What to do when someone wont give up?

[Kacey]

I think that I will speak for those of us who feel that a topic like this does not belong on M.T. Come on man use your common sense. If he has threatend you and already caused you physical violence than do what most people would do call the police, file a report and bring him up on charges. We on M.T. are not lawyers nor are we here to help you figure out how to get yourself out of a jamb. This is a place to talk about training and meet other people. Not solve the problems of the world!

In the spirit of bushido!

Rob

I will speak for those of us who see nothing wrong with Toby's question. Some people have more experience than others, and are happy to share it. If you don't want to help people solve their problems in any fashion other than helping them train, that's your choice - but others have a different opinion and are more than willing to provide advice. If you feel this type of question is inappropriate for a martial arts talk board, then I suggest you revisit the moral components of your art - as without the moral component, which includes teaching people when and how to use the physical skills they learn in whichever art(s) they study, when not to use them, and how to tell the difference, it ceases to be a martial art, and becomes a PE class.

 

[chinto01]

While I understand the moral components of my art I feel that people who just come here to see how to handle a situation are just looking for advice that may or may not be the right advice for the situation at hand. Then what? That individual gets hurt. We all know how to handle the "play ground" squabble. I am sure Toby will be just fine on his own. We all survived didn't we?

In the spirit of bushido!

Rob

 

[The Kidd]

All people dont survive especially when they feel alone. Whether we are there to help Toby out in person or on line doing the important thing is we are there. Like Kacey said people are more important and since we are role models we should set the example.

 

[Adept]

I think the best thing I can do is ignore it for now. Document what's happened. And then if it becomes a problem again, to go to the police with all of my documentation. They'd have to do something then. As most of you suggested.

No, thats not going to work. You need to report each incident to the police as it happens. They might not do anything about it, but it creates a profile of the relationship between you and this person. If anything significant happens later, all the previous times he has assaulted/intimidated you and your brother are on file, demonstrating a clear pattern of behaviour.

Simply keeping the notes yourself isn't sufficient, since those notes can't be taken at face value. As far as evidence goes, they have no value.

Can I ask what disability you and your brother share?

Personally, I don't think you should have to change your behaviour to accomodate this bully. I don't see why you should have to avoid the places and people you enjoy while he doesn't. Simply be assertive, stand your ground, and clearly define your boundaries.

 

[Toby]

No, thats not going to work. You need to report each incident to the police as it happens. They might not do anything about it, but it creates a profile of the relationship between you and this person. If anything significant happens later, all the previous times he has assaulted/intimidated you and your brother are on file, demonstrating a clear pattern of behaviour.

Simply keeping the notes yourself isn't sufficient, since those notes can't be taken at face value. As far as evidence goes, they have no value.

Can I ask what disability you and your brother share?

Personally, I don't think you should have to change your behaviour to accomodate this bully. I don't see why you should have to avoid the places and people you enjoy while he doesn't. Simply be assertive, stand your ground, and clearly define your boundaries.

Well, since the first two incidents were a while back, I don't know if it would do much good reporting them now.

My brother and I have a few disabilities, but the main one that people target is Cerebral Palsy. I have a mild case of it, my brother a fair bit worse (he used to be in a wheel chair, but at least he is out of it now, he still may need it when walking long distances). My brother and I wouldn't mind playing football either, but our size/disabilities prevent that.

Just to add that this isn't in school and none of us are underage.

Thing is, I feel if go and talk to the police about it (whether it be in an official or unofficial manner) it'll make things escalate. Which I don't want to happen.

The really sad thing is, as soon as someone equivillant or bigger in size to him steps up, he backs down.

 

[Kacey]

Well, since the first two incidents were a while back, I don't know if it would do much good reporting them now.

It couldn't hurt, from the standpoint of documentation. How long ago is "a while back"?

My brother and I have a few disabilities, but the main one that people target is Cerebral Palsy. I have a mild case of it, my brother a fair bit worse (he used to be in a wheel chair, but at least he is out of it now, he still may need it when walking long distances). My brother and I wouldn't mind playing football either, but our size/disabilities prevent that.

Everyone has things they're good at, and things they're bad at. Based on what I saw in your profile, you're not letting it stop you - which puts you ahead of many people.

Just to add that this isn't in school and none of us are underage.

Thing is, I feel if go and talk to the police about it (whether it be in an official or unofficial manner) it'll make things escalate. Which I don't want to happen.

I can't speak to the outcome of talking to the police in South Australia; all I can say is it wouldn't be a problem in the US, at least not in most places. You know your own locale and laws better than I do. Let me just say that someone who treats you the way you describe is not your friend - stay away as much as possible.

The really sad thing is, as soon as someone equivillant or bigger in size to him steps up, he backs down.

What you have just described is a bully. He pushes you and your brother around because he can. If he is not stopped, then he will continue to escalate - all the more reason to involve someone from law enforcement. You may think the consequences will be bad - and you could be right - but what if this numbnuts hurts you or your brother before you report it? Sometimes you have to decide what is the less negative of two negative choices.

 

[Toby]

What you have just described is a bully. He pushes you and your brother around because he can. If he is not stopped, then he will continue to escalate - all the more reason to involve someone from law enforcement. You may think the consequences will be bad - and you could be right - but what if this numbnuts hurts you or your brother before you report it? Sometimes you have to decide what is the less negative of two negative choices.

Well, what I might do is talk to a few of the local police officers when I see them off-duty about this and see what they think I should do about it. A while back is about 6 months, give or take.

It's funny, cause' I was talking to a mate about this on Saturday night, and he was saying "You know why ... doesn't pick on me, don't you?", I responded "Yeah, I have a fair idea."

Thanks for the support Kacey. I appreciate it a lot.

 

[shesulsa]

Hi, Toby. I'd like to say a few things:

1. Many people have the general underlying assumption that self-defense is for use with bad strangers who want to hurt us - some of us know from first-hand experience that the topic of self-defense is wide-reaching and deep-swimming for sometimes people you know will hurt you - especially if they know they can. Your topic does belong on MT, though I'd like to see it in the Self-Defense area if that's all right with you.

2. I'm guessing from what you've said that you're still mates with this guy? Honestly, I can't imagine remaining friends with someone who treated me and/or my brother this way. I think you need to ditch this guy and find a new mate or two.

3. I don't know how law works where you are, but if you were a woman in the US, I would suggest you go to the police every time this person bothers you. I would also suggest you talk to a lawyer there about a restraining order.

4. It is a shame that you are treated this way because of your disabilities - that's wrong and in the States would be called a hate crime or discriminatory assault.

What to do? That's up to you. You do have some options. But I highly recommend finding some new mates and calling the police.

 

[Cthulhu]

You don't need to apologize, Toby. You posted a sincere request for advice. Unfortunately, some people can't keep their mouths shut when they don't have advice to give and would rather respond with a condescending remark.

Cthulhu

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

I would still advise you to avoid this person and find some new friends if necessary. Documentation is key as well and start that process by talking with the police. It is never to late to report harassment. Good luck and stay safe.

 

[terryl965]

Toby one of the best way to do self defense is not be where potential danger lies, with that beind said try to avoid this person as much as possible and take note and report all incidents no-matter how snall to the authorities.
Take Care

 

[shesulsa]

I would still advise you to avoid this person and find some new friends if necessary. Documentation is key as well and start that process by talking with the police. It is never to late to report harassment. Good luck and stay safe.

Agreed.