Found this tumblr.
Why Middle Class and Upperclass victims of bullying insist on āFightingā one-on-one? Without pumping themselves up?
Why Middle Class and Upperclass victims of bullying insist on āFightingā one-on-one? Without pumping themselves up?
ChatWithMarcMacYoung said:First of have you ever watched the movie The Family staring Robert De Niro?
If you didnāt watch it because not only is it a lovely FANTASTIC movie but in many ways youāll be impressed with how it accurately reflects many concepts you mentioned on your NoNoneSenseSelfDefense website.
However one scene in the movie struck me. love I donāt want to put a spoiler but its a significant part of the scene but Iāll go ahead. Sadly I canāt seem to find these two specific scenes (and I donāt want to get either of us int trouble by posting a link to the full movie) so Iāll try to do as brief a summary as possible.
One of the members of the āfamilyā, Blake, gets beaten up by a bunch of bullies because heās an American who just immigrated into France and it doesnāt help that he has a sharp tongue that just inspires the French gang students to jump him (love I wish I a scene was lying around because this just shows fantastically how a victim escalated the situation with non-physical violence).
Blake gets all sorts of injuries. He plans for revengeā¦ā¦
However rather than training in kickboxing or lifting heavy weights to get bigger muscles, the first thing Blake does when he gets home is get lots of cash from his piggy bank. Next he gets his baseball bat.
I donāt know how much time passed since the beating, but bLake is shown talking to some other large and violent French students also at his school. He gives them a paycheck and says āI have a favorā.
15 minutes later (after some scenes involving the other member so the āfamilyā), the bullies who jumped Blake are shown walking in an alley. Out of nowhere they get ambushed by the āacquaintancesā Blake just made. As its obvious they are losing against the ambushers, the ring leader (the one who not only lead the bullies to surround Blake earlier in the film and threw the first punch after Blake threw a sharp comment) runs aways.
Out of nowhere Blake appears with his baseball bat. The bully than backs away from the escape route and begins crying begging for mercy and apologizing. But Blake simply gets his bat and whacks the ringleader KOing him unconscious. For the rest of the movie no one ever physically threatens Blake again and whenever some guy starts **** (thats not physical such as telling Blake insults), his acquaintances (who became his Blakeās bodyguard) walks in front and the smartass immediately shuts his mouth and backs away in a terrified manner.
Now I watched The Family years ago before I discovered your writings. But I was completely shocked at the way Blake handled the bullying.
At various points in my childhood I was bullied. A few ties I was jumped like Blake. My response was to take martial arts classes. As oppose to the movies, however learning martial arts were a mixed bag. Some bullies end up kicking my *** once again everytime I stood up for my self. Other bullies fought back hard and I got hurt but they were more cautious about choosing me as a target. Most bullies STOPPED me once I punched them hard and they actually feared choosing me as their victim afterwards (to the point some where ever backing off in paranoia or running away once they see me in the hallway).
Now I must point when I took martial arts classes I am referring to hard contact classes (a la kickboxing and MMA style sparring). In addition I didnāt just take a few classes every weekend. I actually did hard physical training that included heavy weightlifting, hitting the heavy bag, and running for hours. So wen I took on the bully I was indeed āarmed to the teeth to fightā. Even against the guys who still kicked my *** a few times (even though I spent the time between the last beating hardening my body further to prepare to defend myself), the very last time they fucked with me (usually 5th or 6th), I didnāt just comeback stronger but Iād bring brass knuckles (that Iād hid under wearing a glove or mitten) and I finally won because the tougher bullies get bloody injuries ( a few busted jaws and bones in some cases) and they get so scared I developed the power to break them (despite them kicking my *** everytime I fought them for the last 5 times). Like they have the expression āsure I know he gets stronger after the last beating I gave him but I didnāt know heād get this strong this time!ā (and none of them were aware I brought brass knuckes and hid them in handwear I was wearing).
Now that the preliminary stuff has been put, you wrote a few things in your site.
āMany people in the martial arts have been bullied in the past. And, to a particular mindset, the idea of going out and learning how to fight off bullies makes perfect and logical sense. What it fails to take into consideration, however, is that it is often a continuation of the exact same mindset that got them selected for bullying in the first place! Sure, itās now on steroids, but itās the same core idea. Heās going to handle it by himself.ā
When I read this thing, it immediately makes me think of how Blake got his vendetta by hiring other punks and bringing a baseball bat when he hit the bullies for revenge.
Hell as you seen me wrote, I am guilty of it because I trained myself after I got my *** kicked.
Having witnessed what you wrote, though even I myself admit I am shocked as hell how many victims in the middle and upper classes try to handle bullies.
I may have trained to get stronger but I lovely trained hard. Hard enough to easily qualify as a gym rat and do manual labour. And even I ācheatedā in some of my encounters when they got too tough and I was getting my *** kicked frequently by bringing a strike enhancer (most commonly a brass knuckles).
An extra detail you fail to mention is that these bullied victims are FACING BULLIES in the same EXACT CIRCUMSTANCES. Sure they received some training but they are not all that superior in physical conditioning from the last beating and even though they practise, they only do so once a week (and under easy conditions aka hitting the air without refining techniques).
So when I think about Blakeās handling of the bullying (and how it reminded I sort of am guilty of doing the same cheating by bringing brass knuckles and other dirty little tools)ā¦ā¦.
I am wondering WHAT THE HELL is up with the Middle Class and Upper Class mentality of insisting to take on bullies in a one-on-one fair fight?! In particular without properly preparing themselves for a conflict (like the way I did lifting weights to gain mass and hitting heavy bags several hours a day)?!
I mean donāt many of these victims understand that to become efficient at fighting that you not only need to condition yourself but more importantly just taking a karate class once a week aināt cutting it?
I agree with you that having a social network who can take on said bullies is the best way to handle them.But since bullied kids frequently insist going one-on-oneā¦ā¦
Canāt they realize that in the first place they LOSE fights because they are way out of shape? And they insist letting the bully get adrenalized to rock and roll under dueling style circumstances?
It may come off as a rant but the way Blake handled bullying really changed my views when it comes to āstopping bullyingā. Blake didnāt take them again in a toe-to-toe confrontation but he AMBUSHED them and with a weapon and some other punks as allies. Even I (who did exactly as you said in your quote,train myself to fight bullies), understood that I was going to have to pump myself up and become as strong and large as these bullies if I was going to take them in a fight. And despite gaining mass and getting muscles, I HAD to use a few strike enhancers and dirty tricks against some of the tougher bullies.
Read the last sentence-because in addition to insisting one letting the bully be aware a fight is going to take place and refusing to commit the necessary time to build the body needed for fighting, I even seen typical middle class and upper class victims try to fight so much under SPORT STYLE RULES that they never think of something as simple as throwing a stone or eyegouging their bully for an opponent. Most of them canāt even think of using some of the sports stuff in MMA that smaller lighter opponents use to beat heavier opponents in professional fights (such as tackle the legs,sweeps, or pin enemy to a wall using body weight).
I notice the Middle Class and Upper Class mentality is to fight someone ALMOST ALWAYS using purely ākickboxingā style strikes and nothing else.
I know MMA charged the mentality a bit and we are seeing some victims now use leg takedowns and other techniques designed to fight larger people when they take on the bully next time. But even among those middle and upper class victims who specifically learn MMA, the overall insistence is one kickboxing style attacks.
I cannot get around this psychology so common in dignity cultures. I come from an upper middle class family and even before I took martial arts I already had the common sense to say take a stone and smash it on a bullies head to create an opening to tackle him onto the ground. So I canāt quite get why the Middle Class and upperclass mentality is so stubbonrly sticking to āpunching the other guyā, insisting one one-on-one fights, never thinking outside the box and say bringing a yawara stick or similar object to enhance hitting power, and most of all NEVER conditioning themselves properly to be in the same league as the bully in physical strength.
What is the psychology in this?
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