I can appreciate some of what you say. We all have our own weakness and issues to improve upon.
That said, you have chosen to take the helm of leadership. With this comes great responsibility. It is not about not "showing weakness", it is about doing a good job in spite of them. Respectfully, a tenured Black Belt who owns a Dojang/Dojo should be more than able to handle anxiety (something we all get from time to time)and not let it spill over into the classroom.
It sounds like you are overwhelmed with the burden of the responsibilities of Owning/Running a Dojang/Dojo. They are Not something to be taken lightly and a plan must be in place that tries to cover every contingency. A lot of people who are very good Martial Art students are not able to make the to Owning/Running a MA Dojang/Dojo. I have also seen very good MA instructors that could not handle the mantle of ownership. They are two distinctly different things.
So, how do you fix this? I outlined some ideas in previous post but lets bounce some other ideas around.
Let's establish a background to better understand how you got to where you are.
You are young (23 I think). Not a bad thing. Maturity can be a big issue.
- How many years of MA experience do you have? Was this all training or were you teaching for part of this time?
How did you become the owner of a MA dojang/dojo? A big question that I hope you go into great detail about.
Is this your only source of income? Is this a For profit venture? Is this more of a passing hobby? How committed to this venture are you?
What resources do you have? Are you totally independent (a sole proprietorship)? Are you associated with any other school/system/organization?
Let's work through these questions and go from there. There are a lot of passionate people here on the forum who have a strong desire to help you and we all want to see you succeed. This is a great knowledge base. I hope you stay in touch and stay invested.