The economy is so bad that
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
- I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
- African television stations are now showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials!
- wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
- I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
- CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
- Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
- my ATM gave me an IOU!
- a stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
- I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
- I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.
- Barack Obama changed his slogan to "Maybe We Can!"
- if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
- Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
- McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
- Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
- Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their childrenÂ’s names.
- my cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
- a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
- Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
- a picture is now only worth 200 words.
- they renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."
- when Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
- the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
- Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck