Friendzoned by a woman

[drop bear]

I've never allowed a girl to friend zone me, that's for beta males, which I'm anything but.

it's rather like computers, actually understanding them is a challenge, learning which buttons to press is quite straight forward.

The Alpha Male thing is made up.

 

[Tez3]

Thanks for the advice. Make sense.

Oh I wouldn't thank him for advice, he's giving you the worst ever and is talking a complete load of tripe. if you were to take notice of what he said you would end up as a bitter old single man. Alpha male he is not, trust me on that one.

 

[Steve]

My advice, be yourself and enjoy the first dates. And btw they owe you nothing. Just the idea if friendzoning is so screwed up and suggests you feel somehow that women just don't like nice guys, which is bs. Much more constructive to consider what nice women don't like about you.

And let's be clear, this is about sex. You aren't really all that nice, considering you're complaining that she won't have sex with you, as that is the functional difference betwee what she offers you and what you want . Seriously. Get over it. Be an actual nice guy.

 

[JR 137]

My advice, be yourself and enjoy the first dates. And btw they owe you nothing. Just the idea if friendzoning is so screwed up and suggests you feel somehow that women just don't like nice guys, which is bs. Much more constructive to consider what nice women don't like about you.

And let's be clear, this is about sex. You aren't really all that nice, considering you're complaining that she won't have sex with you, as that is the functional difference betwee what she offers you and what you want . Seriously. Get over it. Be an actual nice guy.

Seriously? When did he complain that she wouldn’t sleep with him? When did he say she owes him anything? He said she wanted to be friends and nothing more. There’s more to having a relationship that than sex.

Talk about putting words into someone’s mouth. Quite possibly the most absurd thing I’ve read here in quite some time.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

So I got matched with a woman on Eharmony. Went out on a date. Had a good and pleasant date. She is very attractive, accomplished career wise and I enjoyed her company. Sent her a message after words saying

"Hope you made it home ok. Had a great time. Your a Intelligent and beautiful woman. Tough combination to find! Lol. Look forward to getting to know you better. Enjoy your Sunday Amy"

She responded

Hi , I’ve had a busy week at work, as usual. I enjoyed your company on Sunday but to be honest I didn’t feel any chemistry. Sorry, Amy

I responded
"Fair enough. Enjoyed your company as well and I wish you all the best Amy"

She responded
"If you have room for more friends in your life, I’m definitely up for hanging out."

Anyway we have gotten together twice since then. First time at a country bar with a band. Had good conversation and danced a couple times. Friendly time enjoyed her company and conversation but no kissing or anything physical.

Second time I invited her to a travel and adventure Fair. So for those who are not familiar with this type of fair it would be described as "Discover World Class Destinations, Learn from the Best Local Travel Experts, meet Your Favorite Celebrity Travel personalities, Explore Cultural Entertainment from Around the World and Plan Your Next Vacation in One Day, Under One Roof"

Once again we were friendly and had good conversation. So I guess my question is I really like her as more then a friend and would like to move this beyond some kind of friend zone situation she has put me in. I know its not a gold digger thing she is very successful career wise and has money and does not ask me to pay for everything. So anyone been in similar situation with a woman and what is the best way to get out of the friendzone and into a romantic interest so to speak? Advice from a guy or from the woman perspective would be appreciated. Thanks.

You can't force chemistry. If you enjoy her company, then hang out with her. If sometime she feels more than a friendly interest, it might go further. If not, well, you have a pleasant and attractive new friend, so it's still a win...just not the win you wanted.

 

[Steve]

Seriously? When did he complain that she wouldn’t sleep with him? When did he say she owes him anything? He said she wanted to be friends and nothing more. There’s more to having a relationship that than sex.

Talk about putting words into someone’s mouth. Quite possibly the most absurd thing I’ve read here in quite some time.

In his first post. The entire thrust (no pun intended) was that he wanted to be more than friends. He described a friendly evening as being no kissing and nothing physical, and then expresses a desire to take this further and make it romantic.

If not sex, then what? The entire friend zone idea is abhorrent to me.

I think the OP needs to get his mind right. If he's staying friends with her hoping it turns into more, that's both creepy and pathetic.

Friends are friends, and if he enjoys hanging out with her as friends, I think that is great. But there are a lot of red flags going off in this entire thread.

 

[Steve]

You can't force chemistry. If you enjoy her company, then hang out with her. If sometime she feels more than a friendly interest, it might go further. If not, well, you have a pleasant and attractive new friend, so it's still a win...just not the win you wanted.

I'm with you up to the attractive comment. Would she be less of a good friend if she were unattractive? At this point whether he is attracted to her is a moot point, and whether others are attracted to her is not any of his business.

 

[jobo]

I'm with you up to the attractive comment. Would she be less of a good friend if she were unattractive? At this point whether he is attracted to her is a moot point, and whether others are attracted to her is not any of his business.

well yes, that really the crux of the matter, if he want a friendship with her because she is nice, funny, interesting etc, then all is well and good, if it's because she is attractive and he Hope's she maybe come romantically involved with him if he sticks around, then it's a fools errand. as the simple truth is the better a friend he is, the less chance of her putting that in jeopardy by taking it further. 7nless you can change the dymamic

and then theres what she wants out of it, if she really values him as a person, then that's good, if she is using him to fill her time till Mr right shows up, at which point he will dropped like a hot potato, then picked up again when Mr right turns out to be Mr wrong, then she is just using him .

I've witnessed any number of cases of girls ( and guys) surrounding themselves with admirers they have no romantic interest in, as it boosts their self esteem, to have one, two, three, or quite a few, guys paying court to them.

I had a bizarre situation with my first wife, who had left me for someone " better " wanted to come round and spend her time with me and do all the nice things we used to do, that he had no interest in. when I rebuffed this, she then offered to cheat on him with me, much as she had cheated on me with him. I considered that a losing proposition as I was still very much in love with her, and made the decision that I came as package and it was all or non.

and anyway, if it was just sex I already had a more attractive girl friend, which seems to coincided with her suddenly remembering what a nice person I wase, she only saw m6 value when I had someone else

 

[JR 137]

In his first post. The entire thrust (no pun intended) was that he wanted to be more than friends. He described a friendly evening as being no kissing and nothing physical, and then expresses a desire to take this further and make it romantic.

If not sex, then what? The entire friend zone idea is abhorrent to me.

I think the OP needs to get his mind right. If he's staying friends with her hoping it turns into more, that's both creepy and pathetic.

Friends are friends, and if he enjoys hanging out with her as friends, I think that is great. But there are a lot of red flags going off in this entire thread.

There’s more to wanting to date someone and wanting to be in a relationship with someone than just sex. No idea why you can’t get past that.

Red flags? The guy likes her. He wants to be more than friends. She doesn’t. Practically everyone has gone through this. And sex isn’t the only thing people are interested in when they think they’ve met “the one.” Sex is part of most healthy romantic relationships, but it’s not the only part. Not even close.

Sure, turn a guy you don’t know into something he’s not. Just because he’s trying to figure out if there’s a chance doesn’t mean he’s got ulterior motives and/or is going to do something shady or worse.

I’m done here. Pretty sure you’ll come back with something absurd. If you can’t see the difference between genuinely liking someone and only trying to get down their pants, then nothing I can say will change anything anyway.

 

[Chrisinmd]

My advice, be yourself and enjoy the first dates. And btw they owe you nothing. Just the idea if friendzoning is so screwed up and suggests you feel somehow that women just don't like nice guys, which is bs. Much more constructive to consider what nice women don't like about you.

And let's be clear, this is about sex. You aren't really all that nice, considering you're complaining that she won't have sex with you, as that is the functional difference betwee what she offers you and what you want . Seriously. Get over it. Be an actual nice guy.

Ok I never mentioned sex in my initial post. Lot more to a dating relationship then the sexual aspect. I found her to be intelligent, great personality, fun to hang out with, great conversationalist. etc. Sure sex is a part of a romantic relationship but not my primary motive here at all.

 

[Chrisinmd]

You can't force chemistry. If you enjoy her company, then hang out with her. If sometime she feels more than a friendly interest, it might go further. If not, well, you have a pleasant and attractive new friend, so it's still a win...just not the win you wanted.

Agree win win situation. Pleasant and attractive new friend is a good outcome I can certainly live with. Just not the ideal outcome.

 

[Steve]

There’s more to wanting to date someone and wanting to be in a relationship with someone than just sex. No idea why you can’t get past that.

Red flags? The guy likes her. He wants to be more than friends. She doesn’t. Practically everyone has gone through this. And sex isn’t the only thing people are interested in when they think they’ve met “the one.” Sex is part of most healthy romantic relationships, but it’s not the only part. Not even close.

Sure, turn a guy you don’t know into something he’s not. Just because he’s trying to figure out if there’s a chance doesn’t mean he’s got ulterior motives and/or is going to do something shady or worse.

I’m done here. Pretty sure you’ll come back with something absurd. If you can’t see the difference between genuinely liking someone and only trying to get down their pants, then nothing I can say will change anything anyway.

Not looking for an argument. I am not the one sad about being friendzoned because a girl doesn't want to have sex with me. I have and have had many friends, some who are women. If this guy genuinely likes this person, he should stop worrying about getting physical or being romantic and try being a friend. Frankly, that you think my position is absurd is, to me, absurd. This entire thread borders on dysfunctional adolescence and is very sad.

 

[Steve]

Ok I never mentioned sex in my initial post. Lot more to a dating relationship then the sexual aspect. I found her to be intelligent, great personality, fun to hang out with, great conversationalist. etc. Sure sex is a part of a romantic relationship but not my primary motive here at all.

You did mention getting physical and being romantic. Can you elaborate on what youre looking for in a friend that involves being physical that is not sexual? I wad born at night, just not last night.

Let me just be clear. If you like her as a person and see being friends as a pretty cool thing, great. But if you are doing so in the hopes it becomes something more, I have real problems with that.

 

[Chrisinmd]

Sure Im cool with just being her friend. I said in a previous reply its a win win situation. Pleasant and attractive new friend is a great outcome I can certainly live with. Just not the ideal outcome. I guess your use of the term "hope" would what I would take issue with. Sure I cool with being in friend and if nothing else happens that's fine as well. Not hoping for anything but if it happened to occur when certainly not be upset about it.

Anyway im not texting or calling you so Im leaving the ball in her court so to speak. If she reaches out to me again that's good if not other fish in the sea.

 

[jks9199]

Thread locked. Off topic, and a temptation to break The Rules that some folks won't be able to resist...