with regards to the bad kids/bad parents thing...
I don't have any children of my own, but I teach elementary school, so I might maybe possibly be qualified to have an opinion here.
My students that behave in class are required by their parents to:
be respectful at home and out in public
do their homework
treat others how they want to be treated
put themselves in other people's shoes.
enforce consequences for poor behavior.
my students who behave most of the time have parents who:
believe that the child is responsible for his or her behavior, and don't blame the teacher, realizing that I'm not out to get their kid, and if I send a note home that Johnny didn't do his homework, that Johnny DIDN'T do his homework, and that no, I didn't lose it.
They also enforce consequences for poor behavior
My students who don't behave:
their parents don't hold them responsible for their actions ie: "Johnny's failing math?! you must be a bad teacher!" never mind that Johnny hasn't turned in a single homework assignment all quarter and despite numerous phone calls home, still refuses to do any work.
they make requests of their children and don't have any consequences when the children don't do as they're asked.
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I have no problem with phrasing a request to a child politely. However if the child doesn't obey, there needs to be consequences. Children need discipline. If they don't get it as a child, someday the real world is going to give it to them, and in a way they won't appreciate. These kids are going to get a major wake-up call once they realize that mommy and daddy won't be around to fight all their battles for them.
You can almost always get a child to do what you want if you give them a choice. you have to make the alternative seem much less attractive than what you want them to do. For example: Johnny doesn't want to participate in karate class? Then Johnny can run laps around the dojo. Johnny doesn't want to do his homework? Then Johnny doesn't get to watch any television (or go to baseball, or do whatever it is he wanted to do instead of homework) until the homework is complete.
I have no problem resorting to bribery to get children to behave in my classroom either...bribery is how the real world works...you do what you're supposed to, you get rewarded. If they behave all day, they get mini marshmallows, licorice, a sticker, or whatever happens to be in my prize box that day. If not, no sticker. You'd be amazed how well kids start behaving if the class is too noisy or whatever, and you hold up a bucket of licorice to remind them what they'll miss out on if the poor behavior continues... teachers, just like parents, have to have a series of rewards and punishments. And they have to follow through. If a child loses his treat in my class once or twice, they know I mean business, and they know what they have to do to get that treat the next day. Kids are smart.
