Okay,the areas that we agree at imho trump the areas where we disagree.Back to the OP.
Today I was coming back home and saw about a half dozen late teen-very early twentysomethings engaging in what we in the hood call "slap boxing"...with about a dozen pretty girls as onlookers and a sprinkling of middle aged men with cans of beer in hand looking on. One rather large brutha--about 6'5",250-260--was asserting his dominance over another slightly shorter and smaller brutha--about 6'3",230--by doing what amounted to a less skillful impression of Kimbo Slice back in his backyard streetfighting days. As I bypassed these worthies--and received greetings from the girls and older men--one of the young bulls NOT slap boxing at the time called out:
"Betcha can't **** with karate cuz!" This assertion was met with a chorus of good-natured laughter from all,including me,as I slightly quickened my pace to the security gate that regulated entry to my apartment complex."What?" Kimbo Slice 0.5 half-seriously challenged."I whoop Bruce Leroy's ***!" And he came toward me,fists up in a boxer's crouch,shoulders hunched slightly. But I was definitely going to beat him into the apartment complex,as I was closer to the gate by a good dozen yards and I already had my key in hand...
...a few young teens already inside my apartment complex read the situation and playfully leaped to the security gate to hold it shut so I couldn't enter...thus ensuring that I would be there when Kimbo Slice 0.5 got to me.
"Come own,Bruce Leroy," Kimbo Slice 0.5 said to me from a distance of about a dozen paces."Lessee whatcha got." This challenge caught the attention of everybody within a 100 meters...about 40-50 witnesses entering and exiting their cars,as well as the denizens of my apartment complex within earshot.
"Naaahhh man..." I tried to aver. Boo's and sounds of disappointment from the crowd.
One of the older gentlemen looked at his peers and said:"I'd leave that young man [gestured at me with his beer can] alone,if I was him [gestured at Kimbo Slice 0.5]."
"Come owwnnn man! Just a lil street fun." Kimbo 0.5 encouraged.Then he broke out with an AMAZINGLY ACCURATE imitation of Sho'Nuff from the iconic martial arts movie lampoon of the 80's called THE LAST DRAGON,mishmashing Sho'Nuff's more famous lines into a single delivery."See! It's skinny little lizards like YOU...who think they da LAASST DRAGON...that gives kung-fu a bad name! You catchin bullets...with his teeth? ***** PLEASE!! I got somethin REEEALL for you in THESE hands! *****...KISS MY CONVERS!"
I turned to face him,and he flicked a playful jab at me.I didn't move because the jab was short of its mark.The crowd oooo'd and that egged him on,so the next jab and cross came to make contact,but he was still feeling me out.I slipped both shots without raising my hands."OH! That ***** didn't even raise his hands!" somebody commented."Yeah!" some other heckler jumped in."He didn't move like:'*****,please! I'm a ninja master!'" The crowd inside and outside of the apartment complex laughed,and now Kimbo Slice 0.5's rep was on the line.
"Man look,I have other things to do--" I tried to aver. "BOOO!" went the crowd,drowning me out.I looked to see how close the next gate was to me,but Kimbo Slice 0.5 was between me and the next gate allowing me entrance into the apartment complex,and there were other teens there crowding about to get a look at the excitement. I briefly considered explosively scaling the 12 foot gate at my back that the kids were holding shut but both Kimbo and the teens would have time to react prior to me touching the ground on the other side of the gate.
The roof,however,was merely 6 feet or so from the top of the gate.Hmmm.As I considered the distance from gate top to rooftop with my peripheral vision,3 things happened simultaneously:
1) The Old Man said:"Big man done bit off more than he can chew."
2) My oldest daughter--I call her SUPER STAR--descended the stairs from our apartment,and using my peripheral vision I saw her start at seeing me in this "predicament".
3) Kimbo Slice 0.5 came at me more seriously this time,1-2,1-2,attempted tackle.
I slipped each attack and did a dive roll (cell phone,wallet,keys,shoulder bag and all) UNDER his sloppy semi-Greco Roman+football tackle waist clinch attempt.The visual effect was that I arrowed under his arms in the exact opposite direction that he was going,and he kept charging forward punching and grabbing air as he'd gathered too much momentum to halt his movement.He slowed and used his palms to stop himself from slamming into the opposite wall--not even ten paces across from where I now stood having smoothly come up from my shoulder roll.
"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!" "DAAAAAYAAAAMN!" "THAT **** WAS TIIITE!"thrilled the crowd.
He turned to face me--a bit more wary but definitely more determined to put in work on me now--and I met him with a clash and a flurry of kicks in the center of the small walkway. I entered with a feint lead left leg side kick--which brought his hands down--that I took advantage of with my variant of Kenpo's Alternating Maces (top speed but a quarter power shots,so they had brisk impact but weren't truly painful or debilitating) which I followed with the jumping right whipping heel hook to his cheek-midair turn-airborne back kick to his belly.
Looked like the first part of this video with the feint:
flowing smoothly into:
morphing into the jumping variant of this:
and finally this kick while still midair:
The superfast left back kick to the body landed flush.The lightning fast jump right whip heel hook kick which I snapped at him I halted with zero impact upon his cheek,I retracted before his startled hands could grasp my leg,torquing midair into my left body kick (purposefully fired into his belly with about a quarter power just as he raised both hands to his left cheek) which drove him stumbling backwards.
"OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" gasped the crowd.
As the crowd was momentarily agog from my TKD and KENPO display,I flashed to the gate and scaled it rapidly.The teens in question braced the gate--misreading my intention--and kinda shook it in an attempt to dislodge me on the other side so that I'd be forced to conclude the "contest" with Kimbo Slice 0.5,but instead of dropping onto their side of the gate,I sprang directly to the rooftop some six feet away.
"OOOOOO!!! THAT ***** ON SOME FREERUNNING NINJA ****!" said the crowd.
I scampered across the roof and dropped swiftly to the second story walkway ringing the apartments.A hop,skip,a "hi sweetie Daddy loves you" to my oldest daughter,and a jump? And I'm inside the apartment telling you guys what happened. Thee end.