Earl Weiss
Senior Master
I think there are places where she will be Black belt by her first B Day.
From Okinawa to Korea
- Thread starter Michele123
- Start date
I think there are places where she will be Black belt by her first B Day.
Hey, that's a good lookin' kid. Dobak'll be proud to be on that one!Well, it’s been awhile. I’ve tried not to think about MA too much because then I’d get grumpy about not being able to train. I had a super smooth and easy birth about a month ago.
I think she’s going to be ready to start TKD soon. What do you think?
So at four weeks postpartum I convinced my midwife to let me return to class. However, she had a lot of rules for me. No cardio. No running. No jumping. No ab work. Kinda cuts out a lot of class but I was willing just to be back in the dojang. It felt sooooo good to be back. The first half hour is usually cardio and weight stuff. So I had to stand out of the way and just stretch that whole time. When we started the TKD material, I got to learn the first few techniques in Taeguek Pahl Jang, but it wasn’t too long before I got a text from hubby that the baby had lost it and nothing would calm her down. She usually nurses and refused any of the pumped milk. So I had to leave class early and rush home, but we had worked this out ahead of time and I knew it was likely. I was thrilled to get to be at the dojang as long as I had. I probably won’t get to go this week as this is testing week but that’s ok. Next week I hope we can get things to work better with the baby so I can maybe stay in class longer. Once I’m six weeks postpartum I’m supposed to get to do most everything else again, though no sit-ups or direct front ab work (I have a small separation there from childbearing). Anyhow, I’m chomping at the bit to get back into the swing of things!
I am also looking forward to watching my older two children test. I’ve been helping the oldest work on her terminology. It’s 18 Korean vocabulary words this time and she’s been having a bit of trouble memorizing them on her own. I figure it’s okay to help a 7-year old work on memorizing her words. My son has had me help him with his pattern but doesn’t want help with his memory work (regulations of the Hwarangdo). I look forward to seeing how they and my own classmates do at the test.
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And good on you for getting back. I understand the feeling of getting to train after a forced absence. Almost any involvement feels good!
Michele123
Green Belt
Had my second night back in the dojang yesterday. I took my baby with me because she is at that four week cluster feeding she and cried the whole time I was gone last time. I brought the stroller hoping she would sleep most of the time in the stroller. No luck. I needed to hold or feed her most of the time so I was primarily watching. My midwife would have been happy. After class though, my instructor held my baby and let me go through a few kicks with a couple of the black belts. That felt good. I wasn’t supposed to do the jumps but I did them out of habit and it felt good.
I hope I figure out soon how to juggle class and baby. I really want to get back into fighting shape and really work hard again. I also want to be careful that I don’t put my baby on the back burner for MA.
Tomorrow night is the test. I’m hoping I can stay and watch everybody. This is the first testing night since I joined that I won’t be testing. It’s a little weird.
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I hope I figure out soon how to juggle class and baby. I really want to get back into fighting shape and really work hard again. I also want to be careful that I don’t put my baby on the back burner for MA.
Tomorrow night is the test. I’m hoping I can stay and watch everybody. This is the first testing night since I joined that I won’t be testing. It’s a little weird.
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dvcochran
Grandmaster
The back burner part is well said.
Great to hear your passion for the things you love. I love hearing the open relationship between you and your instructor. A true sign of a MA family.
We have a Mexican family that comes from another school about 2 hours away twice/month for our senior belt classes. They have a small child that hangs out in one of those play rings or is being held by someone. While mom and dad workout they do not have to worry too much about the baby since someone is always there willing to take care of whatever is needed. A great thing to see.
Juggling babies is probably against dojo rules. You should check with your instructor. And don't dare tell your midwife.
Michele123
Green Belt
It’s been another 3+ months. I’m getting to go to class twice a week now and only occasionally get a phone call that baby needs me and is refusing everything else. I’m starting to get back into pre-baby shape. Last week I was able to stay towards the front of the group when sprinting again. Only the teenage boys were ahead of me. It’s nice to start getting back to normal.
My kids tested again about a month ago. My daughter since hasn’t passed the test she set out to pass back in September. It’s like her confidence and interest were lost at that September test. I feel bad because I never thought to pack food and water for her that day and she just wasn’t able to make it through the younger kids test and keep focus for her test. I think if she had been given food and water while waiting so she didn’t go into her own test hungry and thirsty, she might have done better. Now I can hardly get her to practice or even put in a good faith effort in class. So she failed her test again. I need to figure out how to help her regain the interest she once had in TKD. My son, on the other hand, is still doing very well. He caught up to my daughter rank-wise this last test and is so pleased with himself. I’m hoping that will help motivate her to work harder. My hubby, who doesn’t care about MA, refuses to let her quit because he doesn’t want her to learn to be a quitter. My son worked hard, practicing at home with me several days and really nailed his test. He worked hard and it showed.
It’s kid of weird going through two test cycles and not being one who is testing. It’s kind of nice though. Many of the black belts have been asking me when I’ll test for black. That isn’t up to me but they seem surprised I won’t be testing next month. It never would have worked. I’m four months postpartum and only now getting back to where I was before baby. Thankfully my instructor understands all that and never even tried to have me aim for a January test date. However, he did tell me at my last class that I’ll be testing for black in June. My baby will only be ten months old. I’m not sure she nor I will be ready to be apart for six + hours. :/ plus, I breastfeed. Am I going to be able to take a pumping break in the middle of the test? I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to my instructor about these things yet because I had to run off after class last time and now we are on Christmas break. Oh well, it is kind of cool to have a date I’m working towards.
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My kids tested again about a month ago. My daughter since hasn’t passed the test she set out to pass back in September. It’s like her confidence and interest were lost at that September test. I feel bad because I never thought to pack food and water for her that day and she just wasn’t able to make it through the younger kids test and keep focus for her test. I think if she had been given food and water while waiting so she didn’t go into her own test hungry and thirsty, she might have done better. Now I can hardly get her to practice or even put in a good faith effort in class. So she failed her test again. I need to figure out how to help her regain the interest she once had in TKD. My son, on the other hand, is still doing very well. He caught up to my daughter rank-wise this last test and is so pleased with himself. I’m hoping that will help motivate her to work harder. My hubby, who doesn’t care about MA, refuses to let her quit because he doesn’t want her to learn to be a quitter. My son worked hard, practicing at home with me several days and really nailed his test. He worked hard and it showed.
It’s kid of weird going through two test cycles and not being one who is testing. It’s kind of nice though. Many of the black belts have been asking me when I’ll test for black. That isn’t up to me but they seem surprised I won’t be testing next month. It never would have worked. I’m four months postpartum and only now getting back to where I was before baby. Thankfully my instructor understands all that and never even tried to have me aim for a January test date. However, he did tell me at my last class that I’ll be testing for black in June. My baby will only be ten months old. I’m not sure she nor I will be ready to be apart for six + hours. :/ plus, I breastfeed. Am I going to be able to take a pumping break in the middle of the test? I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to my instructor about these things yet because I had to run off after class last time and now we are on Christmas break. Oh well, it is kind of cool to have a date I’m working towards.
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dvcochran
Grandmaster
Great to hear from you!!!
Families that work out together are a cherished thing. It can get tough when one child loses interest. I forget your children's ages but regardless, my advise is not to put demeaning pressure on them, such looking only at the next testing. It is a hard line to balance when you want your child to do an extra-curricular activity, that we know is good for them, but they do not want to participate. If possible, separate things like interest, comparison, logic/reason, even encouragement between the children. It has to be Her thing, not a group thing. One of the coolest things about MA's is that it's an individual practice we can do as a group.
When we meditate before/after class, I often tell the class to think on One thing they done really well and One thing they need to work on. The amount of information coming at someone, even children can get overwhelming. Help her slow down and stop worrying about the next test. It is only a valid goal when put in the correct frame. Remind her that when she learns the How in her techniques/drills/forms, the 'test' will come naturally. In other words, help her slow her pace and just practice the specifics. Get her doing the techniques she is good at and praise and encourage her. Then Help her with A technique she is struggling with. If you have mirrors at your school, they are excellent tools. People are usually very able to critique themselves. Plus, there is great tangential benefits that you, as a parent/teacher can glean from watching her, watch herself in the mirror. Things like posture, demeanor, expression, attitude are magnified. Continuously Talk to her (not at her) while she is looking in the mirror and explain what you see her doing. Most often, what you see and what she is seeing is quite different. Soo much information to be found there. Explain and Show her what you see her doing and how it is different.
Make her workouts, her workouts. Framing it only in the context that she is failing testing's is going to drive her farther away class.
One thing I have suggested to parents is to figure out who are her friends in class. Set up a play time with them outside of class. Sometimes making new relationships that are associated with the extra curricular (MA class) will be a motivator to keep someone working out. Over time, hopefully she will decide she wants to do MA for her own reasons.
Great to hear you are nearing your BB test. I would say some of the same things to you. 1st Dan BB testing only comes around once. Make is special and memorable. Even if that mean waiting a little longer so that you have the external stressors out of the way. The middle of a BB test is no time to be worrying about anything else, even your small child. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but I hope you get what I am trying so say. The work that goes into prepping Everything to make your test 'perfect' is directly proportional to the reward at the end.
In every dimension, we do not have a clue to the craziness in each other life's. One thing I do on a regular basis is keep a running and ever changing 'to do' list. The better detailed and defined you can make your BB test list the better. Yes, expect the test will Not go as planned but still make a hard plan. This will help you figure out how to deal with the externals (like pumping
) that hopefully you can deal with. Much the same, drill Only what you need as much as possible. Focus is the name of the game. Assess what is external chatter and what is internal necessity. You are already looking ahead, which is a good thing. Now, set down and put 'pen to paper' and work out a plan. This is a great tool to help focus your efforts.
Keep going and let us know how things progress. I wish the best for you and your children.
_Simon_
Senior Master
Awesome to hear from you Michele! BB test in sight wow! How exciting, but yes, as said above only when you are ready for it. I'm sure we won't ever feel 100% perfectly ready for anything, so it's not always great to wait until life's conditions are 100%, but yeah agreed that you want to make sure there is nothing to distract from it, and that you are comfortable with preparing for and doing it.
Thanks dvcochran
Very comprehensive post and very VERY well said. Got alot out of it myself.Great to hear from you!!!
Families that work out together are a cherished thing. It can get tough when one child loses interest. I forget your children's ages but regardless, my advise is not to put demeaning pressure on them, such looking only at the next testing. It is a hard line to balance when you want your child to do an extra-curricular activity, that we know is good for them, but they do not want to participate. If possible, separate things like interest, comparison, logic/reason, even encouragement between the children. It has to be Her thing, not a group thing. One of the coolest things about MA's is that it's an individual practice we can do as a group.
When we meditate before/after class, I often tell the class to think on One thing they done really well and One thing they need to work on. The amount of information coming at someone, even children can get overwhelming. Help her slow down and stop worrying about the next test. It is only a valid goal when put in the correct frame. Remind her that when she learns the How in her techniques/drills/forms, the 'test' will come naturally. In other words, help her slow her pace and just practice the specifics. Get her doing the techniques she is good at and praise and encourage her. Then Help her with A technique she is struggling with. If you have mirrors at your school, they are excellent tools. People are usually very able to critique themselves. Plus, there is great tangential benefits that you, as a parent/teacher can glean from watching her, watch herself in the mirror. Things like posture, demeanor, expression, attitude are magnified. Continuously Talk to her (not at her) while she is looking in the mirror and explain what you see her doing. Most often, what you see and what she is seeing is quite different. Soo much information to be found there. Explain and Show her what you see her doing and how it is different.
Make her workouts, her workouts. Framing it only in the context that she is failing testing's is going to drive her farther away class.
One thing I have suggested to parents is to figure out who are her friends in class. Set up a play time with them outside of class. Sometimes making new relationships that are associated with the extra curricular (MA class) will be a motivator to keep someone working out. Over time, hopefully she will decide she wants to do MA for her own reasons.
Great to hear you are nearing your BB test. I would say some of the same things to you. 1st Dan BB testing only comes around once. Make is special and memorable. Even if that mean waiting a little longer so that you have the external stressors out of the way. The middle of a BB test is no time to be worrying about anything else, even your small child. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but I hope you get what I am trying so say. The work that goes into prepping Everything to make your test 'perfect' is directly proportional to the reward at the end.
In every dimension, we do not have a clue to the craziness in each other life's. One thing I do on a regular basis is keep a running and ever changing 'to do' list. The better detailed and defined you can make your BB test list the better. Yes, expect the test will Not go as planned but still make a hard plan. This will help you figure out how to deal with the externals (like pumping
Much the same, drill Only what you need as much as possible. Focus is the name of the game. Assess what is external chatter and what is internal necessity. You are already looking ahead, which is a good thing. Now, set down and put 'pen to paper' and work out a plan. This is a great tool to help focus your efforts.
Keep going and let us know how things progress. I wish the best for you and your children.
Thanks dvcochran
dvcochran
Grandmaster
Your are most welcome..Awesome to hear from you Michele! BB test in sight wow! How exciting, but yes, as said above only when you are ready for it. I'm sure we won't ever feel 100% perfectly ready for anything, so it's not always great to wait until life's conditions are 100%, but yeah agreed that you want to make sure there is nothing to distract from it, and that you are comfortable with preparing for and doing it.Very comprehensive post and very VERY well said. Got alot out of it myself.
Thanks dvcochran
mrt2
Brown Belt
Don't blame yourself for your daughter's lack of motivation. At my school, I have seen siblings start training together and one takes off while the other flatlines or even regresses. Or even situations like yours where it is a parent and a child or two children. IMO, if your daughter is not motivated to practice TKD, I would let her quit. It isn't for everyone, and there is no shame in trying something out and giving it up after a few months or even a few years. Maybe someday she will come back to it, maybe not. But forcing her to stick with it even as she flat lines isn't teaching her anything. Perhaps it will just weigh on her self esteem. Better to put it aside for awhile and hope she finds something else to be passionate about.
Good job sticking with your training. I am also sticking with my training and it is really starting to pay off as I feel better, and feel better about myself than I have in 20 years.
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My brother went through that with his son. In order to satisfy both thoughts ("don't be a quitter" and "why make him do something he doesn't like") he told his son he could quit after the next school year. My brother still trains, but my nephew is happy not training.
Michele123
Green Belt
So… it’s been ages since I posted here. All the COVID responses had me rather depressed for a while and it was too upsetting to come here.
When the COVID shut downs occurred in my area, I kept practicing at home an hour a day to prepare for the BB Test. But that test never happened because our shut downs lasted too long. I honestly ended up rather depressed being stuck at home so long and finally stopped practicing so much at the beginning of May 2020. When we were allowed to return to the gym (under restrictive conditions) I was so happy to be back. Our oldest daughter had quit after Christmas 2019 but our son was excited to be back and our second daughter was counting days until she was four and could join the dojang. The BB test was rescheduled to Dec 2020. 10 days before I was to test for BB (and my four year old was two days away from testing for her white belt) our state had a second shut down so I again didn’t get to test. It was rescheduled for January 2021, but we had to wear masks the whole time for both class and test. I only have one nostril that is fully functional so I couldn’t do that as it would restrict airflow too much and the Dojang refused to make any exceptions (part of the reason is because our city was too close to the capital and our tyrannical governor was already enacting harsh punitive measures for anyone that didn’t head his mandates and our gym is too small to be able to stay open if hit with one of his punishments.
My instructor did tell me not to worry at first as there would be another test in April. I asked for ways to train since I wasn’t welcome in the gym. I even offered to help set up a zoom type setup so he could do a hybrid class (I can wear a mask when not working out). He said he would think about it but never got back to me. I found other students from our association that also could not attend class do you the mask mandates so we started getting together once a week in a garage to practice. I ended up receiving a phone call from him chewing me out for practicing with others behind his back. Nothing in the student handbook said we had to get permission to practice together with other students. When April came around, we still had mask mandates in and my instructor informed me I would no longer be eligible to test since I hadn’t been regularly in class for the prior six months. I felt very hurt by this as I had tried to work with him and find other solutions that wouldn’t be hazardous to my health but he was unbending. The next BB test would be January 2022. To be eligible I would have to be in the gym regularly starting in July.
By July, when masks were no longer required, we found out we would be moving soon (Oct 2021) and since the next BB test was scheduled for Jan 2022 with a requirement of 6 months of gym attendance and with the bad blood, I didn’t return. Thankfully our new location has a Kukkiwon certified dojang with an amazing master who isn’t swayed by fear tactics. It’s a much larger school than I was used to and there are certainly different ways of doing things (both curriculum as well as just gym customs). They took our family in at the ranks we had when we stopped training at our old school, even though it was a year prior. It took a few months to gain our bearings, both in our new home and community and at our new dojang, but by January 2022 we were feeling pretty comfortable. In March 2022 my 7yo son earned his green belt (6th gup) and my 5yo daughter earned her first stripe on her white belt. I was invited to test for BB June 2022, (two years after I was initially supposed to test, before people thought shutting down everyone’s life for months at a time was a good idea). At least now I didn’t have to worry about pumping or being away from a baby since my youngest was now approaching the age of three.
In June 2022, my 8yo son earned his blue belt (5th gup) and my 5yo daughter earned her second stripe on her white belt.
This gym did things a little differently for the BB test. We had weekly classes for just BB testers and this was apparently part of the test as well as one student was dismissed from the BB testers class and no longer on the testing lineup. On June 18, 2022, I finally got to take my BB test and I passed!
This month my youngest, now 3, got to start Taekwondo! She loves it and I’m excited that they start them at three here. The instructor for the little kids class is really good with this and I was amazed when I watched the instructor and how she was able to get the kids to punch, kick, and block. 3 is very young and she isn’t quite saying “yes ma’am” yet, but she does take it seriously already and quickly obeys everything the instructor asks her to do.
So thank you to anyone who bothered to read this whole thing. I’m happy we are back on our MA journey.
When the COVID shut downs occurred in my area, I kept practicing at home an hour a day to prepare for the BB Test. But that test never happened because our shut downs lasted too long. I honestly ended up rather depressed being stuck at home so long and finally stopped practicing so much at the beginning of May 2020. When we were allowed to return to the gym (under restrictive conditions) I was so happy to be back. Our oldest daughter had quit after Christmas 2019 but our son was excited to be back and our second daughter was counting days until she was four and could join the dojang. The BB test was rescheduled to Dec 2020. 10 days before I was to test for BB (and my four year old was two days away from testing for her white belt) our state had a second shut down so I again didn’t get to test. It was rescheduled for January 2021, but we had to wear masks the whole time for both class and test. I only have one nostril that is fully functional so I couldn’t do that as it would restrict airflow too much and the Dojang refused to make any exceptions (part of the reason is because our city was too close to the capital and our tyrannical governor was already enacting harsh punitive measures for anyone that didn’t head his mandates and our gym is too small to be able to stay open if hit with one of his punishments.
My instructor did tell me not to worry at first as there would be another test in April. I asked for ways to train since I wasn’t welcome in the gym. I even offered to help set up a zoom type setup so he could do a hybrid class (I can wear a mask when not working out). He said he would think about it but never got back to me. I found other students from our association that also could not attend class do you the mask mandates so we started getting together once a week in a garage to practice. I ended up receiving a phone call from him chewing me out for practicing with others behind his back. Nothing in the student handbook said we had to get permission to practice together with other students. When April came around, we still had mask mandates in and my instructor informed me I would no longer be eligible to test since I hadn’t been regularly in class for the prior six months. I felt very hurt by this as I had tried to work with him and find other solutions that wouldn’t be hazardous to my health but he was unbending. The next BB test would be January 2022. To be eligible I would have to be in the gym regularly starting in July.
By July, when masks were no longer required, we found out we would be moving soon (Oct 2021) and since the next BB test was scheduled for Jan 2022 with a requirement of 6 months of gym attendance and with the bad blood, I didn’t return. Thankfully our new location has a Kukkiwon certified dojang with an amazing master who isn’t swayed by fear tactics. It’s a much larger school than I was used to and there are certainly different ways of doing things (both curriculum as well as just gym customs). They took our family in at the ranks we had when we stopped training at our old school, even though it was a year prior. It took a few months to gain our bearings, both in our new home and community and at our new dojang, but by January 2022 we were feeling pretty comfortable. In March 2022 my 7yo son earned his green belt (6th gup) and my 5yo daughter earned her first stripe on her white belt. I was invited to test for BB June 2022, (two years after I was initially supposed to test, before people thought shutting down everyone’s life for months at a time was a good idea). At least now I didn’t have to worry about pumping or being away from a baby since my youngest was now approaching the age of three.
In June 2022, my 8yo son earned his blue belt (5th gup) and my 5yo daughter earned her second stripe on her white belt.
This gym did things a little differently for the BB test. We had weekly classes for just BB testers and this was apparently part of the test as well as one student was dismissed from the BB testers class and no longer on the testing lineup. On June 18, 2022, I finally got to take my BB test and I passed!
This month my youngest, now 3, got to start Taekwondo! She loves it and I’m excited that they start them at three here. The instructor for the little kids class is really good with this and I was amazed when I watched the instructor and how she was able to get the kids to punch, kick, and block. 3 is very young and she isn’t quite saying “yes ma’am” yet, but she does take it seriously already and quickly obeys everything the instructor asks her to do.
So thank you to anyone who bothered to read this whole thing. I’m happy we are back on our MA journey.
Glad to see you back, Michele. And I'm happy to hear that you're back to training.
Huge red flag there. Pandemic or not, a good instructor should be happy that students are getting in extra training on their own time outside the school. (Unless perhaps the students in question were beginners who were training unsafely and potentially hurting each other, but that clearly didn't apply in your case.)
The only thing I could see here as being reasonable in this situation, is depending on the punitive measures the governor was taking against businesses. If the instructor had it in his head that this would somehow get found out and he'd be accused of avoiding whatever measures were in place at the time, and lose his business as a result, I could see someone freaking out about that.
He'd be wrong most likely, he has no jurisdiction over what happens outside the classroom, and that they felt a need to practice separately was proof he was following the rules to the letter, but panic over losing his business is at least a bit understandable.
That said, welcome back Michele, and I'm glad you found a new dojo that is more your speed!
auntlisa1103
Orange Belt
Glad to see you are back at it, and congratulations on your test!!
My state shut down two weeks before I was supposed to test to Temporary Cho Dan. I’m type 1 diabetic, so I stayed away from the school for about a year and a half. So I know how frustrating the wait is. But as my GM always says, this is a Do. A Way. There’s no time limit.
My state shut down two weeks before I was supposed to test to Temporary Cho Dan. I’m type 1 diabetic, so I stayed away from the school for about a year and a half. So I know how frustrating the wait is. But as my GM always says, this is a Do. A Way. There’s no time limit.
_Simon_
Senior Master
Ohh it's so great to hear from you Michele!!! Sorry things have been so difficult for you... that's really hard, and I hope you're okay.
A massive congratulations on your black belt, that's just incredible and a huge achievement! It's been a long journey, and it's been an honour to witness it here! And so great you're in a place you love now, sounds like it was absolutely for the best
. Thanks for letting us all know how you're going.Michele123
Green Belt
Thank you!
It struck me as odd too, since the only reason he knew is because I emailed him to ask for clarification on a technique. But he accused me of basically stealing from him and teaching other students. I never told him their names because I wanted him and the Dojang safe in case we were somehow breaking the mandate (there were only three others and we were in the garage not the house). But I had been very careful not to teach them anything new and we only practiced the curriculum we had in common together (they were lower ranks). In addition, they were from our association, but not even from his gym. At a later point he did sort of apologize but it was hard to feel welcome back at his gym after that.
I think, before I joined the gym, there had been an issue where a new black belt took students from him and taught them for free, so that experience may have played into his reaction. It still caught me by surprise because when I studied karate in my teens, we were never required to report who we practiced with or ask permission to do so. I had never heard of such a thing.
Michele123
Green Belt
Thank you. I have a friend who is type 1 diabetic also and had to be really cautious and she still is to a certain extent. I wish the gyms were more open to doing some sort of hybrid with zoom during that time. It wouldn’t be the same but definitely better than something. Where I am now they did zoom through both shut downs. Students still talk about the zoom lessons and how it ended up being great because they were able to really focus on the technical parts and hone those skills. I wish my instructor had been open to doing something like that.
Michele123
Green Belt
Thank you for your support! It’s nice to see familiar names responding to my post.Ohh it's so great to hear from you Michele!!! Sorry things have been so difficult for you... that's really hard, and I hope you're okay.
A massive congratulations on your black belt, that's just incredible and a huge achievement! It's been a long journey, and it's been an honour to witness it here! And so great you're in a place you love now, sounds like it was absolutely for the best
I truly love where I’m at now and feeling kinda jazzed because I just got back from class and we worked patterns all night. Patterns are my absolute favorite 
