When I was late teens/early 20s, martial arts were about protecting my manhood. The only thing I cared about was being able to kick everyone's *** around me. I was an insecure wreck. My mentality was shaped by Van Damme movies, Shonen manga/anime, and mma fighters beating their chests and acting like pro wrestlers while overlooking the fact that their tough guy personas were 99% manufactured to sell tickets, and the remaining 1% whose similar behavior was meant to be taken seriously were either mentally ill or had extremely dysfunctional upbringings or something of the sort.
These days, what if I get worked on the mats by a younger, stronger, more genetically gifted sparring partner? Good. Keep me humble, remind me again that I still have a lot to learn, that there are levels I may never reach and that's ok. Training martial arts for the purpose of being able to kick the most *** possible is something that I now see as a pointless pursuit, and not only because I'm getting older. After all, even an average guy with a pocket knife poses a significant risk for a master using his bare hands. Let alone a gun, and before guns the hand to hand arts lose to bows and arrows, swords, spears, battle axes, etc. If you want to make people bleed, get a concealed carry permit and be prepared to face the legal consequences should you ever make your wish come true. Furthermore, the aforementioned mentality simply didn't get me anywhere appreciable in life or in my practice (other than getting me to practice in the first place, which was the only redeeming factor). For me today, the martial arts are about personal growth, building character and strengthening your mind and spirit through physical struggle by pushing your body beyond the threshold that would make most people quit. Getting thrown like a ragdoll or choked out or getting my legs kicked out from underneath me no longer bothers me, but if my mind can't carry me to the end of a grueling session I'm as disappointed with myself as the younger and crazier version of me was whenever I "lost" a sparring/rolling match. I'll never be the baddest man on the planet, nor will I ever be a contender. But to this day my ability to handle suffering, exhaustion, frustration, and the ability to push myself one step further when things get so hard that the temptation to call it an early day becomes overwhelming, all of those things continue to reach a new level, and those attributes have been taking me a lot further in life than just trying to be able to beat up as many people as I can. And while martial arts aren't mandatory for developing these attributes, I do it for funzies. The best part is I've found that my mind has far more potential for growth than my body could ever hope for. I believe that I can continue to grow in this manner both to a level and for a period of time that far exceeds the natural limits of my body, and that excites me as much as trying to be like Goku did when I was a kid