This situation has got me on edge...I need some help

[grydth]

I've run into such attitudes as well, both with respect to my military service years ago and more recently the possible use of martial arts.

Some people have no clue about or experience with having to defend themselves or their country. They are so removed from the need to defend themselves (thanks, as some have noted, to the efforts of others) that they have no concept. To them it's just, "EEEEEEEyyyUUUUU!"

I had the questions from a woman at work recently, she asked how I could use such violence if my family were attacked. I told her it was my duty as a father - and asked her if she'd defend her children if a man attacked the kids.

"Oh yes!" she declared.

"With no training, what would you do?" Blank stare......and then, again......

"But just how could you...."

Just make sure you have your own mental and philosophical house in order on these issues, that's the best I can tell you. There's no getting through to such individuals.

 

[jks9199]

Simple answer.

Your aunt is a sheep. In fact, she's a sheep of a sheep!

She's not happy admitting that there are wolves, and that sheepdogs are needed. And you're learning to be a sheepdog.

(If you're confused... see Col. David Grossman's work.)

Complicated answer... She just don't get it, doesn't want to get it, and won't get it. She can't distinguish between the tool and its use. Any tool, be it martial arts skill or CPR and medicine, can be used for either good or evil ends. The same skills that can be used to save a life can also be used to end a life... or to preserve a life.

 

[Cirdan]

I`ve never had anyone react like that to my training in the arts but my grandmother once told me and my brother we were going to hell for playing monopoly... becauce "throwing dice is the Devil`s vice"
I think some people just need to point the accusing finger so they won`t feel so hollow all the time.

As for martial artists being violent, there has been at least two occations where I have been attacked but my training alowed me to walk away without striking back.

 

[KempoGuy06]

Man I love this site...LOL. All those responses were amazing. Thanks a lot.

To answer some of the questions posed:

is she religous? Yes she is very religous but not to the point that you would call fanatical or radical. I thought of looking down this road for an answer and cant find one, but I may be looking in the wrong place.

Has she had a bad past experience? As far as I know...no she hasnt, again I could be wrong and will look into it.

Have we had probems in the past? This is a funny issue (not haha funny, uncomfortable funny). A little background first: my biological father is not in my life, he left when I was three. My mom(biological) remarried and the man I call my father adopted me when I was five. He brought along two sons from his first marriage and a large extended family. Well his sister and his brothers wife(same aunt in OP) didnt like my mom, and blamed her for my dad and his ex-wife splitting up. Now over the years the family has come to accept my mom and I as part of their family exept...the fore mentioned aunt. She didnt like the fact that both my parents had been divorced and then remarried, she also didnt like that fact that they drank and blah blah blah. Needless to say tension has been there for most of my life. We are all cordial with each other and help each no hate anywhere in there but it has always been a strained relationship. Im thinking this may have been a breaking point or...an excuse.

Are my cousins of legal age? Yes one is a few months younger than me and the other is a little over 2 years younger.

B

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

I`ve never had anyone react like that to my training in the arts but my grandmother once told me and my brother we were going to hell for playing monopoly... becauce "throwing dice is the Devil`s vice"

You got off easy I was told I was going to hell because I liked the color Red the Devil's color

 

[MJS]

ok so i know the topic of defending a life by taking another has been brought up a lot but I had a conversation with my aunt the other day that put it back in my head.

She complimented me on how it looked like I was losing weight. I said say I have lost some due in part to my diet and workout routine but mainly because of my involvement in the Martial Arts over the last year and a half. She gave me this evil look and in a real harsh tone asked me why I did Martial Arts. I simply told her that I got into it for the health benefit and loved it so much decided how far the train could take and also that it is always good to know how to defend yourself. She then asked whether or not they teach me stuff that could possible cause permanent damage or kill someone. At first I was like, WTF?, who asks that question but seeing as it was my aunt what who it matter. So I told her that they do not outright tell me that this or that move will kill someone but that they do teach us stuff that when enough force is applied could take someones life. Next she asked if I could actually kill someone. Again a little taken aback but answered it anyway. I said while I dont want to think about it and hope that it never happens the answer is yes if I had no other choice and my life or the life of others then I would do what is necessary. After I said that she stood up, called me evil and left the room and then the house. I am now no longer allowed to have any contact with my cousins (her children) because she believes that I am a bad influence and that I will end up hurting someone for no apparent reason.

Now obviously the first question I have is WHAT THE HELL? What are people being told to make them think like this? Has anyone had a similar problem or is this an isolated incident?

Second, is it wrong to think the way I do? I do have my mind prepared that at anytime I may need to defend myself and that I may need to use extreme force. I hope it never happens but being mentally prepared to do what is necessary is just as important as being physically prepared.

Third, while I do want to talk to my cousins Im at a point where I never want to hear from my aunt again. What should I do? Should I stay in contact with them even against her wishes or should I try to resolve the situation and then if that fails still stay in contact with them.

thanks for the help

B

1) IMO, the questions that she asked are more common than we think. Imagine if we got a dollar for every time someone asked if we had to register our hands because now we're "Deadly Weapons." Non Martial Artists IMO, have a distorted view of the arts. Some will have this image of cold blooded killers, and some will have this image of someone who is exceptionally calm, talks their way out of everything, is able to throw someone across the room with a flick of the wrist.

2) I see nothing wrong with your thinking. However, I've seen many students cringe at the thought of anything violent. I've always wondered why those folks are in the arts, because violence is part of the arts. Its a matter of being able to control that. Someone calls you a name, accusing you of cutting them off, doesnt give you the right to break their neck, but on the other end, if someone now follows you to the parking lot, gets out and is trying to cause you serious harm, you would be expected to use some force. Think about this, and how it applies. Take a LEO. They carry tools that can take a life. They are trained to use those tools. They use those tools to protect not only their life, but the lives of others that are in extreme danger. Of course, they need to understand all this and be able to bring themselves to pull that trigger and possibly take a life. So, like the MAist, they too need to have that balance.

3) With all due respect to you and your aunt, but she seems to have no solid understanding of the arts. My suggestion is to talk to her privately. Address your concerns, and do your best to help her understand the arts. Will this work? I have no idea, but its worth a shot.

Good luck.

Mike

 

[morph4me]

ok so i know the topic of defending a life by taking another has been brought up a lot but I had a conversation with my aunt the other day that put it back in my head.

She complimented me on how it looked like I was losing weight. I said say I have lost some due in part to my diet and workout routine but mainly because of my involvement in the Martial Arts over the last year and a half. She gave me this evil look and in a real harsh tone asked me why I did Martial Arts. I simply told her that I got into it for the health benefit and loved it so much decided how far the train could take and also that it is always good to know how to defend yourself. She then asked whether or not they teach me stuff that could possible cause permanent damage or kill someone. At first I was like, WTF?, who asks that question but seeing as it was my aunt what who it matter. So I told her that they do not outright tell me that this or that move will kill someone but that they do teach us stuff that when enough force is applied could take someones life. Next she asked if I could actually kill someone. Again a little taken aback but answered it anyway. I said while I dont want to think about it and hope that it never happens the answer is yes if I had no other choice and my life or the life of others then I would do what is necessary. After I said that she stood up, called me evil and left the room and then the house. I am now no longer allowed to have any contact with my cousins (her children) because she believes that I am a bad influence and that I will end up hurting someone for no apparent reason.

Now obviously the first question I have is WHAT THE HELL? What are people being told to make them think like this? Has anyone had a similar problem or is this an isolated incident?

Second, is it wrong to think the way I do? I do have my mind prepared that at anytime I may need to defend myself and that I may need to use extreme force. I hope it never happens but being mentally prepared to do what is necessary is just as important as being physically prepared.

Third, while I do want to talk to my cousins Im at a point where I never want to hear from my aunt again. What should I do? Should I stay in contact with them even against her wishes or should I try to resolve the situation and then if that fails still stay in contact with them.

thanks for the help

B

It's amazing, everybody has relative like that. You aren't the one with the problem she is. She lives in a fantasy world and the best you can do is wish her well and have nothing more to do with her.
I have a similar situation, although not as drastic, with an aunt and a cousin who think that I'm some sort of closet psycopath or something because of my views, but everyone is entitled to their opinion so I don't worry about them. I'm a marginal sociopath . Seems to me she shoudn't ask the questions if she doens't want to hear the answers.

As far as your cousins are concened, since they are legally adults, and depending on whetehr they share her phobias, you and they can do whatever you please, it's none of her business.

You can make yourself crazy if you try to live your life according to other peoples expectations or desires. My philosophy tends to be the same in life an in martial arts, Do what you have to do and move on.

 

[Cirdan]

The danger the evil martial arts pose to our immortal souls is discussed here http://currythief.blogspot.com/2006/05/my-two-favorite-subjects.html

Repent, repent before it is too late!

As he enters this ' Spirit World; the practitioner believes that this dynamic power, known as 'Ki' is actually a force within HIM and that HE is in control. In reality he has entered a realm expressly forbidden by ALMIGHTY GOD, who declares in HIS WORD – THE BIBLE – that this is the realm of demonic power over which Satan – The devil reigns!

HERE SATAN IS IN CONTROL!

Everything to do with 'Martial Arts' will lead further and further into demonic bondage and deception –SO BE WARNED

Anyway your aunt sounds like she`s gone just as nuts as my own cousin.. she insists polish smugglers are bury containers filled with human corpses in her back yard at night. Seen too many episodes of the Sopranos I guess. When people get like that they are best left alone. If you try to shatter her dream world she might really do something stupid.

 

[bluekey88]

Wow, that's a tough situation. Liek others have said, it sounds like you handled everything just fine. Her is simply a very extreme view and coupled with the history you told us about makes more sense. I say ignore her as best as you can and interact with your cousins to the extent you and they wish to do so.

It's funny, I've gotten the occassional wierd look or comment (particularly after I get a bump or a bruise from training...."Why do you want to do that to yourself?"). However, you'd think because of my particular religious affiliations (where pacifism is a key component of the faith) that I'd get more flak. but I don't. the way I see it, we have free will for A reason...we can train and choose not to kill everyone we meet with our death touch. Most violoence in the street is done by people without what one would call fomral training.

Peace,
Erik

 

[KempoGuy06]

Wow, that's a tough situation. Liek others have said, it sounds like you handled everything just fine. Her is simply a very extreme view and coupled with the history you told us about makes more sense. I say ignore her as best as you can and interact with your cousins to the extent you and they wish to do so.

It's funny, I've gotten the occassional wierd look or comment (particularly after I get a bump or a bruise from training...."Why do you want to do that to yourself?"). However, you'd think because of my particular religious affiliations (where pacifism is a key component of the faith) that I'd get more flak. but I don't. the way I see it, we have free will for A reason...we can train and choose not to kill everyone we meet with our death touch. Most violoence in the street is done by people without what one would call fomral training.

Peace,
Erik

i get the same question. I just laugh it off because I bruise really easy (seriously a light punch to the arm and Ill have a bruise that looks like i was hit with a bat). Another thing that I get all the time is people saying martial arts are only for little kids, my response is always "really, thats the best you could come up with?" and then I walk away

B

 

[KempoGuy06]

She undoubtedly heard about your little "sleep-kempoing" problem.

I never thought anyone would find out about this. We had a building collapse he in Louisville a couple weeks ago, and I woke up in bed covered in dust, I guess I through that round house kick a little to hard when I was sleep-kempoing, i didnt mean to bring down the building...LOL

B

 

[Brian S]

1st: She's a nutcase. Don't give her another thought. People like this live in a dream world and I can only assume that she's such an old dog she won't be learning any new tricks.
2nd: You are right on point. You told her the truth. You are obviously not overly violent or antisocial, you don't practice killer death touch nor do you want to.
3rd: Depending on your cousin's ages, it may not be a good idea to seek out too much contact with them. Legally that is. If they're legal adults, then you do what you like, socially, as should they.

This is right on the money. Family or not.

p.s. My family are some of the craziest people I know.

 

[Guardian]

ok so i know the topic of defending a life by taking another has been brought up a lot but I had a conversation with my aunt the other day that put it back in my head.

She complimented me on how it looked like I was losing weight. I said say I have lost some due in part to my diet and workout routine but mainly because of my involvement in the Martial Arts over the last year and a half. She gave me this evil look and in a real harsh tone asked me why I did Martial Arts. I simply told her that I got into it for the health benefit and loved it so much decided how far the train could take and also that it is always good to know how to defend yourself. She then asked whether or not they teach me stuff that could possible cause permanent damage or kill someone. At first I was like, WTF?, who asks that question but seeing as it was my aunt what who it matter. So I told her that they do not outright tell me that this or that move will kill someone but that they do teach us stuff that when enough force is applied could take someones life. Next she asked if I could actually kill someone. Again a little taken aback but answered it anyway. I said while I dont want to think about it and hope that it never happens the answer is yes if I had no other choice and my life or the life of others then I would do what is necessary. After I said that she stood up, called me evil and left the room and then the house. I am now no longer allowed to have any contact with my cousins (her children) because she believes that I am a bad influence and that I will end up hurting someone for no apparent reason.

Now obviously the first question I have is WHAT THE HELL? What are people being told to make them think like this? Has anyone had a similar problem or is this an isolated incident?

Second, is it wrong to think the way I do? I do have my mind prepared that at anytime I may need to defend myself and that I may need to use extreme force. I hope it never happens but being mentally prepared to do what is necessary is just as important as being physically prepared.

Third, while I do want to talk to my cousins Im at a point where I never want to hear from my aunt again. What should I do? Should I stay in contact with them even against her wishes or should I try to resolve the situation and then if that fails still stay in contact with them.

thanks for the help

B

I have to agree with some of the others, your Aunt is one of those people that have been taught or have this concept that the Martial Arts are nothing but bad and meant to hurt people. They fail to see the good of knowing the arts. She'll either get over it or write her off as "oh well", but that's me, I have no trouble with discarding those who have such strong opinions without even trying to understand, I have no time for them at all.

As far as your cousins, the response if their of legal age, do what you feel is right and poop on her. She needs to get over it. Sorry don't mean to sound disrespectful here, but people like that, whether family, friends or strangers garner no compassion from me. They are what we train for, because they won't protect themselves and when the time comes, we'll still be there for them.

 

[morph4me]

There is a part of me that says, call your local armed forces recruiter after hours, give them your cousins name and your aunts number and ask for a call back to discuss enlisting, then stand back and watch her head explode. If she thinks martial artists are evil, she must really have a problem with the military :EG:

 

[Tez3]

I never thought anyone would find out about this. We had a building collapse he in Louisville a couple weeks ago, and I woke up in bed covered in dust, I guess I through that round house kick a little to hard when I was sleep-kempoing, i didnt mean to bring down the building...LOL

B

Top man! keep your sense of humour! I came to this late, I've been away for the past week on a course for work ( learning how to kill people...okay not quite, just a refresher type thing, catch up new laws etc) I'm sorry your aunt hurt you with her ignorance and I hearby announce I shall be your new aunt ! And I understand!
Seriously though, if I can do anything to help I will! Reading through, everyone has given great advice!

 

[Andy Moynihan]

OOH! OOH! Can I be your nephew too?

And yes---i haven't much to add that others haven't already said to KG06---she's either gonna get a clue or she aint, and either way the ball is now in her court. Life must go on.

 

[Tez3]

OOH! OOH! Can I be your nephew too?

And yes---i haven't much to add that others haven't already said to KG06---she's either gonna get a clue or she aint, and either way the ball is now in her court. Life must go on.

of course you can!!
We want our families to be proud of us and when they are so against something that we love and know to be a good thing it's very hurtful isn't it? Still this aunt will be proved wrong and I hope she realises that and apologises! Won't hold my breath of course but in the meantime we have a pretty good family thing going on in martial arts! We may have different styles etc but we have a huge amount in common so keep smiling KG!

 

[MantisStyle21]

Sadly, I've had this reaction by a close friend of mine that asked me about it. Fortunately she changed her mind when her boyfriend tried to hit her:uhohh:

Only now, she won't leave me alone and calls me when her dad grounds her hahaha. Seriously though, the best thing you can do is just try to reason with her, keep in contact with your cousins(unless they have the same narrow minded views that their mom has).

Worst comes to worst, one less person you have to worry about buying stuff for christmas.