1. Wrong - To chase after enemies is a good way to find yourself in an ambush. Soldering 101.
I'm not a soldier, I'm a Marine. We have brains and use them. We pursue the retreating enemy - just not into ambushes if we can help it.
We will also shoot them in the back if they turn to run away in a stand-up gunfight, which again, not really a good self-defense move.
2. Goals - sure, and when he attacks me with a gun or knife or three guys with bats, my goal is not put him in a wrist lock. At that point the game is for keeps and you had better play to win. It either me or them at that point.
The main point of self-defense is just that - self defense. Two words, emphasis on 'self'. A Marine - or perhaps even a soldier - knows that 'self' is important, but the 'mission' is to be accomplished, and putting one's life in danger is part of that. One is not ordered to 'take that hill' in self-defense.
As far as 'playing to win', the goal of self-defense is to play to survive, which is in fact winning. If running away is the least risky means to achieve that end, then that's the winning solution. Once again, not really the military way.
3. Obviously, but the OP posted a situation where an opponent is trying to KILL you. Not hurt you, KILL you.
If someone is trying to KILL me with a rock from fifty feet away, I am going to analyze that threat and determine that I can a) dodge and b) leave the area and avoid being brained. If an enemy (in a military situation) raises a hand with a rock in it, I'm going to drop that SOB.
A person can try to KILL me in any number of a variety of ways. As a thinking rational human being (remember, I'm a Marine, not a soldier), I have to assign a threat level and respond accordingly.
4. False. Frankly that is insulting to the honor and intelligence of soldiers everywhere. You kill because if you don't you will be! Furthermore, you do so because you volunteered to do so by joining an combat MOS. You see, a volunteer Army isn't FORCED to do anything. They do it because they volunteered for it.
In war, the military is ordered to close with and kill the enemy. There is no dishonor in that, and I say that as a veteran with dust on my boots. I will not discuss that point any further.
5. "In war, during battle you often kill indiscriminately." Wrong. You are trained to kill with extreme discrimination, and are brought up on charges for indiscriminate killing.
I gather you have not been exposed to a kill zone or established fields of fire. If one is assigned to a perimeter with an established kill zone, one kills any living human being that wanders in, with extreme prejudice.
In addition, bombs dropped from planes, no matter how 'smart', kill whatever is in their blast radius when they land. Pretty indiscriminate.
6. "In war, you kill with extreme prejudice. In self-defense, you are expected to apply logic and intelligence to the situation." Yup. Soldiers are unintelligent illogical killers. Riiiiiight. Someone tries to kill me or someone near me and I can do something about it, the logical thing to do is to act. That means even if I have to kill the guy.
And that's the point. In war, if someone pops up over your perimeter with the wrong uniform on, you dust him. In self-defense, you defend your own life, but you don't just kill the guy for looking all bad at you.
7. Not every military has rules of engagement. It's be nice if all militaries adhered to the geneva convention, but they don't.
The Geneva Accords have to do with the treatment of prisoners of war. Rules of engagement are entirely different. The US, the UK, and all of NATO have RoE. I confess I have no idea if other nations have similar things, but I'd bet they do.
9. Wishful thinking. If I know attack is imminent or I am out numbered, I will attack first. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. If I wait for them, I'm at the disadvantage, if I act first, in many cases I have the advantage due to unanticipated action.
I agree, but you said it yourself. In self-defense IF YOU BELIEVE AN ATTACK IS IMMINENT, you defend yourself first. That means that truly, you are defending yourself. A soldier does not wait for the enemy to threaten them before killing them. If I spot an enemy soldier taking a whiz behind some bushes, I'm going to pot him the back of the head with my M16. There's not really a self-defense analogue to that.
Furthermore, in the war against the Japanese, a war we won, who attacked first? So no, "In war, you attack first." not a valid statement at all. Wars like SD fights have an attacker and a defender. And like a SD fight, often those roles change. The original defender launches a counter attack and the original attacker becomes the defender...
I am referring to the individual soldier. See enemy, shoot enemy. One cannot apply that to self-defense situations. See bad guy, shoot bad guy? No, sadly, one must actually be threatened by bad guy before defending oneself.
If in a SD you do not agress at some point, you will lose. There must eventually be some form of counter attack, even if it is qinna. Furthermore, the OP's original scenario stated that you were being attacked by a knife in an alley. Where I come from you don't try to stab a dude unless you intend on killing him.
Again, applying the scenario of a soldier. A soldier does not defend himself to the extent of neutralizing the immediate threat. He closes with and destroys the enemy. If he injures the enemy soldier to the point where his life is no longer in danger, he can't just run away. In self-defense, that is exactly what the law says you're supposed to do. Guy comes at you in the alley with a knife. If you happen to kill him, well yay you. If you instead disable him somehow and he drops the knife and falls over moaning, you're supposed to make good your escape, not take a prisoner or dispatch him to his personal Valhalla.
The whole point of my treatise is simple. Soldiers are supposed to seek out, close with, and destroy the enemy. That is how wars are fought. Civilians may use similar methods to those of soldiers in some ways, but they do not seek out the enemy, they do not close with the enemy, and they destroy (kill) the enemy (bad guy) only as a last resort, not as the first reaction.
So my conclusion is that no, war is not at all like self-defense. They both can involve hand-to-hand combat and deadly force, but that is all they really share. That's like saying farming is just like being a mad bomber, because they both use tons of fertilizer. They do, but for very different reasons and with very different results.