Respect- Given Or Earned?

[D.Cobb]

Ok here's the question.

Do you believe that respect, should be given, or earned?

Some people say that respect should be earned, but then tell me I should respect them automatically.

What makes them so special?

Others say that respect is a given. That it is up to you to keep it, by your actions, words and deeds.

I am wondering what you guys and gals have to say on this subject.

--Dave

:asian:

 

[James Kovacich]

Originally posted by D.Cobb
Ok here's the question.

Do you believe that respect, should be given, or earned?

Some people say that respect should be earned, but then tell me I should respect them automatically.

What makes them so special?

Others say that respect is a given. That it is up to you to keep it, by your actions, words and deeds.

I am wondering what you guys and gals have to say on this subject.

--Dave

:asian:

Both. From me to you, you've earned my respect "overtime". If I didn't know and you walked into my class then a "mutual" respect is called for as well as a student to sensei respect.

In any case, respect can be lost for a number of reasons.

:asian:

 

[stickarts]

I also say Both!
I think you should approach others with respect, however, if you are trying to teach someone or lead someone, you should expect that you will have to earn their respect to function in that role.

 

[Nightingale]

if someone has earned a black belt, they have earned my respect as a martial artist.

 

[Jay Bell]

if someone has earned a black belt, they have earned my respect as a martial artist.

How so? Isn't a martial artist a human being? How is a black belt reason for handing respect to someone?

I've known some shadey black belts in my life...they never did anything to deserve my respect.

<playing devil's advocate>

 

[theletch1]

I've known some shadey black belts in my life...they never did anything to deserve my respect.

Kinda hard to play devil's advocate with this one given that so many threads here deal with shadey blackbelts but I'm sure someone will take the bait.

As for the respect, my initial response was to say earned. But, then I began reading here and have to agree with the "both" answer. I suppose I always looked at the first meeting of people as a matter of common decency rather than respect but it does indeed fall into that catagory. Respect is so much more easily lost than regained.

The respect that is initially given is, IMO, a little different than the respect that is earned over time. Respect given is often given to a position of authority rather than to an individual. Respect earned is given to who the individual truly is.

While in the military we used to use the phrase "You respect the rank not the man." to reconcile having to follow someone who was so obviously not deserving of respect as an individual. The same goes for the dojo...with a caveat. We had no choice in the matter in the military. We have a choice in the dojo. If you are at a school in which you have lost your respect for your instructor then you must decide for yourself whether or not you can continue to learn from someone you cannot respect. In my case, I left. I am firm believer in balancing mind, body and SPIRIT within the martial arts and must be able to see that my instructor has reached a certain level of balance to keep my respect and I cannot train with someone I cannot respect.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Rank can be bought. (cost of a black belt is only $3+S/H)

Respect can't be. Not in the true sense.

I believe it has to be earned.

I think theres a difference though in treating someone in a respectful manner and having respect for them. Its grey, but its a levels thing. It can go from simply saying 'please' and 'thankyou' or holding a door, all the way up to 'hero worship'.

I respect that my instructor will respect me and not cripple me or cause me harm for example. When one of the grandmasters visit, I will be respectful due to their reputation, however I need to interact with them a while before they earn my respect at the higher levels.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[RCastillo]

I go with both.:asian:

 

[Disco]

theletch1 is right on the money with the Military analogy.

But let me take it just a small step further and just deal with the dojo/dojang. When most people get involved with the martial arts, they come with some predetermined expectations and what I like to call "The Eastern Mystic Mindset". They automatically regard the instructor with a higher level of respect. Even more so if that person is of oriental extraction. Unlike the military, where it dosen't take very long to find out if the new LT. is a jerk, the instructor student relationship takes for the most part a good bit longer. I know in my case it took several years and gaining an understanding of the politics that underscores the martial arts in general. To my discredit, I considered myself old school. I gave my loyality and respect freely because I had the EMM. But then again, I started my journey back in the early 60's before the overall degradation of the arts that we now have. When I continued with the journey in the 80's, that's when this came about. Just so you don't think it took me over 20 years to catch on. I'm married with children, but I'm not Al Bundy.

So yes, like the military you respect the rank but you should initially respect the person, just for their accomplishments in the arts. Only time can prove if the initial respect/honor is justified.
:asian:

 

[ob2c]

Respect is both given automatically and earned, but it is not an all or nothing proposition. Respect is given or lost in degrees, and may co-exist with disrespect in the same individual. I could respect a ma's skill and rank, but have seriouse questions abut his character. You may be accorded some ammount of respect upon meeting someone, especially in a structured environment like a ma school. You gain more respect from them as you are willing to help juniors and learn from seniors, and as you step on the mat and take the hits. But you could loose respect by berating people or trying to hurt someone. It's not an absolute, either initially or as you get to know someone.

 

[stickarts]

Some great posts!

 

[clapping_tiger]

I say both also. But in my opinion the respect that is earned runs much deeper that the type that is given. I try to respect everyone I meet, but that respect can disappear pretty fast. But my friends, family, coworkers, and my instructor and fellow students have earned a different type of respect. This is what I think true respect is, the type that is earned. The automatic "fellow human being" respect doesn't mean as much, even though I feel everyone should be shown respect untill they show they do not deserve it.

 

[A.R.K.]

if someone has earned a black belt, they have earned my respect as a martial artist.

Would this be BB's that took 5 or more years to be earned, or ones that were earned in 2 years?

Would this be BB's in ALL styles/systems/disciplines?

Would this be the BB earned in a McDojo, but he/she doesn't know the difference yet works very hard.

Would this be the student who earned a BB then quit 15 years ago because that was there goal?

Would this be the BB that is helpful & humble or the one that is the self-appointed guardian of all that is holy in the MA's?

Not bustin your chops But it was an open statement that I felt needed closer attention.

:asian:

 

[Rich Parsons]

Respect Given or Earned?

Short Answer: Both.

Long Answer:

When I meet someone new I give them the basi respect of meetnig someone new.

When, I come across people who are older than me (* i.e. 60+ *) I give them respect for their age and the life they have lived. If I learn after that, that they do not deserve my respect then I do not offer it. These are generalities.

When I meet a lady, I offer my respect. (* note if she steps onto the mats though, then she is either a student or a teacher, and has my respect as either, not just as a women. *)

In general I offer it in a limited manner until you prove yourself to me. Who am I to have anyone prove themselves to me? I am the one who is either going to or not going to offer his respect. There are those I do not respect yet I am forced to work with them and can do this.

Have a nice day

 

[LostGrrlDies]

It always depends on the situation.

A great professor once said, "It depends." He made sure that if we learned nothing else under his instruction that we would always know, "it depends." Hence, now when asked a question it is my favorite initial response.

It depends. Blahblahblah.

It depends. Yaddayaddayadda.

It depends. blabyaddablah.

Quite annoying to my friends, if you could imagine. Of course I only do it to mess with them, so they stop asking me so many silly questions.

 

[gojukylie]

I guess everybody will think differently on this one. I would have to say in my opinion, that respect has always got to be earned. No matter what belt, as mentioned above.

There is a difference between respect and courtesy. Respect is something that you have for somebody who has earned your trust or you admire for certain reasons. Courtesy may be just that in your dojo rules, bowing is a regulation for senior students and you comply. It may be that one of these senior students whom you know personally, may have a nature you know is of bad intent. Because they are your senior, does that mean your bow out of respect or courtesy. That is the difference.

Being on the other end of the topic, I believe it is more important to earn respect from others. In a work situation I have seen many new people come in, do their thing, without regard for others and within a few weeks they become uncomfortable and leave. They don't understand that the respect they desire comes from listening to others and slowly, with patience and good nature, their respect will be earned. They leave and start all over again none the wiser. It is the same in the Dojo.

I like to think of it as repainting a house. You can grab a brush and start painting over the old stuff and get it done in a few hours, or you can sand back the old stuff, prep the surface and slowly and neatly repaint the house. It takes so much longer but the finish is worth the viewing. Respect works the same way. Respect has a balance. The deeper you earn it, the longer it remains. The quicker you find it the sooner you lose it. :asian:

 

[cali_tkdbruin]

Originally posted by nightingale8472
if someone has earned a black belt, they have earned my respect as a martial artist.

I beg to differ nightingale, I respect your opinion, but I have to disagree.

There are plenty of BLACKs who are arrogant Assh____s who don't deserve any type of respect. Just because they earned their BLACK some think that they're all knowing Yodas. IMHO, a person needs to earn respect, and not expect it because of their rank or standing.

I evaluate the person first, and see how they comport themselves. I don't give a rat's *** about their rank, or standing.
I must be American huh? It's not someone's standing or rank that I respect, it's the person I respect... :asian:

 

[Seigi]

As Human Beings we should have respect for all, no matter if they are a martial artist or a stranger, with the understanding that it can be lost due to the lack of respect from the other individual.

Also, Rank does not automatically earn respect, Just like i stated above, Show it, if it's not returned (no matter the rank) then it is lost.

 

[Nightingale]

Originally posted by cali_tkdbruin
I beg to differ nightingale, I respect your opinion, but I have to disagree.

There are plenty of BLACKs who are arrogant Assh____s who don't deserve any type of respect. Just because they earned their BLACK some think that they're all knowing Yodas. IMHO, a person needs to earn respect, and not expect it because of their rank or standing.

I evaluate the person first, and see how they comport themselves. I don't give a rat's *** about their rank, or standing.
I must be American huh? It's not someone's standing or rank that I respect, it's the person I respect... :asian:

I said that if they'd earned a black belt, they had my respect AS A MARTIAL ARTIST.

Respect for them as a human being is automatic.

Respect for them as a person/individual... now THAT one takes a long time to earn...

I can respect someone for their martial arts skills and hold a low opinion of their moral character, and vice versa.

 

[Senfeng]

I believe that respect should always be given automatically; especially if you've never met the person before. I also believ that it CAN be earned or increased, but can also be lost.