What do Women want?

[Tez3]

Are people so up tight/prudish that being gay is an issue? it's certainly not one for me and all the people I know. I wasn't joking when I said it was so last century this gay issue thing, get over it, it's no longer an issue, at least here, you may still be lingering in the last centruy I don't know. However a lot of men do assume that it's a man a woman needs. It's not a gay issue, it's a male ego issue.

I gave you 14 straight answers, not requests. The question was, what do women what, I gave you some answers.
If you think it's condescending sniping for me to say a woman doesn't want want to be murdered in an honour killing or that a woman doesn't want to be patronised, I think you have your thinking skewed. Don't forget that it's not only men that can patronise women, often other women will do it, female relatives are also involved in honour killings, we had a mother jailed here recently for the murder of her daughter. I said this is what women want, I didn't say they wanted it only from men, women have the right to expect it also from other women.

Something you probably don't know about honour killing and violence in the UK

'Up to 17,000 women in Britain are being subjected to "honour" related violence, including murder, every year, according to police chiefs.'

"And official figures on forced marriages are the tip of the iceberg, says the Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO).
It warns that the number of girls falling victim to forced marriages, kidnappings, sexual assaults, beatings and even murder by relatives intent on upholding the "honour" of their family is up to 35 times higher than official figures suggest"

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/u...7000-women-are-victims-every-year-780522.html

So yeah it really was condescending sniping about womens rights wasn't it.

 

[Cryozombie]

Here's my question about what women want - prefaced with the caveat that it's been nearly ten years since I've been in the game. Things may have changed, but I doubt it.

Women claim to want sensitivity, encouragement, belief and respect.

Women go home with that loudmouth jackass with the backwards baseball cap and a barbed wire tattoo around his bicep.

Honestly, speaking for men everywhere, what's up with that?

My opinion, it's Cuz most guys who are sensitive encouraging and respectful are also piss pant little boys with no confidence in themselves, and women seem to me to expect that Ballcap Tattoo boy is NOT gonna be a mommy's boy.

Trust me, if you are a sensitive encouraging and respectful dude but can come across in social situations as the dude that's on top of ****, those "Bad Boys" start to look a little silly.

It took me a long time to figure that out... There IS a middle ground and my experience is THAT is what women really want IF they can find it.

Or like Gran Said, they want a Man, not a little boy.

 

[Tez3]

My interests are more global as Granfire says. I've been with the same man since 1975 and my children are adults so I spend more time now with women's issues. I also sponsor a Muslim girl in Bangladesh so that she may have an education and hopefully a future which entails more than being a child bride then a baby making machine and work herself to an early grave.

 

[Carol]

"Women want to be loved by a man [or person] they admire" -- I like that. I really do.

I have been very sick for several days so please holler if this doesn't make sense.

If I were to date a gentleman this weekend, and that eventually led in to a relationship, the Carol that the gentleman falls in love with would be the photographer, the hiker, the explorer, the linguaphile, the MAist. Now, take (say) my weekends in the mountains away from me, and I will not be the same person the gentleman fell in love with. The same applies to a gentleman as well. Many guys have different interests and pursuits, take that away from them and they are not the same person the lady fell in love with.

I think it is important to mind the other person's needs. But I also think it is important to not dump so much in to a relationship that one loses part of what made the person attractive to the other to begin with. That takes juggling, compromise, and some folks are better at this than others.

To me, successful couples find a way remain a person that one another admires, and much of it involves some sort of balance in their life. Life has rough spots, inside and outside of relationships. Balancing a varied life is an important key to coping with those rough spots.

 

[CoryKS]

Marriage in it's origin is an institution to raise kids and provide for the old.
It is an economic unit. Love and romance have not a lot to do with it.

We are only about 2 generations removed from the times when marriage was the sole purpose of a woman, good, bad indifferent. Not too long ago what a woman wanted was of no concern, neither socially nor legally.

I think guys need to keep that in mind when they complain about their spouses that they were raised by women who still had to comply and only got some of their needs met by covert tactics, not by straight talk.

I'm not exactly sure what you're replying to. The first two blocks sorta-kinda fit what I said, and the third block is just incomprehensible.

 

[Archangel M]

I find it both interesting and somewhat disturbing that a man saying that "Women want to be loved by a man [or person] they admire" gets such knee jerk scorn. The message (to me) is mainly to men. "Be someone worth admiring."

And I can agree with the writers inverse message about what men want. "To be loved by a woman who admires them". Evolution, brain chemistry...whatever, but there definitely is something about wanting to be admired by your significant other. Like some women being attracted to the "Alpha Male", some men like feeling like they are one. Trouble starts when things go too extreme. But I can say that the "early dating feeling" of having a woman "like (or admire) you" is a strong one and it's the thing that dies all to quickly in marriage by the day to day.

The lowest points in my relationship did seem to come with a feeling that I wasn't anything "special" to the wife anymore. That the paycheck, the fixing cars and household items, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawns and patching the roof-fence...and on and on were all that I was around for. And that somehow all that "man stuff" wasn't enough and that I had to do dishes, laundry and shopping too in order to show my worth....the normal "day by day drudgery".

 

[billc]

Dennis Prager takes this issue very seriously. As a committed religuous jewish person he is concerned about all manner of family issues and on his show he has an hour dedicated to happiness. He even wrote a book called "Happiness is a serious business." The relationship between men and women is a civilizational level endeaver.

 

[granfire]

I'm not exactly sure what you're replying to. The first two blocks sorta-kinda fit what I said, and the third block is just incomprehensible.

Yeah, sorry bout that, sometimes I think faster than I can type...(not that that is particularly fast though )

 

[Carol]

I find it both interesting and somewhat disturbing that a man saying that "Women want to be loved by a man [or person] they admire" gets such knee jerk scorn. The message (to me) is mainly to men. "Be someone worth admiring."

I recall a time when my marriage was imploding, I was paired to do a lot of work with a guy at work that worked for a strategic vendor. After working for him for a few weeks, I really fell for him, and based on my interaction with him, I think he had fallen for me too...or at least had developed an interest in me. Nothing ever "happened" between us. Both of us were married people, and we were in a work relationship that was very sensitive (from a business standpoint). To boot, we lived 3000 miles apart.We certainly admired, respected, and cared for each other...perhaps even loved each other. But it wasn't enough. We needed the ability and willingness to be in a relationship together.

Perhaps this is also what the other posters are picking up on -- to use logical terms, the statement is necessary, but not sufficient.

And I can agree with the writers inverse message about what men want. "To be loved by a woman who admires them". Evolution, brain chemistry...whatever, but there definitely is something about wanting to be admired by your significant other. Like some women being attracted to the "Alpha Male", some men like feeling like they are one. Trouble starts when things go too extreme. But I can say that the "early dating feeling" of having a woman "like (or admire) you" is a strong one and it's the thing that dies all to quickly in marriage by the day to day.

The lowest points in my relationship did seem to come with a feeling that I wasn't anything "special" to the wife anymore. That the paycheck, the fixing cars and household items, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawns and patching the roof-fence...and on and on were all that I was around for. And that somehow all that "man stuff" wasn't enough and that I had to do dishes, laundry and shopping too in order to show my worth....the normal "day by day drudgery".

I had to set my husband's expectations on a regular basis. "Sweetheart? Could you do me a favor and do the vacuuming tonight? I've been in the basement most of the afternoon fixing the short circuits in the track lighting." :lol: But even without atypical roles, I think its important to communicate, and be kind (but still firm and clear) when the other party is demanding too much.

Aspects such as stagnation (and other factors, including sexual compatibility), are really important to a relationship, perhaps more important than some folks give credit. They can be the trickiest to address, because they require more than just agreement between parties, they can also require a change of lifestyle.

 

[billc]

I'm sorry tez, did you say something?

 

[billc]

Tez, I know about the honor killings and violence against women in muslim communities. Ask Theo Van Gogh and the female member of parilament who helped him and is now in hiding. Or the actress from the Harry Potter movie whose father and brother attacked her. Or the french non-muslim women who veil themselves to keep from being harrassed by muslim men.

 

[Tez3]

Bill, do you actually have something you think yourself or is it all copied from other people? I have no idea who Prager is but I'm the people here do and if they want his opinion I'm sure they will look up what he says, this thread is for what you think. We may not agree with each other but it's our original thoughts, not a parrotted media quote.

I can't think why you ask if I said something, when the time on your post was 0324h my time.

Your saying you know about the honour killings and violence etc through something some wrote reminds me of when I was told by a woman she knew all about Judaism because she's watched Fiddler on the Roof a couple of times.

"Everyone has in his life a beautiful day when, like the first human beings in Eden, he finds love without care and trouble. But when this day is past, you earn love, as you earn bread, by the sweat of the brow."
Ludwig Boerne.

 

[Empty Hands]

For someone who bases his political views on Individualism, and deplores Collectivism, Prager certainly takes a Collectivist view towards human behavior and desire. People are individuals. They all want different things. To the extent there's an overlap, it's going to be a statistical distribution, not a mathematical set. The question as it stands is invalid, which has more or less explained most of the responses in this thread.

Any time you meet someone new, the most useful question to ask is "what does this person want?", not "what does this woman want?" or "what does this Jew want?" or "what does this Armenian want?". Life will make a lot more sense then.

 

[billc]

It's in the news as well Tez. Then it is covered by various outlets.

 

[Tez3]

It's in the news as well Tez. Then it is covered by various outlets.

But what's your take on it, not someone elses.

 

[billc]

Here Tez, this is a list of columns that Dennis prager has written. Know you too can know some of the things he talks about.

http://www.dennisprager.com/columns.aspx

 

[billc]

Looking through Dennis's column's I like the "He called Sarah Palin an Idiot," one. Dennis adresses Aaron Sorkin and his hypocrisy. And back to the thread, you can also find his column on "what women want"

 

[Tez3]

I'm sure if the OP wanted Dennis Prager's (whoever he may be) opinion he would look it up but the fact is he asked for our opinions.
If I were remotely interested in what this man said I daresay I would look it up too but as we seem to have most of his opinions posted on here by you, I don't think I need to.

 

[Steve]

Yeah. If BOTH people are concerned with making the other happy over their own desires that is far different from when it's only ONE.

There's a real danger in this. If everyone's concerned about pleasing everyone else, there's a real possibility that both parties suffer through things that neither actually wants, until one person has the courage to say, "Hey. I hate to tell you this, but I really don't want to do X." And then the other one says, "What? I was only doing it because I thought YOU wanted to do it." This happens in marriages, but it also happens in business all the time.

 

[billc]

Everyone involved in a relationship, you need to learn how to communicate. that pretty much covers the basic concept. Implementation is the real issue.