There's nothing wrong with your mindset. Everyone's wired differently. Yours is better for you, and mine is better for me (at least I hope what I'm doing is best for me
).
I like hitting hard and being hit hard, within reason of course. How hard is too hard? If it hinders me or the person I hit the next day, it was too hard. Or if it has one of us doubled over in pain.
And I don't like the wild, uncontrolled hitting. From me nor my opponent.
Even though I hate the rule set of point fighting, what I enjoy is trying to hit someone that's trying to not let me hit them and hit me back.
Last year's tournament was the best one I've been to. And it was the only one I've been to since my last go-round with karate about 15 years ago. It was my organization's 40th Anniversary week-long gathering, which ended with a tournament. It was only open to Seido Juku karateka. We're not a point fighting, sport based organization at heart. There were only a very few guys who were fighting towards the point fighting rules. By that I mean people weren't doing the stupid quick backfist-reverse punch combo and putting their arm up with an obnoxious kiai to get the ref's attention. Actually, being an idiot like that would've gotten warnings and loss of points/DQ. We all cheered each other on when we saw something good, picked each other up when someone got down, and talked about what worked and didn't. And talked about training and life in general. And it was a huge event - over 1,000 people from all over the world. My division had about 30 people from about 8 different countries.
The one in October will be far smaller, as it's not a week long event. Most people will be from the northeast, but there's usually a few Seido people from different places. Hopefully the atmosphere will be the same. If it is, I'll do it every year. If not, I'll retire from competition
I'll still train with the people who are competing and will train like I'm competing though.