Being Bullied and dont know what to do? Having trouble speaking up

[Curtindc]

Based on everything you've said about your dad so far, it seems like he has some issues. However, social ineptitude is not one of them. When he speaks to you about social skills, I would definitely listen to him if I were you.

I can't tell you what to do, but I will say that if I were in your shoes, all bets are off when someone puts their hands on me. I'm swinging, and I'm going straight for their face.

Sure, the kid in question may bigger than you and walk away the victor... but it is much better for you to fight and lose then to allow someone to put their hands on you and do nothing about it.

Even if the other guy wins, you want to hurt I'm getting to the point where his victory is not going to be worth the price that you're going to make him pay for it.

Its a group of kids not just one. So if I hit him I think the rest of them will jump me and beat the hell out of me. Ive heard the suggestion of hitting the biggest one and the other ones will back off. That either will work or they will probaly kill me. How is a group of people on one person a fair fight? If I fight one person there will be another one right after him and one after him I think. Unless I basically kill the first guy I think. Not a good situation

 

[Duss D Gnutz]

Its a group of kids not just one. So if I hit him I think the rest of them will jump me and beat the hell out of me. Ive heard the suggestion of hitting the biggest one and the other ones will back off. That either will work or they will probaly kill me. How is a group of people on one person a fair fight? If I fight one person there will be another one right after him and one after him I think. Unless I basically kill the first guy I think. Not a good situation

If you're worried about multiple attackers, then martial arts won't do much for you. Best thing you can do is take a look around you and see if there's anything you can use as a weapon in order to level the odds against you and those multiple attackers - and use your imagination.

I can give you two examples where I've seen imagination definitely being used:

1. When I was in the 8th grade, there was one kid being constantly bullied by a bigger kid in home ec class. After months of this, the kid finally had it, so he picked up a sewing machine, and slammed it against the bigger kid's head.

2. Another situation when I was in high school: a bigger kid jumps in front of a smaller kid in the line for the water fountain. As the bigger kid is drinking from the fountain, the smaller kid come from behind and slams the bigger kid's face right into the faucet, causing him to lose a few teeth.

In both cases, the bigger kids were in far too much pain to do anything about it.

Another thing: if they jump you, and you feel that you can take any of them in one on one... try to catch them when they are by themselves.

 

[Curtindc]

If you're worried about multiple attackers, then martial arts won't do much for you. Best thing you can do is take a look around you and see if there's anything you can use as a weapon in order to level the odds against you and those multiple attackers - and use your imagination.

I can give you two examples where I've seen imagination definitely being used:

1. When I was in the 8th grade, there was one kid being constantly bullied by a bigger kid in home ec class. After months of this, the kid finally had it, so he picked up a sewing machine, and slammed it against the bigger kid's head.

2. Another situation when I was in high school: a bigger kid jumps in front of a smaller kid in the line for the water fountain. As the bigger kid is drinking from the fountain, the smaller kid come from behind and slams the bigger kid's face right into the faucet, causing him to lose a few teeth.

In both cases, the bigger kids were in far too much pain to do anything about it.

Another thing: if they jump you, and you feel that you can take any of them in one on one... try to catch them when they are by themselves.

Good and creative examples! lol

My dad says though you never use a weapon because that is where you can really get in trouble with the law. And your also a pussy if you use a weapon. That correct? But I guess if your dealing with more then one attacker all the rules pretty much go out the window?

One other question I dont know is it ethical to sucker punch someone? Hit when there not prepared for it. Probaly my best hope because if they are ready for it they going to have the advantage

 

[JowGaWolf]

Its a group of kids not just one. So if I hit him I think the rest of them will jump me and beat the hell out of me. Ive heard the suggestion of hitting the biggest one and the other ones will back off. That either will work or they will probaly kill me. How is a group of people on one person a fair fight? If I fight one person there will be another one right after him and one after him I think. Unless I basically kill the first guy I think. Not a good situation

This sounds like you are letting your imagination get the best of you. You are scaring yourself about things that may not happen. I've been afraid before but none of those fearful times did I think "beat the hell out of me" or "probably kill me." Even when I thought I would lose, it was always "I may lose, but I'm not going to make it easy for them."

You really have to get control of your fear. At this point, even if you knew how to fight, you would still lose, because right now fear is consuming you.

 

[Headhunter]

Good and creative examples! lol

My dad says though you never use a weapon because that is where you can really get in trouble with the law. And your also a pussy if you use a weapon. That correct? But I guess if your dealing with more then one attacker all the rules pretty much go out the window?

One other question I dont know is it ethical to sucker punch someone? Hit when there not prepared for it. Probaly my best hope because if they are ready for it they going to have the advantage

There’s no such thing as ethics in a real fight. This isn’t a boxing match you don’t get style points or sportsmanship awards

 

[JowGaWolf]

Tip 1: Stop trying to predict the future and how it's going to turn out. Get control of your fear
Tip 2: Start doing some exercises to help you get stronger. This can be push ups, sit ups, weights if you got them. running even if it's running in place.
Tip 3: Find your aggressive side. Right now I'm not picking up any aggressiveness in your tone. If you have punching pads then start hitting him. Get used to the idea of hitting something.
Tip 4: Learn to punch and Learn to kick. I'm starting to think that you may have a lack of confidence in these areas. I'm not talking about any crazy punches Just the basics. Jab, Cross, hook, uppercut. Learn how to kick. Foward kick, Side Kick.

Tip 5: Stop thinking the worst. Right now you are at home and you are worried about when school gets back in. Stop worrying about that stuff. It's not even here and it's like you have already come to accept that you'll be bullied. You have to get control of that fear. Because your mind is going to end up making these bullies more powerful than what they really are in real life.

 

[JowGaWolf]

There’s no such thing as ethics in a real fight. This isn’t a boxing match you don’t get style points or sportsmanship awards

There's no such thing as fair in the fight either. If anything I want to be the guy with the "unfair advantage" lol

 

[Curtindc]

This sounds like you are letting your imagination get the best of you. You are scaring yourself about things that may not happen. I've been afraid before but none of those fearful times did I think "beat the hell out of me" or "probably kill me." Even when I thought I would lose, it was always "I may lose, but I'm not going to make it easy for them."

You really have to get control of your fear. At this point, even if you knew how to fight, you would still lose, because right now fear is consuming you.

Guess I am assuming the worse possible scenario. How does one get control of fear? My dad says just do it but I like have panic attacks or something when I get put in the situation. I guess you have to have confidence first but how do you get confidence if your to afraid in the first place?

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

how do you get confidence if your to afraid in the first place?

Find yourself a training partner. Spar/wrestle 15 rounds daily. You will build up your self-confidence within 3 months.

When I was young, one guy said that he would kill me next time we met (he jointed in a local gang group). I started to train MA very hard. One day I met him in a dark alley. I walked toward him and said, "Let's settle this once for all." He said, "John, look at how big and strong you are and how weak and small I'm. How can you take advantage on me?" I left him without touching him. Today he lives in Houston. All his life, he tries to stay out of my way.

 

[Headhunter]

Guess I am assuming the worse possible scenario. How does one get control of fear? My dad says just do it but I like have panic attacks or something when I get put in the situation. I guess you have to have confidence first but how do you get confidence if your to afraid in the first place?

There’s no point asking us. I don’t mean that in a negative way but none of us know you and none of us are mental health professionals. You need to speak to a therapist and psychiatrist They’ll help more than we can

 

[Curtindc]

There's no such thing as fair in the fight either. If anything I want to be the guy with the "unfair advantage" lol

I understand there is no fair fight but I also dont want to cross the line into something like assault with a deadly weapon by hitting them over the head with a baseball bat. Im overthinking things I think maybe?

 

[Headhunter]

I understand there is no fair fight but I also dont want to cross the line into something like assault with a deadly weapon by hitting them over the head with a baseball bat. Im overthinking things I think maybe?

If they attacked you first you are legally allowed to use reasonable force to defend yourself

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

I understand there is no fair fight but I also dont want to cross the line into something like assault with a deadly weapon by hitting them over the head with a baseball bat. Im overthinking things I think maybe?

If someone tries to use his face to break your knee, that may not be your problem.

A: Dear judge! When he used his face to attack my knee, I didn't move my knee away fast enough.
B: ...

 

[McZonie]

I overheard my mom suggest martial arts and dad said thats the "fancy way of fighting" and he is not sure it even works.

Boxing is a martial art. Ask your dad if he'd be willing to get into the ring with a 35-year-old George Foreman.

 

[Curtindc]

If they attacked you first you are legally allowed to use reasonable force to defend yourself

What if they are just verbally screwing with me? Like a lot of times they will call me names like Pussy or fagget. Trying to provoke me to do react. My dad says just punch them in the mouth and that will shut them up. But am I legally justified in doing that?

 

[Curtindc]

I overheard my mom suggest martial arts and dad said thats the "fancy way of fighting" and he is not sure it even works.

Boxing is a martial art. Ask your dad if he'd be willing to get into the ring with a 35-year-old George Foreman.

I think he meant the martial arts where you kick and stuff like that as the 'fancy way of fighting". Like Kung fu or Karate I guess. He says all you need to do is throw punches really not that fancy ****

 

[JowGaWolf]

Guess I am assuming the worse possible scenario. How does one get control of fear? My dad says just do it but I like have panic attacks or something when I get put in the situation. I guess you have to have confidence first but how do you get confidence if your to afraid in the first place?

For the fear of fighting, I always found good training partners. People who wouldn't hit me too soft and wouldn't hit me to hard. This way I get used to being hit. In my first fight, I thought the punch would just destroy me. I was very nervous, but after being hit and getting used to being hit, I learned that the punch that most people throw isn't going to hurt my body (I also did push ups, situps, and lift weights) as long as I don't let them get free shots off my face Accept the reality that the punch to the body may hurt a little but it won't kill you. Most likely your adrenaline will be pumping so high after the first punch, that you probably won't fee any other punches coming in, unless it's hitting your face. But that's what I did, but your situation may be different because of COVID-19

You know your dad better than I do, so you would know if you can safely spar with him or if he doesn't have the control to do it. If he doesn't have the control to spar with you then you can punch yourself. it sounds stupid but it really isn't. Flex your stomach muscle and hit your stomach with your fist. Breath out and tighten your stomach muscle right before you hit your stomach. What will happen over time is that you'll realize that you are taking harder hits than you did when you first started. You don't have to go crazy with this. 2 to 3 times a week is more than enough for this work. The other part is to build up some muscle. What you are doing at this point is trying to chip away some things that you have control over. For example,

1. Afraid of getting hit. - hit yourself (body only and with soft part of the fist) Start off with a hit that's not too hard but isn't weak. This will help to take the place of what you would get during sparring.
2. Afraid of being weak - get stronger build muscle.
These are things you can control which means you have less to worry about. Stronger doesn't always mean bigger. You can be stronger than a bigger person. These are easy things to start with.

3. Change your mindset. Start brain washing yourself. Find your tough guy mentality. Wake up every morning and say to yourself out like. "I won't be afraid of Punks" "I won't let Punks take advantage of me." "I'm tougher than they know." Out of these 3 things, this is the most important. Don't say this stuff with a weak voice. Be serious about it, say it with confidence. If you can't say it without confidence then you keep saying it until you can. Keep this up and one day you'll discover that you don't have the same level of fear that you start with. There will always be fear, but that's natural. You just want to get things to the point where you can control your fear.

For me I'm comfortable with not winning a fight. I know one day it might happen. When people want to fight me and they tell me that they will beat me up, I just calmly say "maybe you will or maybe you won't" and that's enough to make them feel uncomfortable and doubt themselves. But you are are far from that stage. Where I can back up a lot of what I say by beating the crap out of someone, you haven't gotten to that point yet. So the first thing to do is do 1-3. Those things will help you mentally.

Once you get your mindset in order you can start to progress with other things. Learn to control your mind and your fears first. If you don't, then your enemies will control your mind and fears for you, and you don't want that.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

I get used to being hit.

One guy just wanted to learn how to fight. He didn't want to learn stance, drill, form, ... We met 4 times a week, 2 hours per class. We put gloves on and fought full contact for 8 months. In that 8 months, my body felt pain all the time. After 8 months, one day my body didn't feel pain and I felt very uncomfortable.

Even today, when someone uses roundhouse to kick my leg with full force, it may hurt his leg big time, but my leg still don't have much feeling.

 

[JowGaWolf]

There’s no point asking us. I don’t mean that in a negative way but none of us know you and none of us are mental health professionals. You need to speak to a therapist and psychiatrist They’ll help more than we can

I'm not sure. The fear of getting beat up is natural. Just from what I've been through, I don't think my therapist in the past would help me. On that front. She never talked about me beating up people or physically defending myself. That's not even in their area of expertise. Many therapist will probably say "talk it out."

If he's not able to see a therapist for whatever reason then there are some things that he can do to help him have less of a fear of being beaten up.

What if they are just verbally screwing with me? Like a lot of times they will call me names like Pussy or fagget. Trying to provoke me to do react. My dad says just punch them in the mouth and that will shut them up.

Just ignore all of that stuff. They are trying to push your buttons. Like I said. Learn to take control your mind and fears. If you don't take control then they will definitely try to.

One of the things they are doing is watching how you react when they say things like that. If you look afraid after they say stuff like that then they will keep doing it. As a teen I would always show no emotions, even if I was afraid. By not showing fear or anger, they no longer knew how I would respond. It made them feel uncertain about how far they wanted to push me. They are bullies so when they see that you are afraid, they know they can keep picking on you. When they see that you are angry, they know they can pick a fight with you. If you show them a blank reaction they won't know what to think. Whatever is going through your mind, then keep that to yourself. Don't let that show on the surface.

Your dad is correct in saying that there's a possibility that they will stop once you punch one of them in the mouth. For me I wouldn't do take that option unless I knew I could fight. Study the bullies. Listen to the ton in their voice. Does it decrease when you show no emotions or fear. Do they sound more confident or less confident show fear? Pay attention how they react to your response. Don't just let that information slip by without you taking notice. Study them like they study you.

 

[Curtindc]

Just ignore all of that stuff. They are trying to push your buttons. Like I said. Learn to take control your mind and fears. If you don't take control then they will definitely try to.

I dont think the just ignore them part works. I dont say anything back and try to pretend I dont hear them. Maybe I look scared or uncomfortable and they can see its bothering me so thats why they keep doing it?

Thanks for taking your time with the advice. I appreciate it.