eHarmony: Anyone Ever Use It?

[jks9199]

I wonder why it is that whenever people try to meet members of the opposite sex and to establish a relationship with them they are often left feeling like they are either trying to compete for a job or going to war.

Because that's how you're going about it. Try looking for someone you simply would enjoy spending time with, whether they were male or female.

And being someone that people would want to spend time with.

I've never figured it out, but that is how I often end up feeling as I myself can just never seem to meet any real quality women either online or offline.

Stop treating it as some game or some hunt, and simply do things that interest you with other people. By definition, they'll be interested in the same thing... and you just might be amazed at what happens if you're simply yourself.

Without giving someone you don't hardly know nearly a thousand bucks.

I'm not saying that to be mean, but from what I have seen a lot of people out in the world seem to run on things like fear and greed and trying to overcome any of that seems almost impossible because if you don't look or act certain way then they can and will cut you down and try to make you feel as though you are the worst person on this earth.

The only reason that I can think of as to why people tend to do that outside of fear and greed is ego and while I have not been able to prove it as of yet I am strongly thinking that many of the ideas that we get relating to love, romance, and sex basically comes from the media and the way we tend to view one another in society due to the way that we were taught and due to peer pressure as well.

These are just what I think might be some of the causes, but I may be wrong. All I know is that I am asking myself as to what I can change about myself so that I am not only more successfull financially, but in all areas of my life.

Once again, I'll note that there is EXACTLY one thing in common with all of the complaints you're making. When you change that... you'll probably find the rest changes too.

For what it's worth... My wife and I actually met online. Neither of us were looking for romance that way; we simply were participating in message boards that interested us. One thing led to another, we met in real life, and a few years later got married.

 

[rdonovan1]

I found that Eharmony was obnoxious, and you had to go thru a whole bunch of rigamaroll before you could even talk to anyone it matched you with... assuming you wanted to in the first place, since they dont let you select a lot of traits that may be important to you like Prior Marital Status, Kids, Body Type, etc... and even in the catagory of Age, it only gives you a very narrow range of ages to choose from.

FWIW, I met my current Girlfriend online, on OKCupid, which is free. Plus there is plenty to do on there other than just meet dates, so its like a Dating Social Network site. Its a good place to just post who you are, blog, take quizzes, answer questions, chat, forum, be yourself, and make some friends and do some dating. I had more dates in 3 months on there than I did in 12 months on Match.com... and I paid for match.

I know what you mean about eHarmony. I was once matched with one girl that was supposed to have been from the L.A. area and in her profile she was complaining as to how men only saw her as 'sex on legs' and that is how she quoted it.

I thought that she might actually be down to earth and would talk to me, but instead of her talking to me she closed things out halfway through the question and answer process.

My former sister in law said that she tried it as well, and that she never really met anyone on there that was really worth anything. One guy that she supposedly talked to supposedly went on and on about his possesions and that according to her was about it.

I've also had a friend that thought that he was a regular Casanova and he supposedly was pretty good or at least according to him when it came to picking up women, but he said that when he lived in the L.A. area he had a hard time getting any of the girls there to give him even the time of day because they were so stuck on themselve's.

He is not the only one that has noticed that as some of the seduction and attraction experts that have lived in that area said they noticed the same thing and I personally have noticed it myself as well both online and offline.

I'm not putting down any of the ladies that are on this forum at all so I hope that they will understand that nothing I say is personal to any of them at all. One thing that I and a lot of other guys have noticed is that the better looking a woman is the more often she tends to act like a snob.

From what I have studied both from the seduction and attraction experts and from my own reading as well as what I have experienced personally as well many women like that tend to develop defense strategies because more often than not they are often hit on by guys that they really don't want much to do with. There is a name for it, but I can't say it in public here because it would be considered offensive, but from what I have studied relating to men and women both genders tend to have developed different ways of how they approach the whole dating, mating, and relating game.

I use that word because it is a game in that both men and women both want basically the same things, but have different strategies for getting there.

While men basically tend to think about sex all of the time, women on the other hand tend to think more about romance and from what I have learned about the whole dating, mating and relationship game women more often than not do not get the romance that they desperately seek from men and that is why romance novels are so popular with women.

 

[rdonovan1]

I found that Eharmony was obnoxious, and you had to go thru a whole bunch of rigamaroll before you could even talk to anyone it matched you with... assuming you wanted to in the first place, since they dont let you select a lot of traits that may be important to you like Prior Marital Status, Kids, Body Type, etc... and even in the catagory of Age, it only gives you a very narrow range of ages to choose from.

FWIW, I met my current Girlfriend online, on OKCupid, which is free. Plus there is plenty to do on there other than just meet dates, so its like a Dating Social Network site. Its a good place to just post who you are, blog, take quizzes, answer questions, chat, forum, be yourself, and make some friends and do some dating. I had more dates in 3 months on there than I did in 12 months on Match.com... and I paid for match.

Is that OKCupid website any good? I am just curious because I have never heard of them before or tried them before.

 

[rdonovan1]

As part of my membership with eHarmony I received a free book from the founder of eHarmony and in the book that he wrote he stated that no matter how good you think your people and interpersonal skills are there is always room for improvement and I personally believe that to be true and that is why I am constantly trying to improve not only my overall interpersonal skills, but also my understanding of both myself and others while at the same time constantly working on trying to improve my overall technical skills as well.

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

I am married so I don't need eHarmony. However I know of two people who used it they were friends before they used eHarmony and eHarmony said they were a matched everyone laughed.

I have heard that eHarmony does not cater to certain groups which I think Chemistry.com did a Male homosexual commercial proving the point that eHarmony only caters to a select few:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd79Dd3_qBM&feature=related

The days of personal ads in newspapers are almost gone:

 

[Tez3]

I was listening to my favourite radio station Classic FM ( you can get it on the internet if you aren't in the UK, it has a fantastic amount of classical music) and it seems they have a dating bit, so I was looking around and a lot of the newpapers and various interest magazines etc also do a dating thing. This may be a way to find someone who shares the same interests, they also seem more genuine and may attract less 'fanciful' shall we say lol, suitors.

 

[Joab]

No, I met my wife through Singles Christian Network, it was by far the best I tried. You do have to be a Christian to use it. I found lavalife to be a waste of time and money, a lot of decption by members there, really stupid as your going to meet the person face to face eventually.

 

[The Last Legionary]

I was talking over my dating flops with some good friends of mine and one of them came away with maybe I should post a profile on eHarmony or similar dating site so I can find exactly what I look for in a woman. Has anyone had any experience with using these online dating services?

eHarmoney might be legit. Friendfinder, Adult FF, and their connected sites are mostly men, with many fake accounts for women, run by proxy, with stock photos to add 'reality'. I think I saw several porn stars on there, under various names as well. Hey, when you're bored and looking for company you surf.

For those less inclined to serious and more interested in 1 night stands, try http://www.onlinebootycall.com. No idea if it works.

 

[LoneRider]

My OK Cupid profile seems to be doing alright. And once I get stabilized wherever I'm due to be stationed next I'll start up my eHarmony profile...

 

[Flea]

Way to be!

Personally I've never tried any of those sites, but I'll offer my support to you. You sound like a great guy and you deserve to be happy. Best of wishes.

 

[LoneRider]

Thanks. And the depressive fit that set this thing and my dating pool thread seems to be going away on its own...

 

[girlbug2]

Don’t even think about a relationship until you make some female friends.

That's actually quite profound advice. I can't think of anybody in a successful relationship who wasn't able to be friends first. As a matter of fact, when I ponder this, I realize that the most mature and long lasting relationships are the ones between people who know how to treat the opposite sex as well as their own, and who have friends of both sexes.

Another point to remember is to observe how people treat their parents, particularly the parent of the opposite sex. It's such common sense really--any man that cannot be respectful and good to his mother will not treat his girlfriend or wife well, once the "honeymoon" stage is over at least. Same goes with a woman and her dad. You can gague your future mate's behavior by observing them with their family, no? And...you can evaluate how you rate as a future boyfriend/husband.

So... increase your chances of success in a relationship by learning to be a good friend first, and preferably with a few people, not just one. And if you have issues with mom, deal with those before you foist them on your lady friend.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I met my wife online. I've met numerous friends online. I've met 3 ex gf's online (one from old BBS days). YMMV.

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

I met my wife online. I've met numerous friends online. I've met 3 ex gf's online (one from old BBS days). YMMV.

I know of one happily married couple that met online. (married 7 years)

 

[Jade Tigress]

ATTENTION ALL USERS

This thread has been completely hijacked with off topic and rude posts. Those posts have been split and the thread locked from further replies.

Please continue the discussion on the OP and keep the conversation polite and respectful.

Thank you,
Pamela Piszczek
MT Super Moderator

 

[jks9199]

My wife and I met online. We got to know each other on AOL's message boards... and eventually met in real life. We've been married for almost three years -- and our infant son is currently fussing on my lap.

 

[ArmorOfGod]

I’ve known a few women who have tried plentyoffish. To them it’s a pick up place, just to get laid. I think the one had a different guy at least every week, but that’s what she wanted. I’m sure there would be people on there looking for more in a relationship, but I don’t know.

I worked for 9 years at 2 different manufacturing plants. The guys there used plentyoffish to cheat on their wives. Apparently, men and women use that site more for adultery than trying to find a date. Sad.

AoG

 

[Tez3]

I worked for 9 years at 2 different manufacturing plants. The guys there used plentyoffish to cheat on their wives. Apparently, men and women use that site more for adultery than trying to find a date. Sad.

AoG

It's funny though and poetic justice when the cheating wives and husbands find they've been chatting their own partners up!

 

[LoneRider]

Actually I've got a date tonight with a girl I've talked up on OKCupid. Wish me luck?

 

[Bob Hubbard]

luck