Do not disagree vs. agree

[Gerry Seymour]

I clicked agree because I don't not disagree with nothing you didn't say.

Possibly.

I read that post without looking at who wrote it, and had no doubt that the author was you.

 

[skribs]

I have just realized that people in this forum like to use "do not disagree" instead of "agree". What's the difference between "do not disagree" vs. "agree"? Your thought?

I used to have a co-worker who likes to say, "I may agree with you right now, but I reserve my right not to if I can find any good reason for it." Even today, I still don't know why did he talk that way.

It depends on the person and the context. For example,

• It could be that you think I am arguing with you, and to tell you that I am not arguing I say "I don't disagree".
• It could be that I don't disagree with you on some of your specific points, but I disagree with your overall argument. (Or the other way around).
• It could be that I don't agree with you, either. That I don't think you're wrong, but I'm not going to change my opinion.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

you say something I consider true but not a counterpoint to what I said, so despite the fact that I don’t disagree, we are still on opposite sides of the issue.

Why should one make his life so complicate? IMO, one should have the courage to love, and also the courage to hate.

- I agree with you 100% there.
- Sorry that I have to disagree with you on this.

 

[skribs]

Why should one make his life so complicate? IMO, one should have the courage to love, and also the courage to hate.

- I agree with you 100% there.
- Sorry that I have to disagree with you on this.

Not everything is black and white. There are some things I am neutral on. There are somethings I am indifferent on. There are some things where I might agree with you on one variable, but not another.

For example, if I say "I like Taco Bell" and someone says "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican food", I can say "I don't disagree [that it's not real Mexican food]...but I still like it."

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Why should one make his life so complicate? IMO, one should have the courage to love, and also the courage to hate.

- I agree with you 100% there.
- Sorry that I have to disagree with you on this.

I could do that, but it lacks the nuance. It's not about courage, but about trying to communicate.

It's possible to agree (or disagree) unenthusiastically, which is where some of this nuance helps out.

 

[Steve]

If someone asks for feedback then the goal should be to help.

first, I disagree with this premise. Someone asking for feedback is asking for feedback, which may or may not be helpful.

Second, people often ask for help because it’s easy to have someone else spoonfeed you an answer. Sometimes, not giving you detailed feedback is the most helpful, even if it’s not immediately satisfying to you.

Third, people will often presume to give feedback where it is not requested. My wife thinks out loud. I have learned to ask whether she’s asking for my opinion or not. Generally, my job is to listen and ask questions.

Bottom line, there is no one right answer, as you are suggesting. I think if you trained BJJ, you would understand it better.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Not everything is black and white. There are some things I am neutral on. There are somethings I am indifferent on. There are some things where I might agree with you on one variable, but not another.

For example, if I say "I like Taco Bell" and someone says "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican food", I can say "I don't disagree [that it's not real Mexican food]...but I still like it."

That's a great example actually. Heck, Taco Bell is arguably not really food, but I still like it.

Seriously, that's one of the nuanced situations I was getting at in my post a moment ago. There can be a small, but real, difference between "I agree it's not really Mexican food." and "I don't disagree that it's not Mexican food." For me, often the latter implies there's an argument to be made, but that it's not worth it (usually because it's not pertinent to the point at hand).

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Bottom line, there is no one right answer, as you are suggesting. I think if you trained BJJ, you would understand it better.

Your best line so far in 2019, Steve.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

Not everything is black and white.

I agree with you 78% but I reserve my right to only agree with you 77% tomorrow.

I used to have a girlfriend that when she started to tell me a story, I needed to listen to that story carefully. Most of the time, she tried to use her story to tell me something (such as some guy dated a girl for 2 years and bought her a new BMW).

When my dog loves me, his love is 100%, not 78%, not 77%. I like that.

 

[skribs]

That's a great example actually. Heck, Taco Bell is arguably not really food, but I still like it.

Seriously, that's one of the nuanced situations I was getting at in my post a moment ago. There can be a small, but real, difference between "I agree it's not really Mexican food." and "I don't disagree that it's not Mexican food." For me, often the latter implies there's an argument to be made, but that it's not worth it (usually because it's not pertinent to the point at hand).

When I saw the notification that you "agreed" with my post, I wondered if you really agreed, or if that's the closest thing since there's no "don't disagree" button.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

When I saw the notification that you "agreed" with my post, I wondered if you really agreed, or if that's the closest thing since there's no "don't disagree" button.

I'll never not tell.

 

[Steve]

I could do that, but it lacks the nuance. It's not about courage, but about trying to communicate.

It's possible to agree (or disagree) unenthusiastically, which is where some of this nuance helps out.

Maybe. I guess.

 

[Steve]

That's a great example actually. Heck, Taco Bell is arguably not really food, but I still like it.

Seriously, that's one of the nuanced situations I was getting at in my post a moment ago. There can be a small, but real, difference between "I agree it's not really Mexican food." and "I don't disagree that it's not Mexican food." For me, often the latter implies there's an argument to be made, but that it's not worth it (usually because it's not pertinent to the point at hand).

Best Twitter exchange I ever read.

Random twitter user: Just had Taco Bell. It was great.
Taco Bell official account: awesome. What did you get?
Random twitter user: diarrhea, but it was totally worth it.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

Sometimes, not giving you detailed feedback is the most helpful, even if it’s not immediately satisfying to you.

This is absolute true.

A: If you have the answer for his question, why didn't you tell him?
B: He didn't ask me.

 

[pdg]

I'm only quoting bits that are relevant, and I'm discarding what's less useful

first, I disagree with this premise. Someone asking for feedback is asking for feedback, which may or may not be helpful.

Second, people often ask for help because it’s easy to have someone else spoonfeed you an answer. Sometimes, not giving you detailed feedback is the most helpful, even if it’s not immediately satisfying to you.

Feedback is always helpful in one way or another, and in varying degrees. A person may not like the feedback, but as long as it's honest it can be used. That person has to choose to use it though.

It's not about being spoonfed an answer, because there's very rarely just one answer anyway.

 

[Steve]

I'm only quoting bits that are relevant, and I'm discarding what's less useful



Feedback is always helpful in one way or another, and in varying degrees. A person may not like the feedback, but as long as it's honest it can be used. That person has to choose to use it though.

It's not about being spoonfed an answer, because there's very rarely just one answer anyway.

Not all feedback is helpful, even if it’s honest, Just ain’t true.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Not all feedback is helpful, even if it’s honest, Just ain’t true.

Probably true, but I can't come up with an example off the top of my head, other than rude feedback or the like. Can you feed me one?

 

[JR 137]

Probably true, but I can't come up with an example off the top of my head, other than rude feedback or the like. Can you feed me one?

Feedback that’s just plain wrong and/or conflicts with what’s being done.

Ie telling a wrestler he should’ve done X instead of Y; X is an illegal hold.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Feedback that’s just plain wrong.

That's a good point. We could stretch to say it lets us learn something about the person giving feedback, but I think that's really stretching the point. So, yeah, we could classify that as "not useful".

 

[Steve]

Probably true, but I can't come up with an example off the top of my head, other than rude feedback or the like. Can you feed me one?

Incompetent feedback, and that’s much harder to identify if you lack the experience to recognize it as incompetent. This is why I am such a fan of actual experience.