Worst romantic experiences?

[Ivan]

Title above.
I'll start.

I'm quite young, and I don't date easily. The people my age that I know, date knowing full well that after a year or so, circumstances in their life will cause their relationship to end. I find it very hard to become emotionally invested in anyone, and I haven't done so in over 2 years (when this happened).

Me and my family frequent this beach for the summer holidays and have been doing so for almost 5 years. I always had difficulties interacting with people and making friends, but this was the first place I was ever able to do so. My second year there I met this girl while me and my friends were partying at a beach bar that doubles as a club during the night. I introduced myself and I was quite into her, but she slinked off and I didn't see her for a while. Eventually, all of my friends had left and I was just chilling, sipping on a drink (yes, we were all underage) and I was about to leave when I saw her dancing on her own.

I approached her and we started dancing and one thing led to another. The next two weeks were weird but great. We had fun and she left quite an impression on me. This was the only time I had ever become emotionally invested in someone, especially knowing full well it would end and the aftertaste would be bitter. Time passed and teary goodbye time was here.

The next year, we arranged to meet at the same club, and honestly, I looked at her, and I was all like: "damn she ain't changed one bit" - in a good way. So we start dancing and suddenly she starts getting closer to me which is great and all, but suddenly she just tells me - "just so you know I really don't want anything to do with you in this way". I'm all cool and I just say that's fine but she keeps making attempts to come closer and I'm trying to move away.

Eventually, she says she has to go back to the caravan she was staying at, and I offered to walk her back. We started walking, and she keeps telling me stuff along the lines of "I just broke up with an ex less than a month ago and I really don't want to do anything with anyone, including you. You also remind me of him a bit". I'm honestly not too fazed because it's been a year but I was still a little bit into her.

Problem is, while she kept telling me all this stuff, she was also doing stuff couples usually do - so kiss, hold hands, hug. All that yucky stuff And me being a guy, and still, into her, I can't stop myself. It hurt me quite a lot though.

Soon after, I go home and a couple of days later we see each other again. I say hi and try to go in a friendly hug, completely platonic no meaning attached. She looks at me like I'm an idiot and says that she told me she doesn't want anything to with me in that way. So there I am feeling confused and dumb as hell for the next two weeks, I avoid her as much as I can and I get it off my mind and chill with my buds, but every time I saw her I just felt bad.

Fast forward a week or so, we are chilling all at our hang out spot, and she suddenly comes up to me all excited "I want to introduce you to someone! This is my new boyfriend!" Man I swear... If the guy wasn't one of the nicest, most easy going guys I'd ever met, I would've punched him in the mouth. Full on knowing he's not to blame, just because I was angry as hell - it felt like she built all this up just to hurt me. I never spoke to her again after that.

Nor did I get close to anyone romantically. I dated here and there with no results, but it's not a priority anymore. Lo que sera, sera. I'm guessing when the time is right, the right people present themselves.

What are some of your stories? Mine was a bit lengthy, but it's the only story I have so please excuse me

 

[isshinryuronin]

So there I am feeling confused

This is the essence of male-female relationships.

Being fairly inexperienced in involved relationships, you probably think your feelings of confusion were unique. I assure you, they are not. Tactically, women are as easy to understand as guys. Strategically, their long game is incomprehensible most of the time and the guy is usually lost in "the fog of war." Like fighting Bruce or Benny, whammies can come at you any time, from any direction and knock you on your butt. You just take your punishment and keep fighting on. Someday, Ivan, you'll 1. meet a girl, 2. fall in love, 3. get married, and 4. learn to understand her. The only problem is there may only be a year between each of the first three steps, but twenty years between step 3 and 4. Romance is an adventure.

PS: I heavily edited (most) all misogynistic content prior to posting, not wanting to again incur the wrath of the lovely Tez. So, it's not as funny or clever as it was in the first draft. Ah, the sacrifices a gentleman makes for a lady.

 

[Cynik75]

Women leave, jujitsu remains.

 

[Tez3]

Women leave, jujitsu remains.

Men leave, karate remains.

 

[Ivan]

Women leave, jujitsu remains.

Agreed

 

[hoshin1600]

i dont envy the young with the "hook up" culture and all the other cultural changes going on. Things were much simpler in the past. i should stress MORE SIMPLE, not just simple. relationships are never simple.
i see this new generation as having some major psychological issues in their future. People learn and grow from relationships. yes it hurts and its painful at times but that is where the personal growth is. Some people dont learn the lessons but there is the opportunity for the growth. however the new culture is really hindering peoples ability to grow and develop as mature human beings.
as example; rather than learning to communicate with another person, develop and bond and risk vulnerability, they hide behind technology and would rather swipe left or right,meet up to "watch netflix" between phone time and smash parts together, never to see the person again. why risk having to face that person again and be accountable for your behavior. better to just ghost them and move on to the next swipe. besides that next pull of the tinder slot machine lever may be the winning match. if not then pull the lever again. even if you win who knows maybe the next gamble win will be even better, so best not to settle for less than perfection.
what the youth miss is the lesson that happiness and success is not something you go after and find, its something you attract. if you want to attract a good partner then be the type of person a good partner would want to be with. without the tried and failed relationships you cant develop into that person, the person who you could be. how about that, how about people take some responsibility in their lives and put themselves together. instead of walking around in sweat pants, Crocs, and a torn t shirt, how about you spend an extra 10 min a day and comb your hair, brush your teeth and dress a little better. start the habit and tomorrow be a little bit less of a slob then you were yesterday. clean your room, exercise, throw out that 4 week old chinese food in the fridge. Go on YouTube and learn a little about wine and maybe whiskey.. how about that, stop drinking a 30 pack of budwiser to get drunk every weekend and have a hobby that might just make you an interesting person. read a fricken book once in awhile and not the trash, read the classics. yes you can find a good morsel of something in the trash but you wouldnt want to eat it if it was food. feed your brain. learn how to listen, to really listen. take interest in others and their opinions. Learn what your own opinions are and take the time to figure out why you hold them, most people dont know what they believe much less why they think what they do. when pressed they couldnt make a decent argument to back their opinions.
learn that everyone has baggage and sometimes your baggage and their baggage is just not going to work together. be an adult about it. Just because the relationship is falling apart doesnt give you the green light to be a jerk and act with malevolence toward the other person. your not 4 years old anymore stop acting like one even when the other person hasnt gotten that memo.
Sacrifice, relationships are about sacrifice. thats not a bad thing. a sacrifice is to put off the instant gratification and invest it into your future. me, me, me , now, now, now is not in the best interest of your future you.
Love, if you love someone properly even if it ends on a bad note, as time heals the wounds the bad is most often forgotten and the love can remain, if you allow it to and the only reason why it wont is because of your own malevolent bitterness. so love more. let the pain go.

well thats a little bit i learned about relationships.

 

[O'Malley]

@Ivan I feel you. Happens sometimes, as people can be unpredictable. I also think you'll be fine: you're a sportsman and, from your post, you have experience with physical contact with a girl you like. With that under your (karate) belt, if you keep meeting girls, you'll find one you like and that likes you back.

I don't believe that people buy that much into hookup culture, even the young ones. Messing around is fun, but it gets boring quicker than you'd expect and the whole "hookup mentality" tends to go out of the window when you eventually find someone you really "click" with.

In general, I believe that, for a lot of people, the worst stories might actually be about periods where there's no romantic experience. Widespread loneliness and feelings of inadequacy were among the reasons why "seduction coaching" and "pick up artistry" used to be big from 2000 to 2010.

As for me, one of my bad stories involved dating a girl who came from a very traditional upbringing. Her family were immigrants from a country which keeps a very strong control over its diaspora through nationalistic propaganda (not gonna name the country: there might be Turks reading this message O ). Long story short, although we were extremely fond of each other (to the point of routinely breaking religious and secular rules), we broke up when she unleashed a tempest of racist slurs at a common Greek friend, without provocation. She did it because she'd watched a movie about a war between their two countries. It wasn't easy but I did the right thing and kept the friend.

I also have a funny bad story. When I was around 17, I was once invited to a friend's birthday. I didn't know anybody so I sat alone at a table. And there came that girl. She was an absolute stunner, by far the cutest girl I'd seen in my life (she now works as a fulltime model). So this angel arrives and floats over to my table, then sits right in front of me. We hit it off pretty quickly, and she starts throwing some heavy signals at me. Stuff like "Do you have a girlfriend? No? Oh, that's surprising... You know, I've recently broken up with my boyfriend and, ehm... I'm looking for someone." Or:

(her): "Let me get you a drink, sir."
(me): "I get it, you're trying to get me drunk to get into my pants!"
*we both laugh*
(her) "Well... I might be."

She kept going all night. And I was completely oblivious to it, to a comical degree. She literally grabbed my hand and said "would you come with me to the bathroom?". I followed her, entered the bathroom, closed the door and left her standing outside while I peed, then I went back to the table thinking to myself "wow she's really hot, how do I make an impression?". I tried to impress her by making her listen to a crappy rap song one of my friends had made, thinking it was cool.

The rest of the night was more of me ignoring her signals and trying too hard. Oh, and it ended up with me having hiccups for several hours because of the beer and my peculiar physical condition. It lasted so long that it left me gasping for breath and that my dad had to come and pick me up. When he saw me enter the car all wobbly and with hiccups, he thought I was drunk and said "you're such a disappointment, son". And now, for that girl, I'm the guy with hiccups.

 

[isshinryuronin]

she starts throwing some heavy signals at me.

And I was completely oblivious to it

the night was more of me ignoring her signals

I was exactly this way all thru my teen years. I cringe when I think back at how many opportunities I missed. There was a recent thread regarding "situational awareness" that I think is the key here.

The question is why were all these signals missed. Like walking in a bad neighborhood with our concentration focused on our phone, or crossing the street thinking about a crappy day at work, our attention was focused inward, instead of outward - thinking of ourselves, instead of the environment and its potential for interacting with us.

In the case of romance, we were operating based on our visions of ourselves, rather than the vision of how others perceive us. We missed those "come on" signals because we did not see ourselves, perhaps, a likely target for a "hottie," and so did not have our radar pointed in that direction. Often, romance is hiding in plain sight. I think guys are more prone to this than women. Women are instinctually looking below the surface for subtle signals and interpreting them. How dense we must seem to them! Guys need to read Romance for Dummies (don't know if there is such a thing) by age 16 (though I expect they would see it as science fiction.)

Sooner or later we get that perception of what's happening around us, physically or emotionally, is key to optimum survival and success. In my case, it was later. But, learning from my mistakes, I made up for lost time , remembering, though, we never know it all. The fog of war, and love, is real.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

Worst romantic experiences?

- You lose your first kiss by a girl who mounted on top of you on the ground.
- A girl pinches on your butts in the park and then left.

 

[O'Malley]

I was exactly this way all thru my teen years. I cringe when I think back at how many opportunities I missed. There was a recent thread regarding "situational awareness" that I think is the key here.

The question is why were all these signals missed. Like walking in a bad neighborhood with our concentration focused on our phone, or crossing the street thinking about a crappy day at work, our attention was focused inward, instead of outward - thinking of ourselves, instead of the environment and its potential for interacting with us.

In the case of romance, we were operating based on our visions of ourselves, rather than the vision of how others perceive us. We missed those "come on" signals because we did not see ourselves, perhaps, a likely target for a "hottie," and so did not have our radar pointed in that direction. Often, romance is hiding in plain sight. I think guys are more prone to this than women. Women are instinctually looking below the surface for subtle signals and interpreting them. How dense we must seem to them! Guys need to read Romance for Dummies (don't know if there is such a thing) by age 16 (though I expect they would see it as science fiction.)

Sooner or later we get that perception of what's happening around us, physically or emotionally, is key to optimum survival and success. In my case, it was later. But, learning from my mistakes, I made up for lost time , remembering, though, we never know it all. The fog of war, and love, is real.

Yeah, there's a lot of guys out there claiming to teach you "romance", I remember a guy who had his own show on MTV and taught "pickup" for hundreds of bucks a day. There are even courses that teach you conversational hypnosis and NLP and how to use it to hypnotise a girl into liking you. It's all bovinepoop coated in slimy marketing.

As for the signals, as you said it's just a matter of paying attention, and with more experience you get better at it.

 

[Tony Dismukes]

So there I am feeling confused

This is the essence of male-female relationships.

From my observations, it's probably about the same for male-male and female-female relationships. People failing to send clear messages, people failing to receive clear messages, and people not even knowing what they really want seem to be pretty common all around.