Is being a coward efective

[Kacey]

I think there is also a big difference between cowardice and the appearance of cowardice. Someone who walks away from a fight or allows someone to insult them without retaliating physically will be called a coward by many people. As far as I'm concerned, it takes more bravery to walk away than it does to fight.

Indeed.

Kenny Rogers - Coward of the County

Ev'ryone considered him the coward of the county.
He'd never stood one single time to prove the county wrong.
His mama named him Tommy, the folks just called him yellow,
But something always told me they were reading Tommy wrong.

He was only ten years old when his daddy died in prison.
I looked after Tommy 'cause he was my brother's son.
I still recall the final words my brother said to Tommy:
"Son, my life is over, but yours is just begun.

Promise me, son, not to do the things I've done.
Walk away from trouble if you can.
Now it won't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek.
I hope you're old enough to understand:
Son, you don't have to fight to be a man."

There's someone for ev'ryone and Tommy's love was Becky.
In her arms he didn't have to prove he was a man.
One day while he was workin' the Gatlin boys came callin'.
They took turns at Becky.... n' there was three of them!

Tommy opened up the door and saw his Becky cryin'.
The torn dress, the shattered look was more than he could stand.
He reached above the fireplace and took down his daddy's picture.
As his tears fell on his daddy's face, He heard these words again:

"Promise me, son, not to do the things I've done.
Walk away from trouble if you can.
Now it won't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek.
I hope you're old enough to understand:
Son, you don't have to fight to be a man."

The Gatlin boys just laughed at him when he walked into the barroom.
One of them got up and met him halfway 'cross the floor.
When Tommy turned around they said, "Hey look! ol' yellow's leavin'."
But you coulda heard a pin drop when Tommy stopped and locked the door.

Twenty years of crawlin' was bottled up inside him.
He wasn't holdin' nothin' back; he let 'em have it all.
When Tommy left the barroom not a Gatlin boy was standin'.
He said, "This one's for Becky," as he watched the last one fall.
And I heard him say,

"I promised you, Dad, not to do the things you done.
I've walked away from trouble when I can.
Now please don't think I'm weak, I didn't turn the other cheek,
and Papa, I sure hope you understand:
Sometimes you gotta fight when you're a man."

Ev'ryone considered him the coward of the county.

Bold added to emphasize key points.

 

[Tames D]

Hello Terry1965,

You posted, “I know this may sound stupid but is being a coward really an advantage…”

In my opinion, being afraid is certainly an advantage (under certain conditions).
Fear can do many good things to help keep alive and healthy.

But being a coward is a different thing to me.
It means allowing fear to utterly rule my words and actions.

Being a coward means making value judgments that usually adversely affect my life.
Means I’d run when I should talk, talk when I should fight and desert my comrades in the face of danger.

Whoever said, “A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave person only one”; they spoke truly.
My two cents anyway.

Regards, MrE2Me2

I agree with this 100%. If the definition of a coward is is being afraid, then every human being is a coward. It's how you react to being afraid that determines if you are a coward or not.

 

[IcemanSK]

Indeed.

Kenny Rogers - Coward of the County



Bold added to emphasize key points.

Gotta give kudos to Kacey for the Coward of the County reference!

:ultracool I agree with her & MBuzzy.

Being a coward & appearing to be a coward are 2 separate things. It brings up the idea of consciencious objectors in wartime &/or pacifisits in general. Sometimes it takes a lot of bravery to stand up & say, "I won't fight."

Having said that, sometimes having trained how to fight makes it harder to choose not to. Hence the reason we should be held to a higher standard.

Sorry, I'm all over the board with my thoughts on this.

 

[still learning]

Hello, In cases of bullies? Most times if you fight back...they will not bother you again especially if they get hurt in the fight too!

Most schools have zero tolerance for fighting. From our experience..most of our kids do not fight back....but when they do? The bullies NEVER brother them again.

Once a bully knows you will fight back and HE (the bully) can be hurt by you? They will move on to someone else. FOR IN SCHOOL - off campus fights.

Bullies like picking on the smaller and weaker people. (BECAUSE THEY ARE COWARDS AND LOOKING FOR ATTENTION!). They will never pick on someone stronger or willing to fight back. Bullies do not want to get hurt either! They are the biggest COWARDS!

Just because you did not fight back...doesn't make you a coward. Yes you may have been scare....most hero's are. Getting seriously hurt or killed because you fought back over your EGO or pride? NOT WORTH IT!

If attack and can't run? Than fight back! NO matter the odds, a small cat can hurt a big dog. Become the CAT...fight like one too! There are NO RULES IN FIGHTING...IT IS ANYTHING GOES...BITE,SCATCH, KNEE,ELBOWS,SLAP THE EARS, GOUGE THE EYES,RIP THE EARS OFF,HAIR PULLS, ANYTHING GOES!

Fights are fast,furious,non-stop hitting and attacking....IF need to defend one self? FIGHT BACK! .............Aloha

 

[Sukerkin]

This is an interesting conversation and I'm not surprised to see that most of us, if not all, are of the opinion that avoiding a fight is best, whichever way you can and that being scared just means you're not dead yet (i.e. it's natural).

Not fighting is not cowardice if it comes from a moral or rational choice ... ask Ghandi for proof on this one .

I've only had one fight in all of my adult life, as I've discussed elsewhere. What caused it, or rather failed to stop it, was making the wrong choice of avoidance technique.

I turned away from a bunch of loitering skinheads rather too sharply and too late, which caught their attention (setting off their "Victim!" sensors) and set them to following me giving verbal taunts as they did so. I freely admit I was pretty frightened at this point as it was late at night and there was noone else around. That probably caused me to make the second mistake which was to try and lose them by ducking down an alley - that confirmed me as "Prey" and "Coward" I think as they came haring after me at the run. I had no choice then but stop and make the best of it as I'd burned my options pretty thoroughly .

Other than that, working on projecting a quiet but confident "I'm someone elses problem" field seems to have worked well (in conjunction with the "He want's to be somebody's problem" detector ).

The conclusion of that ramble is that being a visible 'coward' is not a good survival choice. It will probably mean that ethical people will not attack you and, if your 'Verbal Fu' is good then you can probably talk down those who are merely agressive ...but will almost inevitably mean that someone looking for an easy victim will target you.

I wanted to use the "Coward Dies A Thousand Deaths" quote but I got beaten to it :cries:.

Oddly, I have seen many times that there is an almost inverse situation to the one we've talked about so far. That is the case that the biggest, hardest looking chap in the place tends to be the one that draws all the fire. Maybe it's just because I've hung around rockers and bikers that I've garnered this impression?

All I can say is that I have an old 'drinking buddy' who used to love going out to the pub with me because I'd keep him out of trouble. Now this chap is the size-of-a-door-with-a-coat-on, as the old saying goes and is probably the second hardest/toughest bloke I know (the hardest took a crowbar in the face and decked the guy who'd hit him !). It was almost inevitable that if I wasn't there to talk people out of it, he'd get in a fight a night ... possibly more than one.

Now it can't be directly his fault as he's one of the most amiable fellows you'd ever meet i.e. he's not antagonising people deliberately. So the only thing I can put it down to is what I call the 'Gunslinger Effect' whereby chaps who think they're tough want to prove it by having a go at the roughest looking challenge they can find. Mind you, it never seemed to be a problem in our home town where people knew him - I guess that's because I've not witnessed him ever having to hit someone twice ROFL.

 

[MJS]

Well, it's a two edged sword. A coward is less likely to put themselves in harm's way than someone with physical courage (though there are people who identify themselves as cowards and try to compensate by being reckless). But in a situation where a bully is looking for an easy victim, a coward will attract him like blood in the water does a shark.

Yup, this pretty much sums up what I was going to say as well. IMHO, I think that it all comes down to how you carry yourself. If you're walking around acting timid, then there is a very good chance that while you may not actually say anything, your body language is saying pleanty. If someone wants to talk their way out of something rather than fight, thats one thing, but I feel its better to carry yourself in a confident manner. You don't have a cocky look about you, you don't have a timid look, but its more of that 'sure of yourself' look.

Mike

 

[Sukerkin]

I always think of it in terms of Sheep and Wolves.

Look like a Sheep and any time a Wolf gets hungry ...

Walk like a Wolf, even if you're a Sheep, and, as our military friends would say, the tactical environment changes.

 

[zDom]

I always think of it in terms of Sheep and Wolves.

Look like a Sheep and any time a Wolf gets hungry ...

Walk like a Wolf, even if you're a Sheep, and, as our military friends would say, the tactical environment changes.

And then there are sheep dogs. They look kind of like sheep, but aren't

 

[Jade Tigress]

A coward is less likely to put themselves in harm's way than someone with physical courage (though there are people who identify themselves as cowards and try to compensate by being reckless). But in a situation where a bully is looking for an easy victim, a coward will attract him like blood in the water does a shark.

This was my first thought as well. A person can be skilled at avoiding confrontation without being a coward, but you still have to project an air of confidence if you want to avoid being bullied. Bullies thrive on cowardice, on people who are so afraid of confrontation that they let themselves get walked all over.

 

[seasoned]

There was a saying on my dojo wall for years that said "he who knows does not speck, he who specks does not know". The underlying meaning being don’t draw attantion to yourself. For me the longer I was in the arts and the older I got the less noticed I wanted to be. I think there is a time and a place for everything. On a dark street late at night you need to show confidents, awareness, and a good sense of where you are going. On the other hand if you stop in for a beer at the local bar it is under the radar for me all the way.

 

[INDYFIGHTER]

Even if you go around sticking your head in the sand everywhere you go trying to stay unnoticed eventually you're going to stick your head in what someone else believes is his sand. I know people who have never been in a fight. Alot of that has to do with the circles you keep and the places you spend your time. A father of two who works five days a week, mows the grass on Saturday and takes his family to chuch on Sunday is probably not as apt to run into conflict as someone like me who's single and likes to go out with friends and have a drink in a bar every now and then.

 

[seasoned]

Even if you go around sticking your head in the sand everywhere you go trying to stay unnoticed eventually you're going to stick your head in what someone else believes is his sand. I know people who have never been in a fight. Alot of that has to do with the circles you keep and the places you spend your time. A father of two who works five days a week, mows the grass on Saturday and takes his family to chuch on Sunday is probably not as apt to run into conflict as someone like me who's single and likes to go out with friends and have a drink in a bar every now and then.

This father of two that is mentioned above sounds like he has a lot to lose and a lot to protect. My gut feeling is if he properly trains 2 or 3 times a week after the family is settled in he could become a very dangerous sand warrior

 

[zDom]

... I know people who have never been in a fight. Alot of that has to do with the circles you keep and the places you spend your time. A father of two who works five days a week, mows the grass on Saturday and takes his family to chuch on Sunday is probably not as apt to run into conflict as someone like me who's single and likes to go out with friends and have a drink in a bar every now and then.

A very good point.

 

[INDYFIGHTER]

This father of two that is mentioned above sounds like he has a lot to lose and a lot to protect. My gut feeling is if he properly trains 2 or 3 times a week after the family is settled in he could become a very dangerous sand warrior

I'm not saying the father of two is any less dangerous I'm just saying he's not put in the position to use it as much as someone else. For instance I work as a bouncer so every weekend there's a chance I'm going to have to force someone out of the bar and frequently do.

 

[Ignignokt]

As a child I was always made fun of in school, but I was too timid to do anything about it. Being older and having gotten over much of my fears I can say that I would rather take a blow to the face than feel the hurt and fear that I did as a victim. Avoidance may be good for not getting physically injured, but it does nothing for self-esteem which is what causes you to be victim in the first place.

 

[zDom]

... I would rather take a blow to the face than feel the hurt and fear that I did as a victim. Avoidance may be good for not getting physically injured, but it does nothing for self-esteem which is what causes you to be victim in the first place.

I agree. Wounds to your spirit, IMO, are much worse than physical wounds.

They often take longer to heal are are more painful.