I appreciate you taking time and I hope your work is treating you fair.. Your honest view of your self make it easy to listen and trust what you have written thank you..
Sorry, again, have been travelling and was not able to respond earlier, I tried remotely but it didn't seem to load. The conversation has moved on but I wanted to reply as I appreciate your questions (especially your last question, as this to me is the most important and fundamental of them).
You have said some thing.. “My sensei told me that once I get others in my life that I care for, then their safety, and also my staying alive and sticking around to be there for them, becomes paramount.” that resonate with me so much I am inclined to ask you Z are you in this situation now of having others in your life whose safety you care for? I am interested in what ‘clicked’ with you in this depiction that made you change from deliberately NOT avoiding confrontation to seeing this bigger or wider picture? I mean there must have been one particular situation you would have normally reacted agressively to that you did not.. do you remember this?
Yes, now, and for some time there are others in my life I care for. Around the time of these discussions with my sensei, I had been going out with a girl that I cared for a lot. And that really brought home this point about not dragging others in, either directly by having them there during a confrontation or indirectly by having to be the one spoon feeding you in hospital or posting your bail. It was this that made things click and enabled me to see that there was a bigger picture.
To be honest, there was no one "situataion" I walked away from, there were many. But now, and for a very long time, there really are no such situations. With a different mindset and outlook, these situations just do not exist or present themselves.
You use the term worthless ego.. can you tell me a bit more about why you say your ego is worthless? I do not at all disagree.. I would like to know how you come by this description?
Now, drive and self-esteem are important in my opinion. I think it is important and right that each person should have a good sense of self-worth and even pride in themselves. You should not self-idolise but I see no harm in taking pride (to a healthy degree) in the good you have done for others or in things you have achieved. Drive is also key to pushing yourself beyound the boundaries you had perceived and thought, or were told by others, existed.
I do see these things as different to "ego" however. Many seem to need some vision or self-inflated "ideal of themselves" as a kind of crutch or support to hold themselves (emotionally, and sometimes it seems even physically) up in life and to get ahead. They are focused on thier own vision of themselves and what their place in the grand scheme of things should be - be it in the dojo, in the workplace, at the local watering hole or simply their position in society in general. They may be very good at what they do, but they do what they do simply to boost and bulster their own feelings of worth or power. There is no problem being the "best" at something (that never lasts for long in any event) but to go about thinking to yourself "I am the best and everyone else can suck my peanut butter coated waffle dog" is in my view, just a tad over the top!! You do not need this kind of attitude to do great things and it can, in my view, actually cheapen yourself and the greatness you would otherwise be doing.
And regarding when you intervened on behalf of another.. ha I like that you were not suited up like Spidey lol.. only one thing strike me and I wonder of my self.. why are other people worth intervening for? Why do we care? Why do you care? Thank you again! I am grateful to you Jxxxx
This is interesting and could probably have several psychology/sociology books/volumes devoted to it!!
One aspect is the societal or even biological wiring whereby, if one or several parts of a society go (potentially putting themselves in harms way) to assist another person faced with danger, then this is of benefit to the group as a whole and each individual of that group - as they in turn can hope/expect assistance from others that do not actually know them in their time of need. Unfortunately from what I have seen, this outlook or societal mechanism seems to have been severly eroded in the last 50(??) years or so, in some (most) of the societies I am familiar with. People, often those that could help (albeit with danger to themselves) will not get involved when someone is being picked on or even beaten up on the metro train or in the street. Even when there are several bystanders, where with simply force of number they could overpower the assailent(s), they do not get involved, the bystanders simply hope they will not become involved. I would say that of course there are numerous exceptions to this - but my issue and concern is that I think it is coming close (or we are alreadt there!) to intervention by bystanders being the exception and not the other way around.
Another view is people wanting to help others, without any thought of the societal matrix (ie help others and expect help in return) or of any overall advantage to humantiy or themselves. They are simply acting to assist another in need. The problem is, once you have loved ones and children yourself or other dependants, it can be hard not to assess the situation and think "right I can wade in there and take out that thug and help that old lady" and "crap, I need to act but there are [3] of those thugs beating on that guy and no one's helping, I could end up in the hosptial or in the ground if I step in and who's gonna feed my kids if that happens?". These assessments can be done in microseconds of course and some people are of the make-up that they will simply act to help others without thought - and maybe that is a great thing.
This is a complicated area!
We should care for others because quite frankly, why do you want to exist in a world where your fellow humans do not care for you? Who wants that as a reality? What does it hurt you to help and give assistance, be it physical, mental or finanical, to others? Your fellow human beings can impart amazing experiences and emotions on you.
I am far from a peace-hippy and have a relatively jaded, or open eyed outlook on the world, and as admitted earlier, have struggled to stay away from violence but it would be a great thing if we could stop beating on each other, I mean that on a local level and also international, policitcal and (I'll throw it in there) religious level. I have had friendships and experiences (and help) in the Middle East with Arabs, with Jews, very close friendships with Chinese and good business relations with South Americans. It seems on a one-to-one level and in times of need "man" can get on with and be great friends with any other "man". But it all breaks down on a larger scale, a damn shame.
Wowzers! Were did that come from??!!
And I would like to ask how you learned not to doubt your self because I think this is a common and often not spoken way among all of us? Thank you Jxxx
