"Make violence a choice and no-" you never have a choice..

[MoldyCookie]

What am I missing about when people talk about violence suddenly becoming a "choice" when you know how to fight?

This is where I have to agree with people like Ryan Hoover. If someone is gonna try to inflict violence upon you, they're just going to do it.

Some fat, greasy, peeked-in-highschool schmuck with a woman nearby (could be his, maybe it's not, maybe it's his cousin.. probably his cousin) starts with you looking for points, what are you gonna do?

"I don't accept your terms and conditions."

No man, something's coming.

We can argue up and down about the ramifications of swinging first/not swinging first, it doesn't matter if one of us thinks we can just say "no" and then we'll be safe.

 

[mograph]

Some fat, greasy, peeked-in-highschool schmuck with a woman nearby (could be his, maybe it's not, maybe it's his cousin.. probably his cousin) starts with you looking for points, what are you gonna do?

Being an old, and not a drinker, I have to ask: how do these situations come about?

 

[hoshin1600]

I'm not sure I understand the premise of your post about violence being a choice. I have never heard that said the way you describe it
What I have heard and believe is that you should have it in you to be able to inflict violence on others. You want to aim at being mentally and physically capable of violence. However if you choose to walk away rather than crush someone, then that is a true choice. As opposed to a being a week person who is incapable of anything other than submission. That person doesn't have a choice and it is not a virtue if you do not have a choice.

 

[MoldyCookie]

Being an old, and not a drinker, I have to ask: how do these situations come about?

Go out in public at all.. and have any kind of confidence that these snots can see as a threat.

Don't have to be in a bar for this stuff. Don't know about age though.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

Go out in public at all.. and have any kind of confidence that these snots can see as a threat.

Don't have to be in a bar for this stuff. Don't know about age though.

Might not be confidence that you're showing. I've got plenty of confidence, haven't been in a situation where someone attacked me since I was 21 (outside of work, in a job where it's expected). Same with my friends, regardless of how in/out-of-shape they are.

On the rare occasion someone has had a desire to fight me, it's pretty easy to cool them down and end the situation without violence. But to go back to your original question, it'd be a lot easier to calm someone down if you're secure enough you could handle yourself, vs. if you're scared at the time. So that's part of where the 'choice' comes in.

 

[MoldyCookie]

Might not be confidence that you're showing. I've got plenty of confidence, haven't been in a situation where someone attacked me since I was 21 (outside of work, in a job where it's expected). Same with my friends, regardless of how in/out-of-shape they are.

On the rare occasion someone has had a desire to fight me, it's pretty easy to cool them down and end the situation without violence. But to go back to your original question, it'd be a lot easier to calm someone down if you're secure enough you could handle yourself, vs. if you're scared at the time. So that's part of where the 'choice' comes in.

Well then clearly you don't use that confidence for anything.. otherwise many many more people would want to fight you lol.

The calming them down bit makes sense though.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

Well then clearly you don't use that confidence for anything.. otherwise many many more people would want to fight you lol.

The calming them down bit makes sense though.

What exactly would I use my confidence for that would make people want to fight me?

 

[MoldyCookie]

What exactly would I use my confidence for that would make people want to fight me?

Doing what you want.. putting yourself first.. saying what needs to be said.

When I was a kid, it was called "being disrespectful."

Now I believe it's called "being a douche."

Idk. Disrespect, douchiness, living my life. Same thing.

 

[hoshin1600]

Doing what you want.. putting yourself first.. saying what needs to be said.

That's not confidence that's narcissism.
So yeah being narcissistic and an *** gets you punched in the mouth.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Doing what you want.. putting yourself first.. saying what needs to be said.

When I was a kid, it was called "being disrespectful."

Now I believe it's called "being a douche."

Idk. Disrespect, douchiness, living my life. Same thing.

Disrespect isn't a sign of confidence. It's a show of bravado, usually. If by "living my life", you mean ignoring others' boundaries and social norms, yeah, that tends to cause problems.

 

[MoldyCookie]

Disrespect isn't a sign of confidence. It's a show of bravado, usually. If by "living my life", you mean ignoring others' boundaries and social norms, yeah, that tends to cause problems.

When I say disrespect I mean what people usually call disrespect.. not the same thing.

For example, I almost got into it once with a guy at a Chinese restaurant because he was standing like 10 feet away from the next person up in line for the front desk and I "cut in front of him."

This was at the height of the pandemic so I guess he was trying to social distance or something stupid like that. I knew immediately that that's what he was doing but it only made me respect him even less.

What I did wasn't disrespect. If you're gonna get in a line then actually get in the line.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

When I say disrespect I mean what people usually call disrespect.. not the same thing.

For example, I almost got into it once with a guy at a Chinese restaurant because he was standing like 10 feet away from the next person up in line for the front desk and I "cut in front of him."

This was at the height of the pandemic so I guess he was trying to social distance or something stupid like that. I knew immediately that that's what he was doing but it only made me respect him even less.

What I did wasn't disrespect. If you're gonna get in a line then actually get in the line.

So, yeah. You mean thinking taking reasonable, science-backed precautions is stupid. And yes, that’s douchey.

 

[MoldyCookie]

So, yeah. You mean thinking taking reasonable, science-backed precautions is stupid. And yes, that’s douchey.

What's douchey? Taking a space that someone left for me and then snapping back when they're mad about the consequences of their crappy decision making?

 

[drop bear]

What's douchey? Taking a space that someone left for me and then snapping back when they're mad about the consequences of their crappy decision making?

Yes all of that is douchy

You are not the line space police.

 

[MoldyCookie]

Yes all of that is douchy

You are not the line space police.

Then hitting back during an attempted assault is also douchy.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

What's douchey? Taking a space that someone left for me and then snapping back when they're mad about the consequences of their crappy decision making?

The appropriate response would be "oh, my bad. Didn't realize you were in line" then go behind him. Not snapping back because he let you know he was in line when you went in front of him. And conveniently for your original question, that response is a choice you can make that doesn't result in violence.

 

[MoldyCookie]

The appropriate response would be "oh, my bad. Didn't realize you were in line" then go behind him. Not snapping back because he let you know he was in line when you went in front of him. And conveniently for your original question, that response is a choice you can make that doesn't result in violence.

Yeah but then I'm miserable because my tail is between my legs and I'm tolerating something that doesn't deserve my tolerance.

 

[mograph]

I think I have my answer, thanks.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

Yeah but then I'm miserable because my tail is between my legs and I'm tolerating something that doesn't deserve my tolerance.

You're tolerating that the person who was in front of you in line stayed in front of you? I'm really not following what your argument is here, but i totally get now how you keep ending up in violent situations.

 

[MoldyCookie]

You're tolerating that the person who was in front of you in line stayed in front of you? I'm really not following what your argument is here, but i totally get now how you keep ending up in violent situations.

You can't intentionally leave a massive gap and expect people to not take it.