Being tactful and using magic words

[Cirdan]

Speaking of tactless people, who does this scrawny little brit John Oliver think he is, calling us proud Norwegians freakish snow people???
John Oliver Has A Plan To Save The 2022 Winter Olympics | SportsGrid

Tez, I suggest a trade. You will bring me this Oliver person, bound and gagged, and I will give you that norwegian athlete you fancy (forgot his name so please refresh my memory). I`ll have him bathed, perfumed and delivered to your tent naturally. Deal?

 

[Tez3]

Speaking of tactless people, who does this scrawny little brit John Oliver think he is, calling us proud Norwegians freakish snow people???
John Oliver Has A Plan To Save The 2022 Winter Olympics | SportsGrid

Tez, I suggest a trade. You will bring me this Oliver person, bound and gagged, and I will give you that norwegian athlete you fancy (forgot his name so please refresh my memory). I`ll have him bathed, perfumed and delivered to your tent naturally. Deal?

It says he's a 'well known' comedian here, just asking around no one has heard of him! Maybe that's why he's in America on a really crappy show! I'll get him though you needn't bother with the bathed perfume bit roflmao!

I adore the Winter Olympics, my husband loves watching it too and if it comes from Norway so much the better, I will shouting for the Norwegians in everything except the speed skating then I have to shout for the Dutch ( mum was Dutch). I assume this Oliver chap is doing what people who aren't successful at anything do, sneer at those who can. By the time the next Winter or even Summer Olympics have arrived he will be long long forgotten.

 

[Cirdan]

It says he's a 'well known' comedian here, just asking around no one has heard of him! Maybe that's why he's in America on a really crappy show! I'll get him though you needn't bother with the bathed perfume bit roflmao!

I adore the Winter Olympics, my husband loves watching it too and if it comes from Norway so much the better, I will shouting for the Norwegians in everything except the speed skating then I have to shout for the Dutch ( mum was Dutch). I assume this Oliver chap is doing what people who aren't successful at anything do, sneer at those who can. By the time the next Winter or even Summer Olympics have arrived he will be long long forgotten.

Actually I have seen John Oliver before and he can be quite funny. Still we are going to beat him silly with tørrfisk (the "delicately fish-flavored norwegian baseball bat" as John Cleese put it) once we get our hands on him

 

[PhotonGuy]

Try the Cambridge dictionary. "the ability to say or do the right thing without making anyone unhappy or angry: "

Everyone has been very tactful actually, it doesn't mean however we don't tell the truth. Sometimes it's inevitable that someone gets upset or angry because you have to tell the truth but there are tactful ways to say it. If you have to break the news of a death for example you don't go up to a woman and say 'oi missus your old man has just popped his clogs', you break the news tactfully. She's still going to be upset maybe even angry but you told her in as kind a way as possible. So when we speak to you we don't say 'look you stupid plonker wind your neck in, you're so up your own backside it's not funny' do we? we tell you in a polite way that you allow your ego to rule you.

OK I agree. And that's what Im posting about, telling people in a polite way that I don't like comments being made about by birthday or especially being called a "Christmas Baby." As you said, the truth can hurt well its the truth that I don't like such stuff said about my birthday because, frankly enough, it gets tiring after awhile. In your example where somebody dies and you have to spread the bad news, you don't say nothing do you? That's not being tactful is it? How about the girl I mentioned earlier who didn't like Batman and Robin jokes made about her name, should she just say nothing and take it?

 

[PhotonGuy]

None of that means anything.

And why doesn't it?

 

[donald1]

I know all about what it means to shut up and train but Im not going to get into it because its an argument I can refuse.

I don't know about that, it would be wise not to argue with someone... Especially being in THEIR DOJO

 

[PhotonGuy]

Son, I'm not here to be tactful. I do strive to be so, within the needs of the communication itself, but my reason for being here is more about imparting advice and knowledge… that often requires more bluntness than tact, especially when dealing with certain mentalities displayed in the questioning. As far as the definition you gave, your action of making a complaint, when all the poor girl did was acknowledge your birthday, that is not you being careful not to offend of upset others, no matter how "polite" you think you're going to phrase it… that's the point. The very action you're considering is, by it's nature, not tactful. It's not quite tactless, but it's certainly not tactful.

There are ways to be blunt and still not offend people or make them upset or angry. I like Cambridge definition of what it means to be tactful given by Tez3. How you act on this board, not just towards me but towards other people as well, you sometimes say stuff that can really set people off and there is no reason to say some of the stuff you do. You can make your point without saying some of the stuff you say which might be offensive. And besides, I thought there were rules here against such stuff.

 

[donald1]

I have no interest in any attention to my birthday.

I know birthdays serve no significant importance, but why not they make people happy

 

[donald1]

There are ways to be blunt and still not offend people or make them upset or angry. I like Cambridge definition of what it means to be tactful given by Tez3. How you act on this board, not just towards me but towards other people as well, you sometimes say stuff that can really set people off and there is no reason to say some of the stuff you do. You can make your point without saying some of the stuff you say which might be offensive. And besides, I thought there were rules here against such stuff.

I both agree and disagree, I too don't like it when hearing many blunt points sure does knock an ego down right to the core but things are what they are facts don't change. Now there are times where blunt answers should not be mentioned but most of the time it can be helpful. What seems offensive is just some of these people posting their knowledge, and experience
Best of luck

 

[Tez3]

I live in Yorkshire where they are as blunt as they come plus I've been in then worked with the military for over forty years, trust me, no one here not even Chris is as blunt as anyone of them lol.
Ego, now there's a thing, I either don't have one or it's so huge it's indestructible, only once have I been appalled at something someone wrote here, it wasn't to do with martial arts, it was political. Appalled though, not ego busted, not shattered just appalled someone could be so ignorant, tasteless and stupid frankly. I also believe that person was trying to be provocative, now no one on here has been any of that. I think tact has been to the fore front of everyone's post's perhaps tinged with exasperation at times because it's hard to keep watching someone making the same mistake over and over again, insisting they are right when common sense, knowledge and experience tells you that this is against everything you know to be true.
Oh and if you want real bluntness try the Cagewarriors forum, totally uncensored and has some very funny people on with their own unique brand of humour and expressions, definitely leave the ego behind for that one!

 

[donald1]

I live in Yorkshire where they are as blunt as they come plus I've been in then worked with the military for over forty years, trust me, no one here not even Chris is as blunt as anyone of them lol.
Ego, now there's a thing, I either don't have one or it's so huge it's indestructible, only once have I been appalled at something someone wrote here, it wasn't to do with martial arts, it was political. Appalled though, not ego busted, not shattered just appalled someone could be so ignorant, tasteless and stupid frankly. I also believe that person was trying to be provocative, now no one on here has been any of that. I think tact has been to the fore front of everyone's post's perhaps tinged with exasperation at times because it's hard to keep watching someone making the same mistake over and over again, insisting they are right when common sense, knowledge and experience tells you that this is against everything you know to be true.
Oh and if you want real bluntness try the Cagewarriors forum, totally uncensored and has some very funny people on with their own unique brand of humour and expressions, definitely leave the ego behind for that one!

Exactly, ego up in the clouds and can only go up, or maybe I'm just oblivious... And a poor listener but none the less its nice having a big ego

 

[Dirty Dog]

It is not a good idea if you ask me is to give in because you want to be polite. For instance, I've said before how if you don't want to shake hands you shouldn't shake hands because you've got that right and for whatever reason, you might not want to shake hands. I takled about telling the person to put their hand back but I know its also important to be tactful, that means to be polite but still stand your ground. If you shake hands when you don't want to that is not being tactful, its giving in and its being a doormat. And martial artists don't shake hands but that's beside the point. Being tactful would be to say something like, "I don't shake hands," instead of just telling the person to put their hand back and coming across as offensive. This is important because I was really ticked off at this woman at Walmart. I was buying an age restricted product so she needed to know my DOB and she commented about my birthday. You see, I've got this birthday that is bound to get comments. I also think I should get special treatment because of my birthday but that is beside the point. (That last sentence was not meant to be taken seriously.) Anyway, I was very much offended about her comment about my birthday. Some people, lots of people might say I get too easily offended by the wrong stuff, and that might be so but it is what it is. As much as I was tempted to yell in her face at her at the top of my lungs, "DON'T (expletive) COMMENT ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY YOU STUPID (expletive)!" (I didn't do that by the way) I would be much better off to say something such as "Please don't comment about my birthday, I really don't appreciate it." So the key is to be firm but courteous. Don't allow people to cross certain lines but do so nicely. And also to use magic words such as please and thank you.

As it is, though, I am still thinking of going back and complaining to management about her. This is a really nice Walmart located in Pahrump, NV, and I often go shopping there when Im taking classes at FrontSight so I might not do that, but Im still considering it.

Wow. Whiny much?

In the far east, where many of the martial arts originated, they don't shake hands, they bow. Therefore, perhaps martial artists should bow instead of shaking hands, just a thought.

And I've been putting up with comments about my birthday all my life. You get sick and tired of it after awhile. Everybody has a breaking point.

I think you've been broken for a long long time.

I am easily offended about some things, yes, but it is surprising what people can be offended about. Especially today people take all sorts of innocent comments to mean racial connotations to mention one example.

And I bet you're completely oblivious to the irony of you whining about people being racial sensitive in the same thread where you post about your desire to be a complete and utter douchnozzle to the clerk at WalMart.

If she is treated like dirt in her job, well she made the choice to take the job in the first place. I didn't make her work at Walmart and neither did anybody else for that matter. And from my experience people in retail are not treated like dirt and I worked at a retail store that was part of a chain of a major hardware corporation. All day long I would help customers load their stuff into their cars, push back shopping wagons from the parking lot, and do other such stuff. Most of the people were very grateful for my help and I even got tipped several times even though we weren't supposed to be tipped. It was a hard job, pushing around wagons and lifting and moving heavy stuff out in the hot sun all day, but it was not the customers that gave me a hard time. So no, from my experience people in retail are not treated like dirt.

And yes politeness is important but you still got to make a complaint if you've got a complaint. You can make a complaint and still be polite, that's what it means to be tactful.

Or, alternatively, you could grow up and stop being such a whiny baby.

I know all about what it means to shut up and train but Im not going to get into it because its an argument I can refuse.

And obviously you do refuse.

As a matter of fact you were right, my birthday is on December 25th, Christmas Day. And no, she did not call me any of the stuff that you mentioned. Rather she called me "Christmas baby," which I have heard before and I am quite sick of it. I am tired about people making comments about my birthday in general but I especially am tired of being called "Christmas baby." Sometimes people get fed up with stuff like that, I once knew this girl with the name Robin and she would get really fed up and offended whenever somebody made a "Batman and Robin," joke about her name because she had been hearing it all her life. And from my experience there are some benefits to being born on Christmas, you do get double the presents and you celebrate Christmas and your birthday all in one day, but the downside of it is that people comment about it because you have a birthday that sticks out. If I had a birthday on an ordinary day, such as July 15 (I don't know if July 15 means anything to anybody, its just a date I came up with at random that as far as I know isn't a holiday) than people would say nothing. But since my birthday is on a major holiday, I get comments about it often when somebody needs to know my DOB for whatever reason such as if Im buying age restricted products. It gets tiring after awhile. And there is a way to let people know that you don't like what they're doing and still be polite about it, thats what being tactful is all about.

Or, alternatively, you could grow up and stop being such a whiny baby.

There are ways to be blunt and still not offend people or make them upset or angry. I like Cambridge definition of what it means to be tactful given by Tez3. How you act on this board, not just towards me but towards other people as well, you sometimes say stuff that can really set people off and there is no reason to say some of the stuff you do. You can make your point without saying some of the stuff you say which might be offensive. And besides, I thought there were rules here against such stuff.

Here's some blunt for you, and no more offensive that what you've written.
Grow up. Seek professional help with your plethora of personality and developmental issues. One of my brothers was born on December 24th. We still make Christmas Baby comments. And you know what? He actually manages to be an adult about it. Never whines. Never cries. Never screams at clerks...

 

[Tez3]

Just a thought, if you are being asked your age to purchase things you aren't as old as you told us are you?

 

[Buka]

Interesting thing about the day of the year we were born. If you have 70 people in a room, there is over a 99% probability that at least two of them will have the same day of the year as their birthday. Try it all you want, I have yet to see it fail. I always find that really interesting, but, I'm easily amused.

Perhaps a different tactic to take when a gal mentions you're a Christmas baby is to reply kinda like this, "Santa told me I'll someday be a present for a beautiful woman like yourself." If she IS beautiful, she just might remember you or at least take notice. If she isn't beautiful, you just might make her day. It's always nice to make someone's day. It usually makes you feel better, too.

 

[granfire]

Just a thought, if you are being asked your age to purchase things you aren't as old as you told us are you?

Or you don't look as old.

Makes my day, he akward smile....then I grin broadly...
Until of course they tell you 'we card everybody' :lol:

 

[Hong Kong Pooey]

There are 375 days in a year

As no-one else has mentioned it yet, I feel the need to point out that there are only 365 days in a year or 366 if it's a leap year.

That's assuming you live on the same planet as the rest of us of course.

 

[Cirdan]

As no-one else has mentioned it yet, I feel the need to point out that there are only 365 days in a year or 366 if it's a leap year.

That's assuming you live on the same planet as the rest of us of course.

I already assumed he lives on Bizarroworld, with a big #1 necklace around his neck.

 

[donald1]

I already assumed he lives on Bizarroworld, with a big #1 necklace around his neck.

No... I have the necklace

 

[Transk53]

I started to read the thread, well I read some of it. Then seeing that Yorkshire was mentioned (my nan hailed from Richmond), PG please stay well clear. Even I still shudder with her strength of spirit and bearing. Has some Quantum Torpedoes as well.

 

[Cirdan]

No... I have the necklace

Naaa.. you are much too sane. Even a freakish snow person can see that. :lol: