Why can't you help someone anymore?

[Satt]

I look at it very much the same way. Otherwise, you get mad. The majority of the time I hold the door open for someone (which is quite often) they walk through like it was my job. Not a word, a look, smile or anything. I'm sorry but that's just plain rude. I look at them, smile and say "your welcome". Sometimes they say "I'm sorry, thank you". Usually they just keep walking. I understand how people can be a little skeptical, but it's to the point it's rediculous. Being POLITE is a fun game. It reminds me I'm not the worst person in the world....

LOL. That reminds me of one time I held the door for a small line of people (like I normally do) and the last person was this tall lady that just stopped and glared at me. She said "that is so typical. I am a fiminist and I can get the door myself!!! Just go inside!!!" So she refused to go in until I was in and the door closed to where she could open it again. I just laughed at it, but thought it was sad.

:flushed:

 

[kid]

just the other day i was coming home from school sitting at a stop light when someones car stalled in middle of the intersection. I waited a moment to see if they could get it started again. When i didn't i put my truck in park with a row of cars behind me watching this unfoldbut not lifting a finger to help. I helped the woman get her car to the side of the road and out of traffic. while i was doing this people were honking their horns and yelling at me to hurry. I just about came unglued, i mean if they are in a hurry they could come and help, i'm struggling to push a car up an incline bymyself the lady was steering. I checked my temper and asked the woman if she needed a ride to a payphone. She had a cell phone and said her husband was already on his way. So i trot back to my truck get in it and realize she never even thanked me. It's not a big deal i'm sure she had a lot on her mind at the time.


kid

 

[Lisa]

These stories are all very sad. But rest assured there are those that really do appreciate the things that are done for them.

My husband, children and I were up in one of our provinicial parks coming back from seeing a bison sanctuary where we came upon a car with a flat tire and three elderly people in it. We stopped and my husband, seeing that the older and only gentleman of the car was having trouble, quickly helped him change the flat. They were so thankful and so happy that we came along. They insisted that we give them our address and they sent us a thank you card and some McDonald's gift certificates for the kids. It was very uncalled for on their part but very kind. Really warmed my heart.

Maybe it is the generation? Maybe because the elderly that never grew up worrying about their children out playing the street and looking at all strangers cynically have better manners and kinder thoughts of the world. Unfortunately, however, they also become prey to those that are less than honest.

 

[Rich Parsons]

It sucks that when you try to be nice it is questioned.

I remember being about 6-7, and my mom was traveling with me and my brother, to just outside Elmira NY, from Flint Mi. We had a flat, I aksed why she did not ask for help on the CB. This being 1972/73 time frame. She replied that there had been warning on the CB about people showing up and attacking or stealing vehicles of those in trouble. So she did not call. She was trying to change the tire of a full size pick up truck by her self. (* Being 5'2" in shoes *) I asked to help, I could not but I could watch out, as was my idea of being outside. My plan was to run like heck and cry for help. Oh well. Well alongs comes this young couple on a date, and this guy pulls over and helps my mom change the tire. He would not take anything for his help and just smiled, and waved when he left.

I have done similiar things myself, helping people on the side of the road, one similiar to my situation above, she over heated, and was low on oil. I had some old oil in the junker I was driving, and gave it to her. Something being better than nothing, and walked over to a nearby house off the expressway to get water. Told her to get to the next phone (* before cell phones *) and call her ex to let him know she would be late, with the child. The other time was in LA on the highway, A friend and I pulled over to help a middle aged African American woman and her Cadilliac that had a flat. We changed her tire to the spare and she insisted upon giving me $40, this was 1988. I put the $40 in her ash tray under some papers and coins, so she would find it later when she had to check the trunk one more time. My Buddy just smiled, and said that was the right thing to do. She gave us a ride back to our rent Mustang, about a half mile up the road. She told us this was a bad neighborhood to be alone and walking in.

I have tried to repay the kindness of that guy and his girlfriend, many times. Some people accept it, others look at me and are afraid.

I can only try,
:asian:

 

[Kempogeek]

I've had a few experiences that when both ways. Some thanked me and some didn't. Yes it's sad that society can be that way but I refuse to change my ways and stoop to the level of the ungrateful. That's my own choosing of course. I respect others who feel that being helpful is not worth it and I don't blame them. Too many experiences can do that. One instance that stands out in my mind is when I was on a commuter train to Chicago. There were a couple of women who got on and the train car was getting full. I was sitting by myself in a 2 seater and without giving it a second thought I offered the ladies my spot. They thanked me and I stood up for the remainder of the trip. Im sure the people in the car thought I was a either what a gentleman or an idiot. But I didn't care, I felt good about myself and IMO that's what matters. Best regards, Steve

 

[theletch1]

I've just read every post in this thread and one thing jumps right out at me...every one of us on this thread studies various martial arts, every one of us has had a disheartening experience with being kind to someone BUT we HAVE all at least made an attempt. Do ya'll think that maybe the idea of helping others that most of us were brought up with is reinforced by the idea of "sooner or later we're all uke" that we have in the dojo? I drive a tractor trailer for a living and have lots of opportunities to stop and help folks change tires, call for help and such. I've been waved off after pulling over on the side of the interstate because (I assume) folks have gotten into the habit of thinking that all truckers are drifters who can't conform to society or get along with others. I continue to stop when it's safe to do so, help when I can and always answer the question "What do I owe you?" with the same answer..."Just do something nice for someone else." Kindness, tempered with common sense, is still the best policy in my eyes. It's pity I try to feel for those folks that can't understand kindness from a stranger.

 

[dubljay]

theletch1 I think you are partialy right about the uke thing. As MAers we come in close contact with more people than the average person, and when we meet a fellow MA'er on the street there is an instant bond to be had. After being in MA for so long it cant help but become a habit for anyone you meet.

Thats how I see it.

-Josh

 

[Simon Curran]

With regards to holding doors for people, I sympathise with those who have experienced ungrateful reactions, here in Denmark it just is not a part of their culture, it seems.

I am born and raised English, and have always been taught the importance of manners/chivalry (we aren't all tha same Bammx2, depends where in the UK you are) so I must admit this was one of the biggest culture shocks for me when I orginally moved away.

 

[Bammx2]

With regards to holding doors for people, I sympathise with those who have experienced ungrateful reactions, here in Denmark it just is not a part of their culture, it seems.

I am born and raised English, and have always been taught the importance of manners/chivalry (we aren't all tha same Bammx2, depends where in the UK you are) so I must admit this was one of the biggest culture shocks for me when I orginally moved away.

Hey Simon,

You know I have met some great people here,or I wouldn't be here

But I do know what yer sayin.

Try this for "cultural education"....
High Wycombe,Morecambe,Hastings and Crystal Palace.
I have lived in all. Now you may know where I'm commin from

 

[Simon Curran]

Hey Simon,

You know I have met some great people here,or I wouldn't be here

But I do know what yer sayin.

Try this for "cultural education"....
High Wycombe,Morecambe,Hastings and Crystal Palace.
I have lived in all. Now you may know where I'm commin from

Morecambe and Crystal Palace I know, and now I definately see where you are coming from:erg:

 

[Makalakumu]

When someone is rude to me when I try to help another, I just remind myself that there were others who were thankful. Therefore, if someone needs help, I'm going to help.

 

[shesulsa]

HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL!!!

Okay, so I go back to the same store today and erred in my math. My groceries rang up to $1.00 over what I had and thought I had spent. The lady in front of me (who had been rung up and was bagging her groceries) said, "Oh, I have a dollar!" and insisted I accept it. (I HATE taking money from people) I protested profusely, but she absolutely insisted and said, "Please." I flashed back to the other day and agreed.

After I packed up my own groceries, I helped her pack up hers and she tried to refuse also, but I said "Please, it's the least I can do - you helped me, I'd like to help you too." She agreed, we thanked each other, exchanged first names and a ladylike handshake. Turns out she's from Minnesota and has a good friend there named Georgia!

Well, I like it when the universe/God/Goddess/fate/Buddha/What-the-f-ever taps you on the shoulder and thanks you for being kind.

*Whistles off*

 

[terryl965]

Good for you Shesulsa, I'm glad to see good things come back twice folded.

 

[lonecoyote]

If people aren't grateful, thats too bad, I'm doing the right thing anyway, not because I expect gratitude but because it's the right thing to do, because I get to look at myself in the mirror and know who I am. I got an extra $40 back at Albertsons the other day. I know exactly why I married my wife. She saw me count the change, and read my mind, unbuckling her seat belt before I got mine off. I know a large chain store can afford the loss, but the poor lady in there checking groceries all day, she might get reamed by her boss, have the money taken out of her check, or even get fired. By the way, she was very grateful, which felt nice, but it wasn't why I returned it.

 

[oldnewbie]

Ya know, after re-reading my previous post I made it sound like I don't help at all anymore, when what I tried to say was I don't stop on the side of the road anymore...oh well..(what I think seldom comes out through my fingers well.)

As other have said, I too don't really care if I am thanked, its about how I feel. I know what is right to do and I do it. I tried to teach my boys the same thing.. just do the right thing.. it all comes out in the wash later.......