect everyone, until and unless they prove themselves unworthy of my respect.

Respect that you give someone is a reflection of you, not them. Certainly a person can be respectable or disrespectable, but they don't own how you react to them; that comes from you.

Showing respect is an integral part of yourself. Until a person shows themselves to be unworthy of respect, how can they deserve your disrespect?

Respect is the default way I was taught to treat everyone. Very engrained in me.
I like the Facebook expression but when I think of 'disrespect' I think of it as a verb, an action. A lack of courtesy. I try very hard to never show a lack of courtesy no matter what the other person is doing. So, I get the 'earned' moniker, but it is in a very binary dimension for me.
But I am a bit of a nerdy 'A' personality, and I have found it to be off-putting to some people at times. Personalities and all.
But I try to never actively show disrespect. Yeah, that get hard sometimes.

 

[silent killer]

I've heard people say they don't respect another person until they earn that person's respect. I've often felt that's backwards.

I read something today on Facebook and it was both simple and profound to me. I've long felt this way but never heard it expressed so succinctly.

Respect doesn't have to be earned. Respect is the default. Disrespect has to be earned.

In other words, I respect everyone, until and unless they prove themselves unworthy of my respect.

Respect that you give someone is a reflection of you, not them. Certainly a person can be respectable or disrespectable, but they don't own how you react to them; that comes from you.

Showing respect is an integral part of yourself. Until a person shows themselves to be unworthy of respect, how can they deserve your disrespect?

you think too much bro .. either i like someone or i don´t.
Really that simple.

 

[Steve]

Seems like a lot of people are using respect to mean polite. This coupled with the fact that a lot of folks equate being treated with respect means to be deferred to as an authority or social superior is causing a lot of confusion in this thread.

I'm polite to everyone. I'm cautious as to who I defer to.


Mark

Agreed.

Boy there are a lot of semantical arguments here.

Maybe we can discuss being pedantic.

Well, it's inherently wonky. Shoot, I can think of at least 5 functional types of respect off the top of my head that are all completely different, and there are probably more. Folks are moving fluidly in and out of these different definitions and it creates confusion. Personally, though, it makes for a good discussion, so I don't mind.

Which is the definition of contempt. Ouch.

Leaning into the pedantry, I'd say it's more the definition of indifference.

Contempt really applies more in the type of respect that is derived from fear (one of the five or so types of respect I mentioned). When your shop teacher told you to respect the band saw or you'd lose a finger, or to wear eye protection or you'd lose an eye... that's respect from fear. Contempt would be the opposite (e.g., not wearing eye protection because you are contemptuous of the risk).

 

[Instructor]

You don't think even wanting to physically assault them for such a minor thing might be the overreaction I was talking about?

Definitely, but emotions and actions are two different things. Has anyone ever said or done something that made you feel small or humiliated you? What did you feel?

 

[Dirty Dog]

Definitely, but emotions and actions are two different things. Has anyone ever said or done something that made you feel small or humiliated you? What did you feel?

Sure, but I can't recall ever wanting to physically assault someone over it. Well, I probably did when I was a little kid, but not since.

 

[Instructor]

Sure, but I can't recall ever wanting to physically assault someone over it. Well, I probably did when I was a little kid, but not since.

Well when I'm as old as you maybe I'll be better LOL....

 

[Dirty Dog]

Well when I'm as old as you maybe I'll be better LOL....

Well, I can't recall any emotions like that since Elementary school, or maybe Junior High. You're older than that, aren't you?

 

[Instructor]

Well, I can't recall any emotions like that since Elementary school, or maybe Junior High. You're older than that, aren't you?

Pushing 50. The saluting situation happened many many years ago. I'll admit the feeling was real though.

 

[Dirty Dog]

Pushing 50. The saluting situation happened many many years ago. I'll admit the feeling was real though.

Do you think such a strong, violent, emotional response to a small issue is a normal or healthy thing for an adult?

That's a serious question. It strikes me as akin to the sort of reactions that lead to some of the road rage incidents you see.

 

[Bujingodai]

I'll admit to punching my computer screen when I did my taxes. Then not only was I out 5500 bucks, but 300 for a screen.

Driving in Toronto everyday, I could easily see how a temper could land you in hot water. So I respect their physical security by not popping them.

 

[Dirty Dog]

I'll admit to punching my computer screen when I did my taxes.

I think tax preparation is intentionally designed to make you nuts.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

Which is the definition of contempt. Ouch.

There are 2 different ways to live.

1. You give and you expect return.
2. You don't give and you don't expect return.

Which way is better?

If you prefer

- 1, when you don't receive return, you will feel bad.
- 2, since you don't expect return, nothing can bother you.

I know I don't belong to the mainstream. When I post, I don't expect people to agree with me. I'm happy if there is just 1 person who agree with me. If I always expect people to agree with me, when there is just 1 person who disagree with me, I may feel bad.

I do believe "don't care" is the best way to deal with our life.

 

[JowGaWolf]

There are 2 different ways to live.

1. You give and you expect return.
2. You don't give and you don't expect return.

I would add a 3rd way to live.
3. You give and you don't expect return.
This is how I live my life. If I expect something in return, then I would either sell or barter in exchange. I don't get mad when people don't hold the door open for me. I appreciate that they show me how they really are even if it's something that's rude or not helpful for me.

My life is full of people from the past thanking me for things that greatly helped them and when they thank me, I can never remember. The reason why is because I helped because I wanted to, and not because I expected them to do something in return.

People who provide public services have a saying. "If you got into this job because you expected a pat on the bat, then you picked the wrong job." For people in this line of work, the joy comes from seeing and knowing that we brought something positive to this world.

I do believe "don't care" is the best way to deal with our life.

I'm not sure if "don't care" is the correct term for what I think you are trying to say. "Don't care" is where humanity's monsters live. When person says that he/she doesn't care what other people say or think, I think most are just saying that they let what other people say or think change how they want to live.

"Not caring" is a dark place where you are most likely find your monster.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

I would add a 3rd way to live.
3. You give and you don't expect return.

I respect those people who joined in the peace corps. For $450 a month (around 1971?), they would go to Africa to help those people and devoted their life into it.

1. Inhale happiness, exhale sadness.
2. Inhale happiness, exhale happiness.
3. Inhale sadness, exhale happiness.

3 is very hard to achieve.

Some people will go to hospital to help cancer patients before they die. I respect those people very much because I know I can't do it.

There is just too much sadness on earth. I don't send out sadness. I also don't want to receive sadness. In order for me to protect myself not receiving sadness from others, my self-protection strategy is "don't care".

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

The reason that you don't cut in line, is it because you respect all those people in line? You don't even know who they are. You don't cut in line because there is a rule in this society that everybody needs to follow. You just do whatever that you suppose to do. It has nothing to do with respect.

 

[JowGaWolf]

The reason that you don't cut in line, is it because you respect all those people in line? You don't even know who they are. You don't cut in line because there is a rule in this society that everybody needs to follow. You just do whatever that you suppose to do. It has nothing to do with respect.

Cut in line creates drama and hostilities because you are taking something from someone else without permission. Example.
1. Excuse me. My I'm with my family is it ok for me to get in line with my family (most people will allow this)
2. Walk up to the line and just get in front of someone who has been waiting in line for 2 hours. Now you have taken something from someone who has stood in line for 2 hours to get it.

#1 isn't so bad because there's a willingness to help someone with a family. I was at Disney World where my family was ahead of me. The people who were near my family saw that we were family and told me I could get in line with my family, I didn't ask to cut in line. They just understood on their own and offered. This was helpful to me, so I said thank you. The amazing thing is that in reality I cut in front of 15 people, and no one became upset because of it.


#2 is basically this. "Why should someone take from me for free, what I had to work for / sacrifice for?

For the most part, I would guess ti's not so much what you do but how you do it. Aborbing saddness is only bad when you don't help. A child who is lost may be sad, But helping that child helps to remove that sadness. Not helping the child could bring a lifetime of sadness and regret, if that child dies because you didn't want saddness. Now you have brought sadness in the world.

It's not that you "don't care" it's just that you haven't learned how to deal with sadness, so you avoid it. Sometimes running away from the things that are hard for us gives us more of that thing that is hard for us.

People who often complain about things are the same people who aren't doing anything to fix it.

 

[Instructor]

Do you think such a strong, violent, emotional response to a small issue is a normal or healthy thing for an adult?

That's a serious question. It strikes me as akin to the sort of reactions that lead to some of the road rage incidents you see.

Healthy, no, normal, perhaps. Humans get angry and sometimes very angry, if they didn't martial arts would have no need to exist. I think what you are getting at is am I healthy? I think the answer is yes, at least now, back then, probably less so, it was a trying time in my life. Which is why we should, if not respect, at least show others courtesy, you never know what that person may be dealing with.

 

[Instructor]

I'll admit to punching my computer screen when I did my taxes. Then not only was I out 5500 bucks, but 300 for a screen.

Driving in Toronto everyday, I could easily see how a temper could land you in hot water. So I respect their physical security by not popping them.

You should see the bill I got last year, I could have bought a fairly nice car, seriously.