Bad Joke thread.

[Fiendlover]

alright here we go.........

(this ones from pulp fiction)

papa tomatoe, mama tomatoe, and baby tomatoe are walking and the baby tomatoe starts lagging behind so the papa tomatoe gets angry and stomps on him and says catch-up (ketchup) oh yeah lol

theres a rabbi, a wiccan priestess, and a priest on a boat fishing. the rabbi excuses himself to go get something so he jumps overboard and walks across the water and then walks back.
the preist then crosses himself in shock.
then the wiccan priestess excuses herself to go to the restroom and jumps over board and walks across the water to the shore and then comes back.
not wanting to be showed up, the priest excuses himself and sinks.
the rabbi says "do you think we should have told him about the rocks?" and the wiccan priestess says "what rocks?" lol

 

[jamz]

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,























"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

 

[Nomad]

What's brown and sticky?
















A Stick!

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?















Because they're ugly and they stink!

(Sorry, had to pass that one along)

 

[Nomad]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?


Because he was dead!


Why did a second monkey fall out of the tree?


Because he was dead!


Why did a third monkey fall out of the tree?


Peer pressure.

 

[lulflo]

What did the left eyeball say to the right eyeball?













Between You and Me, something smells!

 

[exile]

Q: Suppose you were a classically-trained musician, but the only work you could get was in a polka band. What would be the best thing to do?

A: Act accordionly.

 

[Hawke]

Why did Tigger run into the bathroom?











He wanted to find POO!

 

[Hawke]

A bear and a rabbit were out in the woods going to the bathroom.

Bear (deep voice): Rabbit do you have problems with poo sticking to your fur?

Rabbit (high squeaky voice): Nope

So Bear picks up Rabbit and wipes himself.

 

[The Last Legionary]

The worst golf player in history must have been Adolf Hitler.
He never got out of the bunker.




Q: How is The Taliban like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

 

[Fiendlover]

ok so i went to disneyland yesterday and i picked up a few bad ones from a security guard.

how do you put an elephant in a fridge?

you open the door, take the shelfs out and put him in.


how do you put a giraffe in a fridge?

you take the elephant out and put him in.


when Simba was born and everyone went to see him at Pride Rock, besides Scar and the hyenas, who did not show up?

the giraffe because he was still in the fridge!


how do you cross a crocodile infested river?

you swim because all the crocodiles went to see Simba at Pride Rock!

pretty lame.

 

[diamondbar1971]

Two Nuns who did weekly volunteer work as in home heath nurses, were on their way to one of their patients, when they ran out of gas. Well one of them walked to the closest gas station but the attendant had no gas containers of any kind, so she walks back to the car but can find nothing to hold gas but a bed pan. So she walks back to the gas station and fills it up and walks back to the car. As the two Nuns are pouring the contents of the bed pan into the gas tank, a Methodist church bus stops and observes and one of the methodist says to another, if that thing starts, i'm converting to Catholic.

 

[Hawke]

A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no, that's not the punch line) to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a backwoods section of Maine.

On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebie off a lawyer, agreed. Well, they had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors.

Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge Bears - a male and a female.

Well, the lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.

The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast has he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there.

"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend.

The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE.

"What d'ya do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!"

"Exactly," replied the sheriff, "and would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the Male?"

 

[Cirdan]

Do you know the difference between an elephant`s *** and a mailbox?




No?? Can`t send you to get my mail then.

 

[MA-Caver]

ok so i went to disneyland yesterday and i picked up a few bad ones from a security guard.

how do you put an elephant in a fridge?

you open the door, take the shelfs out and put him in.


how do you put a giraffe in a fridge?

you take the elephant out and put him in.


when Simba was born and everyone went to see him at Pride Rock, besides Scar and the hyenas, who did not show up?

the giraffe because he was still in the fridge!


how do you cross a crocodile infested river?

you swim because all the crocodiles went to see Simba at Pride Rock!

pretty lame.

The guard needs to be whapped over the head with his own baton...

 

[Whitebelt]

The guard needs to be whapped over the head with his own baton...

Well maybe he doesnt have one, which is why he's got those ,Tactical Jokes, if you could see them they'd probably be black and really rigid (see http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=64235&highlight=tactical+shot )

 

[thardey]

Well maybe he doesnt have one, which is why he's got those ,Tactical Jokes, if you could see them they'd probably be black and really rigid (see http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=64235&highlight=tactical+shot )

Bad thread crossover warning! Not allowed!!

. . .groan. . . .

 

[Tomu]

Did you hear about the baby boy that was born without eyelids?
They used his foreskin to contruct him some new eyelids.






Everything turned out OK but he was a little cock-eyed!!!

 

[Big Don]

A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night, I dreamed I was a Trans Am. Another night, I dreamed I was an Alpha Romeo. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?"

"Relax," says the shrink, "You're just having an auto-body experience."

 

[BrandonLucas]

So, 2 midgets walk into a bar...

One turns to the other and says "Ow!!"

 

[MA-Caver]

did you hear about the baby boy that was born without eyelids?
They used his foreskin to contruct him some new eyelids.

Everything turned out ok but he was a little cock-eyed!!!

groan!