I find meditation very difficult. Itās not really āzoning outā or being lost in some sort of reverie, but for me itās akin to balancing an upturned broom on your fingertip or spinning plated on a cane!
I keep my eyes half-open and gently looking at a spot 2 metres before me on the floor, but my vision spread out laterally and vertically to avoid falling asleep and silencing the mindās chatter a little. I sit in a Zen-prescribed manner, body aligned, pelvis rotated anteriorly, hands held in the Rinzai manner. Then I start by mentally counting the breathsā¦in various ways, sometimes in Japanese so it canāt be done mindlessly and automatically...hitotsu, futatsu, mittsu etc if thoughts enter my mind, I donāt attach to them but let them float away. If I engage with themā¦Iām hungryā¦whatās for breakfastā¦oh I like breakfastā¦breakfast TV is rubbish thoughā¦weather girl is sexy, thoughā¦dammit! āOne, two, threeā¦ā I start again. After 30 minutes or so and some kinhin or some Ah-un breathing, I sit again but donāt count my breaths. Just sit in silence and ask myself, āWho am I?ā and wait to see what arise. āWho am I?ā, āWho am I ?ā again any extraneous thoughts are let go of, released and I ask, āWho am I?ā into the silence.
Itās hard for me to do and until my garden dojo is finally built, I donāt have a very pleasant place to sit. But for some reason I continue doing itā¦