Thats awesome man! Its good to see someone progressing in their training, I view this as a huge step towards where you want to be! Congradulations.Tony said:
7sm
Confidence in Martial Arts Abilities!
- Thread starter Tony
- Start date
7sm
Hi Everyone
Having done more sparring I notice people have different styles and I'm not talking about Martial styles but the tactics they use in sparring, but I guess real fighting is different. Tuesday night I was quite happy because a guy who I sometimes spar with who is usually very aggressive, I managed to knock him back and really held my own but I would like to spar with other people, different people just to get a taste of different ways people fight. I don't think I would like to enter competitions as they don't sound like theyre really my cup of tea. All I want is more experience of actual combat but in a controlled environment. I would really like to spar with more than one person. That would be great practice and of great benefit to everyone in learning how to control more than one person as well as learning how to use the adrenaline that builds up.
Having done more sparring I notice people have different styles and I'm not talking about Martial styles but the tactics they use in sparring, but I guess real fighting is different. Tuesday night I was quite happy because a guy who I sometimes spar with who is usually very aggressive, I managed to knock him back and really held my own but I would like to spar with other people, different people just to get a taste of different ways people fight. I don't think I would like to enter competitions as they don't sound like theyre really my cup of tea. All I want is more experience of actual combat but in a controlled environment. I would really like to spar with more than one person. That would be great practice and of great benefit to everyone in learning how to control more than one person as well as learning how to use the adrenaline that builds up.
bobster_ice
Black Belt
In Tae Kwon Do I feel nervous but that os normal because ive only been doing it for under a year...isnt it?
still learning
Senior Master
Hello, This experience is normal for all of us. That is why we train to gain confidence and skills in fighting back if we have too.
Always avoid and de-escalate any situtions that may lead to violence, sometimes it cannot be avoided. Things happen and the other persons may get stupid.
Here are two possible ways to gain confidence....get into real fights...? Not a good idea, but it works...hard to beat real experience!
(Two) Do more contact martial arts, such as Judo,kicking boxing,boxing...feeling contact and actully contact will build alot more confidence, My son does high school judo and wrestling and you will see the kids(boys and girls) are not afraid to get into a fight.
This is the physiological part of how our brains work, you can teach someone to swim, but they will need to learn and jump in the water and actully do it-to build confidence.
Most of us will actully never get into a real fight in all our life, keep training -time also builds confidence in one self.
Fight or flee.... a natural human response
Know about: Killer instinct....no matter size or quanity- will always fight back(dosen't think about oneself)...A true Samurai!!!!
....................just my thoughts............Aloha
Always avoid and de-escalate any situtions that may lead to violence, sometimes it cannot be avoided. Things happen and the other persons may get stupid.
Here are two possible ways to gain confidence....get into real fights...? Not a good idea, but it works...hard to beat real experience!
(Two) Do more contact martial arts, such as Judo,kicking boxing,boxing...feeling contact and actully contact will build alot more confidence, My son does high school judo and wrestling and you will see the kids(boys and girls) are not afraid to get into a fight.
This is the physiological part of how our brains work, you can teach someone to swim, but they will need to learn and jump in the water and actully do it-to build confidence.
Most of us will actully never get into a real fight in all our life, keep training -time also builds confidence in one self.
Fight or flee.... a natural human response
Know about: Killer instinct....no matter size or quanity- will always fight back(dosen't think about oneself)...A true Samurai!!!!
....................just my thoughts............Aloha
swiftpete
Blue Belt
Hey dude, I don't think you should worry about stuff so much, i think it's pretty normal to not want to get into fights if you're not a complete nutter, who likes trouble really? If when you're training, you often find yourself pulling out techniques without even realising what you're going to do, but end up in an advantageous position, then i reckon you'd probably do alright if you got attacked, as obviously some things have become second nature.Tony said:
Thankfully that happens to me now and its a pretty good feeling! I know when i got into some trouble a while ago, i was outnumbered but some of my training did come through and i managed to stay fairly relaxed while it was going on. I'm not saying the action looked like it does in the films or anything but i walked away.
I think you need to do some harder training maybe? We often grapple to submission in my classes, sometimes from knees, sometimes standing and i used to feel a bit nervous if i was up against people who were bigger and stronger than me but nowadays i know my body will take care of itself if you know what i mean so don't worry about it. Not saying thats exactly like being attacked by stranger in street or anything cos its not, but it's still pretty good when some new guy, bigger and desperate to prove himself is going at you full bore and you can defeat him. I think if you don't do it, you should try it!
If i got asked nowadays if i was after trouble i'd still answer no, no matter if the guy was tiny and puny, unless he actually hit me. There's no point fighting unless you have to.
Right well I've rambled on a bit but then i am a bit tired, basically my point is, keep training and have some confidence in yourself, if you walk with confidence, you're less likely to have people start on you anyway. If you've been training hard for yrs you must be at least quite good by now!
Good luck anyway
jdinca
Master Black Belt
Self confidence in your abilities is something that should be reinforced by your instructor but it does have to come from inside you. Nobody wants to get into a fight and, when faced with that prospect, you will probably experience fear. The question is what you do with that emotion. Let it use you, and you're toast. If you use it, focus it, turn it into rage and direct it into your movement, it will make you a much more potent adversary and your opponent will see/feel/get his butt kicked by it. If you can focus your emotions and steal his chi, the battle is mostly over except for the bleeding.
That said, avoiding those situations is exactly what a good martial artist should be able to do. If you are fairly certain that walking into a certain bar is going to result in a fight, then why go there? Self confidence in your abilities should be able to help you keep calm and focused and, as a result, help you defuse a situation or avoid a situation.
Physical confrontation should be a last resort and you should make every attempt to avoid it, except in a life or death situation. In that situation, show no mercy. To quote the Master at my school, "if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, kill it". On the flip side, people looking for a fight are missing the point of martial arts.
Your self confidence all depends on your mindset. When you train, you need to be absolutely focused and dead serious. Eventually, it should change the way you feel about yourself and your abilities. If you know deep inside that your goal is to avoid confrontation if at all possible but if it does happen, the other guy made a huge mistake, you will be in a much better position one, to avoid it, and two prevail if you absolutely have to use it.
That said, avoiding those situations is exactly what a good martial artist should be able to do. If you are fairly certain that walking into a certain bar is going to result in a fight, then why go there? Self confidence in your abilities should be able to help you keep calm and focused and, as a result, help you defuse a situation or avoid a situation.
Physical confrontation should be a last resort and you should make every attempt to avoid it, except in a life or death situation. In that situation, show no mercy. To quote the Master at my school, "if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, kill it". On the flip side, people looking for a fight are missing the point of martial arts.
Your self confidence all depends on your mindset. When you train, you need to be absolutely focused and dead serious. Eventually, it should change the way you feel about yourself and your abilities. If you know deep inside that your goal is to avoid confrontation if at all possible but if it does happen, the other guy made a huge mistake, you will be in a much better position one, to avoid it, and two prevail if you absolutely have to use it.
Sin
2nd Black Belt
Sometimes people mistake my confidence for cockyness. But I belive that I can defend myself, maybe not in some fancy kung pow way, but I can defend myself and those i care for, because I know I must. It is not confindence in your skills you need to have because from training your skills and abilities will just come, but yet you must have confidence in your person. In your will for survival
Lots of good stuff here... and lots of stuff to take to a quiet spot and mull over.7starmantis said:
My two cents probably mirrors a lot of what's already been said. Still, I started studying MA because I kept getting my *** whupped whenever I mixed it up with someone. Afterwards I started to win a few.
Confidence comes from within and that is generally boosted by the fact that you've succeed once or twice before. But even if you've never been in a situation where your training is brought to the forefront, (and I agree with everyone else that you're doing the honorable thing by avoiding it as much as possible... but don't let it cause you to do so because of FEAR), you should still walk out of your school after class feeling very secure with what you've learned for the day. Your instructor probably isn't the best source of your confidence but he could (via your request) give you excercises to help you see where you're really at. You don't tourney and you say you don't do a lot of sparring? Then how do you know you know what you've learned? From within of course.
It's one of those interpersonal questions that really only YOU can answer because the answer is within you.
For me, I'm confident that I can hold my own or at least cause some real damage should I find myself in another fight. But like you, Tony, I try to avoid confrontation whenever possible, because fighting hurts dammit! And I've got better things to do with my time than to sit-around moaning about this hurt or that hurt. Geez.
My favorite technique is still the "Bugs Bunny Tech"... where you double talk your way out of it. If that doesn't work I usually wish for any explosive device made by Acme.
Rick Wade
Master Black Belt
Tony said:
confidence has nothing to do with being smart that is just a good decision.
again smart but if you want more confidnce get a person you trust in the dojo (dojang, studio, whatever) and start hitting a little harder ande harder untill you are not afraid of being hit.
Keep traveling on you Journey and you will find the answersthe answers to real life confitations will not be found in a tournament ring.
V/R
Rick
sgtmac_46
Senior Master
If you've never been in a fight, or rarely have, then that stands to reason.Tony said:
You need to think of violence like a magic trick. Some people use violence and the threat of violence to great effect, because they know the 'tricks', both physical and psychological. Whenever you see a magic trick that you don't know how it's done, you're in awe of it. Violence is the same way, the majority of people are in awe, and fear of it.
The more you understand violence (study it intellectually) and the more you expose yourself to controlled violence (say, in a tournament and realistic full-contact sparring) the less the trick will impress you. Study violence in all it's forms.
It's natural for humans to have a phobia of human on human violence. Fear CAN be controlled and overcome. But you have to immerse yourself in the study of it. You'll always have a healthy apprehension, as any human should, but you'll overcome the mind-numbing, paralysing fear.
Hi everyone, Happy New Year
I haven't been on the forum for a while and i was reading this old post of mine as it it brings up issues i still face. I have read all your posts and I thankyou for your word of wisdom. I do as much sparring as i can in class and actually enjoy it! I have been doing a lot of it recently and even had some fully on round houses planted on my face only to come back fighting and not cower which i;m proud of.
I just want to tell you about some things i face and a situation i was in: A few months a go it was my mum's birthday and i was left alone in the flat while she went out wiht her friends for the night. We were experiencing some trouble with the neigbours, such as them making noise and congregating on the landing and talking loudly and making a nuisance of themselves but in fairness this was the young girls who mostly associated with them. My neigbours are probably in their late 30s and have a baby, but they seem to have other children who hang around them.
I was inside trying to have a quiet night watching tv and i believe a friend of the my male neighbour in his 20s maybe or i think his son, i don't know was making a real nuisance. I don't know if they thought i was out or not but this person, the young guy started to make offensive remarks about me and started banging on the door even opening the letterbox to see if anyone was in! I guess they thought no one was at home.
I put on my tracksuit bottoms as i can move around freely and kick better with them. But i felt scared and i wished I could have just opened the door and asked this person not to be so annoying and if he had persisted i may have threatened him by calling the Police. But I did nothing except tell my mum in the morning. Luckily however we have made peace with our neighbours. For one thing my mum is no pushover and she can get respect but i wish i could react in situations like this but i am physically scared of conflicts! I imagine myself using my training on that person and hurting him badly but that woudl have caused trouble. I have a friend of mien a lot older than me who would never have allowed this to happen as he has a very short temper! He woudl probably have gone out and exchanged words and even resorted to violence if he had desired. And if i told him about this he woudl call me a wimp.
This guy, my friend who i go out with most of the time because my other friend has had a baby so can't come out as much anymore, is very hightly strung and volatile. Having an argument with him is pointless because he goes way over the top even when i'm in the right. This one time i think he thought was funny, he said i'd become a rapist because i didn't have a girlfriend, which i took offense too and he acted as if i was the one who offended him so i backed off and felt ashamed for not standing up for myself better! When he makes a joke about me i'm expected to take it but if i made a joke about him all hell would break lose because he wouldn't like that. When we're out he might shout at me for standing too close to him or for instance he shouted at me because i didn't ask him to buy me a drink: "If you want me to buy you a drink just say, don't say "i'm going to buy myself a drink, just ask me!' that night i felt very small and i know its easy to say i should find other friends but its hard for me to make friends and i don't have that many to go out with on nights out so i'm kind of stuck unless i can make him respect me.
He has been doing Taekwondo for less years than i have been training in Kung fu but seems to love fighting and has more courage than me. One time he challenged to to spar with him without protective gear in my friends living room because i was showing him how flexible i was. I declined and then he said 'whats wrong with you?' but still i said no and he was ina huff about it for a few minutes. His leg techniques are no good because he has no flexibility and i can kick very well but he has done some boxing and has a lot of agression. I know people in my class and my instructor have said i ahve good techniques but I'm still scared of fighting and scared of agressive people. One time I recall we were in this bar and he made this punch gesture to my face and i nearly reacted but i didn't want to get thrown out! I did give him a very angry look but i guess he was just showing off because he was drunk. I would like to think that if someone laid just one hand on me I would come back on them 10 fold!
He has been warned a lot about his excessive force in class sparring and his Taekwondo training has done nothing to quell his anger issues. But he says he likes a good punch up which is totally the wrong attitiude for anyone studying a martial art. And this guy is preparing for his black belt! Its a joke! because he may become an instructor one day and he doesn't set a very good example. I just hope that i can show him i'm no pushover if he ever tries to get violent with me but then again i'd like to be able to show anyone i'm no pushover!
I haven't been on the forum for a while and i was reading this old post of mine as it it brings up issues i still face. I have read all your posts and I thankyou for your word of wisdom. I do as much sparring as i can in class and actually enjoy it! I have been doing a lot of it recently and even had some fully on round houses planted on my face only to come back fighting and not cower which i;m proud of.
I just want to tell you about some things i face and a situation i was in: A few months a go it was my mum's birthday and i was left alone in the flat while she went out wiht her friends for the night. We were experiencing some trouble with the neigbours, such as them making noise and congregating on the landing and talking loudly and making a nuisance of themselves but in fairness this was the young girls who mostly associated with them. My neigbours are probably in their late 30s and have a baby, but they seem to have other children who hang around them.
I was inside trying to have a quiet night watching tv and i believe a friend of the my male neighbour in his 20s maybe or i think his son, i don't know was making a real nuisance. I don't know if they thought i was out or not but this person, the young guy started to make offensive remarks about me and started banging on the door even opening the letterbox to see if anyone was in! I guess they thought no one was at home.
I put on my tracksuit bottoms as i can move around freely and kick better with them. But i felt scared and i wished I could have just opened the door and asked this person not to be so annoying and if he had persisted i may have threatened him by calling the Police. But I did nothing except tell my mum in the morning. Luckily however we have made peace with our neighbours. For one thing my mum is no pushover and she can get respect but i wish i could react in situations like this but i am physically scared of conflicts! I imagine myself using my training on that person and hurting him badly but that woudl have caused trouble. I have a friend of mien a lot older than me who would never have allowed this to happen as he has a very short temper! He woudl probably have gone out and exchanged words and even resorted to violence if he had desired. And if i told him about this he woudl call me a wimp.
This guy, my friend who i go out with most of the time because my other friend has had a baby so can't come out as much anymore, is very hightly strung and volatile. Having an argument with him is pointless because he goes way over the top even when i'm in the right. This one time i think he thought was funny, he said i'd become a rapist because i didn't have a girlfriend, which i took offense too and he acted as if i was the one who offended him so i backed off and felt ashamed for not standing up for myself better! When he makes a joke about me i'm expected to take it but if i made a joke about him all hell would break lose because he wouldn't like that. When we're out he might shout at me for standing too close to him or for instance he shouted at me because i didn't ask him to buy me a drink: "If you want me to buy you a drink just say, don't say "i'm going to buy myself a drink, just ask me!' that night i felt very small and i know its easy to say i should find other friends but its hard for me to make friends and i don't have that many to go out with on nights out so i'm kind of stuck unless i can make him respect me.
He has been doing Taekwondo for less years than i have been training in Kung fu but seems to love fighting and has more courage than me. One time he challenged to to spar with him without protective gear in my friends living room because i was showing him how flexible i was. I declined and then he said 'whats wrong with you?' but still i said no and he was ina huff about it for a few minutes. His leg techniques are no good because he has no flexibility and i can kick very well but he has done some boxing and has a lot of agression. I know people in my class and my instructor have said i ahve good techniques but I'm still scared of fighting and scared of agressive people. One time I recall we were in this bar and he made this punch gesture to my face and i nearly reacted but i didn't want to get thrown out! I did give him a very angry look but i guess he was just showing off because he was drunk. I would like to think that if someone laid just one hand on me I would come back on them 10 fold!
He has been warned a lot about his excessive force in class sparring and his Taekwondo training has done nothing to quell his anger issues. But he says he likes a good punch up which is totally the wrong attitiude for anyone studying a martial art. And this guy is preparing for his black belt! Its a joke! because he may become an instructor one day and he doesn't set a very good example. I just hope that i can show him i'm no pushover if he ever tries to get violent with me but then again i'd like to be able to show anyone i'm no pushover!
jdinca
Master Black Belt
From what I just read, you have handled every situation the way you should have. I think you should have confidence in your ability not to stoop to someone else's level and get into a physical confrontation. Suppressing the urge to respond is tough but, that's the point. Responding physically is reserved for when you're assaulted, not to show somebody else how tough you are. Of course I don't know him but your friend doesn't really seem to be a friend.
Keep up with the sparring. It sounds like it's having a positive effect on your self confidence about taking care of yourself.
Keep up with the sparring. It sounds like it's having a positive effect on your self confidence about taking care of yourself.
Adept
Master Black Belt
Tony said:
I don't want to rain on your parade, but it sounds to me like you wouldn't. It doesn't sound to me like you have an assertive or confident personality. Which is fine, but is a very serious drawback when talking in terms of self defense, or even just everyday life.
Now, this is just what I'm drawing from your posts here, I could be quite wrong. And again, I don't mean to cause offence, just calling it how I see it.
My advice to you would be stop letting people, this 'friend' of yours in particular, from pushing you around. You don't have to be a jerk, but you don't have to take crap from anybody either. In fact, being assertive and standing up for yourself (without being aggressive) will defuse more potential self defense situations than being passive will. IMHO.
Tony, congrats on your sparring. Keep it up! You never know how you will react to being hit unless you have been hit. It sounds to me as if you are doing things right from a training point, but still need to work on self confidence. Self-confidence is something that can be built up over time, and MUST be built up if you are to succesfully defend yourself in a real situation. Others have already said it but, I would consider some cross training. Learn to fight at differant ranges, angles, on your feet and on the ground. True courage is not the absence of fear, but it is doing what must be done inspite of being afraid.
Pax
Cujo
Pax
Cujo
