Love and the Martial Arts

[Carol]

It's funny when I started reading this thread I didn't realize the beginning was from 2007 until I got your recent post just now! Crazy, but also at the same time very cool that years later we found out what happened. I was getting ready to be another of those "be careful" warning people, but since it was so many years ago I can see it's no longer a relevant warning.

I married my first husband at age 20, so learned my lesson from that. Divorced after 4 years of marriage...most important lesson I learned is don't marry someone who makes promises they can never keep because you think they will change. People will not change for you, you have to love them for you they are from the beginning and once the sparkle in the eyes goes away those empty promises are all broken and you're left with just them.

Now I'm finally with my equal in life and we are engaged to be married next year. Also never say you wish you hadn't done something, because I'm a big believer that we have to live through the crap of this world to find the good and know what is actually good when we come across it!

Congratulations! artyon:

 

[Carol]

I agree completely. I wouldn't be as strong as I am today without those experinces, as troubling as those experinces may have been.

Tempered like Steel!

However things go, I hope they work out for the best. You're a good guy, you deserve a good partner in life!

 

[Nomad]

most important lesson I learned is don't marry someone who makes promises they can never keep because you think they will change. People will not change for you, you have to love them for you they are from the beginning and once the sparkle in the eyes goes away those empty promises are all broken and you're left with just them.

One of the truest quotes I've heard is that women marry men thinking that they'll change, and men marry women thinking they never will. Of course, both are wrong.

In any relationship, the most important part is to treat each other as equals (I really don't believe in a successful, happy marriage where one partner is subservient to the other), and to work to grow together.

I did get married young (22), and we'll be celebrating our 19th anniversary in August.

 

[Sensei Payne]

Funny thing is...my new girl, doesn't do ANY sort of Martial Arts...not even a Cardio kickboxing class...I asked her why she doesn't try...and she said, "I don't need violence"..but I went on to inform her what Martial Arts is truely about...but to no avail.

At least I am glad I broke my rule on only dating women who have trained in or is training in some sort of style

 

[Sensei Payne]

Here I am updating again..

Its been over a year since my last post, and there has been an vast change in my situation.

Beth(The new girl from the previous post) and I went from dating for six months to a year on Feb 11th 2012, and this past May, in fact on Mother's Day this year, I proposed, and we are to be married on May 11th 2013.

We will be married at the Cathedral of the Assumption in Louisville Kentucky, and it will be a Traditional Catholic Wedding..I am Catholic, she is not, she is Christian.

The Reception will be at the Seelbach Hotel in Louisville Kentucky in the Rathskeller Room on the Lower Level.

We are both very excited to start our lives together...My Family Loves her, her Family Loves me, big change from the previous time I was engaged..she is the best.

Some pics below of the Cathedral and the Rathskeller...

The Cathedral

The Rathskeller

 

[Tez3]

"Reader, I married him"

Congratulations!

 

[elder999]

Congratulations!

 

[Sensei Payne]

I hope I don't have to update on this thread again, with any new developments..

Although, there is a minor one..

She agreed to let me teach her some basic boxing techniques, but she refuses to let me teach her for the use of self defense...kind of weird if you ask me, but meh, to each their own.

 

[pgsmith]

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!
A word of advice ... if she's not interested in training, don't try and force her. Remember that it's your hobby, not hers. Her being supportive of your interests is the most you should expect, as she should expect you to be supportive of hers.

 

[Steve]

Reading about all of this, I just want to put out there that I hope you're marrying her for the right reasons. It sounds like you've been enamored with the idea of marriage more than the idea of marriage to a particular person. I've seen that story play out before.

 

[seasoned]

Love story's are always so cool.

 

[Steve]

Am I the only one who's noticed that the op has been "in love" two or three times so far? I hate to be a wet blanket, but I'm not overly optimistic.




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[Black Belt Jedi]

Good luck with your love life. Most of the times, I prefer to be in a relationship with someone who trains in Martial Arts like I do whether or not we train at the same dojo. We can be closer and we have something in common. Life won't be too complicated. That's just my opinion.

 

[Sensei Payne]

Am I the only one who's noticed that the op has been "in love" two or three times so far? I hate to be a wet blanket, but I'm not overly optimistic.




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I understand the concern...

When this thread started, I was only 20 years old, met a girl that could kick high (lol), dated her for 3 years, proposed after two, and got my heart broken...

It was a few years later that I met Beth, my now future bride...I did a lot of growing up in those years. Set aside childish thoughts on what I thought love should be, and started to see things for how they really are.

Beth and I have had ups and downs in the time we have been together...we have been going through all the Pre-Cana(pre-Marital) counseling, and honestly, she's my best friend.

Thanks for your concern Steve, Truly...that just goes to show how people on this forum truly do care.

 

[Steve]

I understand the concern...

When this thread started, I was only 20 years old, met a girl that could kick high (lol), dated her for 3 years, proposed after two, and got my heart broken...

It was a few years later that I met Beth, my now future bride...I did a lot of growing up in those years. Set aside childish thoughts on what I thought love should be, and started to see things for how they really are.

Beth and I have had ups and downs in the time we have been together...we have been going through all the Pre-Cana(pre-Marital) counseling, and honestly, she's my best friend.

Thanks for your concern Steve, Truly...that just goes to show how people on this forum truly do care.

I sincerely wish you the best.

 

[Instructor]

What he said!

You're 20. EVERYTHING is urgent to you right now...

If you feel proposing is necessary -- you're 20. You're free to make your own choices.

Let me offer a few suggestions and things to think about. If you're still living at home -- I'd consider changing that before getting engaged. Closely related -- if you're still in school, that's another reason to think about waiting. Finally...

You're 20. I suggest a relatively lengthy engagement. At least a year or three... Just in case you don't feel the same way at 21 or 22 as you do at 20.

 

[Sensei Payne]

What he said!

I am 25 now.

I don't think a lot of people realize how old this thread is..lol

 

[jks9199]

I am 25 now.

I don't think a lot of people realize how old this thread is..lol

So, in other words, everything is merely IMPORTANT, not URGENT, now!

On a more serious note -- I'd be interested in your reaction now to my comment quoted above.

 

[Sensei Payne]

So, in other words, everything is merely IMPORTANT, not URGENT, now!

On a more serious note -- I'd be interested in your reaction now to my comment quoted above.

Which one?

 

[jks9199]

So, in other words, everything is merely IMPORTANT, not URGENT, now!

On a more serious note -- I'd be interested in your reaction now to my comment quoted above.

Which one?

This one:

You're 20. EVERYTHING is urgent to you right now...

If you feel proposing is necessary -- you're 20. You're free to make your own choices.

Let me offer a few suggestions and things to think about. If you're still living at home -- I'd consider changing that before getting engaged. Closely related -- if you're still in school, that's another reason to think about waiting. Finally...

You're 20. I suggest a relatively lengthy engagement. At least a year or three... Just in case you don't feel the same way at 21 or 22 as you do at 20.