Chopping up your post a bit, (hopefully) not to cause misinterpretation, but to fit with my thought flow...
to me anything that is not logically thought about and consciously decided is automatic. Neuroscientists are increasingly finding there are less decisions then we thought , in fact there may be no such thing as free will at all. but thats a different topic.
It would appear to me that the bulk of our 'disagreement' is one of semantics - what you term automatic I view as subconscious decision making.
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Conscious decision making (what shall I have for lunch?) is "free will", subconscious decision making you play no active part in while it's in progress (i.e. past the programming stage).
after reading your entire post maybe i should start by saying in a fight there will be some aspects that are conscious and others that will be sub conscious. just like your switching between a kawasaki and an old triumph or Indian. some aspects like balance are sub conscious. you do not need to think about how to actually balance and ride the motorcycle. while shifting the gears will engage the frontal cortex because of the variation and complexity but you do not need the full attention of the cerebellum to coordinate the action the way a new rider would because of prior experience.
A new rider would be in the programming stage, they're testing actions and reactions on a fairly conscious level. Taking someone with little experience and changing something (swapping the gearshift and brake for instance) disrupts the programming of the subconscious decision making process - those variables aren't stored so trying to swap them about causes confusion and passes back to the conscious.
In my case, instead of having to process "how do I stop?" which is complex, all I have to do is subconsciously decide between "press left foot" or "press right foot", which is simple.
i have experienced my own automated reactions where i without conscious thought, caught a hand that was grabbing at me. to your description there might have been a sub conscious decision to catch and grab the hand rather than punch the person in the face. but what about the timing of the grab, the correct placement of my thumb on their hand, the subtle turn of my body and shifting of my weight in a sub conscious preparation for a wrist throw. these small details are all processed by the procedural memory. these details are not regulated by any decision making process either conscious or subconscious.
I contend there was a decision made, with or without your conscious intervention.
A hand was grabbing at you - your brain made the decision to catch it. It could have diverted it instead, but your programming made a catch have the higher probability of ongoing success.
This is situational too - when I'm sparring someone throws a punch and I'll usually try to divert it, so the decision was taken to time my response to go behind their glove and act on their forearm.
It has happened where I've been in "sparring mode" but between rounds and someone threw a glove - the decision was taken without my intervention to catch instead of block/divert. I didn't consciously register there wasn't a person attached to that glove until it was in my hands. If it was truly automatic with no processing of surrounding information variables why didn't I try to divert it? After all, it was glove shaped and heading toward me...
the OP mentioned different ways of kicking that as i read it seemed to me as different mechanics. one where the body counter balances and an other where the weight goes into the kick. do you get to decide which one you use? let go from macro to micro level.. do you get to decide your emotional reaction to an attack? do you decide on where the weight is distributed on your supporting foot? the angle of tilt in your hips?
The first few times you're in the situation you have to fairly consciously decide what your response is.
You don't get to decide the emotional aspect because that's been getting programmed (and preinstall information modified) since birth.
However, once you've started "getting used to it" the list of possible responses shrinks as you progress. You programme what works and discard (or lower priority of) what doesn't.
There's still a decision to be made though - do you block and counter/divert and move then counter/avoid and continue until your next opportunity? Consciously, you couldn't decide fast enough...
And back to the emotional response - you don't actively decide, but you can modify the programme. You can progressively make that situation trigger less fear (which in itself hinders decisions, including subconscious ones) and allow your subconscious to go with the flow.
***Edit: had a thought - it's like an automatic transmission in a car.
It's not really automatic - it's a series of predetermined decisions based on variables (engine speed, road speed, load).