Should you ever give up on someone?

[Bruno@MT]

I love this thread. It raises some very interesting issues.

What about the opposite question, a student giving up on himself? When and how should an instructor encourage them to stick with it? And why? And when it is better for the instructor to wish them well and say goodbye?

To me it's the same situation as I mentioned earlier: (I am not an MA sensei) If they try, then so do I. If they give up on themselves, it is their decision.

 

[CoryKS]

Some good points made above. One thing I don't see mentioned is the student's expectation of what he is getting for his money. Assuming that this is a paying student, does he believe - despite the evidence to the contrary - that he is gaining valuable skills, or does he just enjoy the experience? If he thinks that he is investing time and money to become proficient in this style, it might be good to have a conversation with him to make sure he's clear on what he's really getting out of this.

 

[Big Don]

In a professional setting, you are being paid to teach, if your student isn't learning, maybe it's you.
The thought popped into my mind, that, as a teacher, no, it is NEVER OK to give up on a student, BUT, as an adult, you need to be able to cut your losses when it comes to personal relationships.

 

[Ken Morgan]

This can really translate into any area where there is a teacher.

As a teacher being paid, be it a MA teacher, or even a high school teacher you need to keep going, and not give up on anyone, regardless of how frustrating the student may be.

Personally as long as the person is trying, i have no issue.

 

[Bruno@MT]

In a professional setting, you are being paid to teach, if your student isn't learning, maybe it's you.
The thought popped into my mind, that, as a teacher, no, it is NEVER OK to give up on a student, BUT, as an adult, you need to be able to cut your losses when it comes to personal relationships.

Not only as an adult.
When I was in college I was a stereotypical science nerd, and I was member of a small group of likeminded people who were similar. At a certain point, me and a friend felt like we wanted to become a bit more worldly and less socially awkward so we started doing other things than what we had been doing until then.

Another friend seemed to resist this and seemed to yearn for his parents' basement. He did not want to do anything new, he just wanted to keep doing the same things over and over, probably right to the point where he'd be the 40 year old bachelor living with his mother; a prospect that did not appeal to my other friend and I.

So after a while, having tried to take him along (with him either being a sourpuss or not going at all) we cut ourselves loose from him. At some point you just have to stop wasting emotional energy on people who don't want the same thing out of a relationship as you, if you want to stay sane.

Last I heard of him (which is a while ago) he was still on route of becoming the aforementioned 40 year old nerd living with his mother.