Panhandlers

[RandomPhantom700]

I hate getting panhandled.

No matter how I deal with it I leave feeling like a chump. If I tell them to go bother someone else, I feel guilty as sin over the possibility that they're telling the truth; if I go ahead and give them the couple of bucks (which is what I almost always end up doing), I feel like an idiot who's been used to buy beer or drugs.

It doesn't happen that often, but whenever it does, I end up in one of those split-second guilt v. realism situations. I usually just give them a few dollars; if they're lying, I'm not losing much, and if they're telling the truth, I've helped someone.

Does this happen much with anyone here, and if so how do you deal with it?

P.S. I just remembered that I started a thread a long-time back about another instance, but since I've already typed all this out, and the other one's fairly old, I'll go ahead and post.

 

[raedyn]

Here's an idea of how to deal with this.

If they say they need 2 bucks for a cup of coffee, walk with them over to the nearest coffee shop and buy them a cup of coffee. Or a sandwich or whatever it is they need (within budgetary reason). This way you know your money is going where you feel good about it going. It's a very human awy to do it.

Personally, I've never done this but I think it's a great idea and I know my father does it sometimes.

 

[Feisty Mouse]

I usually feel pretty awful if I don't give something - but I don't often give, because I don't want to stand on the street, esp. in the evening, scrounging through my purse and wallet. If I have a few bucks in my pocket and it's easy to get to, sure.

Once I saw a guy with a sign, looking for $$ for a ride out of town - I was with friends who were going into a sandwich shop, so I asked if he wanted something to eat, and bought him a sandwich. That made me feel the best - because I knew it was important. Not that someone who wants the money for alcohol doesn't think it is important... but I'm much happier to know I'm helping to feed someone or get them warm clothes, rather than who knows what.

Maybe I'm too much of a control freak, though. I think some of the best part about giving is just in the giving itself.

 

[MA-Caver]

Mark 14:7 For ye have the poor with you always, and whensoever ye will ye may do them good: but me ye have not always.

For as long as there are those who do not distribute their (extreme) wealth among those who are in need, because (IMO) they've no need of such mass wealth, there will be many of us in the middle who have to share the burden according to the concious of our hearts.
I too see the poor in my city and have at times been among them and wondered why I am not helped as I could be. But often times I am, by friends and family.

Many of these so-called pan handlers are those who do not want to work. Or are willing to work to cover immediate needs. We really cannot judge them or despise them.

It's hard to tell who's conning you and who isn't. But give according to your abilities and sacrifice and have a good feeling in your heart and don't worry about them. If you have the means then provide them with a day's work. Raise them a bit of dignity if you can by letting them earn what you give.

My words are as old and familiar because we've been taught this by the Master over and over again.

 

[Adept]

Well, I have kind of a reputation for being a mean, cold, hard, SOB. Without being rude, I refuse to give anyone any money or anything else, ever. And I feel not a jot of guilt.

 

[Ping898]

Truthfully pan handlers make me uncomfortable, especially the ones who come up to you as your walking or when you are in your car, I feel like they are invading my personal space and I don't like that.
I don't often carry cash, so don't give away what little I have, but I do try and support the charities and soup kitchens that cater to the food and clothing needs people on the street. I'd rather do that cause then I don't feel like I am getting conned. Admittedly not everyone will go to these places, but hopefully it does some good....

 

[shesulsa]

I tell a little white lie and say I purchase everything with my debit card and offer them food, blanket, jacket, to buy them a hot meal, etc.

It's often they are carrying a gas can saying they need gas for their car. In this case, I've offered to buy them a gallon of gas (with my handy-dandy debit card, of course) and I have never once had any of them take me up on it.

I also happen to know exactly where the YMCA, YWCA, free clinic and Salvation Army are and can direct anyone to those locations so they may sleep for a few hours or get some job training, etc.

I truly don't have much to give away - I truly budget to the penny and I make the two I currently have in my purse rub together until sparks fly. But I do have growing children who outgrow and outuse clothing and toys all the time and I always have something like that in my car to take to Goodwill on my errands, so I gladly offer that.

I try to keep crackers and canned food or water in the car so they can have that.

But the fact remains that the homeless need to wash their clothes, collect money to buy more food or obtain housing, collect money to renew their ID card or driver's license, etcetera.

 

[Oak Bo]

I dont feel bad for them. We all have to work, why can't they?
And I dont feel bad when I tell them to go away a bother someone else. Why would I!? That's silly.

 

[shesulsa]

I dont feel bad for them. We all have to work, why can't they?

With all due respect, many of them made stupid choices, were abused and ran away, lost everything and have no one to turn to and once one's appearance begins to wane, it is increasingly difficult to get a job. Can you honestly say that if one of the people you don't feel bad for applied for a job at your place of business with no skills, no training, no high school diploma, no address, no identification but had a willing-to-learn and can-do attitude, would you hire him or her despite the smell and filth of their clothing?

Um, I really hope you're being sarcastic, cuz that's hard to read in this format. You are, aren't you?

 

[Ping898]

With all due respect, many of them made stupid choices, were abused and ran away, lost everything and have no one to turn to and once one's appearance begins to wane, it is increasingly difficult to get a job. Can you honestly say that if one of the people you don't feel bad for applied for a job at your place of business with no skills, no training, no high school diploma, no address, no identification but had a willing-to-learn and can-do attitude, would you hire him or her despite the smell and filth of their clothing?

One of the biggest problems is even if they are able to clean themselves up they also have no phone number. Few people hire someone the second they come into an interview no matter how good the person is. There is this great program in NY I think, where for like $4 a month a homeless person can get voicemail/ phone number to use for employers. I read a few stories about some of the people it helped. Problem is the homeless are everywhere and some of the programs that can provide a few extras that might be needed to land a job or housing aren't everywhere.....

 

[Sarah]

I didn’t know what a Pan Handler was until reading this.....

Don’t get it in NZ, I know there are homeless around, I personally have not seen any!

But we do have 'window washers' that will wash your car windscreen when you stop at the lights, some of them can be a bit annoying........had one a few weeks back was soooo funny, I shook my head and said no, but he came up to my window and said..."here's the thing ma'am...me and the other window washers have just come out of a team building meeting (via the internet), we were told if there is a car with a lady that resemble a Miss New Zealand we have to wash their windscreen for free"

I think I gave him about $10 in change, just because he made me laugh!

 

[Oak Bo]

With all due respect, many of them made stupid choices, were abused and ran away, lost everything and have no one to turn to and once one's appearance begins to wane, it is increasingly difficult to get a job. Can you honestly say that if one of the people you don't feel bad for applied for a job at your place of business with no skills, no training, no high school diploma, no address, no identification but had a willing-to-learn and can-do attitude, would you hire him or her despite the smell and filth of their clothing?

Um, I really hope you're being sarcastic, cuz that's hard to read in this format. You are, aren't you?

No, I dont feel sorry for them and wont. I bust my butt to make a living, if I can do it, so can they. So they made some bad choices, we all have. If you want it bad enough you do what it takes . Too many whiners and complainers in society today. A lot of People in America are turning soft, and lazy I see it every day, and it's really sad.

People need to step up and take responsibility for themselves and their actions instead of all this other crap that we see day in and day out.

 

[Nightingale]

I used to carry around nutra-grain bars in my brief case. I'd hand them to people who asked me for money. It was easy to tell the needy ones... they were the ones who kept asking me whenever I walked by, even after they knew they'd only get a granola bar.

 

[shesulsa]

No, I dont feel sorry for them and wont. I bust my butt to make a living, if I can do it, so can they. So they made some bad choices, we all have. If you want it bad enough you do what it takes . Too many whiners and complainers in society today. A lot of People in America are turning soft, and lazy I see it every day, and it's really sad.

People need to step up and take responsibility for themselves and their actions instead of all this other crap that we see day in and day out.

I happen to know what it's like to be 5 dollars away from homeless and I assure you it had absolutely nothing to do with my being lazy. It had much much more to do with my ex-husband's laziness.

Though I agree that we live in the victim generation, your post leans towards callousness and I have a hard time believing that you really think that gumption is the sole answer to homelessness and poverty in the United States.

 

[shesulsa]

Can you honestly say that if one of the people you don't feel bad for applied for a job at your place of business with no skills, no training, no high school diploma, no address, no identification but had a willing-to-learn and can-do attitude, would you hire him or her despite the smell and filth of their clothing?

By the way, could you address my question, please?

 

[Zepp]

If I have some loose change in my pocket that I don't need, I usually just toss it to them. I figure, so what if they put it toward buying booze or drugs? If I were homeless, that's probably what I'd spend it on.

If I don't have anything that I'm willing to part with, I politely tell them so. At worst, they wish me a nice day. At best, they thank me for being more polite than the last person they asked, and then wish me a nice day. I'm still trying to make my way in the world, so I don't feel especially guilty for not giving them anything.

In the past, when I lived in a slightly different area, we would put bags of our recyclables outside our apartment for the homeless and poor immigrant families to come pick up. (There was no recycling program available in this area.) That way, some needy person hauls away our garbage in a way that helps the environment, and someone else pays them for it. Works for me.

 

[sifu Adams]

I have on vary little and know it isnot easy. however I done what I could to get out of it and now hold a 4 year degree and work as a supervisor for general Motors. the way I handle it. I will give to the ones who are singing, dancing, playing a drum, ect. they may not be good at it, but they are trying. they are doing something to earn the money. that is worth giving a few dollers to. I they are laying their asleep. sorry.

 

[MA-Caver]

If I have some loose change in my pocket that I don't need, I usually just toss it to them. I figure, so what if they put it toward buying booze or drugs? If I were homeless, that's probably what I'd spend it on.

If I don't have anything that I'm willing to part with, I politely tell them so. At worst, they wish me a nice day. At best, they thank me for being more polite than the last person they asked, and then wish me a nice day. I'm still trying to make my way in the world, so I don't feel especially guilty for not giving them anything.

In the past, when I lived in a slightly different area, we would put bags of our recyclables outside our apartment for the homeless and poor immigrant families to come pick up. (There was no recycling program available in this area.) That way, some needy person hauls away our garbage in a way that helps the environment, and someone else pays them for it. Works for me.

At least you got a good attitude even if you're unable to help out with money. Just taking a couple of minutes (or even less) to chat them up at least reminds them that they are human beings and are still worth talking to.
Yes, you might hit the wrong one who'll pester you to no end til you give or happen to catch one who's having a real bad day... but then you are studying MA right?
Point is that we are all put here to help one another as best as we can. A simple thought or kind word goes a long way. I usually think about if I know where the next couple of bucks are going to go (a soda or something like that) then hey, I can squeeze a crowbar into my wallet and give a buck or two that'll cost me that soda.
You're also right... so what if they're going to buy booze or drugs with it... better than them committing a crime to acquire it eh?
Unless you've been down there yourself and have had to literally claw your way back up to being human again... I wouldn't despise these people. Some are truly trying. I ought to know.. been there done that.

:asian:

 

[Cruentus]

I am often ashamed at the insensitivity of humankind when these sorts of discussions come up. No one WANTS to be homeless. If someone is homeless, they got there because they drew a short straw...period. An upper middle class or wealthy kid can ****-up all through high school and manage to get by enough to ****-up at schools like MI State or Western MI (no offense to those who go there and who work hard) and manage to get by enough to ****-up a few first time jobs before daddy feels they're "ready" to get a Kush job at his company where they can work for 60K a year starting at 35 hours a week, with no bills because mommy bought his first starter home, etc. etc. etc.

Or perhaps a wealthy kid can grow up a C student to be a coke and alcahol addict, bankrupt and fail a few businesses that daddy sets up for him, yet still become president of the United States.

I think you get the idea. Some can ****-up all they want, and someone will pick them up after they fall, again and again. Others have the cards stacked against them from the start, and can't afford to ****-up at all. Some kids grow up parentless or with abusive parents in poor communities with very little choices. What about them? What about the woman with the abusive husband who flee's with no where to go? What about someone who loses their job, can't make rent, gets evicted, etc., etc. How come someone like GW Bush or Ted Kennedy (to be politically unbiased) can get a DUI or two, yet still be employed and still be able to drive, when if the lower income person gets the DUI, they bankrupt themselves on court fee's too often lose their license and spend a few weeks in jail? Without a license and without being able to come to work for a few weeks, joe shmo becomes quickly unemployed, can't drive to get another job, loses the apartment, etc., etc.

I could go on with real examples that I have personally seen where people who already have the cards stacked against them ****-up once and it leads to a downward spiral that they are unable to turn around. I agree that most homeless did something wrong to aid them getting there, but don't think that they didn't have the cards stacked against them to begin with. So please do me the small favor to NOT have the nerve to give some ******** line about pulling yourself up from your bootstraps during this season of giving (and of elevated unemployment rates and poor economy) while you sit in your cozy chair with your latte' clicking away on your dell discussing how lazy the poor is.

Now, the unfortunate thing is that giving the homeless a dollar or two when they ask may seem like the right thing to do, but it usually doesn't really help them or the situation in the long run. Plus, you could be putting yourself in a terrible self-defense situation depending on the circumstance and who you are and who they are. So this is how I usually handle things:

#1. I generally don't give money to pan-handlers. If they just ask for money with no explination, I don't. I try to donate money and goods to charities for the disadvantaged every year where I know that my money will be used to truely combat the problem, rather then being used to fullfill a short-term need that doesn't really help the problem in the long run.

#2. There are some people who have an explaination as to why they need something from you. These are either 1. people truely in need, or 2. total scammers. Most, I think, are total scammers. But some aren't. How do you weed them out? Total scammers want your money rather then your help, where as people truely in need will gladly take your help. So, I become overly generous with my help rather then my money.

Example: I was at a gas station when a man asked me for a few dollars to fill his tank of gas. I asked him why...or what happened to him that he would be in this bind. He had told me that his house was wiped out by a tornado (which had hit the day before as I knew) and that he and his family were on their way to his sisters about 4 hours away. They had no money and they had lost everything, basically, so they were going to stay with her. I looked over and saw the beat up old car hap-hazardly packed tight with some salvaged belongings, and a wife and a kid in the car. I asked what they needed to get to his sisters safely. He said he needed a full tank and maybe a few bucks for some food because they hadn't eaten today. He said that whatever I could give was fine, and that he would try to pay me back somehow...offered to exchange addresses or something like that. So, I paid the clerk and gave the man a full tank of gas. He was overjoyed and greatful and wanted to mail me the money back, and told him I wouldn't except him paying me back. I then gave him some money for food, and told him Merry Christmas.

In that example, I weighed the situation carefully, I saw he was in need and that he would have been having to go to elaborate measures to scam me out of a few bucks if he was scamming me. It was clear to me that he wasn't, and I was glad to have been able to help.

In a similar situation, I had a guy approach me at a Sandwhich joint outside. He said his car ran out of gas and that he needed to get home. I asked if he wanted me to call someone on my phone to get help; he said no with some elaborate reason, but basically he only wanted money. So, I asked where his car was parked, and he said the gas station down the street. With that I offered to meet him over there so that I could fill his tank for him. He eventually ended up walking away empty handed and pissed.

In that example, he clearly was a panhandler who was trying to scam me out of a few dollars rather then someone who was in a bind. Sure, he probably was in need or he wouldn't have been pan-handling, but I would rather give money to a charity where I can be sure it'll be a help; and I especially won't give money to someone trying to scam me.

So, that is how I handle the rare circumstances when someone has a story to tell. I offer generousity and help rather then a dollar.

Try it sometime. Buy a guy a sandwhich if he says he needs money for food once and a while if you can afford to, or offer someone help if it won't scew up your schedule too badly. Your life will be that much more enriched by it, I gaurantee.

#3. Just a side note....if you are at risk, do not even entertain panhandlers. It's just bad self-defense. I am armed all the time and ready when a stranger approaches; plus I am a fairly large male who is less likely to be victimized. I make sure the cards are stacked in my favor if the **** goes down before I entertain the idea of helping someone out. If you are a woman or a male who is at risk, don't put yourself in a bad spot. Stats. show that 1/3 of all homeless are armed with a blade, and there are a few who might be crazy enough to use it on you. So don't put yourself in a bad spot and get robbed, hurt, or killed for your generousity.

Sorry for the long rant...

Seacrest out..

PJMOD

 

[Adept]

Now, I dont know how things are in the USA, but in Australia we have a very good welfare system. They will give you housing, unemployment benefits, disability pension, basically everything you need to get yourself back on your feet. There is really no excuse for someone to be living on the street and begging. I feel no pity for them. I'm callous, and I'm comfortable with that.