Dealing with a school bully

[donna]

The school my children attend used to be so usless at dealing with bullying, that I had to withdraw one of my sons and homeschool him till we found a position at the local University campus. They accepted him into their adult education class to do the remainder of his high school education.
The situation is radically different at the school now, (ten years later). There are cameras everywhere,and permanent security guards on patrol all the time.
They are managing it with an iron fist, but the school is now more like a prison than a school, right down to the rolls of barbed wire on the perimiter fence!

 

[tellner]

The situation is radically different at the school now, (ten years later). There are cameras everywhere,and permanent security guards on patrol all the time.
They are managing it with an iron fist, but the school is now more like a prison than a school, right down to the rolls of barbed wire on the perimiter fence!

You have to wonder what sort of citizenship the government believes it is preparing the students for with early training like that. It probably doesn't make anyone any safer. But it sure does teach them to keep their heads down, their mouths shut and to shuffle along on the coffle like good prisoners.

 

[Archangel M]

Id tell my kid to defend himself and policy be damned. If my kid got suspended for a true self-defense situation Id give the school hell and then Id take my kid to the movies.

 

[Deaf Smith]

Last Friday, my 13 year old 7th grade son was bullied at school. Several weeks ago he stumbled upon a fist fight in the boys bathroom and reported it to a teacher. Both boys were suspended. On Friday one of the boys that was suspended cornered my son after class and shoved him into the wall - twice - then punched him in the stomach. My son is a red belt and has been in taekwondo for four years. He can break number 2 pine boards with a variety of kicks, stikes and punches. The bully is only about 10 pounds heavier and an inch taller than my son. BUT instead of defending himself and getting suspended, he stood with his arm down and took the hits. The bully was suspended again and my son was praised by the Dean of Schools for his self control. Most kids don't know he's in TKD - incuding the bully - and the Dean did not know, either (she does now).

I'm certain my son could do all sorts of damage to this kid. He told me it took alot of inner strength to not take the kid out. But even if he simply blocks the attack he will be suspended and it will go on his permanent record. I'm looking for suggestions in case this happens again.

You can teach your son how to block with his elbows. Boxers do it alot and I assure you it's very economical as for force and the bully can break his hand real easy on your son's elbow I doubt he would be suspended for just covering up.

As for the school policies, today they are just so stupid. I had fist fights in high school. One kid even tried to use a board on me. I jumped him and plastered him while a teacher looked on! Didn't even get a talking to.

But today, well it's a different. Heck even the electrician shop teacher traded guns with me in the high school parking lot! Try that today!

Deaf

 

[Brad Dunne]

Several years ago, my son came home from school with the complaint of being bullied. Now we had originally gone thru the PC steps on, if this should happen's, what to do. First, inform your teacher. He said he did so. OK, first step taken. Two days later, it happened again. Now he went to the second step, informing the next higher up in the teacher ranks. He did so. Next day, again it happened. This time I told him to defend himself. Next day, I get a call at work from the principle. Your son is being suspended for fighting and it may lead to an expulsion. I said I'll be right down and he informed me that there was no need for me to come. I came anyway and walked straight into his office. He insisted there was no need for me being there and I responded, if you don't want to go to jail, then you better review your situation. Go to jail, are you crazy? he said! I repeated the threat and even asked him to call the police. He said, what are you attempting to prove? I'm not attempting to prove anything, but I am willing to let a court decide the matter. What matter he asked? The matter of child endangerment I replied. How can you justify that? Well for starters, his homeroom teacher was notified and did nothing. His guidance teacher was then notified and again she did nothing. Two of your teachers were notified that physical violence was ongoing and did nothing. I can make a case for child endangerment, if you want to push the issue. Needless to say, the issue was resolved without further conflict and nothing went on my sons record. There's a lot more at stake for someone being bullied than just the threat of a school record. Letting yourself be hit, could result in serious injury. It most likely would not happen, but I wouldn't want my child to become the fluke statistic. The mental side also takes a hit and for some, they may have a very difficult time dealing with the aspect of being a self imposed victim.

We live in very difficult times. Schools with armed guards, metal detectors, cameras and a team of lawyers to stave off litigations. Gang crap and moral decay being almost glorified on the tube and watching the court system being played with merry-go-round music. The country is in the toilet and the politicans hands are on the flusher lever. :toilclaw:

 

[Andy Moynihan]

All be over soon, don't worry.

 

[dleeret]

You have to make this decision with your family, decide on how far you'll go to defend your children and figure what's right for them.

I told my son that he can use the minimum force necessary to defend himself in the future. I also reiterated that I will support him 100% if this is the case. I also let him know that beating the crud out of someone or physical harm such as broken bones are not considered minimum force and that if HE throws the first punch, the school's response will be the least of his worries. I also told him I was very proud of his response.

Thanks for everyone's replies. I'm sure my family will not be the only one that finds this information helpful.

 

[terryl965]

You have to make this decision with your family, decide on how far you'll go to defend your children and figure what's right for them.

I told my son that he can use the minimum force necessary to defend himself in the future. I also reiterated that I will support him 100% if this is the case. I also let him know that beating the crud out of someone or physical harm such as broken bones are not considered minimum force and that if HE throws the first punch, the school's response will be the least of his worries. I also told him I was very proud of his response.

Thanks for everyone's replies. I'm sure my family will not be the only one that finds this information helpful.

Good for you and I hope everything works out for the best.

 

[dleeret]

I still have some concerns here.
Your son knows this kid got in trouble because of him. He got cornered caught etc. Then hit pushed and hit.
First awareness. He needs to know when stuff is going down. Second, I would be worried. If policy over self preservation kicks in when attacked then by gosh at 13 you have created the perfect warrior. Kudos.
My concern is that its sounds good afterwards but truth is he took a beating. He got caught, got scared and got hit. You say, stood there with his hands down. No one in this world is going to punish someone for blocking.
I would hope that in his TKD training there is some basic self defense, If his TKD school does not offer it then find one that does.
Next time he needs to push the defenders mass to the left and or right and kick him in the shin.
Truth be told the principal is probably not a dummy. If he finds the bully in any kind of altercation with him its clearly retrubution and he knows it.

Our school is very self defense oriented. And I'm certain my son knows how to use most of the techniques effectively. He was indeed surprised by the first push. It came right after the bell rang when all the kids were leaving the classroom. But he saw the second push coming and saw the subsequent punch coming. The bully was in way too close and my son told me he "almost" hit the kid with a pushing palm to the jaw. I told him I'm glad he didn't use that strike because it probably would have broken the kids jaw. I suggested that next time he simply strike the kid in the nose. Lots of blood any maybe a broken nose but not nearly as serious as a broken jaw. I'm hoping there is no next time. School ends in 2 weeks and the bully and another problem child are being moved to a different section of the school (the school is broken into "pods" and you only have classes and lunch with others in your pod). These two boys have had trouble with several other students.

 

[shesulsa]

I told my son that he can use the minimum force necessary to defend himself in the future. I also reiterated that I will support him 100% if this is the case. I also let him know that beating the crud out of someone or physical harm such as broken bones are not considered minimum force and that if HE throws the first punch, the school's response will be the least of his worries. I also told him I was very proud of his response.

Thanks for everyone's replies. I'm sure my family will not be the only one that finds this information helpful.

Good for you. And Good for him. Keep us posted if there is another incident as I think this issue touches all of us.

:asian:

 

[Jade Tigress]

I told my son that he can use the minimum force necessary to defend himself in the future. I also reiterated that I will support him 100% if this is the case. I also let him know that beating the crud out of someone or physical harm such as broken bones are not considered minimum force and that if HE throws the first punch, the school's response will be the least of his worries. I also told him I was very proud of his response.

Thanks for everyone's replies. I'm sure my family will not be the only one that finds this information helpful.

Perfect response IMO. :asian:

As Shesula said, please keep us posted if there are further developments. This is obviously a subject that touches many people.

 

[dleeret]

Here's an update on the situation. The bully has been telling students that he and two other boys are going to jump my son. One-on-one is considered a fair fight. Three-on-one and he has no chance. So I called the Dean of Students and left a message requesting an emergency meeting tomorrow. I will make it very clear that these threats are out there and that they have a responsibility to make sure he is not harmed. If he is, the police will be called and a lawsuit will be filed against the district. It has now gone too far. Let me know what else you think I should do.

 

[shesulsa]

Here's an update on the situation. The bully has been telling students that he and two other boys are going to jump my son. One-on-one is considered a fair fight. Three-on-one and he has no chance. So I called the Dean of Students and left a message requesting an emergency meeting tomorrow. I will make it very clear that these threats are out there and that they have a responsibility to make sure he is not harmed. If he is, the police will be called and a lawsuit will be filed against the district. It has now gone too far. Let me know what else you think I should do.

I think this is an excellent pre-emptive action. *If this were my son* I would also notify the principal that your son will defend himself as necessary and that you expect for him to treated fairly.

But again - THIS IS WHAT I WOULD DO. I would practice multiple-attacker approaches with him and encourage him to use the buddy system as much as possible, be smart about the paths he walks at school.

I would also take him to the office to file a report there. Where did you and/or he get this information? He needs to be forthwith about this and name names as to who told him this or how he found out.

 

[shesulsa]

I should also say I am prepared to take legal action as necessary if this problem arises for my youngest. Remember to do what's right FOR YOU and ... perhaps ... speak to an attorney.

 

[dleeret]

I was reading through his text messages (yes I do this and have no moral issues with it what so ever) and saw a message from a friend of his saying that he heard Mike and friends (Mike is not his real name) were going to jump my son. After a few back and forths between my son and his friend I was able to get all three names. I will be showing this to the Dean of Students tomorrow.

Would you suggest calling the parents of the three boys letting them know that charges will be filed if they attack my son?

 

[tellner]

Threatening someone with violence is itself a crime.
A threat of violence by several people is the threat of deadly force.
Planning to commit a violent crime is conspiracy which is itself a crime.

You might want to consider talking to the police and getting a report on file. It won't prevent an attack, but it will leave a paper trail. If they don't come after him nobody has been hurt. If they do, your son is in real danger of being seriously hurt, crippled or killed and will need that paper trail when he has to defend himself against the threat of a potentially deadly assault.

 

[shesulsa]

Threatening someone with violence is itself a crime.
A threat of violence by several people is the threat of deadly force.
Planning to commit a violent crime is conspiracy which is itself a crime.

You might want to consider talking to the police and getting a report on file. It won't prevent an attack, but it will leave a paper trail. If they don't come after him nobody has been hurt. If they do, your son is in real danger of being seriously hurt, crippled or killed and will need that paper trail when he has to defend himself against the threat of a potentially deadly assault.

ABSOLUTELY!

 

[Kacey]

I was reading through his text messages (yes I do this and have no moral issues with it what so ever) and saw a message from a friend of his saying that he heard Mike and friends (Mike is not his real name) were going to jump my son. After a few back and forths between my son and his friend I was able to get all three names. I will be showing this to the Dean of Students tomorrow.

Good! Please let us know how it goes. You need to call the police as well; while I know from the school where I teach that parents frequently contact the school about such things, the school has limited (if any) jurisdiction over events that occur off school property.

Would you suggest calling the parents of the three boys letting them know that charges will be filed if they attack my son?

Honestly, I would let the police take care of it. While it might seem that warning them would be the polite thing to do, it would give them time to justify their sons' actions (how, I'm not sure... but I've seen it done too many times) and also to attempt to create events that caused their sons to feel threatened to the point that they felt they needed to attack your son in a preemptive fashion. Remember that if their sons feel that this is an appropriate action, then at some point they must have either learned this at home, or learned it would be condoned. Either way, you're not likely to get the response you would hope for.

 

[MBuzzy]

Would you suggest calling the parents of the three boys letting them know that charges will be filed if they attack my son?

I'd be careful with this. If you're going to do it, be as nonconfrontational and amiable as possible. In fact, I'm not sure that I'd threaten any kind of action at this point, maybe just warn them as neutrally as possible that this is going on and that they may want to deal with it.

 

[jks9199]

Threatening someone with violence is itself a crime.
A threat of violence by several people is the threat of deadly force.
Planning to commit a violent crime is conspiracy which is itself a crime.

You might want to consider talking to the police and getting a report on file. It won't prevent an attack, but it will leave a paper trail. If they don't come after him nobody has been hurt. If they do, your son is in real danger of being seriously hurt, crippled or killed and will need that paper trail when he has to defend himself against the threat of a potentially deadly assault.

I'd move that from "may want to" to "ought to."

File the police report. And tell the school you've done so. They won't want you to, and they'll try to talk you out of it, but you're looking at a history of violence against your son, and now they're ganging up on him. It's even possible, depending on where you live (and suburbia is DEFINITELY included in this, not just the inner city) that gang activity is involved. We do see gangs actively recruiting in elementary and junior high schools in my area.