I do know what my problems are. I constantly feel like what I do is never good enough, that's low self-esteem. I constantly seek positive reinforcement from others to help my self esteem problem. (Hence the sparring and fights)
My ego is large and at the same time fragile, I constantly do things to make people think I am strong and tough. Things such as lift weights, during the busiest gym hours so the more people can see how strong I am. I work out on the heavy bag when there are many people in there for the same reasons.
As a result of the ego problem which stems from low self esteem I give people too much power over me. They can basically influence how I feel by calling me weak ect. In short I care way too much about what other people think regarding my abilities when I shouldn't care at all.
Pretty much everything I do is for other people's opinions and first impressions. Wearing tight shirts, wearing sleeveless shirts, flexing too much. The things I do should not be for other people but for myself.
Fight with my uncle and beat him in a Judo match in front of my family, key term, in front of family. If they weren't there at all I probably wouldn't even had done it in the first place. Get in a fight with some douche a party, again, probably would have done nothing if it didn't threaten my ego which must be enormously awesome.
I get it, if you don't believe I get it simply because I am not angry, then I don't know what to tell you.
