Xue Sheng
All weight is underside
You're a funny guy
Acid Reflux but oh well...
- Thread starter Bill Mattocks
- Start date
Steve
Mostly Harmless
I’m not sure I understand because it makes perfect sense to me that if you receive disability, you wouldn’t also receive retirement from the same source. Why would one expect to double dip from the same pension or insurance program?
VA and Social Security makes sense because the program eligibility and funding are completely different, like having to pensions or two different insurance policies.
Steve
Mostly Harmless
This seems like you have something in particular in mind. Can you elaborate a little? I’m not sure what you think VA disability is going to impact.A word of caution
...ya might really want to check things out before trying to get some compensation for long-term service related injuries..
The government has away of giving you something with one hand, taking it away with the other...
Seen it happen to retirees claiming disabilities only to find out the compensation claim was being made up out of their retirement benefits..
good luck...
To be clear, this is different from a VA pension, which is (counterintuitively) a needs based program, more like state general assistance/welfare or supplemental security income.
windwalker099
2nd Black Belt
Military retirees, or possible those receiving a
pension from the federal government for another service.
Yes! Sadness is to today’s weather as depression is to anthropomorphic climate change,
‘Depression’ (in this context) is a medical term that has been misappropriated by muggles and used incorrectly smearing it’s true meaning. I deliberately say ‘I’m feeling a bit sad today [because my sword has been seized]’ rather than incorrectly using the ‘D’ word. I strongly suggest everyone else does similarly unless a medical professional say that you are experiencing depression. Eventually our language will realign to it’s true meaning.
Last edited:
OP
OP
To be clear, I have been officially diagnosed with chronic PTSD and Depression by my treating VA therapist, a postdoctoral psychologist, confirmed by her supervising psychiatrist. So I'm not self-diagnosing.
As to 'sucking it up', that's exactly what I did, from age 18 to my 60s. It was the expected response to trauma in a warrior culture. You suck it up, you don't show weakness, you drive on. That's what being a warrior is; the mission is more important than the person.
And I was as guilty of perpetuating that as anyone. Until I experienced my first migraine, for example, I didn't know that migraines were anything other than a bad headache. Why didn't people just take some aspirin and get over it? Then I had a migraine and I understood how wrong I has been.
I didn't think much of PTSD until I hit my 50s. I thought it was memories of bad things that happened to you, but bad things happen to everyone, right? Just put it away and get over it. Suck it up. Drive on. Real men get over it.
How little I knew. From age 50, the nightmares started. Then the intrusive thoughts and memories. Then they got worse. And worse. And worse.
Some turn to drugs, alcohol, and self-medication of all kinds. Some act out and wind up in prison. But not everyone.
We see depictions of vets with PTSD as characterizations of homeless bums who are homeless drug addicts begging by roadsides. And those exist, yes. But we also have jobs, raise families, and burn ourselves from the inside out.
One day, I saw a Facebook ad for the VA and PTSD therapy. I called. I went in for a couple consultations and agreed to weekly video therapy.
It helped as described. I became aware of how the entire arc of my life had changed because of my traumatic event. I had huge anger management issues over what had been done to me. I lost jobs, I lost loved ones, I lost friends. I treated people very badly. My anger was incandescent. For decades. I changed who I was to develop a hard outer shell to protect myself. To avoid being a victim, I victimized. I wrecked my entire life, from top to bottom.
I learned how to verbalize my traumatic event. This is called Prolonged Exposure therapy. I can talk about it now. I told my wife. Before therapy, I had never told anyone, ever.
What they don't tell you is that therapy shakes loose everything. Now I have nightmares about all the military traumas. From being stabbed to being in a plane that nearly crashed to seeing the dead and dying close up and personal. The parts of my body that don't work anymore because ancient injuries finally overcame my ability to ignore them. Regret for who and what I've been and done.
I am a hermit. I leave my home for only a very select few things. I haven't spoken to my family in decades, I cut them all off. I have like three friends (from the Marine Corps, of course), and I don’t see them either. I go to work. I go to the dojo. I grow flowers. That's me done.
I will continue to seek help through the VA if I can. The military broke me, they can bloody well fix me. Assuming that's possible.
I did 'suck it up'. Until 40+ years down the road, when I couldn't anymore. But that's the problem with public perception of this sort of damage. Deep down inside, we all fear one day we won't be able to shove our pain and hurt down any longer. When confronted by those we fear we'll become, we belittle them. Minimize them. Turn our backs to them. To sympathize is to admit we might also have to one day deal with such things. I admit I did it too. When I once heard that something like 25% of all returning vets of recent wars were diagnosed with PTSD, I wondered if it meant they weren't as tough as my generation. I've since realized it's just that we've learned (a bit) to stop throwing away vets when we're done with them. We recognize PTSD now earlier and are trying to help sooner. Today's vets are not weaker. They're seen. That's the only difference. The military does what it's always done to human beings. No one gets out undamaged.
As to 'sucking it up', that's exactly what I did, from age 18 to my 60s. It was the expected response to trauma in a warrior culture. You suck it up, you don't show weakness, you drive on. That's what being a warrior is; the mission is more important than the person.
And I was as guilty of perpetuating that as anyone. Until I experienced my first migraine, for example, I didn't know that migraines were anything other than a bad headache. Why didn't people just take some aspirin and get over it? Then I had a migraine and I understood how wrong I has been.
I didn't think much of PTSD until I hit my 50s. I thought it was memories of bad things that happened to you, but bad things happen to everyone, right? Just put it away and get over it. Suck it up. Drive on. Real men get over it.
How little I knew. From age 50, the nightmares started. Then the intrusive thoughts and memories. Then they got worse. And worse. And worse.
Some turn to drugs, alcohol, and self-medication of all kinds. Some act out and wind up in prison. But not everyone.
We see depictions of vets with PTSD as characterizations of homeless bums who are homeless drug addicts begging by roadsides. And those exist, yes. But we also have jobs, raise families, and burn ourselves from the inside out.
One day, I saw a Facebook ad for the VA and PTSD therapy. I called. I went in for a couple consultations and agreed to weekly video therapy.
It helped as described. I became aware of how the entire arc of my life had changed because of my traumatic event. I had huge anger management issues over what had been done to me. I lost jobs, I lost loved ones, I lost friends. I treated people very badly. My anger was incandescent. For decades. I changed who I was to develop a hard outer shell to protect myself. To avoid being a victim, I victimized. I wrecked my entire life, from top to bottom.
I learned how to verbalize my traumatic event. This is called Prolonged Exposure therapy. I can talk about it now. I told my wife. Before therapy, I had never told anyone, ever.
What they don't tell you is that therapy shakes loose everything. Now I have nightmares about all the military traumas. From being stabbed to being in a plane that nearly crashed to seeing the dead and dying close up and personal. The parts of my body that don't work anymore because ancient injuries finally overcame my ability to ignore them. Regret for who and what I've been and done.
I am a hermit. I leave my home for only a very select few things. I haven't spoken to my family in decades, I cut them all off. I have like three friends (from the Marine Corps, of course), and I don’t see them either. I go to work. I go to the dojo. I grow flowers. That's me done.
I will continue to seek help through the VA if I can. The military broke me, they can bloody well fix me. Assuming that's possible.
I did 'suck it up'. Until 40+ years down the road, when I couldn't anymore. But that's the problem with public perception of this sort of damage. Deep down inside, we all fear one day we won't be able to shove our pain and hurt down any longer. When confronted by those we fear we'll become, we belittle them. Minimize them. Turn our backs to them. To sympathize is to admit we might also have to one day deal with such things. I admit I did it too. When I once heard that something like 25% of all returning vets of recent wars were diagnosed with PTSD, I wondered if it meant they weren't as tough as my generation. I've since realized it's just that we've learned (a bit) to stop throwing away vets when we're done with them. We recognize PTSD now earlier and are trying to help sooner. Today's vets are not weaker. They're seen. That's the only difference. The military does what it's always done to human beings. No one gets out undamaged.
OP
OP
Yes. For example, Social Security Disability (SSD) is paid to those who are disabled and cannot work. My father got SSD after his severe heart attack. However, once he reached retirement age, he got regular Social Security and his SSD stopped. No 'double dipping'..
The same is done to some extent with military retirement and federal retirement for those who retire from the military and go to work for the feds. Not all and not always, but there are some restrictions on double dipping.
Currently, a person can be retired from the military, and draw SSD, and draw VA disability. There are various plans afoot to change that. Whether they'll come to fruition, I can't say.
I can say that I'm not retired from the military, so I get no retirement pay. I work full time, so I get neither SSD nor a VA pension. I do get a tiny amount of VA disability each month. I just applied for that and had it granted this year, some 48 years after my hearing was damaged by the military. I'm hardly single dipping, let alone double dipping.
windwalker099
2nd Black Belt
A very good friend of mine, first CMA teacher
wrote this...
About his early child hood, experiences in the Vietnam war..
you might find it interesting
Sounds like something. you'er in the process of trying to find out how to do
Last edited:
Steve
Mostly Harmless
Military Retirees is an interesting one. All military vets, including retirees, can buy their time back in FERS, and it’s generally very advantageous to do so. If you retire as an E8 for example, and then get a federal job as a gs-12 or gs-13 for over ten years, you could get a nice fers annuity based on your high three based on a 30+ year career. While you would sacrifice your military pension (though not the other benefits) at your federal retirement, you would have received it the entire time you are working for the Fed And receiving your federal salary. Sounds a lot like double dipping to me.
HighKick
Master Black Belt
Thank you for this post. I hope expressing your pain is helping.
I realize several people on this forum think I am a dxxk right now for saying "suck it up buttercup" and/or "just figure stuff out". I don't know if it will help any but let me tell you some stories. Hopefully it will give a better perspective of where I am coming from and how I have gotten through or at least learned to live with my similar experiences.
Our family has this old saying of "you come out of the womb working and busy". I realize we see and do some things different and we are very independent compared to most of todays society. 'Driven' is just not a strong enough word. If my wife and I ever argue, which is very seldom, it is because of this part of my personality. I consider it of the greatest value and it has helped carry my through the hardest events of my life. This drive got me very far in my competition days and I am convinced saved my life on at least two occasions.
I am former LEO. I have seen things very similar to what you have mentioned albeit in a different environment. I have held the hand of a person in a burning car knowing the other EMS wound not make it in time to extricate. I still have vivid memories of talking to that person, who had minimal injuries, knowing they were about to burn to death. I still have scars on my forearms from where I broke out the drivers door glass and tried to free the occupant, while the car was burning.
I worked an auto pile-up accident one foggy morning. Nine car had piled on each other just over a hill in the highway. It was rather chaotic and no one noticed the car parked on the side of the road at first. When the fourth car was lifted off, there she was, a 20-something, very pregnant nurse who had stopped to try to help out. She was alive, aware, and bleeding badly from her stomach, unable to speak since most of her face was missing. It was only me and the wrecker driver (EMS had not gotten there, small town, slow on services). I can still remember how helpless I felt. I tries to stanch the bleeding and her water broke. She vomited a huge amount of blood and fluid, made a grunting noise, and that was it. She was gone. I still think about that baby and the mothers selfless choice to try and help.
I worked a plan crash at about 2:00 in the morning where the twin engine essentially left the runway, went up, crossed a state highway and came down nose first full speed into a neighborhood. Three in the plane dead, and seven from two houses. Hundreds of thousands of dollars were floating around everywhere. More than my share of bad memories from life to mention.
I can make a pretty long list of similar experiences, but I prefer not to think about them. These memories are as you say, internalized to keep them under control. I don't have too much trouble keeping them in check, I feel, because of my upbringing.
On to the injury portion of my petty story. I have owned my own business for 26-years. Actually I own three businesses if I include my MA's schools and farm. From what I have read of your posts, this is probably where we are the most different.
*** I have to tell all this second hand, because I have no memory of it. While driving to a meeting for a VLS project, I was hit head-on by a dump truck. Earlyish morning, sunny day, 55mph speed limit. I have a hard time remembering what was told to me about the immediate injuries, but part of my leg was torn off, my left side was a mess, both lungs collapsed, I was bleeding badly from the femoral artery and somewhere around my head/neck, major head trauma. Had life-flight not been sent right away, game over. I bled out at the scene, and my heart stopped. The paramedic pumped me full of fluids and zapped me back to life. Just as we landed at Vanderbilt, my heart stopped again. It was a crazy time of no brain activity to some brain activity, back and forth, but it finally started to stabilize enough to keep my body working on it's own. Then there was a long period of bodily repairs.
Jumping pretty far ahead in the story, I had to relearn how to talk and walk, albeit both are quite different from before the accident. I completely lost 10-12 years of memories, ones from the most precious times of life, my marriage and my son being born. Gone forever. Go back before that and some memories are still there. What really sucks is my lack of retention. I just don't hold on the much going forward.
As for my upbringing saving my life, I cannot over-express how strongly and how many times my wife and doctors have told stories of how I would fight to stay alive. Another long story of it's own.
When I got home from the hospital, well into heavy rehab, there was much to do regarding my busy life and work demands. Everything had mostly been put on hold or delegated to someone else. It quickly became apparent I was going to go through some Big changes. This is where the "figure stuff out" comment comes from. There was/is no one to get advice from or a 1-800 hotline for "I lost my memory and part of my body, how to I keep my business and my life going?" I just had to figure out how to do the things I did before in very different ways.
Doing anything else has never been an option I would consider. Could I have set down and let my injuries and memories swallow me? Sure. But thankfully, I have never been wired that way. Amazingly, even when my brain was sloshed so hard there is a 2" strip that shows up dead on a CT, even when my wife says my personality is completely different, even when I wake up in a panic because I don't remember what the hell happened to my body, I still get up and go to work. I "suck it up buttercup".
I cannot tell you how endearing that phrase is in my family. My SIIL lost her husband to a 'friendly' bull. We both saw it happen. After the initial shock and his body was being loaded into the ambulance, we were hugging each other. The first thing she said was "this is going to be hard to suck up". So, there is deep meaning to the phrase when I say it. It touches me to my very core.
HighKick
Master Black Belt
You need to practice what you preach my friend. Just popping a uneducated post is not a smart move. But hey, it is a forum, so does what anyone say here really matter? "No, for a thousand Alex".
windwalker099
2nd Black Belt
HighKick
Master Black Belt
Hopefully, after you read my recent post, you will see it is not incorrect.
It's great that you have some sort of training or 'book knowledge' about depression, and maybe you work in the field, I have no idea or concern about that. And I have had a shrink go over the alphanumeric you mentioned. For me, it is a best guess bunch of smoke and mirrors to create a state and literally encourage a person to accept a bad fate. I suppose you could call this the essence of where "suck it up buttercup" comes from.
You are on the defensive. I get it. But remember, just because someone disagrees with your narrative, training, or (especially) education, it doesn't make them wrong. All too often people try to apply static knowledge to dynamic points of life. And usually, it just doesn't work very well.
windwalker099
2nd Black Belt
Good post, thanks for your service.
Many who serve or have served have stories to tell.
The telling, may help others with their's
I am not on the defensive. But yes, disagreeing with facts and science does make you incorrect. Particularly when using the terminology determined by that field of science.
Steve
Mostly Harmless
I am a veteran. Why do you ask?are you in, or have served in the military ?
Steve
Mostly Harmless
With all your education and book knowledge…. I’m cracking up. Don’t you know that vibes trump knowledge and experience every time?
windwalker099
2nd Black Belt
Most people in the civilian sector would be unaware of what you outlined.
Have known military retirees in the process of getting out taking disability,
thinking they would receive more payments
,Not understanding it would be deducted from their retirement pay
. Think it's considered to be non taxable...
Thank you for your service.
Last edited:
Steve
Mostly Harmless
Most people in the civilian sector would be unaware of what you outlined.
Have know military retirees in the process of getting out taking disability,
thinking they would receive more payments
not understanding it would be deducted from their retirement pay
Think it's considered to be non taxable...
Thank you for your service.
I’m not sure I understand what you mean by disability. From whom? VA or the branch of service?
You can receive disability or a retirement pension from military and also a VA disability payment. You just can’t get disability and retirement from the military, just like you can’t get disability and retirement from any employer or pension program.
windwalker099
2nd Black Belt
The reference was about vets retiring from service, opting for disability payment for service related injuries ,
during the retirement process at the time of their retirement.
Something that only retired vets, or current vets might know, or have a need to know.
