Helping Students Deal With Bullying

[Steve]

Geez Buka, why would you want to get back to the OP's question/comment? Isn't it more fun to watch people in the thread try to bully each other?

An astute observation. This is a good example of what I mean when I say that among adults, bullying is often a matter of perception. I would guess that our resident curmudgeon sees herself as the victim of bullying and not a bully herself. Others might disagree.

To the moderators: This post is not intended to be abusive, overly aggressive, threatening, or to "troll". It is an on-topic observation related directly to the relevant observations of another poster.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Are we talking about kids or adults? I think the answer depends a lot on the distinction

Kids: traits and characteristics that lead to less of a chance of being bullied:

• Kids who are involved with groups and are busy tend to be bullied less. They have a support network of other kids, tend to be more confident and social and are less appealing to bullies.
• Kids who are mild, middle of the road and don't attract much attention to themselves in any way. The old "nail that sticks out" canard. This isn't always within the kid's control.
• Kids who are emotionally intelligent and can intuitively defuse situations.

What else can you guys think of?

With regards to adults, it's similar, but I would just add again that it's a lot about perception. Some employees consider any negative feedback they get to be bullying.

I think a lot is the kids' projected confidence, too. I was clearly a shy and quiet kid, and that leaves an opening for bullying.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Or to help them avoid being a victim. The victim bully is a situation where the victim of bullying is trying to regain some control over the situation. It's not a good way to do it, but for a 10 or 12 year old human being, it might be the only one they can come up with.

In past discussions about bullying, folks have brought up the early scene in the book Ender's Game, where he just destroys the bully. That's an extreme example of what we're talking about. It's interesting because, in the book, it was looked at as a positive trait.

I take it the model is that they figure there will be a bully in the situation, and if they are that bully, they are not the person being bullied. Sound about right?

 

[oftheherd1]

An astute observation. This is a good example of what I mean when I say that among adults, bullying is often a matter of perception. I would guess that our resident curmudgeon sees herself as the victim of bullying and not a bully herself. Others might disagree.

To the moderators: This post is not intended to be abusive, overly aggressive, threatening, or to "troll". It is an on-topic observation related directly to the relevant observations of another poster.

I would just say that no one should assume that I was talking about anyone in particular. I know of one self-admitted curmudgeon at Martial Talk. He is a he, at least he was the last time he mentioned gender. I think (in fact agree) my attitudes and posts often get me considered a curmudgeon, but I'm not admitting it, and people are usually kind enough not to accuse me.

Hmmmm. Maybe I should start a thread where posters can say who they suspect is a curmudgeon, and with enough proof, actually accuse someone. What was the name of that game?

 

[Steve]

I take it the model is that they figure there will be a bully in the situation, and if they are that bully, they are not the person being bullied. Sound about right?

Right. it can also occur contextually, so some kids are bullied at home and, in return, bully others at school.

 

[Steve]

I would just say that no one should assume that I was talking about anyone in particular. I know of one self-admitted curmudgeon at Martial Talk. He is a he, at least he was the last time he mentioned gender. I think (in fact agree) my attitudes and posts often get me considered a curmudgeon, but I'm not admitting it, and people are usually kind enough not to accuse me.

Hmmmm. Maybe I should start a thread where posters can say who they suspect is a curmudgeon, and with enough proof, actually accuse someone. What was the name of that game?

I didn't mean to put words in your mouth. I'm sorry if I did so. I had someone in particular in mind, but only as an example of how I interpreted your post.

Also, it wasn't to say one way or the other that anyone IS a bully. It was to highlight an example of what I meant earlier when I said that for adults, bullying is often a matter of perspective. I hope that's clear.

I think I would enjoy your game.

 

[JowGaWolf]

Getting back to the OP, why is it some people never get bullied?

Tons of reasons why. A child can go to one school and have no problems. They can go to another school and be the center of bullying. Everyone can be bullied. No one is immune to it. Most just stop it before it has a chance to become bullying. I don’t think their is a general reason why people don't get bullied. I get bullied when I play online first person shooters. It doesn't bother me because it's usually a kid being a butt because they know no one can punch them for having too much mouth.

 

[JR 137]

Thank you for another rant, again not political...much. As for who you voted for, NFI. Still you made me laugh. I love that you think I'm 'passive aggressive' I'm not, I'm just aggressive, never been passive in my life.

Still, not one to hold a grudge are you, we have a disagreement on this thread and now you are all over me like a tramp on chips, everything I say elicits a rant, sounds like someone else I know on here. I get that you hated me disagreeing with you earlier, I get that you want your own back because you are angry and riled up but really do we need more political posts? It's got boring.

Tez, sweetie, I hold no grudge against you. Your posts elicited no emotional reaction from me. And I didn’t feel any truly angered emotion from you. This conversation is like the polite and respectful, all the while having opposite opinions, conversation I have with close friends and family.

I’m Armenian. We come off as hostile sometimes when we’re in fact just being genuine and sincere. You’re English, and are supposed to be eccentric (or what was your line?). I’m sure this conversation would be a great one over a few pints. I’m a big porter and pale ale (not IPA) fan.

 

[oftheherd1]

I didn't mean to put words in your mouth. I'm sorry if I did so. I had someone in particular in mind, but only as an example of how I interpreted your post.

Also, it wasn't to say one way or the other that anyone IS a bully. It was to highlight an example of what I meant earlier when I said that for adults, bullying is often a matter of perspective. I hope that's clear.

I think I would enjoy your game.

No problem, I just thought there was just a shade of ambiguity there that some people might have taken wrong. I only wanted to ensure there was no reason for anyone to think that way and maybe chime in on a side that wasn't yours or mine..

 

[drop bear]

This is good.

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1707031749438660

This is also good bouncing method.

This would also mean conversation is sparring. Now who thought of that one?

 

[Gerry Seymour]

This would also mean conversation is sparring. Now who thought of that one?

Conversation CAN BE sparring. You appear to believe all discussions of content must go that way unless everyone is in agreement.

 

[drop bear]

Conversation CAN BE sparring. You appear to believe all discussions of content must go that way unless everyone is in agreement.

If you are testing ideas it generally goes that way.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

If you are testing ideas it generally goes that way.

Only if your point is to win. If I want to learn, then I accept that sometimes my position will change. I don't need to defend my ideas nor attack the others - I need to communicate and understand. Now, if I reach a point where I believe my position is correct and theirs is incorrect (or if I just want to enjoy a lively debate), then we may enter the sparring scenario. Most of the time, though, I don't need to win/lose every point. Sometimes, it's just about learning and sharing, even when there is disagreement. There are points on which @Steve and I have fundamental disagreements. We've discussed them and even done a bit of sparring over them. We seem to each understand the other's points, and still disagree on the premise. Now when they come up, we acknowledge the differences and move on to more useful discussion.

 

[JR 137]

This would also mean conversation is sparring. Now who thought of that one?

The first person who said “verbal Judo” thought of that one

 

[hoshin1600]

its called debate

 

[drop bear]

Only if your point is to win. If I want to learn, then I accept that sometimes my position will change. I don't need to defend my ideas nor attack the others - I need to communicate and understand. Now, if I reach a point where I believe my position is correct and theirs is incorrect (or if I just want to enjoy a lively debate), then we may enter the sparring scenario. Most of the time, though, I don't need to win/lose every point. Sometimes, it's just about learning and sharing, even when there is disagreement. There are points on which @Steve and I have fundamental disagreements. We've discussed them and even done a bit of sparring over them. We seem to each understand the other's points, and still disagree on the premise. Now when they come up, we acknowledge the differences and move on to more useful discussion.

I think it is developing a deeper understanding of how conversation works.

You wouldn't know because you do Aikido.

 

[drop bear]

its called debate

What is the benefit you get by defining terms?

 

[hoshin1600]

What is the benefit you get by defining terms?

Am i annoying? In this instance there is no benefit. It just seemed obvious to me that "conversational sparring" is a debate. Other times my brain is just bored. I'm not trying to be right, I just like the mental exercise.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

I think it is developing a deeper understanding of how conversation works.

You wouldn't know because you do Aikido.

And yet I spar, so I'm not sure what Aikido has to do with the issue at hand.

Conversation is not always about winning. I test ideas often, and let them die on the table, rather than fighting to defend them when they are flawed. Your verbal sparring is often like someone insisting on using a leg sweep, even when their opponent is balanced and has structure against it. That's not testing a technique - it's bludgeoning someone with your leg to little effect.

 

[drop bear]

And yet I spar, so I'm not sure what Aikido has to do with the issue at hand.

Conversation is not always about winning. I test ideas often, and let them die on the table, rather than fighting to defend them when they are flawed. Your verbal sparring is often like someone insisting on using a leg sweep, even when their opponent is balanced and has structure against it. That's not testing a technique - it's bludgeoning someone with your leg to little effect.

Aikido has noting to do with the issue at hand.

I just wanted you to think about how you recognised that fact.