Sounds like a good way to go about it. That kind of messaging is going to appeal to some folks. But since we're talking about McDojos here, I think the idea of a McDojo would be more like, "Come on in. You can do it and it will be comfortable and safe... and fun."
Well, getting back to some things I said earlier... if it's meant to be insulting, it's an insult. But I view it as simply prioritizing profits by way of standardization over quality. Not to say you can't have quality... but that if there is a choice between sacrificing some quality for profit or vice versa, profits will be prioritized.
Regarding the rhetoric around martial arts salesmanship (i.e., some signs you might be in a dojo), if you say the first, and get some version of the second, you are being redirected:
- I want to learn to fight --> We don't teach people to fight; we teach them to defend themselves, and that looks different. (A common redirect)
- I want to learn fancy jumping kicks... that's badass --> Ha. Try that in a "real" fight. XMA and tricking isn't martial arts; it's an abomination. We teach real/serious martial arts here. (Seen in just about every thread on XMA, tricking, Parkour, etc).
- I want to get fit --> Get fit on your own time. We teach technique here. (Versions seen in some karate threads over the years)
- I want to get fit --> Muscles can actually get in the way, and make you slower and less capable of fighting. (I recall this specifically from some Wing Chun threads over the years)
- Should I compete? --> Competition is not self defense, and we discourage it because it reinforces bad habits that will get you killed. (this is pretty common)
- It seems like it will be hard --> My system is comfortable and nurturing, designed to teach you in a supportive and welcoming environment where you'll never even break a sweat. (a bit hyperbolic, but language like this is pretty easy to find on a lot of websites)
We see hints of it around here from time to time. You can see how in the early interactions with new posters, there is a lot of redirection... a lot of, "Look, you don't know better" and "Here's how it really works". Or something I saw recently, paraphrasing, "How long have you been training, so that I can figure out how to respond to you?" Which is a subtle way of saying, "You don't know as much as I do, and I am going to make sure you know it, so that you will be appropriately deferential in all future threads."
It's all about sales, subordinating other people, and convincing them that what you're selling is what they really want, regardless of what they say they want.