How to make sure people disagree with you!

[Steve]

The original idea was. You throw an idea out there. People throw their own out there sometimes it works sometimes you get smashed in the face. Either way you learn sometimes.

Being nice and agreeing with people all the time makes your brain rot.

I think being nice should always be the goal. Some people equate disagreement with rudeness or meanness. I think it's neither. I think you can disagree and still be nice. Conversely, disagreeing with you doesn't equate to being mean to you.

 

[Steve]

#12: Sometimes, even if you think something isn't funny, it really is.
#13: Sometimes, even if you think something is funny, it really isn't.

 

[JowGaWolf]

I keep it toned down for the forums.

 

[geezer]

Hmmm. Have you noticed that the people posting on here are not the people that have "issues" and need to be reading this stuff?. I just hope those other guys eventually bother to read what you guys have been saying ...and consider that all of us have verbally "gotten into it" with each other from time to time and still been "friends at the end of the day" ....to quote the formidable and venerable Crafty Dog (who BTW hosts the last living forum on our sister-site, FMA Talk).

 

[Punchy]

I have found myself coming here less often and not posting as much because of "you know who" and 'you know who 2".

Like geezer, I've learned a lot here but ultimately I simply enjoy talking with like minded folks.... when I try to talk to my wife about this stuff I just simply get blank stares or lectures about thinking about more important things.

So when I get on here and it becomes a hassle, it becomes more trouble than it's worth.

#14. Lighten up. It's just not that important.

 

[kakkattekoi]

Things getting that rough in the WC/VT/WT discussions? I know I usually enjoy and learn from those discussions right up until the point of lineage discussions. As an outsider I would like to see the WC/VT/WT practitioners not get into the discussions related to lineage and "true WC/VT/WT etc" type discussions. Lineage seems to be a really touchy subject for the systems.

I agree that things go well until the topic got related to lineage

I know that WSLWC style is very popular in the west and YM style is diff (in a way) or basically every lineage has its unique style like chow tze chuen is more known for foot work and kicks.
In my humble opinion, just try to learn the idea when someone else share it. Due YM teaching style and everyone absorb the idea differently

 

[Nobody Important]

I have found myself coming here less often and not posting as much because of "you know who" and 'you know who 2".

Like geezer, I've learned a lot here but ultimately I simply enjoy talking with like minded folks.... when I try to talk to my wife about this stuff I just simply get blank stares or lectures about thinking about more important things.

So when I get on here and it becomes a hassle, it becomes more trouble than it's worth.

#14. Lighten up. It's just not that important.

Correct! Same here, just a place to talk with people who have a common interest. I don't come here to argue "authenticity" or push an agenda. I don't mind disagreement if it's logical, we all get tunnel vision once in awhile. At the end of the day it's just a conversation with faceless entities, no need to take anything too seriously. No one here is a guiding force in my life, I've never met anyone here in person, not to say I'm not open to meeting new people. Personally I think an informal gathering would be awesome, there is literally no Kung Fu near me , all karate. And those guys just don't really understand me, lol!

 

[paitingman]

Rule/suggestion # ??:

It's a two sided issue.
Understand that when posting on any thread, you are entering a discussion with emotional/prideful beings. Not typing robots. While it would be nice for everyone to not have negative emotional responses to posts or even insults, you simply cannot expect for that to be the case. You've got to accept backlash and offence will be taken to your posts sometimes (and maybe strategize to where that will happen less often)

On the other hand, try not to get so caught up in trivial elements/details you may find slightly insulting.

(having said all that I really do enjoy learning on this forum, though I don't often post my own thoughts. There is a lot of great discussion going on here, you just have to wade through a lot of bickering to get to really informative discussion)

 

[drop bear]

I think being nice should always be the goal. Some people equate disagreement with rudeness or meanness. I think it's neither. I think you can disagree and still be nice. Conversely, disagreeing with you doesn't equate to being mean to you.

Like sparring.

Se wot i did thur?

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

Hmmm. Have you noticed that the people posting on here are not the people that have "issues" and need to be reading this stuff?

That's not a bad thing after all. Sometime it's nice for a while that you don't have to hear someone said:

- You are wrong ...
- You don't know ...
- You should not ...
- ...

I wish someone will just say, "I disagree with you" instead of to say, "You are wrong."

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

Understand that when posting on any thread, you are entering a discussion with emotional/prideful beings.

When you

- open your window, both butterflies and mosquitoes will fly in.
- start a thread, both positive opinions and negative opinions will arrive.

IMO, it's better to receive negative opinions than not receiving any opinion at all.

When

- someone attacks you, at least you still exist.
- everybody ignore you, you don't even exist.

 

[JowGaWolf]

Have you noticed that the people posting on here are not the people that have "issues" and need to be reading this stuff?

Whenever I think of this, I just remind myself that those who will benefit most from these type of discussions are people who are new to martial arts. Everyone else is pretty much set in their ways. The good thing is that when they see the behavior that is being discussed, they will remember that they heard this discussion even though they can't remember where.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

Whenever I think of this, I just remind myself that those who will benefit most from these type of discussions are people who are new to martial arts.

A good friend of mine once asked me, "Why do you spend time in online discussion? What can you do if someone said bad thing about you?"

IMO, MA is only trained by just a very small percentage of people. I had knocked on my neighbor's door and asked if they are willing to spar/wrestle with me for 15 rounds. They all looked at me as if I came from another planet. As long as we can speak the same language (such as kick, punch, lock. throw, mount, ...) and share information about something that we all love here, to raise our blood pressure up once in a while should be the least price that we all have to pay.

 

[guy b]

I'm not sure any of us would back off on a strongly held belief just because it was unpopular. But in my case, I'd certainly be willing to qualify that belief as a matter of my personal experience and opinion, and be willing to concede that others make a legitimate point as well

What would you suggest if you believe others are not making a legitimate point and are in fact talking nonsense?

All belief is a product of personal experience, although things that can be objectively evaluated are on much stronger ground than those based on just a hunch. I wouldn't have thought there would be a need to type this out every time an opinion is presented though? Do you slip this caveat into real life conversation every few words? I don't.

My own rules for the forum would be these: Grow a thicker skin. Don't take it personally, stop being an emotional crybully. Don't allow pride to blind you. Don't be dishonest in your argument when you realise you are wrong. Don't be an intolerant relativist (i.e. don't say everything is equally valid but then lose the plot when someone disagrees that everything is equally valid).

 

[Gerry Seymour]

I'm not sure any of us would back off on a strongly held belief just because it was unpopular. But in my case, I'd certainly be willing to qualify that belief as a matter of my personal experience and opinion, and be willing to concede that others make a legitimate point as well. A little humility goes a long way in terms of smoothing things out!

So...
#4. Have a little humility and acknowledge that others may have a valid point.

I read the post as suggesting that we find another way to say something if it receives too much opposition. I second that (if, indeed, that was the intended meaning). Sometimes, it's the exact statement that is generating opposition, rather than the concept proposed.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

The original idea was. You throw an idea out there. People throw their own out there sometimes it works sometimes you get smashed in the face. Either way you learn sometimes.

Being nice and agreeing with people all the time makes your brain rot.

As does purposely opposing others. I agree with the concept of throwing an idea out there to see how others support it or pull it apart. I do that a bit, myself. I'll have an idea that seems good, but needs vetting - I can depend upon some people in this forum (you, for instance) to tell me exactly what they think of it.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Instead of sparring, you mean you approach it as a conversation? Just throwing another word out there for our fighting enthusiasts.

EDIT: Just realized I did not throw that word out there, it was already painted on walls and ceilings. This is what blindness gets you.

This is a good point. For some of us (like me), sparring means "trying to win". So, the forum is not a place for sparring (by my definition), but a great place for conversation and debate.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

I think being nice should always be the goal. Some people equate disagreement with rudeness or meanness. I think it's neither. I think you can disagree and still be nice. Conversely, disagreeing with you doesn't equate to being mean to you.

Agreed. And agreeing also doesn't equate to being nice.

 

[drop bear]

What would you suggest if you believe others are not making a legitimate point and are in fact talking nonsense?

All belief is a product of personal experience, although things that can be objectively evaluated are on much stronger ground than those based on just a hunch. I wouldn't have thought there would be a need to type this out every time an opinion is presented though? Do you slip this caveat into real life conversation every few words? I don't.

My own rules for the forum would be these: Grow a thicker skin. Don't take it personally, stop being an emotional crybully. Don't allow pride to blind you. Don't be dishonest in your argument when you realise you are wrong. Don't be an intolerant relativist (i.e. don't say everything is equally valid but then lose the plot when someone disagrees that everything is equally valid).

Liked that mostly for the crybully.

 

[drop bear]

As does purposely opposing others. I agree with the concept of throwing an idea out there to see how others support it or pull it apart. I do that a bit, myself. I'll have an idea that seems good, but needs vetting - I can depend upon some people in this forum (you, for instance) to tell me exactly what they think of it.

I also try not to side with teams either. So even if i generally agree with someone. I will post when i don't.

I