Marriage = having a witness to your life??

[Jenna]

Hello all my intently focussed friends

We got to watching a lovely little film earlier and which I am remiss I do not even know what it was called but Richard Gere and yummy J-Lo and I thought it was a great sentiment Susan Sarandon.. her character discussing her marriage and what it was really all about .. and the line was that marriage is having a WITNESS to your life and I thought that was an incisive observation by the writer.. the premise being that a spouse can give relevance to EVERYTHING you do and even if your life is no great shakes then it is validated by being one of two partners interested and intertwined in even the most mundane details of each others lives.. I am silly and sentimental but I thought that was really nice and made me feel a little yearning or maybe envious of folk who have this between them for life..

But is it true? Sometimes always or never??

I am not married and prolly never will at this rate of travel ha! so I am not really qualified to comment and so I would appreciate any thoughts married or not..

Yr most obdt hmble srvt,
Jenna

 

[Swordlady]

I am a single woman, and most everyone I know (around my age) is married. Personally, I think that it would help to be content with *your* own life as a single person first. Nothing wrong with having a desire to get married "some day", but if you are unhappy and unfulfilled as a single person, what makes you think that marriage will be an automatic "happy pill"?

I've known many people who made the mistake of thinking that all they needed was a spouse to be "happy". WRONG! Sure, your a spouse becomes the *most* important relationship in your life (or at least should be), but not even this person is capable of fulfilling every single need. You need other friends and interests. You still need to be with other family members and relatives. Heck, you'll need alone time away from your spouse ever so often.

The other thing is that marriage simply isn't for everyone. I have ZERO desire to get married. Seriously. I enjoy my singlehood and my freedom. I enjoy being able to share my life with whoever I want. I don't have an aching need or desire to "be" with someone. It is my choice to never get married, and that is something I will never impose on anyone else.

I don't know if I answered your questions. Those are just some of my thoughts about marriage. Great for some, but not for me.

 

[green meanie]

.. and the line was that marriage is having a WITNESS to your life and I thought that was an incisive observation by the writer.. the premise being that a spouse can give relevance to EVERYTHING you do and even if your life is no great shakes then it is validated by being one of two partners interested and intertwined in even the most mundane details of each others lives..

My father said once that when things happened in his life, the events weren't REAL until he came home and told my mom. My life is different and I can't say that I have the same outlook on life, but I understand what he meant.

I'm not sure if I answered you question very well Jenna but I hope it helps. :asian:

 

[evenflow1121]

An ex girl friend of mine used to say that even when you get married and then after, you still do not know your spouse, that is you continue to learn things about each other. I ve never been married, part of the reason is what Swordlady wrote, at this point in my life I truly have no desire to give up my freedom. And given the beautiful yet at the same time self centered and shallow city I live in, I usually make it to about the second date when I am simply turned off and decide to call it quits.

At this point in my life I am happy being who I am, I have a nice job, great friends, I love what I do, and I love my routine. I am single again, but I am happy, and to be honest with you, I dont know if I will ever find that right person, I figure it will happen when it happens. I guess in my world I dont really need someone to be there and to witness my life, I am happy well livin =) The truth is that I have a lot of friends who are married and cant stand each others' spouses, and I have friends that are married that have great relationships, but I think it all comes down to something Sword Lady said and I think its a great point: if you are not happy with yourself, what makes anyone think they will be happy married.

 

[Nevada_MO_Guy]

the line was that marriage is having a WITNESS to your life

Not married myself....hello ladies :wavey:

I think that experiences can be more enjoyable when shared.

Whether being shared (or witnessed) with a girlfriend/boyfriend, partner or spouse the synergism of the two separate experiences are enhanced into a shared experience.

 

[Ceicei]

Hello all my intently focussed friends

.. and the line was that marriage is having a WITNESS to your life and I thought that was an incisive observation by the writer.. the premise being that a spouse can give relevance to EVERYTHING you do and even if your life is no great shakes then it is validated by being one of two partners interested and intertwined in even the most mundane details of each others lives..

But is it true? Sometimes always or never??

Yr most obdt hmble srvt,
Jenna

True, at least for me.

I married my best friend. What I am saying is that we were best friends before we married and still are best friends. It was not a "love at first sight" relationship. Essentially, we are happy with who we are before we married each other.

We started out learning about each other and took pleasure with being in each other's presence; we love to talk about various topics and we also enjoy times of silence. We enjoy doing many things together, and recognize there are times we like doing some things alone. We give time for each other to do things we truly enjoy, even if these hobbies and activities may not always involve each other.

We allow each other to be with our friends, yet always emphasize that we are a priority.

We acknowledge we are human and have our own foibles--we may disagree at times, but we accept each other for who we are and celebrate when we achieve goals. Our differences and similarities strengthen us.

We tell each other "I love you" several times daily. We hug and kiss often.

No, our marriage is not perfect--far from it, but we will never have it any other way. We celebrated last month our 15th wedding anniversary.

- Ceicei

 

[Andy Moynihan]

Not for me.

Marriage has been described as both a "cpommitment" and an "institution" and who the hell wants to be committed to an institution? :roflmao:

 

[Jenna]

I am a single woman, and most everyone I know (around my age) is married. Personally, I think that it would help to be content with *your* own life as a single person first. Nothing wrong with having a desire to get married "some day", but if you are unhappy and unfulfilled as a single person, what makes you think that marriage will be an automatic "happy pill"?

I've known many people who made the mistake of thinking that all they needed was a spouse to be "happy". WRONG! Sure, your a spouse becomes the *most* important relationship in your life (or at least should be), but not even this person is capable of fulfilling every single need. You need other friends and interests. You still need to be with other family members and relatives. Heck, you'll need alone time away from your spouse ever so often.

The other thing is that marriage simply isn't for everyone. I have ZERO desire to get married. Seriously. I enjoy my singlehood and my freedom. I enjoy being able to share my life with whoever I want. I don't have an aching need or desire to "be" with someone. It is my choice to never get married, and that is something I will never impose on anyone else.

I don't know if I answered your questions. Those are just some of my thoughts about marriage. Great for some, but not for me.

Jennifer my diamond-edged friend wow! thank you for your reply.. I will say you are VERY defiant bout this and but I would respect that and expect only strong views from you but I would ask if you met an exact no-compromise match for yourself would you still be so defiant bout marrying? that can be a rhetorical if you rather..

Yr most obdt hmble srvt,
Jenna

 

[Jenna]

True, at least for me.

I married my best friend. What I am saying is that we were best friends before we married and still are best friends. It was not a "love at first sight" relationship. Essentially, we are happy with who we are before we married each other.

We started out learning about each other and took pleasure with being in each other's presence; we love to talk about various topics and we also enjoy times of silence. We enjoy doing many things together, and recognize there are times we like doing some things alone. We give time for each other to do things we truly enjoy, even if these hobbies and activities may not always involve each other.

We allow each other to be with our friends, yet always emphasize that we are a priority.

We acknowledge we are human and have our own foibles--we may disagree at times, but we accept each other for who we are and celebrate when we achieve goals. Our differences and similarities strengthen us.

We tell each other "I love you" several times daily. We hug and kiss often.

No, our marriage is not perfect--far from it, but we will never have it any other way. We celebrated last month our 15th wedding anniversary.

- Ceicei

Hey Ceicei my word this is beautifully written and you have a most delicate way to express your points here thank you for sharing this and 15 years I think means you and your hub got your communication tweaked and which I am sure is a thing which is always changing as you yourselves change and I will say I am jealous of you and must alas wait for Colin Farrell to call me up again.. ha! (ooooh yes I met him properly already after a thing in Leicester Square here.. Mmmm.. those eyes..)

Thank you again my friend.. you are able to shine lights into dark corners for me..

Yr most obdt hmble srvt,
Jenna

 

[terryl965]

Jenna my dear I can only speak for me:
I have been married for 17 glorious years, I can not see myself without her she is my best friend, my spiritual bound and my emotional support. There is absolutely nothing like this feeling in the world. My day is completed with honey I love you more today than I did yesterday> Sound corny I know but it is true, do I say it out loud every night NO but she knows I say it inside and that is what counts.
Sincerly
Terry

 

[Bigshadow]

I am married and I would like to throw my thoughts out here. I don't know if I can articulate this well, so here goes. Marriage is essentially a commitment, but being committed to someone brings many other things into one's life. One of these things is sharing. This isn't like "We will share our money", that is too shallow of a perception. It is sharing life. Sharing the experiences in life, good and bad. Imagine if you will, getting a raise at work, or winning something, or even helping someone. Having a companion to share this with feels far different than sharing the same information with a friend. Say for instance your sick, a companion's words and actions of support feel much more supportive than the same words from a close friend. Sharing is sharing in the experiences of life (a witness if you will).

I just cannot articulate well what I want. However, the "witness to your life" is a very insightful description of it on many levels.

On another note, as others have stated, it isn't that the other person completes your life or one cannot live without the other, you still need your own identity in life, things that are yours and yours alone, but each share in the experiences of each other, they get to witness your life and somehow that makes a difference.

OK. Sorry for rambling. It is very difficult to put feelings into words, especially for me. It is like capturing the feeling of budo in a picture, it cannot be done. That is my .02 cents worth.

 

[Rich Parsons]

Hello all my intently focussed friends

We got to watching a lovely little film earlier and which I am remiss I do not even know what it was called but Richard Gere and yummy J-Lo and I thought it was a great sentiment Susan Sarandon.. her character discussing her marriage and what it was really all about .. and the line was that marriage is having a WITNESS to your life and I thought that was an incisive observation by the writer.. the premise being that a spouse can give relevance to EVERYTHING you do and even if your life is no great shakes then it is validated by being one of two partners interested and intertwined in even the most mundane details of each others lives.. I am silly and sentimental but I thought that was really nice and made me feel a little yearning or maybe envious of folk who have this between them for life..

But is it true? Sometimes always or never??

I am not married and prolly never will at this rate of travel ha! so I am not really qualified to comment and so I would appreciate any thoughts married or not..

Yr most obdt hmble srvt,
Jenna

Having been married, I would say that in a fairy tale or a movie it is great.

In real life there is a lot of down issue that most people do not want to deal with. If it works and the two are happy and get along then the witness comment makes sense.

Otherwise from my experience and from those I have seen, Marriage is nothing more than an institute that no longer serves what it was designed for. Women in the West have rights and responsibilities and can get an education and a job or carear and support themselves and or their children and even sometimes their mates.

Would it be nice? Yes.

Do I have too much baggage to expect it? Yes.

I am much happier on my own then I was with someone who was not happy with themselves. No matter how hard you try, and many times the harder you try the worse it gets, the other person is not happy, and therefore you are not happy.

Be at peace with yourself and it should help with those around you.

:asian:

 

[Fluffy]

Like Terry I can only speak for me.

My wife complements me as well as challenges me. We think allot alike, she is a 1st Dan in TKD, we're both former military, we have 1 child - and don't want anymore. I can be a bit on the lazy side, she is always moving. I love to workout, she would rather watch...untill I pull her out on the floor. She is someone who I can talk to, she is someone who I can rely on, she is someone who will be there when all my other friends has gone home.

The one thing we can't do is spar, it turns into a big game of fotsies.....and that would be my fault.

Its a partnership, with out her I would be a different person.

 

[John Brewer]

Another Great Thread!

When I met my wife I was on a road that probably could have led to my death. She gave me, at first, a reason to live my life right ,and later, the close relationship that is mentioned in some of the great posts that have come before mine. I guess I am one of the "lucky" ones. In triumph or in failure, in great joy or great pain, we are together. I consider the things I gave up a small token when compared to the times we have had and are having together. In short she completes me and I treasure our thirteen years together and how ever many more to come.

Sincerely,

John

 

[matt.m]

Being married myself there is some relevance to the statement made about having a witness to your life.

It is a bit different and unique for me though. I knew the woman I married for 10 years before we wed. We have now been married almost 6 years.

So in some cases the "Witness to life" is true. But each person and their lives are different.

 

[Kreth]

Jenna, first off, I have to give you kudos for sitting through an entire movie featuring J'Ho. I think her lousy acting is second only to that of Paris Hilton (I watched House of Wax for the sole purpose of seeing her die.)
Now, a question for you: When you say witness, is that for the defense or prosecution? :uhyeah:

 

[Swordlady]

Jennifer my diamond-edged friend wow! thank you for your reply.. I will say you are VERY defiant bout this and but I would respect that and expect only strong views from you but I would ask if you met an exact no-compromise match for yourself would you still be so defiant bout marrying? that can be a rhetorical if you rather..

Yr most obdt hmble srvt,
Jenna

I wouldn't quite call my refusal to marry "defiant". It's simply something I do not desire for myself. Some people dreamed of getting married since their preteen years. Others...don't. I never had a desire to get married, despite several well-meaning friends' efforts to change my mind. I really don't think marriage suits me as a person. But that is just me.

 

[Swordlady]

Jenna, first off, I have to give you kudos for sitting through an entire movie featuring J'Ho. I think her lousy acting is second only to that of Paris Hilton (I watched House of Wax for the sole purpose of seeing her die.)
Now, a question for you: When you say witness, is that for the defense or prosecution? :uhyeah:

Now, now, now...J'Lo had a couple good movies. She was great in "Selena", and I also enjoyed her performance in "Enough" (which got blasted by the movie critics).

Okay...enough with the hijacking of this thread - lol.

 

[MRE]

I have been married for 10 years and had dated my wife for about 5 years prior to our wedding. I don't think having a witness to my life is as important to me as being able to share and participate in the life of another. Watching them beam in their moments of triumph, supporting them through their failures, being trusted with all their secrets, weaknesses, hopes, and dreams. I don't think there is any other relationship that is as close as marriage.

Don't get me wrong, there have been times that we irritated each other so much that we couldn't stand to look at each other for a while. My time with my wife has been passionate, confusing, irritating, heavenly, educational, stressful, blissful, hell, mundane, and fulfilling. Wouldn't change a thing.

 

[Bigshadow]

I have been married for 10 years and had dated my wife for about 5 years prior to our wedding. I don't think having a witness to my life is as important to me as being able to share and participate in the life of another. Watching them beam in their moments of triumph, supporting them through their failures, being trusted with all their secrets, weaknesses, hopes, and dreams. I don't think there is any other relationship that is as close as marriage.

I believe that fits the meaning of witness as used in this context.