Think you've seen it all?

[Earl Weiss]

After 50+ years of teaching I sometimes think I have seen it all. Had a new one last night. One location has a hard floor. Tile over concrete, I try to get kids to do knuckle pushups to condition knuckles and strengthen wrists. I don't expect 10 right away. First month one, next month 2 etc. I see one young man (Maybe 11 years old) place 2 orange discs on the floor where his knuckles will go. . I say "What the heck is that" He says "Play Doh" .

 

[skribs]

After 50+ years of teaching I sometimes think I have seen it all. Had a new one last night. One location has a hard floor. Tile over concrete, I try to get kids to do knuckle pushups to condition knuckles and strengthen wrists. I don't expect 10 right away. First month one, next month 2 etc. I see one young man (Maybe 11 years old) place 2 orange discs on the floor where his knuckles will go. . I say "What the heck is that" He says "Play Doh" .

During stretching one day, a kid raises his hand. "I found a Lego."

It had somehow gotten in his dobok at home. He handed it to me, I handed it to his Mom.

30 seconds later, he raises his hand again. "I found another one."

I picked him up, handed him to his Mom, who turned him upside down and shook him until there were no more Legos left.

 

[Buka]

During stretching one day, a kid raises his hand. "I found a Lego."

It had somehow gotten in his dobok at home. He handed it to me, I handed it to his Mom.

30 seconds later, he raises his hand again. "I found another one."

I picked him up, handed him to his Mom, who turned him upside down and shook him until there were no more Legos left.

That is so awesome.

 

[drop bear]

Autistic kid picked up my coaches mouth guard and sucked on it.

 

[HighKick]

Had a kid sneak his (huge) pet rat onto the floor inside his dobok one time. It jumped out and the room emptied really quick.

 

[drop bear]

 

[Earl Weiss]

Then there was the time during kids class and some basic front kids I felt a spray of water. Thought maybe there was a roof or pipe leak. Then felt it again. I noticed little Rickie's pant cuffs are soaking wet. I was about to ask if he stepped in a puddle but then realized it was 10 degrees outside and there were no puddles. About the same time I noticed a puddle- forming around his feet.

 

[Prince_Alarming]

While at art college I made a 'sculpture' called '50 karate techniques' where I hit a big lump of clay with all sorts of different strikes and then subtly doctored it to look like an abstract sculpture that was supposed to be like that

 

[Prince_Alarming]

Apart from that, all I've got is:
That time when the heating wasn't working properly and the hall floor was covered in sweat and we started skating around on the layer of sweat
and the time a dog walked into the class and started saying hello to everyone while we were doing exercises

 

[skribs]

Autistic kid picked up my coaches mouth guard and sucked on it.

You do BJJ, we already knew the kid was neurodivergent.

Apart from that, all I've got is:
That time when the heating wasn't working properly and the hall floor was covered in sweat and we started skating around on the layer of sweat
and the time a dog walked into the class and started saying hello to everyone while we were doing exercises

We've got some guys in my BJJ class that basically waterboard you.

 

[Prince_Alarming]

You do BJJ, we already knew the kid was neurodivergent.

We've got some guys in my BJJ class that basically waterboard you.

You know, it's funny how some rather obvious jokes have historically been made about grappling when in my experience if anything is designed to put you off other men for life- sexually speaking- it's grappling

 

[JowGaWolf]

After 50+ years of teaching I sometimes think I have seen it all. Had a new one last night. One location has a hard floor. Tile over concrete, I try to get kids to do knuckle pushups to condition knuckles and strengthen wrists. I don't expect 10 right away. First month one, next month 2 etc. I see one young man (Maybe 11 years old) place 2 orange discs on the floor where his knuckles will go. . I say "What the heck is that" He says "Play Doh" .

Kids solving problems.

 

[Balrog]

I picked him up, handed him to his Mom, who turned him upside down and shook him until there were no more Legos left.

That is hilarious!

 

[RTKDCMB]

I once had a student accidentally kick himself in the groin.

 

[Buka]

I had a guy, a blue belt, been training for about a year and a half. Nice enough guy, hard worker.

Talks to me after class one day. He wants his son to start taking classes.

You had to be eleven to join our kids class. Tells me his son just turned ten, is really small for his age, extremely shy and gets picked on all the time.

Asked if I could possibly make an exception. So I made an exception.

The boy was really small for his age, and really shy. Second week, the kids are doing blocking drills. The kid is holding up a rising block when he suddenly lets go with the longest pee in the world.

Make a long story short, we bring him off the floor, move the class to the other side of the dojo and call his home. Mom comes down, who I had not yet met. Really nice person, but she tells me “he’s not small for his age, he’s HUGE for his age.”

Come to find out the kid didn’t just turn ten, he just turned six. When I told his mom what the dad had told me, she was really upset and said “you should teach my husband a lesson.”

Two nights later was sparring night. I put on a yellow belt before I sparred with dad. Told him I just turned yellow belt and I’m real small for my age.

For what he did by putting his child in that position, I beat that man like a dog caught stealing chickens. And told him if he quit over the beating I would come to his workplace and beat him in front of his coworkers.

That poor guy had the toughest following year of any student I’ve ever taught. But he learned the lesson.

 

[Gyakuto]

Mammals above 3kg have an almost constant urination duration of 21s±13s

During a grading, a young, lanky candidate completed their their first kata and performed ‘noto’ (resheathing their sword in that cool way we do in Iaido). The noto was misaligned and he pushed his sword through through the skin of his flank. The blood began to flow as he stood there in disbelief as it pooled on the floor. When he realised what he’d done, he began to pee himself, it flowed down, mixed with his blood in a beautiful swirly pattern. He began to sway and staggered as he began to faint, fell backwards and cracked his head on the hard floor with a hollow clunk! Nobody did anything at first but he began to move, pushed up to his feet, composed himself and attempted to complete his grading embu with a dazed look on his face.

It’s not a true story, but I always tell the new graders this story before they go onto the shinsa to grade adding it’s a joke. The chuckle relaxes them and they usually do well.

 

[HighKick]

I had a guy, a blue belt, been training for about a year and a half. Nice enough guy, hard worker.

Talks to me after class one day. He wants his son to start taking classes.

You had to be eleven to join our kids class. Tells me his son just turned ten, is really small for his age, extremely shy and gets picked on all the time.

Asked if I could possibly make an exception. So I made an exception.

The boy was really small for his age, and really shy. Second week, the kids are doing blocking drills. The kid is holding up a rising block when he suddenly lets go with the longest pee in the world.

Make a long story short, we bring him off the floor, move the class to the other side of the dojo and call his home. Mom comes down, who I had not yet met. Really nice person, but she tells me “he’s not small for his age, he’s HUGE for his age.”

Come to find out the kid didn’t just turn ten, he just turned six. When I told his mom what the dad had told me, she was really upset and said “you should teach my husband a lesson.”

Two nights later was sparring night. I put on a yellow belt before I sparred with dad. Told him I just turned yellow belt and I’m real small for my age.

For what he did by putting his child in that position, I beat that man like a dog caught stealing chickens. And told him if he quit over the beating I would come to his workplace and beat him in front of his coworkers.

That poor guy had the toughest following year of any student I’ve ever taught. But he learned the lesson.

I wanted to click both laugh and love but loved the funny story too much to pass it up. You are never too old to learn a life lesson. I do aver some people are just too stupid though. Sounds like it took him longer than most. I hope his wife was grinding on him for the whole year as well.